My journey with all of this is complicated and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it. I never transitioned medically myself, but I was very involved in the online world and saw a lot of things that really worried me, which ultimately changed my perspective completely.

I used to be very active in certain online transgender communities. I believed that supporting transition, especially for young people, was the only compassionate thing to do. But I started to see a pattern that made me uncomfortable. There was a lot of pressure to affirm someone's trans identity immediately, without any questioning. I remember one specific time on a forum where a young person, maybe 14 or 15, said they thought they might be transgender. Almost everyone was telling them that just questioning meant they probably were trans. Some people were even suggesting they could try to self-medicate with hormones, which is incredibly dangerous.

I spoke up and said that the facts show most kids who feel this way before puberty see those feelings subside once puberty actually starts. I suggested that seeing a counselor or just waiting a bit could be a good idea. The reaction was intense. I was called a gatekeeper and accused of wanting this person to suffer. I got banned from the subreddit for that. I think a lot of that push came from older trans people who wished they could have transitioned young and were projecting their own experiences onto this kid.

That experience really shook me and made me start looking at things more critically. I began to see how complex the medical side is. I read a study that was being shared around claiming hormonal treatments lower IQ, but when I looked into it, the study was flawed. It was based on one person who was only on a specific blocker, with no consideration for other treatments. It made me realize how important solid, long-term research is before we make big claims—or big medical decisions.

My own views on how transition should be handled started to form. I think informed consent for hormones or blockers is okay for people 16 and over, but it should require a year of counseling or therapy first. Surgery, in my opinion, should be for adults only, 18 and over, and should require a full year of therapy plus a year of living as their chosen gender. But I also always felt that basic respect—using someone’s chosen name and pronouns—shouldn’t require a therapy note. That’s just about being a decent person.

I began to really appreciate voices in the community that were willing to be critical, like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah. They didn't just go along with everything; they questioned things, which I found necessary and refreshing.

Looking back, I see how much I was influenced online and how an environment that discourages any questioning or conversation can be really harmful. My main advice to anyone, especially a sibling of someone who is questioning, is to encourage them to seek a good therapist—specifically one who is experienced with gender issues, because a clueless therapist can’t help. And just be there to listen. The most important thing you can do is be a safe person for them to talk to and make sure they research everything thoroughly before making any permanent decisions.

I don’t regret the time I spent in those spaces because it taught me a lot, but I deeply regret ever being part of a culture that encouraged such a fast track to medicalization without enough caution. I believe we need to be much more careful and supportive in a way that truly protects people's long-term health.

Here is a timeline of my involvement and changing perspective: