This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's writing is highly personal, nuanced, and emotionally consistent with a desister's perspective. They share specific, detailed life experiences (e.g., studying psychology, a head injury, desisting, getting married and pregnant) and engage in complex arguments that reflect a genuine, lived understanding of the topic. The passion and criticism are consistent with the expected viewpoint of a desister.
About me
I started feeling uncomfortable with my female body when I hit puberty very young, and by 13, I was convinced I was a boy. I later realized my desire to transition was tied to internalized homophobia and the difficulties of being a lesbian. Studying psychology and looking at the actual research made me question everything and ultimately decide to stop living as a man. I've now embraced being a woman, I'm married and pregnant, and I'm finally at peace with myself. My journey taught me that self-acceptance, not changing my body, was the real answer.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young. I hit puberty early, around 8 or 9 years old, and I remember feeling incredibly uncomfortable with my body. I was just a child, but my body was changing in ways I didn't like or understand. By the time I was 13, I was convinced that my feelings of discomfort meant I was actually a boy. I felt like I was supposed to be a man and I tried really hard to live as one and get everyone to believe it. That period of my life caused me a lot of pain.
Looking back, I see now that it's completely normal to feel uncomfortable with your body during puberty. Your anatomy is changing and it's a hard adjustment. I wish someone had told me then that it was okay to feel that way and that my body wasn't wrong. I think a lot of young people, especially girls, are told that if they don't fit a certain feminine ideal or if they feel uncomfortable, it means they were born in the wrong body. That's a really harmful message.
I started to socially transition, meaning I changed my name and pronouns and presented as male. This was deeply tied to my identity as a woman who loves women; I thought that by becoming a man, I could escape the difficulties of being a lesbian. I now see that as a form of internalized homophobia. The pressure and hate that lesbian women face is real, and for a while, I thought transitioning was a way out of that.
My real turning point came when I started studying psychology in college. I began the program as a strong defender of transition and fully intended to write research papers supporting it. But when I actually dug into the scientific studies—the real data behind brain sex research and transition—my perspective completely changed. I realized that a lot of the information spread online, even by activists, is misunderstood or just incorrect. The science doesn't support the idea that people have a "male" or "female" brain in a way that justifies medical transition. The variation between individuals is huge, and the studies often get misrepresented. This research was a major factor in my decision to desist.
I don't believe that medical transition is a healthy way to treat gender dysphoria for most people. For me, trying to live as a man wasn't a solution; it was just a different kind of pain. I grew out of those feelings as I got older, and I know from studies that most kids who experience gender dysphoria do grow out of it.
Now, I am much more comfortable in my own skin. I desisted and have embraced being a woman. I grew my hair out, got married, and am now pregnant. I’m comfortable dressing in a feminine way sometimes, but I also still wear men's basketball shorts and work a manual labor job. I don't fit perfectly into feminine gender norms, and that's okay. My journey was about learning to accept myself as I am, not changing myself to fit a label.
I do have regrets about transitioning. I regret the years I spent living as someone I wasn't and the mental anguish I put myself through. But I don't regret the journey because it led me to a place of real self-acceptance. I am a lesbian woman, and I'm finally at peace with that.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 8-9 | Hit puberty, started feeling uncomfortable with my body and its changes. |
| 13 | Became convinced I was a boy and began trying to live as male. |
| 18-19 | Started socially transitioning (using a new name and pronouns). |
| 20-21 | Began studying psychology; my research into the science led me to question transition. |
| 21 | Made the decision to desist and stop living as a man. |
| 24 | Now, comfortable as a woman, married, and pregnant. |
Top Comments by /u/spacedog56:
The fact that it got deleted from the lgbt sub is honestly pretty frustrating, considering someone can be both detrans and lesbian, gay, or bisexual? Personally, my social transition and later desistance is so intrinsically tied to my identity as a wlw that I’d love to be able to discuss it with other wlw people. The fact that larger lgbt groups forbid any kind of discussion on the subject makes me so concerned when a lot of the ideology around transitioning can be tied directly to similar thought systems in conversion therapy. It’s sad.
Yeah honestly if anyone thinks that cis lesbians have it easy right now at all they’re deeply misinformed. Gay spaces for cis men have issues with trans-identified women trying to intrude, but it’s absolutely not as overwhelming as the hate and misogyny currently faced by lesbian women who stick up for their right not to be attracted to biological men.
Many people involved in trans spaces DO spread misinformation, knowingly and unknowingly. Refusing to acknowledge that would not make this space a middle ground, it would make this space inauthentic.
I’ve recently received a head injury so I’m not going to be capable of making my comment as academic as I’d prefer, but the start of my desistance was researching gender dysphoria and transitioning in the course of earning my psychology degree. I started the program a deep defender of transition, but actually examining the studies put forth by researchers, doctors, and scientists made me realize that many trans activists misunderstand the data, at best. Again, I came to this conclusion in my attempt to write admittedly biased researched papers in favor of transitioning.
Liars may be a harsh way to describe some activists, but I don’t see how anyone could seriously and honestly examine fact and come away with the idea that transition is a healthy way of treating gender dysphoria in almost anybody.
Switched brain sex research hasn’t produced anything of statistical value. They found something like six-seven brain “archetypes” and in the course of the study a “trans” brain was more similar to a “gay” brain than it was to a “woman” or “man” brain. But even a “woman” or “man” brain had so much variation between archetypes that using it to assign sex or gender seems off to me imo
Yeah this is my take on it too- I think gender is a social construct that is influenced both by cultural norms and biological sex.
I think something that is often lost within discussions about transitioning is that just because something is a social construct, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t -exist- or that it is inherently mutable in any way. Race, for example, is another social construct, but almost everybody agrees that someone cannot change their race.
I hit puberty around 8/9- I definitely wasn’t a woman at 13. I was a child, even though at the time I definitely felt like I was an adult! It’s normal to feel uncomfortable with your anatomy at that age, your body has and is changing and it can be a hard adjustment to make.
I started feeling like I was meant to be a man, or that I was truly a man, around your age, and tried so hard to live as one and get people to believe I was one. All it did was cause me pain. This can be taboo to discuss, but I absolutely grew out of feeling that way as I grew older. Most children with gender dysphoria grow out of it- there are studies on it.
Nobody knows who they are at your age. Explore your identify outside of gender- your beliefs and likes and dislikes and talents and skills are so much more important to explore, and so much more core to your identity in the long run than the nebulous concept of “gender.”
Be kind to yourself. You can explore being masculine or feminine without having to feel like it’s your gender, too. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers right now. The process of discovery is slow, and even feeling like you believe something to be 1000% true and unchanging at your age doesn’t mean you’ll feel that way forever. Being 13 is hard and comes with a lot of confusing stuff to process but I promise it gets easier.
This is so so so similar to my own experience. I wish someone had said this to me at your age, OP.
It is NOT right of people who tell you your body is wrong and you need to hide or change parts of the body you were born in to feel better about yourself. Saying this to children is not acceptable. You and you body and your anatomy are perfectly fine the way they are.
I think sometimes, especially on the internet, it’s easier to notice the more “extreme” sides of someone going from very gnc to appearing to buy into gender norms without knowing what their day to day is actually like.
After I desisted, I grew my hair out long, became more comfortable dressing femininely, and got married and pregnant. If I -were- to make a post, it probably wouldn’t catch all the nuance of me not shaving or wearing makeup or being comfortable wearing a tank top and men’s basketball shorts or working a manual labor career. I’m sure many of the people who seem ultra feminine after detransitioning or desisting are in the same position- I doubt they fully adhere to gender norms the way a few pictures of them all dressed up might make it seem.
Hey! I am proud of you for coming to this conclusion so early in your life- if I’d had your insight at 16, my mental health and self-esteem would have been much better, much sooner. Even though desisting feels uncomfortable and awkward, you’re allowing yourself to start a journey of real self-acceptance and healing! The fact you’re about to push through that discomfort and make the right choice for yourself speaks to your resilience.