This a transman who came onto the scene suddenly with a video that went a bit viral. He just talks a bit about about the reality of being on testosterone from a young age as a female, the permance of the changes like lowered voice and balding.

I think he's partially regretfull and partially okay with just being stuck as a transman (for now), but is very concerned with children rushing/being coralled into changes they just can't comprehend the future of.

Just to assure you, the older you get - even just after a few years, it's amazing how you start seeing most teenagers as literal kids. With age distance you'll start to see the past with different eyes, and forgive your young self who was just acting on teen confidence made a mistake you had access to. You are pretty much an adult now, but it's still fresh and embarassing because it still feels like it was you who did all that... But soon it won't.

The transmeds who deride detransitioners are mostly also kids who are blind and confident the way of that 12-22 year age group. Those comments go from stinging to almost endearing in their naivety.

Don't fall for the idea that the body can be switched to and fro like a female-to-male videogame slider. You can't uncook meat. Testosterone won't magic you into a guy, it will make changes to you that will make people categorize you as a transman.

If you're having doubts, it's a good idea to cover some bases; So experiment with sports bras (as opposed to binders) and masculine (but well-fitting) clothes before trying to pass as a male. Give yourself complete permission to reject femininity, say fuck off to womanhood without taking cross sex hormones first. This is what I did, and it resolved a lot of my gender dysphoria. And it turns out that there are actually a lot of really cool people who feel and act the same way. Women can be all the things you probably like about 'being a guy'. Like being muscular and confident and assertive. That's always an option open to you.

As time goes on, more and more people will be aware that some women took hrt earlier in life and have masculinized voices, like how some people have tattoos they no longer resonate with. These types of regretted major life choices are by no means unique to trans stuff, and even people who might guess that you're a transwoman will simultanously suspect that you're detrans female, or have some voice or intersex condition going on. The overwhelming majority of people (even assholes) aren't actually as instant to categorize with complete certainty things of strangers as we've led ourselves to beleive. If you're androgynous, you're a balance of probabilities in people's eyes, and when they find/figure out you're female, that information resolves it.

Also you'd be surprised how much people can tell by your brow and how you walk, whether you're afab or amab.

But still. It's gonna be scandal how many teenagers were handed hormones. I almost did at 21, and now I realize that I was still wayyy less mature than I thought I was.

In specific situations like that, where you're rooming with someone and one or both of you is feeling awkward, it might be worth breifly and concisely explaining that you're biologically female (if you're comfortable with doing that). There are all sorts of physical conditions like missing limbs, sleep-walking, being hard of hearing, where people often explain themselves those they'll be interacting with, for practical reasons as well as simply to address the elephant in the room/ the other person's curiosity.

Most important thing to remember: the less embarassed you act, the less embarassing it is.

You can say that you feel embarassed, that you're sorry, grateful, whatever - but in the moment display absolute calm. Also mention the positives of what the experience taught you. If people try to make you feel humiliated but you have a mature, unflappable attitude it makes them look like the foolish ones, and they will embarass only themselves and thier opinions won't sting anymore.

Keep it short and simple, and ideally, warm and friendly. Don't ramble, you don't need to explain everything about all of it. Stay along the lines "okay, so here's how it is", rather than an nervewracked shameful confession. You can get deeper and more vulnerable later if you like, but not at this point.

Right!? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. What is the appeal? The faces don't even look human half the times, let alone relatable.

Don't get me wrong - there's some beautiful art and great stories in japanese media, but how do all these teenage girls not realise how far removed these giant-eye child-proportioned pastel coloured super soft anrogynynous anime boys are from real actual irl, male human beings.

When I found the ftm community I was baffled at how much obsession with prettyness and romance there was. Girly shit I have no interest in. So I went from feeling like an alien in female spaces, to feeling like an alien in ftm spaces for the same reasons. I'm either too autistic or not autistic enough i guess.

There are of course ftms who turn out like totally regular cis guys, but they seem like the minority. (Online at least.)

So... it seems like you have to be really careful and thorough in making a decision to undergo surgery, especially if you're just a child, because there's always some possibility of regret or complications. Also it's so nice to hear that the decision he made as a fully mature adult worked out well.

It's almost like there's a lesson to be learnt in that... but I can't...make it out...

Probably that kids know they're trans for sure and should be medicalized asap. Yeah. I bet that's it.

It's not your chromosomes that make you female, it's the fact that in utero, early childhood, puberty, etc you have been developing along the female sexual pathway. The blueprint that informs how you cells grow and replace exists within your genes, but "xx" itself isn't a label that grants meaning. And certainly not any meaning about your character.

Stop looking for your true essence, your inner self - it doesn't exist. There's no sculpture waiting withing the marble that you need to chip away to find. You're just a lump of meat and bones ambling along on this planet gradually and messily finding what appeals until you have a comfort zone. Who You Are is mysterious and ever changing, enjoy the ride.

And btw, you can't be a real cis man but you can be a real trans man. And no matter what, you'll always be a real you. Is someone with a prosthetic leg a shitty imitation of a two legged person? No, they're just going about with a prosthetic leg. Maybe it's a hindrance or a benefit, maybe it's easily noticable and maybe few people ever actually find out it's not a real leg - it doesn't have objective moral value. It just is. If they start to pretend or insist that their leg is real... then things start to get awkward.

if you're scared of the embarassment with you parents, try being really casual about it. Don't even bring up your physical appearance changes and if they ask about it, hit them with a "oh yeah I gave being trans a go for a minute". Shrug it off like a bad haircut, make them feel weird for prying further if they do. I swaer it makes it a thousand times easier, and being relaxed not intense subconsciously gets you letting yourself off the hook too.