This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced, and emotionally varied experiences related to gender, trauma, and family dynamics.
- Consistent voice and perspective across a year-long timeline, showing a thoughtful evolution of ideas.
- Appropriate emotional responses, including passion, empathy, and support for others, which aligns with the stated community.
- Specific, real-world details (e.g., working in healthcare admin, having a new niece) that feel genuine and not fabricated for a narrative.
This reads as a real person sharing their genuine journey as a desister.
About me
I grew up feeling it was a terrible mistake to be born female, a feeling deeply tied to my family dynamics and childhood trauma. I desperately wanted to be a leader like my brothers and rejected the idea of being a helper, which I saw as the only role for women. After years of confusion, I realized my sense of being a man was a response to trauma and a way to fit into my family. I’ve finally found peace by letting go of the constant worry and accepting myself as a woman who is just naturally masculine. I’m now in a much happier place, learning to be honest with myself and my partner.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been a long and confusing one, and it’s only recently that I’ve started to feel like I understand it. Looking back, I think a lot of my feelings of being born in the wrong body were tied up in my family, trauma, and my own mental health.
I had a difficult childhood in some ways. My mother experienced sexual abuse when she was a kid, and our family believes she is autistic. Anyone who meets her now assumes she is gay. She loved us intensely but wasn't the most warm or nurturing person. My father was the complete opposite—very warm, nurturing, and much more traditionally feminine in how he acted. I also had some weird trauma stuff happen to me as a kid, and I believe I copied a lot of my mom's mannerisms as a way to cope. Even now, I honestly can't tell how much of my personality is authentically me and how much is an instinct I developed based on how I grew up.
I also have ADHD, and I definitely relate to the autistic community in some ways. As a kid, I always related to boys more. I had three brothers, and there was a lot of emphasis in my family on boys being leaders and warriors, which is what I wanted to be. The role for women was seen more as helpers, which I hated. I thought it was a terrible mistake that I was born female. If I had known about transitioning when I was younger, I definitely would have tried to do it.
For a long time, I spun myself in circles wondering if I was just a gay woman, because I still feel very manly in a lot of ways. Part of that might be true, but I also think there's a lack of representation for tomboys in healthy straight relationships, which made it hard to see a place for myself. I’ve been learning that my experience isn't unique; I’ve listened to other detrans stories and found a lot of similarities, especially around the connection between gender dysphoria and things like sexual abuse or family dynamics. I once compared it to the idea that just because you get water poisoning doesn't mean it was definitely from a bad filter, but the correlation is definitely stronger. I often wonder who I would have been if I'd had a different family, or even a family of sisters instead of brothers.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's incredibly complex. I don't think my initial feeling of being a man was a simple truth. It was a response to a lot of other things: trauma, trying to fit into my family, and maybe even internalizing some negative ideas about what it means to be a woman. I’ve benefited hugely from learning to be honest with myself and others. I told my partner something recently that I was very scared to say, and he handled it much better than I expected. I realized that holding back the truth had hurt me and had limited his own growth, because it's good to be given challenging things to work through.
I don't regret that I went through this questioning phase because it led me to where I am now, which is pretty happy with who I am. I realize there was a lot of good in my family, too. My journey wasn't about taking hormones or having surgeries; it was a social and internal struggle. I hope as time goes on we'll have more concrete data on why gender dysphoria happens. For me, healing hasn't been about striving or fighting; it's been about sinking into it, relaxing my body, and letting go of the constant worry. That’s when I’ve been able to feel more love for myself.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my memories:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Felt like a "terrible mistake" to be born female. Related more to boys and my three brothers. Wanted to be a "leader and warrior" like the men in my family were portrayed. |
| Childhood | Experienced personal trauma and believe I copied my mother's mannerisms as a result. |
| Present Day (Adult) | Came to understand the links between my family dynamics, trauma, and my gender confusion. Now comfortable identifying as a gender non-conforming woman. No medical transition occurred. |
Top Comments by /u/sparkling-spirit:
hi you, what i’ve been learning is that truth is love, and it gives both you and the person you love the opportunity to grow, even if you might lose them. i told something to my partner yesterday i was very scared to say, and he handled it a lot differently than i thought he would. i realized that not only had my holding it back had hurt myself, but it also had limited his own growth as it’s good to be given challenging things. So i would encourage you to face a bit of that fear.
🌹💔I am so sorry you have gone through so much, that’s a lot.
One thing I have been really thinking is that people cannot strive for healing, we need to sink into it.
For your brother, the best thing you can do is be a person of hope and healing for yourself, because then you can be that for him. You becoming worried for him is just causing strife to yourself, which I am sure he wouldn’t want.
It sounds like your body is still in a fighting mode, which is completely natural and healthy for someone who has gone through fighting and stress. In fighting mode the mind is constantly looking to the future for how scenarios can go wrong. I think the more you consciously try to release and relax your body, the more love you will be able to feel for yourself and your brother, and the kinder the thoughts will become of the future.
everything will be okay ❤️
you’ve got this! take one day at a time. i totally believe you that you’ve changed a lot because of it, it’s pretty wild how children force things into perspective (this is coming from someone who does not have children, but recently had a niece and it’s completely changed an entire family dynamic). best wishes to you and the baby!
hello, i’ve been searching as well as i think that might have been the reason for my confusion as well, and listening to other detrans stories it seems like i’m not alone. if you look on google scholar for what you have in your title it seems there’s a good amount of research on it, but honestly i would like someone to do a thorough youtube video on it: https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=gender+dysphoria+and+sexual+abuse&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart
hi, i’m so sorry. i work in healthcare (in admin, not a doctor) but i know there are really good people in this cold system and different places can have a whole different vibes to them. i understand wanting to give up, and if you need to take a break absolutely do that, but if you want to keep pursuing you are absolutely worthy and i do believe there are people out there who will believe you and help you. maybe you could find someone here who has had success and get info from them in terms of what worked?
yep!! i appreciate this response and this whole thread - i am gnc and i’ve been spinning myself a bit mad with “maybe i’m just gay” because of my past and how manly i still feel. Part of it is that maybe i am lol, but part of it is the narrative that most of us are gay and that there isn’t much representation out there for tomboys in healthy straight relationships.
I appreciate the nuance in the comments. My mother had sa when she was a kid and our family believes she is autistic - anyone who meets her now assumes she is gay. She loved us intensely but was not the most warm and nurturing. My father is very warm and nurturing, and much more traditionally feminine.
I also had weird trauma stuff as a kid and I believe copied and still copy a lot of my mom's mannerisms. I honestly can't tell how much is authentically me and how much is instinct based on how I grew up. I also have adhd, and definitely relate to the autistic community in some ways. As a kid I related to boys and also had three brothers, and thought it was a terrible mistake I was born as a woman. I definitely would have tried to transition if I had known about it.
I really liked what one commenter wrote, which is that just because you get water poisoning doesn't necessarily mean causation from bad filters (ie lack of parental figures doesn't equate transition), but the correlation is definitely stronger. I do wonder who I would've been in a different family dynamic, or maybe even in a family of sisters as opposed to brothers. There was a lot of emphasis in my family regarding boys as leaders and warriors, which is what I wanted to be, and women as helpers (blech).
I'm now pretty happy with who I am and realize there was a lot of good in my family. I do hope as time goes on we'll have more concrete data on why gender dysphoria and transition occurs.