This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or inauthentic.
The comments display a consistent, deeply personal narrative of detransition, including specific motivations (internalized homophobia), personal struggles (alcoholism, dysphoria), and nuanced reflections on passing and community immersion. The language is emotionally varied, self-reflective, and contains specific, lived-experience details that are difficult to fabricate convincingly. The passion and frustration expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner's perspective.
About me
I'm a gay woman who transitioned to male at 19 because I was uncomfortable with being a gender-nonconforming lesbian. I realized my decision was rooted in internalized homophobia and that trying to "pass" as male was more damaging to my mental health than learning to accept myself. Letting go of that male persona was incredibly difficult, but my life is better now that I'm no longer chasing surgeries or hormones. I'm finally working on my mental health, I'm sober, and I can see a future for myself. I regret not dealing with my self-esteem first, but I'm moving forward as the woman I am.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was complicated and rooted in a lot of pain I didn't understand at the time. Looking back, I can see that my decision to transition was heavily influenced by internalised homophobia and a rigid view of gender roles. I'm a gay woman, but I found the idea of being a gender non-conforming lesbian embarrassing on some level. I thought transitioning to male was an escape from that. It created a mindset where I started judging others by these strict rules, too, and I think that sent a bad message that there was something wrong with just being a gay person who didn't fit a stereotype.
A more personal reason I detransitioned was that dating became much harder for me as a transgender man. When I lived as a lesbian, I could connect with women, but once I presented as male, that interest from women disappeared. It was isolating. I also found that the constant pressure to scrutinise my body and worry about "passing" as male was more damaging to my mental health than just trying to work on accepting my body dysphoria and my reality as a gay woman.
Letting go of the male persona I had created was incredibly difficult. I had built this whole identity online and spent so much time in those spaces, pretending to be someone else. It was a form of escapism that numbed the pain. Living as an adult woman is hard, and sometimes I miss the simplicity of that escape. I still have a lot of bad days where I struggle with body dysphoria. But overall, my life is better now. I'm no longer using alcohol to cope, I'm on an antidepressant that actually works, and I'm not spending every minute online or stressing about the financial cost of surgeries and hormones. I'm working on my tendency to feel like the world is against me, and for the first time, I can sort of see a future for myself. That makes the hard parts of this journey worth it.
My experience with the trans community also gave me a kind of hyper-awareness about "passing." I spent so much time on forums analysing how to look male that I now notice small details like mannerisms and voice tones that most people might not. Before I transitioned, I might have been able to guess if someone was trans about half the time, but now it's much more obvious to me. This made me realise that my own expectations for passing were completely unrealistic, based on influencers online and not on my actual body, which is short and very curvy.
I've also had to rethink my relationship with things like haircuts and clothing. When I had short hair during my transition, I thought it made me look masculine, but after detransitioning, I saw old photos and realised I just looked like a woman with a cute pixie cut. I had attached all this meaning to it because of online talk about "gender-affirming" styles. The truth is, if you're a woman, nothing you wear or how you cut your hair can change that. It's something I have to remind myself of on days I feel unfeminine.
I don't really believe in gender the way I used to. I think it's mostly a set of social rules and expectations that I tried to force myself into. My regret isn't so much about the specific steps I took, but about the reasons behind them. I regret not dealing with my internalised homophobia and low self-esteem first. I regret thinking that changing my body was the only solution to my discomfort. The physical changes I made were social transition and taking testosterone, and I'm grateful I never had surgery. I'm just trying to move forward now as the woman I am.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | I started to socially transition to male and began using a male name and pronouns. |
| 20 | I started taking testosterone. |
| 24 | I stopped taking testosterone and began the process of detransitioning, returning to living as a woman. |
| 25 (Present) | I am currently working on my mental health and learning to accept myself as a gay woman. |
Top Comments by /u/specialagentstrahm:
In all honesty I would guess you’re male, but I think that could have a lot to do with these being still photos from the shoulders up, first of all. There’s no way for us to account for the way you look in motion. Aside from that I think the major clues that made me think male were your haircut and your second pair of glasses, which are just more typical ones for men. That influenced my snap judgement quite a bit and if you’re hovering in androgyny, such things can do quite a lot to tip people either way!
I’ll be honest, it was very hard breaking myself apart from the persona I created. Having to live as an adult woman is hard compared to numbing the pain and spending all my time in online spaces pretending to be someone else, but overall, I do think things have gotten better, even if I miss those days. I still struggle with sex dysphoria a lot and I have days when I slip, but I’m no longer an alcoholic, I’m on an antidepressant that works, I spend less time posting all my innermost thoughts on the internet, I haven’t got to plan financially for transition, and I’m working hard on my sense that the world is against me. I do sort of see a future now, and that makes the difficult bits worth it :)
I’ve spent a lot of time lurking on passing forums and trying hard to read male, so I have picked up on patterns and tend to clock people easily - even then, though, there’s some people who pass pretty amazingly. Before I transitioned, I’d say I could clock people maybe 50% of the time, but since I’ve been immersed in the trans community, things like mannerisms and voice have become more apparent to me. It depends so heavily on the person but personally I think my own expectations of passing were highly inflated based on influencers, and my incredibly curvy/short build.
omg girl, i would not even worry about it! i know sometimes its hard to /feel/ the way you want to but if it helps you look 100% female and the short hair comes across as nothing more than a cute pixie cut. i used to believe that i looked extremely masculine when i had short hair, but i think it was mostly because of the meanings that come with it, strengthened by nonsense about ‘gender affirming haircuts’ and the like - even though this haircut started to make me feel weird and unfeminine once i detransed, the style actually looked pretty good on me and in hindsight, i am obviously a woman in the photos!! and at the end of the day i know we attach all these cultural scripts to womanhood but at the end of the day if you’re a woman then nothing you wear can take that away from you.
Personally, I think you should always challenge internalised homophobia and misogyny. My transition was motivated by those factors and I developed a rigidity around gender roles that affected how I was looking at other people. If you’re obviously transitioning to escape being gay, and subconsciously you find your own sexuality embarrassing, it sends a message to other gay people that there is something wrong with being a GNC homosexual, and that they need to change themselves.
Also, more selfish reasons: I found it a lot harder to date as a FTM than as a lesbian - women were suddenly uninterested in me - and the constant scrutinising of my body was harder on my mental health than just trying to accept the dysphoria and the fact I am a gay woman.