This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "spirituallyinsane" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced perspectives on complex topics like identity, community, and trauma.
- Consistent, empathetic engagement over a long period (2021-2024), offering support and advice that aligns with a desisted/detransitioned viewpoint.
- Self-reflection and internal logic, sharing a personal philosophy on self-acceptance that evolves but remains coherent across posts.
The user's passion and criticism of certain trans community aspects are consistent with the genuine experiences of many desisters and detransitioners.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started with the intense pressure to fit a specific idea of womanhood, not with my body itself. I was influenced online to see transition as the only solution for my depression and low self-esteem, so I socially lived as a man for a while. I eventually realized my real issues were trauma and not knowing who I was, not a problem with being female. Through therapy that encouraged me to question my feelings, I learned to accept my body and stopped identifying as trans. I'm now at peace living as a woman, focused on building a life I love without any labels.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started from a place of deep discomfort, but not necessarily with my body itself at first. I was born female, and for a long time, I felt a lot of pressure to fit into a certain idea of what a woman should be. I spent a lot of time in online spaces where there was a subtle, and sometimes not-so-subtle, undercurrent of blame placed on people like me—a cis white person. I started to internalize a feeling of "wrongness" about just being who I was. It felt like there was an "original sin" in being the way I was born.
This feeling, combined with a general depression and low self-esteem, made the idea of transitioning incredibly appealing. It felt like a way to escape all that. I saw other people doing it and being celebrated for it, and it seemed like a clear path to fixing what felt broken inside me. I was influenced online and by the communities I was in, where there was a push to transition quickly without always looking at other mental health factors. I felt encouraged to interpret all my discomfort as gender dysphoria.
I socially transitioned and started living as a man. For a while, it felt like a relief. I liked the way I was perceived differently; it felt like I was shedding a skin that never fit. But over time, I realized that a lot of my issues weren't really about gender. They were about me not knowing who I was, separate from any label. I had a lot of self-hatred and was using transition as a way to run from myself.
I started to understand that my discomfort during puberty was more about the sudden pressure to be a certain type of woman—sexualized, feminine—than about being female itself. I hated my breasts not because they were wrong, but because of what they represented in that context. I think I also struggled with internalized homophobia; the idea of being a lesbian felt limiting in a way that being a straight man did not.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I'm grateful for that now, because I know my body is healthy and intact. I know that for some people, those medical steps are necessary, but for me, it would have been a drastic solution to a problem that wasn't really a problem with my body.
I benefited immensely from stepping back from the trans community and from non-affirming therapy. I don't mean therapy that was hostile, but therapy that encouraged me to question why I felt the way I did instead of just accepting that I was trans. I needed to unpack the trauma and the low self-esteem. I needed to learn that my value isn't in what group I belong to or what label I use.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social construct, but that doesn't make our feelings about it any less real. However, I believe the most important thing is to figure out who you are, not what you are. The "what" is just a small piece of the puzzle. We are all people with quirks and differences. A woman can have a deep voice or broad shoulders; a man can be gentle or have a high voice. These things don't define our worth.
I do have some regrets about my transition. I regret that I was so quick to latch onto an identity without doing the harder work of understanding myself first. I regret the time and energy I spent focused on labels instead of building a life I loved. I don't think transitioning itself is wrong, but I do think the pressure to do it—and to do it quickly—can be harmful for people like me who were struggling with other issues.
I'm now comfortable living as a woman again, but a different kind of woman than I thought I had to be. I'm just me. I have nerdy hobbies and I wear what I want. I don't care if it's stereotypical or not. I've found a lot of peace in accepting my body as it is, as the vessel that carries me through life. I can modify it in healthy ways, like exercising to be strong, but I don't need to change its fundamental nature.
I'm also more aware of how community pressure works. I've seen similar trends in other groups, like the lesbian community or with bisexuality, where people are pressured to fit a certain mold or are accused of just following a trend. I think it's normal to explore your identity, but it needs to be done in a safe space without pressure.
Ultimately, I'm in a much better place now. I'm focused on building a life I love, with people who love me for me, not for any label I use.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Began feeling intense social pressure and discomfort with expectations placed on women. Started spending time in online communities that influenced my thinking. |
| 21 | Socially transitioned to living as a man, believing it was the solution to my depression and self-esteem issues. |
| 23 | Began to question my transition after realizing my problems were rooted in trauma and self-perception, not gender. Started non-affirming therapy. |
| 24 | Stopped identifying as trans and destransitioned socially. Began the process of accepting my body and building a stable identity outside of labels. |
| 26 | Now comfortable living as a woman, with a stronger sense of self and no desire to medically transition. |
Top Comments by /u/spirituallyinsane:
they’re all so male socialized they’re incapable of actually having an ounce of respect for women.
This was something I realized was the other day when I couldn't put my finger on what was grating for me. People who continue to act with stereotypical "male" condescension and lack of empathy toward women are failing at feminism, no matter what their identity is.
I'm glad you're going to take some time for yourself. You're worth the work.
If your friends are the type to get offended by your choice to do what you think is right for you, especially a choice that leaves your options open for the future, that's something I would consider carefully. Some would say that those people are "not your friends". I wouldn't go quite that far, but they are taking something personally that belongs exclusively to you. You're the one taking the risks and responsible for the consequences. They're allowed to have their concerns, but ultimately they should be supporting you in taking the time and getting the information and insight you need to do what's right for you.
Best of luck in your journey ahead. We're here for you if you need us.
Nature doesn't distort; nature affirms things as they are and responds to stimuli that shape it into new things. When I'm working in the garden, the dirt moves exactly as much as I push it. My plants grow as I nurture them. It's really empowering to be able to move in nature, to see things with my own eyes, and to shape things with my own hands.
Your experience is valid, and doesn't invalidate anyone else's experience with their own gender stuff. Your post is welcome here.
Despite the general reddit hubbub, I've found this to be a very sane and well-moderated place for people who are questioning, desisted, or detransitioned.
This is not an anti-trans sub, despite what some people might say. Thanks for sharing your story.
It's just one of many natural variations in female anatomy. It's part of your body shape and worthy of love and acceptance as part of you. Treat it like it's natural to have (it is), and expect your partners to do the same. If they don't, that's their issue to work through, not a problem with you.
e.g. "we intentionally gave ourselves dysphoria," "we just wanted to feel special / jumping on a trend," etc.
Something similar happened in the lesbian community some years ago, where people got accused of being "gay until graduation" or "acting lesbian" as a fad. It also happened and still happens with bisexual individuals, who get accused of taking the easy way out or needing to "choose" a side.
Exploring identity and sexuality is quite normal and continues throughout life. Our environment heavily influences our explorations, and I don't think it's crazy to consider that the current environment pressures people to identify as something that they later decide that they are not. This feels especially likely for people who are still figuring their identity out.
I think it needs to be safe to explore our identities without being hated on for our steps in that journey. The LGBT community used to be a pretty supportive place for that, but right now it feels like people online are falling victim to bandwagon and "othering" tendencies. In person, most people still seem pretty supportive of people exploring and finding themselves.
Edit: I was putting off watching the TikTok in the OP...wow. I think that post is going to age like milk. The TikToker acts like the kind of person who would delete their post in shame rather than apologize publicly for being wrong. Yeesh.
I think that transitioning puts every aspect of gender presentation under a microscope. But the truth is that plenty of people have aspects that are unusual for their gender. Women with deeper voices, broad shoulders, or sharper features. Men with higher or softer voices, slender bodies, androgynous features. One of my best friends has never transitioned in any way, and gets mistaken for a woman on the phone frequently. It doesn't make him any less himself.
Let other people believe what they will, and correct it when it's important and practically affects your life. Focus on loving yourself as you are, like you might learn to love a new partner's unique attributes. You're a person with quirks and differences. They're different than before, but you're still just as worthy, valuable, and lovable.
I think that there's a certain degree of "destructure" in both. I'm still poly and was long before any kind of gender/orientation questioning. I have no issues whatsoever with monogamy or any other structure, generally.
I think that when gender/sex become unreliable as a way to measure people and their relationships with the world around them, it makes sense that relationships and their structures would become more fluid. Also, there's a safety in collecting multiple people around to "collectively" meet someone's needs (sexual or emotional), rather than looking for a perfect unicorn who is looking (sexually or emotionally) for a person who is very uncommon in the grand scheme of things. This might be intensified by the fact that people who are dealing with a lot of challenges around being/not being trans, orientation, fitting in, etc. might not have a lot of extra energy to put towards being a good partner. Having multiple partners allows a person to collect these bits of interaction into a whole experience.
I'm not strongly attached to these positions, it's just speculation on my part.
u/tthingy said their experience was different than yours. Your experience is valid, but you shouldn't invalidate their experience. The trans community isn't a monolith. It's not outlandish for different people to have different experiences with members of the trans community.
I've personally had similar experiences to u/tthingy, where people are encouraged to transition quickly and without considering other aspects of their mental health. I still don't think that's a universal experience, but I can vouch that it does exist.
This is a place for discussion, not shaming the OP for asking a question. This is part of their journey, and that journey may includes questions that seem confrontational to you.
This person is questioning the labels, so just telling them to "be" a different label is contrary to the purpose of this group.