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Reddit user /u/spookiestbinch's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 21
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
started as non-binary
benefited from non-affirming therapy
ocd
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's comments are highly personal, nuanced, and emotionally consistent. They reference a specific mental health condition (OCD) with clinical insight, share a detailed personal history of desisting, and express complex, evolving views on gender ideology that are common in the detrans community. The language is natural, varied, and reflects the passion and lived experience of a real person.

About me

My gender struggles started as a teenager, fueled by my clinical OCD, depression, and a deep discomfort with the expectations placed on women. I thought identifying as non-binary and considering medical transition was the only way to escape my body image issues and anxiety. Getting the right therapy for my OCD was a turning point, helping me see these feelings as symptoms of my mental health, not a need to change my body. By my early twenties, my dysphoria had mostly faded as I worked through my underlying problems. Now I am comfortable living as a woman and am grateful I didn't make any permanent changes.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I’m a female, and I was diagnosed with clinical OCD, which played a huge part in everything. My OCD made me feel intense discomfort and anxiety, and I would get these compulsive thoughts that felt like they ruled my life. Giving in to a compulsion gave a wave of relief, but the unease always came back. It was a vicious cycle that only got better when I addressed the underlying issues behind why I felt so compelled in the first place.

I also struggled with depression, low self-esteem, and really bad body image issues. For a long time, I hated the idea that my body could get pregnant; that was a huge source of distress for me, especially with everything going on in the world. I hated my breasts too, and if I hadn't been naturally flat-chested, I probably would have gotten top surgery. I had intense gender dysphoria and wrapped myself in online social circles with other gender-dysphoric youth, which definitely influenced me.

I started identifying as non-binary for a while. Looking back, I now see a lot of what I felt was rooted in internalized misogyny. I was uncomfortable with the realities and expectations of being a woman in this world. I thought transitioning was the answer, the "magic pill" that would make all my body image issues and self-esteem problems go away. The desire to medically transition felt a lot like an OCD compulsion—an intense, almost physical need to do something to make the discomfort stop.

I never ended up taking hormones or having any surgeries. I'm extremely grateful for that now. What stopped me was a combination of things. Getting the right treatment for my OCD was a big part of it. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me dismantle the compulsions and understand the root of my anxiety. I also found that my dysphoria started to fade as I got older and worked on my mental health. By the time I was 21, it had pretty much completely resolved.

Being exposed to gender-critical views was also a major turning point. It helped me realize that my desire to transition was a response to my mental health struggles and societal pressures, not a solution to them. It allowed me to reframe my feelings and separate my discomfort from the idea that I needed to change my body. Most days now, I'm fine with being perceived as a woman and I'm definitely comfortable being physically female. The only thing that still gives me dysphoria is my uterus, but I’ve learned to manage those feelings.

I don’t regret not transitioning. I regret that I was ever in that dark place and that I was surrounded by influences that pushed me toward a medical solution. I believe that for many people, like me, gender dysphoria is a symptom of other underlying issues like OCD, depression, or trauma. I benefited immensely from non-affirming therapy that addressed my core mental health problems instead of just focusing on gender.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's incredibly complicated. I'm critical of gender ideology because I feel it can sometimes prevent people from dealing with their root issues. I believe it's crucial to take time, especially when you're young, before making any permanent decisions about your body. Your brain is still changing, and the distress you feel now might not be there forever.

Age Event
Teen Years Struggled with intense gender dysphoria, depression, low self-esteem, and body image issues. Diagnosed with clinical OCD.
Teen Years Identified as non-binary and was part of online social circles that influenced my feelings about transition.
21 Gender dysphoria had significantly resolved. Realized my feelings were linked to internalized misogyny and underlying mental health conditions.
21 Became comfortable as a female and decided against any medical transition.

Top Comments by /u/spookiestbinch:

11 comments • Posting since March 7, 2022
Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) explains how gender critical views helped her realize her dysphoria was rooted in internalized misogyny, and discusses her lingering "sex dysphoria" about her uterus, especially in the current US political climate.
17 pointsJun 26, 2022
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It hasn’t faded completely in me, I still hate the feeling of living in a body that can get pregnant. (Now more than ever, living in the US…)

If I wasn’t lucky enough to have such a flat chest I would have gotten top surgery. Ultimately, what made me drop my trans identity was exposure to gender critical views. In my case I realized that I was experiencing internalized misogyny. Most days I’m fine being perceived as a woman now, and I’m definitely fine being physically female. The only thing that regularly gives me huge dysphoria is my uterus. I guess you should really call that “sex dysphoria?” Or just body dysmorphia? Labels are hard, haha.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) explains that a person considering transition will never have a female body, only a surgically altered male body that may resemble one, and advises tempering expectations and being comfortable with that reality.
15 pointsMar 12, 2022
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You are never going to have a “female” body if you decide to transition, and you need to come to terms with that now and temper your expectations surrounding transition. If you go through with gender affirming surgeries, you are going to have a surgically altered male body that, at best, may resemble a female body, but it is physically impossible for you to have a female body. You will be taking hormone replacement therapy for the rest of your life.

You can wear “female” clothes and not alter your body. If you do decide to alter your body via transition, make sure that you are comfortable first with the fact that you are not and cannot ever become female. You will always be a surgically altered male. That’s reality. If you are comfortable with that reality, Godspeed.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) advises a teenager with gender dysphoria to wait until adulthood before pursuing medical transition, based on her own experience of dysphoria resolving naturally.
14 pointsApr 18, 2022
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Nobody can predict your future if you go down a medicalized path. no-one can predict the complications you might experience from taking cross-sex hormones or undergoing gender validating surgeries, and nobody can predict the effects they might have on your mental well-being as an adult. I had intense gender dysphoria at your age, and mine has completely resolved as a 21 year old. Looking back at the distress I was experiencing, I am grateful now that I was not put on the medical path. I was wrapped up in so many social circles comprised of gender-dysphoric youth, many of whom had the same underlying mental health conditions that contributed to my own dysphoria.

Gender dysphoria is so god damn complicated and nobody fits perfectly into what contributes to it for every single case. I can’t speak for your own situation, but I’m extremely grateful that I waited until I was out of highschool to decide whether or not I needed to pursue treatment for my dysphoria that would alter my body and brain in potentially irreversible ways.

I understand and sympathize with your pain, I know how real it is. My advice is that you wait until you’re an adult to make the decision to take your transition down a medical path. Pursuing hormone replacement therapy is not like taking medication for depression or any other mental health condition; looking at the dark place I was in with my self-esteem, and my self-image, I was so desperate for a “magic pill” to make my body image issues go away. Transition may yet be a real option for you to resolve your distress and dysphoria, but you will be on this medical path for the rest of your life. To keep all the changes that clock you as male, you will be taking hormone replacement therapy forever.

Speaking for only myself, as a previously-gender-dysphoric person, I know that I would not have been able to properly consent to hormones when I was fifteen. I know it doesn’t seem like it but you are very young. That’s not meant to sound condescending, that isn’t meant to downplay your distress. It’s a fact that your brain is still undergoing radical changes. I highly recommend that you allow yourself more time before pursuing a medical path.

Whatever you decide is right for you, the detrans community will always be here to fall back on and offer perspective. There are a lot of us now, and we aren’t going anywhere.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) advises a 21-year-old to postpone or forgo bottom surgery, warning of the risk of permanently losing functional genitals.
10 pointsJun 26, 2023
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Agreed. You are 21. If you are having any doubts about permanently removing a body part, it should not happen right now. You don't have to detrans to not go through with an amputation. You need to seriously consider the worst case scenrio in which you regret not having functional genitals past age 21. Meant with the utmost compassion, please wait until you are absolutely sure about this major surgery, or don't do it.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) argues that women do not live on "easy mode," citing dangers like assault, harassment, and the loss of bodily autonomy in the US and abroad.
9 pointsJun 30, 2022
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Tell that to women stuck in Arabic countries, tell that to women who can’t fill up their gas tanks at 9 pm because they’re terrified of getting assaulted, tell that to women who can’t walk to the grocery store without getting sexually harassed, tell that to women who are denied abortions and the right to govern their bodies in countries like the US where we are now considered second class citizens. Female people absolutely do not live on “easy mode”. I’m sorry you have to rationalize the world this way.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) explains why calling gender dysphoria a mental illness isn't inherently bigoted and discusses the ethics of medical intervention.
7 pointsJun 22, 2022
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to label a condition of the mind as “mental illness” isn’t shameful. it’s not bigoted. I have five clinically diagnosed mental illnesses and I’m not going to sit here and be offended if somebody calls me mentally ill. to this person, his experience with transition is that it was his mental illness. that label needs to be removed from its negative connotation. there are multiple ways to treat mental illness and medical intervention is not the only way, nor is it ethical to coerce a patient with a mental illness into believing that the only way to treat his or herself is through medication (or surgery, in these cases.) he isn’t any sort of phobic for stating his truth about an issue that has severely impacted him. this is his experience. you have no right to diminish it by calling him hateful.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) comments on the radicalization of both TERFs and TRAs, calling their online spaces cult-like and exhausting, and praises the subreddit as a rare neutral ground.
5 pointsJun 24, 2022
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It seems both TERFs and TRAs have been radicalized at this point, both seem to push a cult-like, no dissenting opinions allowed agenda in their online spaces. It’s exhausting trying to find a middle ground. I feel like this sub is one of those rare neutral spaces and I’m grateful for it.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) comments on the overlap between TERFs and gender critical ideology, explaining her agreement with many points while criticizing their dogmatism and the draining nature of internet labels.
4 pointsJun 24, 2022
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I also find myself agreeing with a lot of things terfs say, which is unfortunate because in other areas they can be so dogmatic. I don’t know how this sub views the gender critical/terf overlap, but in my experience, people who call themselves gender critical are less radicalized than terfs. it’s a label that makes sense, I would consider myself critical of gender ideology too. but, gender criticals also get lumped in with terfs AND conservatives….internet cultures are very draining and hard to keep up with, lol. I’ve stopped labeling myself.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) comments that teen depression and body image issues can cause gender dysphoria, sharing that being trans was a manifestation of her own mental illness.
4 pointsJun 23, 2022
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it looks like you need to reread it. he states he struggled with teen depression and body image issues, conditions which both contribute to gender dysphoria in many cases. hi, I’m one of those cases. trans for many of us was our mental illness. your experience with gender dysphoria is not the only experience on the planet.

Reddit user spookiestbinch (desisted female) comments about overcoming dysphoria and body dysmorphia without hormones as a 21-year-old female with OCD.
4 pointsMar 12, 2022
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Hey, 21 year old female desister here, also diagnosed with clinical OCD, I’ve dealt with similar issues of dysphoria and body dysmorphia but I’m now comfortable in my own skin and I didn’t need to go on hormones to accomplish that. Feel free to message me if you wanna vent or just talk, I’m more than willing to lend an ear!