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Reddit user /u/starstruck_567's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 25
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
trauma
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
got top surgery
now infertile
body dysmorphia
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
autistic
ocd
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.

The comments demonstrate:

  • Consistent, nuanced perspective: The user offers thoughtful, personalized advice that shows an understanding of the complexities of gender dysphoria, desisting, and detransition.
  • Emotional investment: The tone ranges from supportive and empathetic to frustrated and passionate, which aligns with the real emotional stakes for people in these communities.
  • Internal logic: The views expressed are consistent with a critical but invested participant in the /r/detrans space, particularly in defending gender non-conformity and critiquing both trans and detrans community dynamics.

The account behaves like a real person who is a desister or detransitioner.

About me

I was born female and my discomfort started as a teenager when I hated the changes of puberty. I found online communities that convinced me I was trans, and I ended up taking testosterone and having top surgery. The procedures eased my body issues, but my deeper depression and anxiety remained. Through therapy, I realized my drive to transition was really about escaping trauma and other mental health struggles. I now accept myself as a woman who doesn't fit stereotypes, and I regret altering my body before dealing with the root causes.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was born female and I always felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I went through puberty. I hated developing breasts; it felt alien and wrong to me. This was more than just teenage awkwardness—it was a deep-seated feeling that my body was betraying me. I spent a lot of time online, and I found communities that seemed to have an answer for what I was feeling: that I must be trans.

I started identifying as non-binary first. It felt like a safe middle ground. But the more time I spent in these online spaces, the more I felt pressured to move further. I saw friends transitioning and talking about how it solved all their problems, and I thought it would solve mine too. I believed that if I could just change my body, the constant anxiety and depression I felt would go away. I now see that a lot of this was low self-esteem and a form of escapism; I thought becoming someone else was the only way to escape how miserable I was.

I ended up taking testosterone. I got top surgery. For a while, I thought it was the right choice. I felt a sense of relief from the intense body dysmorphia, specifically the hatred of my breasts. But the other problems—the depression, the anxiety—they didn’t magically disappear. They just changed shape. I started to realize that I had conflated my discomfort with puberty and my general self-hatred with being born in the wrong body.

A big turning point for me was starting non-affirming therapy. My therapist helped me untangle my gender feelings from my other mental health struggles. We explored my history and I began to understand that a lot of my drive to transition was influenced by trauma and a desperate need to escape from myself. I also have OCD, and I see now how those obsessive thought patterns latched onto gender as a thing I could "fix" to make everything better.

I don’t regret my transition in the sense that it was a path I needed to walk to get to where I am now, which is a place of much greater self-understanding. But I do have regrets. I regret that I permanently altered my body before dealing with my underlying issues. I am now infertile, which is a serious and lasting consequence I have to live with. I regret how much I was influenced by online communities and friends, and that I didn't get more neutral help sooner.

My thoughts on gender now are that it is incredibly complex and deeply personal. For me, my discomfort was not a sign that I was a man, but a sign that I needed to learn to accept myself as a woman who doesn't conform to stereotypes. I am a woman, but my womanhood is not defined by being feminine. I can have a deep voice, or want muscles, or have a flat chest, and still be a woman. I benefited from finally understanding that.

I don't think medical transition is the right path for everyone who is questioning, and I worry that the conversation online has become so polarized that people, especially young people, aren't getting the chance to fully explore their feelings without pressure. I was one of them.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
13 Started puberty; began to experience intense discomfort and hatred toward my developing breasts.
16 Spent increasing time online; discovered trans communities and began to identify as non-binary.
18 Socially transitioned to a male identity and began using a new name and pronouns.
20 Started testosterone therapy.
22 Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy).
24 Began to question my transition; started non-affirming therapy to explore underlying issues like trauma, OCD, and depression.
25 Stopped taking testosterone; accepted my identity as a gender non-conforming female.

Top Comments by /u/starstruck_567:

9 comments • Posting since January 14, 2024
Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how the subreddit's internal hate for gender non-conforming presentation contradicts its core philosophy and can push non-dysphoric people to transition.
31 pointsFeb 2, 2024
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I think it's crazy that for a subreddit that insists on the premise that "no matter how you present, you will always be [insert natal sex]", some of its users still cant fathom someone deciding to present as non-conforming to their gender expectations. Women & men do not owe anyone conformity and should be free to choose how they wanna present to themselves to the world without being subjected to insults. Let's be serious, because this is the same shit that pushes people who are otherwise non-dysphoric to transition. Also "freakshow" is CRAZY to use against someone who could have experience transphobia prior to detransphobia. Just a little rant, but I think other members do a good job at calling out this bullshit that's been going on.

Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) explains that being a GNC woman is valid and suggests alternatives to testosterone like the gym and voice training to achieve desired physical changes.
25 pointsFeb 1, 2024
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Hello, sorry about the way other users have been replying to you on here. Just wanted to say that being a GNC woman is completely fine, and some people (although, usually identifying as non-binary) do take T for it's physical effects. However, it would be preferrable to stay on the side of caution and see if there are any other ways to acheive those goals (ex: gym for muscle mass, exercises for jawline, voice training, etc). I hope you stay safe and have a good time existing as a gender non-conforming woman !

Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) comments on basing morality on TikTok discourse, advising OP to trust their own beliefs rather than seeking validation from online communities.
14 pointsJan 22, 2024
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I don't understand why you need to ask people if you having the beliefs you hold makes you a "bad person". If you truly believe what you've just said, I don't see why you being a "bad person" changes anything. Many people here also would probably agree with what you've just said, as shown by the comment section. Using Tiktok as a basis for your morals is kind of funny tho, I will admit. The (mainly full of vocal minors) queer community's loud opinions and incessant discourse shouldn't be used to decide whether or not your opinions are wrong.

Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) comments on the frustration of men degrading GNC women in a detrans support space, calling it shameful and necessary to report.
14 pointsFeb 2, 2024
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No this makes total sense! Especially considering these comments came from MEN of all people?!?!? A bit of shame, people! Not denying that GNC men face their own struggles as well but come on, the degradation of GNC women in a space MADE TO SUPPORT THEM AFTER FACING TRANSITION-RELATED CHALLENGES is so frustrating. I don't blame you for reporting, it's needed to preserve a space meant to be civil and supportive.

Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) discusses redefining womanhood beyond aesthetics, questioning why masculine traits are seen as incompatible with being a woman.
10 pointsFeb 1, 2024
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If wanting facial hair, deep voice and a masculine body makes you feel like "less of a woman", maybe it's better to reflect on why that is. Is womanhood defined by your aesthetics, your values or something completely different? What pushes you away from living as a man? What makes you comfortable as a woman? Many questions to ask, lots of reflecting to make, and a realisation that your gender non-conformity shouldn't limit you at all :) You got this!

Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) discusses the harm of Western ideological export, arguing that labeling other cultures as bigots for not prioritizing gender issues ignores their different values and survival-focused realities, and compares it to pinkwashing.
9 pointsJan 14, 2024
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I can observe that type of dynamic between the two opposites! What irks me a bit, and maybe this isn't too deeply related to detransition, is how they extend those ideologies to other countries with a completely different set of values & ideals. Where I'm from, gender dysphoria isn't known about at all or is considered a sort of deviance. This leads westerners to call foreigners bigots, but I don't think they understand that we are more involved in different things, especially when it comes to survival, rather than social, and to some extent, medical, progress. This labelling also hurts gender dysphorics in those countries, because it seems like they do not care about us at all & instead just want to pander to their fellow progressives or whatever. A similar phenomenon to what I'm discussing here is called pinkwashing. But yea, pretty wild how political polarization affects how one perceives themselves & how they choose to proceed with their dysphoria.

Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) advises a user with suicidal dysphoria to explore all options, emphasizing that transition is a major commitment and that fulfillment can be found through various paths.
4 pointsFeb 2, 2024
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A good starting point would be acknowledging that you will never be on the exact same path everyone else is when it comes to coping with dysphoria. Yes, some people will live successful and fulfilling lives as trans women, and these realities are just as valid as people who live successful and fulfilling lives with a different way to cope with dysphoria/ being non-transitionning. Being trans isn't solely based on how you present/appear, its a lot of patient labor, a brand new language to adopt towards yourself, its basically a sort of commitment you make towards yourself IF it makes you feel better. As I understand, your dysphoria is your root cause of suicidal ideation, and while transition sounds like the best option to you, I implore you to seek therapy and explore other options before you make serious changes. Being a feminine male shouldn't be as limiting, but I can understand why living as fully female sounds like the better idea. Just remember that you'll be confronting a brand new reality full of challenges and hardship, but if it ends up being the real best option, do what you need to do to live with the healthiest mental health you can have. Best of luck to you, and I genuinely hope you seek the help you need and deserve. I also suggest you take other male desisters/detransitioners' advice over mine, as I will never understand the full extent of your struggles and am only speaking as someone who suffers from debilitating dysphoria as well.

Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) comments on the exclusion of a detransitioned lesbian, arguing that womanhood has no single look and decrying the bullying from a community that should be supportive.
3 pointsFeb 25, 2024
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Much love to you ❤️ It's frustrating seeing what should be a supportive community basically bully you for your lived experiences. Womanhood does not have a look to it, and no other person has the right to strip you of it. Just know you are supported, best of luck to you :]

Reddit user starstruck_567 (Questioning own transgender status) advises a user with suicidal ideation to prioritize mental health and self-care over immediate transition decisions, emphasizing that they are a person first and not defined by their dysphoria.
3 pointsFeb 1, 2024
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I think first and foremost, you must remember that you are not your dysphoria. You are a person with a variety of experiences, identities, and qualities, and therefore shouldn't let your dysphoria or your presentation define you. That said, it's a bit hard to know what helps you and what won't just based off this post. Is anything else making your dysphoria worse? Would your current living situation allow you to transition? Forcing yourself to claim you are not trans will never help because you are never truly convinced and probably never bothered to figure out WHY you wouldn't be. I think you need to get therapy & help for your suicidal ideation immediately before considering whether or not to transition, since I'm pretty sure it requires the most sharpest of decision making and depression/suicidal ideation/anxiety can make things seem more urgent than they are. You are a person before you are dysphoric, so take care of yourself as who you are before taking care of yourself as what you are. I hope this made sense. Stay safe.