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Reddit user /u/steelhandgod999's Detransition Story

This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.

The user's narrative is consistent, detailed, and emotionally resonant. They identify as a desister who struggled with dysphoria 20+ years ago, which aligns with the stated goal of the subreddit. Their passion and anger are consistent with the genuine trauma and frustration many detransitioners/desisters express. The personal anecdotes, including specific memories and a detailed story about an ex-partner, reflect the complexity of a real human experience.

About me

I spent about twenty years struggling with the feeling that I needed to escape being a woman. My discomfort started with puberty, and I hated the vulnerability and stereotypes that came with being female. I tried to look masculine, but I now see that was just a way to run from my fears about womanhood. I am so thankful I never medically transitioned, because it wouldn't have solved the real problem. Now, I understand that I can be a woman who looks and acts any way I want, free from those old ideas.

My detransition story

My whole experience with gender was less about being a man and more about desperately wanting to escape being a woman. I never actually transitioned medically, but I spent years of my life deeply struggling with these feelings, probably about twenty years ago now, before any of this was mainstream.

For me, it all came from a place of hating being seen as a woman in this world. I had a lot of puberty discomfort and I remember desperately wishing my breasts would go away and that my hips weren't so "womanly." I hated the vulnerability that came with womanhood; I felt like the world equated me to a sex object and I thought the only way to be free was to reject it all—to reject myself. I even tried to bind my chest, but my breasts were too big for it to work. Trying to hide myself in male clothing just made me more depressed because people would assume I was a butch lesbian, which I'm not, and that was incredibly frustrating.

I tried to dress masculine and cut my hair very short, but I never socially transitioned or told my family I wanted to be a boy. My personal environment didn't allow me to feel comfortable or safe to do that. Looking back, I see now that my feelings were a form of escapism from the pressures and fears I had about being a woman. I am so thankful that medical transition wasn't an option presented to me back then, because I know I would have pursued it, and I see now that it wouldn't have solved the real problems.

My dad was a big part of my life and he never made activities about gender. He took me fishing, taught me how to change a flat tire, and how to get things done. He never said, "Look at how masculine this is!" He just taught me life skills. That’s how I now see that there is nothing wrong with being a gender-nonconforming woman. The entire trans space, from what I've seen, only reinforces regressive gender stereotypes. To say "I'm not a woman because I don't like stereotypical woman things" is just misogynistic and forces women into a box.

I don't regret that I never transitioned, but I do regret the years I spent in such a painful state of self-hatred and confusion. I believe my experience has value because it shows that these feelings can come from a place of trauma and discomfort with sexism, not from an innate gender identity. I think children especially don't have the ability to understand the full impact of a gender transition, which is why the medical exploitation of vulnerable youth right now is absolutely appalling. I've seen the harm it can do to others, like my MtF friend who became wheelchair-bound after just several months on estrogen, and it makes me so angry.

My thoughts on gender now are simple: a woman is an adult human female. There's no reason why objective facts should be problematic. You can be a woman who does and looks like anything you want.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
Early Teens (approx. 13-14) Began experiencing intense puberty discomfort, hated my breasts and hips, wanted to escape womanhood.
Mid-Teens (approx. 15-16) Cut my hair very short, tried to dress in masculine clothing and bind my chest (unsuccessfully). Felt deep frustration and depression.
Late Teens/Early 20s (approx. 17-22) Continued to struggle internally with these feelings but never socially transitioned. The intense desire slowly began to fade over many years.
Now (40s) Have fully desisted. Understand my past feelings stemmed from discomfort with sexism and a desire to escape vulnerability.

Top Comments by /u/steelhandgod999:

13 comments • Posting since December 6, 2023
Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) comments on a friend's death, sharing a story of a MtF friend who became wheelchair-bound after starting estrogen.
77 pointsFeb 25, 2024
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I'm so sorry for your loss, OP 🫂

I have a MtF friend back in NY who actually became wheelchair-bound after just several months on estrogen. Literally just couldn't walk anymore. They couldn't figure out what it was, but ofc the doctor was the gender affirming kind, and I highly doubt they linked it to HRT.

Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) discusses an ex-partner's manipulative behavior after transitioning, including workplace retaliation, forced effeminacy, trauma dumping, and stealing their cat.
45 pointsFeb 20, 2024
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I can't speak from actually being trans, as it was only an idea I toyed with for years of my life. However, an ex of mine started transitioning after we broke up but still lived together for a few years, and he became even more manipulative than he already was with his newfound identity. The histrionics, the dramatism; everything was perceived as a slight against him. He even tried to get an elderly woman at our job fired because she kept misgendering him, as she understandably perceived an effeminate man, not a woman. His effeminate qualities were forced as well. He never was like that before the change, and I had known him for at least a decade and had known others who knew him longer. He refused therapy, would get massively drunk and trauma dump on me, and would scream in my face if I didn't know what to do with his trauma. He played victim at every turn and tried his best to turn people I knew against me. He eventually moved out while I was at work and stole one of my cats. Last I heard, he was making porn and playing victim about that, too.

Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) explains why children shouldn't be able to consent to gender transition, comparing it to other age-restricted rights like voting and drinking.
32 pointsDec 6, 2023
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A child doesn't have the ability to understand the full impact of a gender transition. There is a reason why they cannot vote, consent to sex, buy alcohol, and a myriad of other things. Why should gender transition be any different?

Calling any of this an attack is a gross reach.

Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) comments on the ethical concerns of performing mastectomies on minors, citing detransitioned women who must wait for reconstruction.
24 pointsDec 6, 2023
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How about listening to the women in here who have had their breasts removed before 18 and have to wait until they're old enough to even receive breast reconstruction surgery? I listen to people who have been through it, not zealous idealogues like yourself.

Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) explains that a woman is an adult human female and a trans woman is a dysphoric male, stating these are objective facts that shouldn't be problematic.
23 pointsMar 6, 2024
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Even anti-trans folks have an answer, so I'm not sure what you mean by this? A woman is an adult human female. A trans woman is a male who experiences body dysphoria. They aren't women. It's not any more complicated than that, and there's no reason why objective facts should be problematic.

Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) explains her long-term desistance experience, noting her desire for top surgery over 20 years ago before the term was common.
19 pointsMar 15, 2024
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I don't post here because I desisted years ago, but I also don't think that my experience has no value. Not to say that's what you're implying, but I just want to be clear just in case. Like I said, it has been years for me, like, before any of this even blew up. Probably 20 years ago or less. We didn't have anything to call it at the time, all I know is I wanted to cut my tits off.

Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) comments that her father taught her practical skills like fishing and changing a tire without framing them as inherently "masculine" activities.
16 pointsJan 5, 2024
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My dad took me fishing and taught me how to change a flat tire, and how to get shit done, and while he was doing these things, he never said, "Look at how masculine this is! I'm a manly masculine man showing my daughter how to do manly masculine man things!" Nah.

Reddit user steelhandder999 (desisted female) explains how the desire to escape the vulnerability of womanhood and objectification drove their gender dysphoria, and condemns the current lack of safeguards as medical exploitation of vulnerable youth.
14 pointsDec 9, 2023
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I thought the only way to be free was to reject it all—reject myself, because surgery complications would be better than living in a world that equates me to a sex object.

I've never had top surgery or took hormones, but the overwhelming desire to escape the vulnerability of womanhood absolutely hits home for me. I went through these feelings 20+ years ago, and it just angers me to see how there is basically zero safeguarding going on right now. I remember desperately wishing my breasts would go away, that my hips weren't so "womanly" and that I could just disappear into boyhood. I am so thankful that what is happening now wasn't even on the radar when I was growing up. The medical exploitation of vulnerable youth right now is absolutely appalling.

Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) comments that the trans space reinforces regressive gender stereotypes, calling the nonbinary view misogynistic.
11 pointsFeb 12, 2024
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The entire trans space only reinforces regressive gender stereotypes.There is nothing wrong with looking at facts and being a gender-nonconforming man or woman. To say "I'm not a woman because I don't like stereotypical woman things" is just misogynistic and forces women in a box. :/

Reddit user steelhandgod999 (desisted female) comments on a 41-year-old man's late-in-life entry into explicit online content, describing it as low-quality and a potential form of self-harm.
9 pointsFeb 20, 2024
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He's like 41 now, and he started doing that at 38 or 39. It's not even good porn, I accidentally came across it when I got curious after finding his Facebook page under another name. Clicked out of that shit so fast. It comes off as a form of self-harm, to me, knowing him. It's really sad.