I install Kik on my phone. A man in his early twenties manipulates me into sending him nude images of myself. I do it. He's the closest thing I have to a boyfriend. I'm 13 years old.

This part hit home for me. When I was 13-14 years old I had met a guy from a video game (he was 17 back then) and I related to him because he was also a loner and socially awkward like me. I identified as female back then, and told him that I am a girl. He started to ask me if I can send him nude pictures of my (non-existent) breasts, then I tell him that I haven't grown breasts yet, but he still insisted. I convinced myself that I had a crush on this guy so I can cure myself from being a lesbian, but when I finally confessed, he told me he found a girlfriend and no longer wants to contact me (because he realized his mistake for asking an underage person for nudes).

Just to clarify, I'm intersex male, and I mostly have male features that I'm not bothered with at all, I do have some female features as well but I tend to ignore them, as dysphoria is just another pain I don't want to experience from all that trauma I went through.

As a desisted intersex male, I felt the part of confusing the kids about their gender. In my childhood I was never told what I really am. I was assigned female (no clear sign what my genital was at the time besides I had another illness that put my life in danger), but then I went to medical professionals and my parents decided to raise me as a boy. At beginning of middle school I was raised as a girl again, at second year as a boy and that's when the bullying started so my parents had to raise me as a girl again. I just 'bought' whatever my parents told me, but the lack of sex education made me even more confused when puberty started. I didn't get why I didn't become like the other girls but I looked more male on the outside. Also being attracted to females made it even more confusing and I was disgusted of myself. I didn't fit in with boys, but neither with girls.

Somewhere around middle school I learned about trans and non-binary, and I decided to be non-binary and asexual (I know you cannot decide your gender and sexuality, but at that time I didn't know these things well). It didn't last long until my now best friend made me realize that I am male biologically and I'm also straight. I'd really wished for at least my parents to tell me that I was male on the outside (but no gonads visible) but I also have female and male internal genitalia, instead I learned those through the web. No school, not even parents told me anything. They only told me "you're a girl" and nothing else.

I wanted to be female at 12 (when puberty started) because of AGP (autogynephilia), and it wasn't that I felt dysphoria, but I just wanted breasts for nasty reasons. Thankfully I didn't keep having that mindset. Then I started identifying as non-binary, which wasn't fitting for my case either. Now I'm back to identifying as male.

Just like you, in my culture there's no space for gender non-conformity as well. It's only black and white. People have different personalities, yet some just want to simplify such a complex thing into two boxes. The way you dress, interests, mannerisms have nothing to do with gender, but some people cannot grasp that thing into their thick skulls. The biggest hypocrisy is that they convinced you that you have mental development of a 3 year old, when INSTEAD it is THEM who still live in the past. Don't preoccupy yourself with what box should you fit in, because in the end of the day you will find your own bruh girls and connect with your real tribe.

Unfortunately, many therapists are uninformed in this field. Even if they are open-minded about transgender issues, they still know nothing about it. Most of them will jump in conclusions based on things that have nothing to do with gender (colors, clothes, hairstyles, person fantasizing about being opposite gender without clear explanation).

So glad to see another man who embraces feminine things as well. I also have some 'feminine' things I like, and I believe that there's nothing wrong with that. The word acceptance makes me think of a webcomic called "Acceptance" with a main character named Arcus who is also male but also androgynous and straight, I think you should check it out! (not my work, just a recommendation)

I think many people confuse the unnecessary gender roles (like certain clothes being exclusive to a gender, colors like pink for girls and blue for boys, hairstyles, woman should be housekeeper etc), with the word gender. Gender is not what you want to dress up like, or what colors you like. It's a complex of instincts your body is attuned to, somewhat like the way the brain is wired to work like. The only biological difference between men and women lies in the reproductive system, the same goes for the brain gender. Gender determines in what way you will fall in love, the way you express intimacy, the way you want to reproduce (if you desire so), what body parts influenced by sex hormones you will be okay having like breasts in women or high muscle mass in men for example. It's not a size fits all for everyone, because there are cases where someone might be okay with things from the male category but also wanting to keep things from female category and vice versa, but that's another thing.

To clarify, I'm not gender critical, but I am critical of gender. I don't agree on the part where clothes, hairstyles, and some other unnecessary gender roles should be considered gender identity, because it has nothing to do with it. You can dress however you want, like any color you want, enjoy any hobby you want, but it all comes down in what you're comfortable as physically, and the last one is determined by gender.

I do agree that someone should not conclude immediately that they are trans, but in other hand, professionals who can determine this should be better informed on what gender is, not jump into conclusions like "X person likes color pink and wearing dresses, therefore they are definitely trans".

There's almost non-existent info on how intersex bodies work, considering we have lots of different variations, many of us have had corrective surgery on genitalia, and/or had gonads removed (luckily I never had surgery done on me but that's what makes it more complex in a way). I've went to endo and he prescribed me some birth control to lower my testosterone by thinking that I was a woman who is bothered by body hair and stuff, and I can't even bring up the fact that I'm actually a guy with low testosterone because I'm not even sure if that endo is aware of intersex existence.

As an intersex man with low testosterone I'm concerned about getting TRT because of that negative effect of my body rejecting testosterone. The thing that suppresses my testosterone is high prolactin levels, and my estrogen-testosterone ratio is almost 1:1 with testosterone being slightly higher (by 10-15 units).