This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:
- A consistent, personal narrative of transition and detransition.
- Complex emotions, self-doubt, and nuanced reflection.
- Specific, lived details (e.g., laser hair removal, therapist referral experience).
- A natural writing style with casual asides and emotional resonance.
This is consistent with a genuine desister/detransitioner.
About me
I started transitioning to male because I felt completely disconnected from my body and thought it was the answer to my depression and low self-esteem. Getting on testosterone was surprisingly easy, but it never fixed the underlying issues I was struggling with. A profound experience made me realize I could stop, and my intense focus on gender suddenly felt irrelevant. I've detransitioned back to female, and while I regret the permanent changes, a lot of my original dysphoria has faded. I'm now just focused on living my life and healing from the mental health problems that started it all.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was confusing and, looking back, I think it was driven by a lot of other problems I was dealing with. I never felt quite right in my own skin, especially when I was going through puberty. I hated the changes happening to my body, particularly developing breasts. I felt uncomfortable and disconnected from myself, and I think a lot of that was tied to depression, anxiety, and having really low self-esteem. I started questioning my gender online and found communities that seemed to have an answer for that feeling of wrongness. I was influenced by what I saw and read, and it started to make sense to me that I might be trans.
I began my transition by socially identifying as non-binary, but that quickly shifted to me wanting to be seen as a man. I started using he/him pronouns and picked out a male name. I saw a therapist and a gender specialist, and getting on testosterone was shockingly easy. I only had a couple of appointments before they were asking if I wanted my first shot that very day. I signed the forms and started hormones. I was on testosterone for a while, and I was even making plans to get top surgery because I hated my breasts so much.
But being on T didn’t fix the underlying issues. I still felt disconnected and lost. A really significant moment for me was when I had a strong edible THC experience during a car ride. It felt almost like a trip, and I had this vision of meeting younger versions of myself. I wanted to apologize to that younger girl and hug her, but I couldn't communicate with them. Even though they drifted away, I felt a connection to my past selves for the first time in years, instead of feeling completely separate from them. It wasn't the moment I decided to detransition, but it was a big step in subconsciously realizing that hormones might not be right for me.
The actual moment I realized I could stop is a bit hazy; I think I might have been high then, too. But I had this sudden, clear thought that I didn't have to keep doing this. I felt like I wasn't allowed to change my mind once I had started, but I realized I could just stop taking hormones. My whole perspective on gender shifted; it suddenly felt unimportant, like a meme I had spent way too much time thinking about. All those intense thoughts about my identity just became pointless to my overall human experience.
When I stopped hormones, I initially thought I might still want to change my gender legally and use a neutral name. But I dreaded the practical complications—like which bathroom to use or having to explain my appearance as a feminine person with a male legal sex. For me, it came down to what would be easiest and most familiar. Luckily, a lot of my original dysphoria just faded away. Of course, now I have a different kind of dysphoria over the permanent changes testosterone caused, like my deep voice and the thick body hair.
Laser hair removal has been a lifesaver for dealing with the hair; I was truly suicidal over it. I'm still insecure about my voice and the hair that remains, but it has gotten more manageable with time. I tell people that if they are considering detransitioning, it does get better. The regret was horrible at first, but it has mellowed out.
I don't really have a solid view on gender anymore. The whole concept feels largely irrelevant to me now. I'm just trying to live my life. I do have some regrets about transitioning, mostly about the permanent physical changes and how easy it was to get medical intervention without anyone properly exploring my other mental health issues. I had underlying problems that were only discovered after I had already started testosterone. I don't regret the journey entirely because it led me to where I am now, but I wish I had gotten better, non-affirming therapy first to deal with my depression and self-esteem.
A weird part of this has been dealing with other people. I have a friend who now uses they/them pronouns for me because she says it's more comfortable for her. She started doing it even when I wanted he/him pronouns, and she still does it now that I'm living as a girl again and planning to change my name to a female name. It feels disrespectful. It's like back then, I wasn't "masculine enough" for he/him, and now I'm not "feminine enough" for she/her. It makes me feel weird and unseen.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14-15 | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty, hated developing breasts. |
| 17 | Began identifying as non-binary, then as a trans man. Started using he/him pronouns. |
| 18 | Saw a therapist and gender specialist; was prescribed testosterone after only a few appointments. |
| 18-20 | Was on testosterone. Made plans for top surgery. |
| 20 | Had a significant THC experience that sparked initial subconscious doubts about transition. |
| 20 | Realized I could stop hormones and decided to detransition. |
| 20-21 | Stopped testosterone. Underwent laser hair removal to address permanent changes. |
Top Comments by /u/subota999:
I hate the pronoun question. I mean I've only been asked once or twice I think, while I was transitioning. I didn't like it then but it would make me feel even more weird if someone asked me now. Are people still trying to push to make it a "normal thing" to ask everyone's pronouns?
Only one time, that's crazy. It definitely shouldnt be that easy. I only saw my therapist a few times before she referred me and then I think I only saw the gender specialist a couple times before they were like "you wanna get your first shot today? Just sign this." This should NOT be that easy. I also had underlying issues that were discovered after being on T.
All I can say is if you do decide to detrans, IT WILL GET BETTER. I know it feels hopeless. I know it feels like you can't fix it. I had really dark thick hair too all over my body and you would see the shadow even right after I shaved and everything. Laser hair removal has saved my life, I mean really I was suicidal over it. I detransitioned right before I was about to plan for top surgery so I can't say anything about that but I really feel for you. I can't really be sure of what you should do but I would say all this doubting and regret after 5 years on T is telling. The regret was horrible but it has mellowed out for me. I am really insecure about my voice still and the body hair I do have but it gets more manageable. I know it's confusing but just really listen to yourself and you will find what you need to do
(Haven't watched it yet) I don't think people trying it out should always be seen as insulting though I get where he's coming from, I kind of agree with him in a way. But there are people who genuinely thought there was no other option yet they were still wrong unfortunately. I guess I did question myself because I question myself with literally everything, but at the same time I was as sure as I could have been when diving into such a huge decision. Or I guess maybe I was just brainwashed. But yeah I might have to watch it
They/them doesn't necessarily make me uncomfortable but I guess in this case with my friend it makes me feel kinda weird bc she kinda disregarded my desire for he/him pronouns first? So it felt like back then, I wasn't "masculine enough" to use he/him, and now it feels like she doesn't see me as "feminine enough" to use she/her. It's weird bc she was and is supportive of the whole situation, like she has no problems with trans or detrans people but I guess maybe doesn't see how that comes across to me
I also have someone who now uses they/them pronouns for me because "it's more comfortable" for her. But not to mention she was using they/them pronouns for me even when I was wanting he/him pronouns for myself. I'm not trying to complain, because it doesn't really affect me, but it's still weird and kind of disrespectful. I thought I made it pretty clear that I am living as a girl again, regardless of the weirdness I feel around gender. But she still uses they/them for me, and uses a nickname of the male name I was going to change my name to, despite me telling her I plan on changing my name to a different female name.
Never done LSD unfortunately but I definitely relate to that feeling of gender feeling like a meme. It's like I had just thought about it so much for so long but all those thoughts about it became absolutely pointless to me. I really wish I remembered when I actually had my realization moment but I just don't, the whole gender thing just became profoundly unimportant to my human experience
The first time I tried edible thc I had a very strong almost trippy experience. I was on a long car ride and there was this one part in particular where I was meeting younger versions of myself and it's like I wanted to apologize to that younger girl and hug her. At the time I was still on hormones but I may have been reducing my dose, I'm not sure. But it was like I was unable to communicate with my younger selves, they would just be there and then drift away and the next one would show up. It was like they weren't aware of me I guess. But I felt so connected to them for once, instead of feeling separate from my younger selves like I had for so long. I wouldn't say this was my big realization moment but I think I was just subconsciously starting to realize that maybe being on hormones wasn't right for me after all, though I think at the time detransitioning still didn't feel like an option.
I don't really know when I actually realized, but there's a good chance I was high then too. But I just remember thinking "woah...I really don't have to keep taking hormones and living like this. I really can just stop taking hormones..." which may sound stupid hahaha but I guess in a way I felt like once I started I wasn't allowed to change my mind or something. My overall view of my gender stuff is very spiritual in a way but that's a story for another day
I think it's a good idea that you're separating yourself from the community. I never really involved myself enough to feel like I was a part of the community in the first place, but I feel like it would have been much more confusing and harder to find my way if I was a part of the community. It's confusing enough already but to me it seems being deep in the community might complicate things. In the end it's your decision ultimately. For me it came down to what would be easiest for me.
When I stopped hormones, at first I still wanted to change my gender legally and have a neutral name. But I dreaded the possibility of having to use male restrooms, explain myself and my appearance to people (I wanted to be legally male but dress more feminine sometimes), and I know I wouldn't necessarily have to explain myself to anyone and there's nothing wrong with being male and dressing feminine, but for me like I said it came down to convenience and ease and familiarity. I felt like if I went down that route of being a feminine guy who doesn't take hormones I would just be complicating things for myself. (once again nothing wrong with this sort of identity, I am just saying it wasn't right for me) Plus luckily my dysphoria just sort of disappeared...but now of course I have some dysphoria about what testosterone did to me so