This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake persona. The comments display:
- Personal, detailed history: A consistent, multi-year narrative of transitioning (starting at 13, T at 18, mastectomy at 21) and detransitioning (now 28).
- Complex emotional nuance: The user expresses anger, regret, grief, and hope, with a clear, evolving philosophical perspective on gender and sex.
- Internal consistency: The story remains coherent across comments, with specific, lived details (e.g., pressure from a surgeon, vaginal atrophy, moving to France, husband's family issues).
- Authentic engagement: The user offers tailored advice, book recommendations, and personal anecdotes to others, which is typical of a genuine community member.
The account exhibits the passion and strong opinions expected from someone who has experienced significant harm, aligning with a genuine detransitioner's perspective.
About me
I started believing I was a trans man when I was 12 because I felt uncomfortable with my female body. I began testosterone at 18 and had top surgery at 21, a decision I now deeply regret. After nearly a decade, I stopped the hormones because I realized I was forcing my female body to function unnaturally and feared the health risks. I now see my dysphoria as a form of body dysmorphia influenced by trauma and internalized ideas. I am now 28, making peace with being a woman and planning a fresh start with my husband where I can finally live as myself again.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated. I started believing I was a trans man when I was about 12 or 13 years old. I was a kid who felt really uncomfortable with my body, especially when puberty started. I hated my breasts developing and felt different from other girls. I spent a lot of time online and was influenced by the communities I found there. I became convinced that my discomfort meant I was born in the wrong body and that transition was the only way to be happy.
I socially transitioned at 13, meaning I started using a male name and pronouns. When I was 17, I went to a gender therapist. The appointment was incredibly fast; I got a letter for hormone therapy after only 20 or 30 minutes. The only reason I didn't start testosterone that same week was because the endocrinologist was worried about my diagnosed mood disorders. I finally started injecting testosterone just after I turned 18.
For a long time, I lived completely stealth as a man. I even got married to my husband during this time, when I identified as a gay trans man. When I was 21, I had top surgery. I had gone to a plastic surgeon to ask about a different procedure, but I felt pressured into getting a mastectomy instead. This is one of my biggest regrets because it means I can never breastfeed my own children, which is something I had always wanted to do.
I was on testosterone for nearly ten years, from 18 to 27. Over time, I started to pull away from the LGBT community because my personal values didn't align with it anymore. I also began learning about the serious health risks of long-term testosterone use, like it mutating tissues in the body, causing vaginal atrophy which is painful, enlarging the heart, and increasing the risk of heart attacks. I realized I was forcing my female body to function in a way it wasn't meant to, and I became scared that I was shortening my life with this experimental medicine.
I’ve come to see my gender dysphoria as a form of body dysmorphia, similar to my past struggles with an eating disorder. It’s a kind of psychosis that tells you lies about your body. I believe that for me, and for many others, the desire to transition was influenced by other issues. For me, that included past trauma, social isolation, an eating disorder, and internalized ideas about relationships. I was really into yaoi and had romanticized gay relationships as being more "equal," thinking that being a woman in a straight relationship would make me a "lesser" partner. I also think that as a tomboy who got along better with boys, I mistook feeling like myself for feeling like a boy. The truth is, males don't "feel like men," they just are men. They are people who inhabit male bodies.
I am now 28 and I’ve stopped testosterone. I don't call what I'm doing "detransitioning" to a new identity. I'm simply stopping medications that aren't right for me and making peace with the fact that I am an adult female. That makes me a woman. I believe a woman doesn't have to be anything except herself. I'm still a tomboy, and I plan to stay that way. My husband loves me for who I am. Right now, I'm still living stealth as a man in my small town because I'm worried about how people will react, and my husband and I need to cut ties with his abusive family before we can move away and I can socially detransition. We're even planning to move to France for a fresh start. My mom and I have already picked a new, feminine French name for me.
I have regrets, especially about the mastectomy and the permanent changes from testosterone, like the extensive body and facial hair I now have to manage. But I don't regret the journey because it led me to where I am now, which is a place of wanting to heal and accept my body for what it is. I'm focusing on the fact that I have always been female, and that my experience, even living as a man, was a unique female experience. I'm learning to see the woman in the mirror again.
Here is a timeline of the major events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12-13 | Started believing I was a trans man and began social transition (male name/pronouns). |
| 17 | Had a single, very brief appointment with a gender therapist and received a letter for hormones. |
| 18 | Started testosterone injections. |
| 21 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 27 | Stopped testosterone after nearly 10 years of use. |
| 28 | Currently detransitioning medically and preparing for social detransition after moving. |
Top Comments by /u/sunburntcherokee:
It’s stupid.
Nonbinaryism and going by singular “they” are just trends for people who are insecure about not being “like other girls/boys.”
“They” is plural. It is ungrammatical to use it to refer to a specific, known individual, because you should know whether a specific person is male or female. “They” is only acceptable in the singular when referring to an indefinite person, but it is rare that “he or she” would not be more grammatical in those cases.
I digress… when I was a trans man I wanted people to just assume I want to be called “he/him.” When I start socially detransitioning I want people to just assume that I am a woman and want to be called “she/her.” Being asked my pronouns makes me REALLY uncomfortable, like I’ve been “found out” or clocked.
I’ve come to this conclusion as well, especially since “cis” men do not “feel like men” and “cis” women do not “feel like women.” One could argue the difference is that they’ve “never had to think about it” like trans people do, but this is just a fallacy and ignores that dysphoria is really just a type of dysmorphia, which MANY people struggle with.
I think this is especially true for “trans” children, many of whom simply do not have the language to express that they wish they were not subject to gender stereotypes, were more like their loved ones/peers, are afraid of growing up, or many other things that could trigger dysmorphia.
In my opinion, dysphoria/dysmorphia surrounding one’s genitals/sex characteristics needs to be examined through the same lens as the desire to amputate one’s arm or to blind oneself. We need better psychiatric care.
One of my ftm friends has severe schizophrenia and PCOS which I feel may have influenced his desire to transition.
I know this comment comes across as transphobic but I honestly do not care. Professionals are not actually treating people for potential mental illness that may influence the desire to transition, and this is a HUGE problem.
Plus, loss of fertility is far from the only negative side effect from transition… trans men raise their risk of heart attacks by going in testosterone, prostatic tissue grows and mutates inside the vagina, atrophy of the reproductive organs is painful, there is risk of cervical cancer… it feels like it goes against the medical principle “do no harm” to provide “informed consent” for a dangerous “treatment.”
I was on a transgender panel in college once — the first and last normal group of trans people I had ever witnessed, and even that was cut short. Right after we had all answered “no” to an audience member questioning if any of us identified as “queer,” a new panelist came barreling through the doors apologizing for being late.
She was given time to introduce herself, and told the audience that she identified as nonbinary because she didn’t like makeup and hated feminine clothing, preferring men’s hoodies — she talked briefly about struggling with her friends not understanding why she would decline makeovers or trips to find nicer clothes… and she answered the audience in affirmative that she was queer.
I always wonder if she ever got over her self loathing.
I had a lot of struggle being seen as a man’s girlfriend I think primarily because I romanticized gay relationships (mostly in yaoi) as being more “equal,” as if I would be a “lesser” partner were I a woman. I also thought too much about the stereotypes of straight couples I saw on television and didn’t want to be “xyz type of girlfriend/wife.”
My husband and I are equals. Being his wife doesn’t change that.
Would you say your aversion is due to perceptions of straight couples, like inequality?
All a woman “has to be” is herself. Tall, ugly, hairy— who CARES! You are female, this is an immutable FACT. You are a woman, and being a woman is hard with all of the shit standards placed on us, but they don’t change who we are ❤️ Give it time. It’s likely that your dysphoria (dysmorphia!) makes it hard to see your own femininity, especially through the testosterone-changes, but I promise you it is there.
It’s really horrible that nonbinary acceptance has led to this completely anti-feminist culture. If you feel comfortable, I would definitely point out the blatant misogyny when your friends insist that you aren’t a woman. Some may just be used to calling you nonbinary, and may just need gentle correction, but if it continues for a while you may need new friends. :/ You’re in college so there should be a ton of opportunities to do so— are there women’s clubs that you can join?
Edit— also, since it’s college… pronoun pin? I find them a little goofy ngl but they may be useful in reinforcing she/her pronouns being used for you. I’m finding a lot of friends I made in college still use they/them for EVERYONE, even people they KNOW who use she or he.
I didn’t get to see your post, but had I been able to see posts like yours when I was younger, I might still be able to breastfeed my own baby like I wanted to when I was younger and pictured parenthood. I wouldn’t have been pressured into getting a mastectomy.
It’s the overpowering rhetoric. No alternative side is allowed because it’s “conversion therapy” adjacent and not just… healing. Real healing.
All a girl or woman “has to be” is herself. Do what makes you happy and comfortable, not what you think you have to do to be a woman.
If you want, look into breast forms! I have a cheap pair from thebreastformstore website that makes me feel really at peace
I was trans. Who I was, was real and true. I lived my life as a trans teenager from age 13, I lived as a trans young adult, and as a totally stealth trans man for years. What happened is that I first broke away from the “LGBT community” as I share none of the same values and just want to life my life in peace. Then I learned more and more about the dangerous side effects of testosterone, such as mutating tissues in the body, enlargement of the heart, god knows what else— and I realized that the medication I’ve been injecting since the time I was just freshly 18 to now, 27 years old is not doing anything except forcing a female body to attempt to work in a way it doesn’t and isn’t meant to.
And so I decided to stop, and I stopped ascribing to ideas of gender, “cis” and trans alike. I am not 100% satisfied in my body. I had strong dysphoria growing up and it was made stronger when I was fed the lie online, as a child, that I could change my sex. As an adult, I will never be or look the same as a biological male. Living as a stealth trans man, living as a man, it doesn’t disatisfy me… I pass completely as male, I even “pass as straight,” and people are surprised to hear about my husband.
I have decided to make peace with my anatomy and stop fighting it: I am an adult female. This makes me a woman, and the only thing a woman “has to be” is herself— I am just a human being. Men and women are all just people. Everyone struggles with their bodies to some degree, but transition is not an alternative to suicide, it is an alternative to accepting what cannot be changed. Sex is a biological reality that we don’t need to fight against it or ascribe so much emotional value to words like gender pronouns, titles, and the like. We can just focus on acknowledging one another’s humanity, understand that we all deserve equal opportunities.
I’m not “detransitioning” to anything or anyone else, either… I’m just stopping “medications” that aren’t for me and I’m making peace with my body. I will start going by female pronouns and a female name later on, as another way of breaking myself out of the illusion of gender and into the acknowledgment of sex/the way women live in this world. Who I am is the same, and she is also different— she is healing in a better way.
Oh that was definitely what I did. It’s very patchy and never became the full thick beard I wanted.
It’s complicated, mostly coming down to needing to eliminate certain people from my life first. I am totally stealth as a transman, including to my in-laws. My husband and I intend to relocate to give me a fresh start — especially so we can cut all ties with his family. I also don’t want to be perceived as a transwoman, which would be inevitable in our small town.
In the meantime, I’m pursuing laser for my beard and detoxing from testosterone.