This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates:
- Consistent, nuanced, and personal perspectives on detransition.
- A clear, long-term narrative of being a gender non-conforming woman who desisted or detransitioned.
- Empathetic and detailed advice, including personal anecdotes and specific recommendations (e.g., gym routines).
- A passionate and sometimes blunt tone, which is consistent with the stated experiences of detransitioners.
The account exhibits the hallmarks of a genuine individual sharing their lived experience.
About me
I was a masculine girl who liked other girls and felt completely out of place, so I started identifying as a trans man in my late teens. I began taking testosterone, but passing as male just created a new kind of anxiety and loneliness. I realized my distress came from internalized misogyny and society's stereotypes, not from being born in the wrong body. I stopped hormones and learned that being female is enough, and I can just be myself. Now I'm a masculine woman, finally free and focusing on accepting my body for what it is.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was a masculine girl who liked girls, and I felt completely out of place. I didn't fit in with the other girls at school and I felt a lot of pressure to be more feminine. I think this was a mix of internalized homophobia and low self-esteem. I started to believe that because I wasn't a stereotypical girl, I couldn't be a girl at all. I found a lot of communities online that affirmed this feeling and told me that these feelings meant I was actually a trans man.
I socially transitioned in my late teens. I changed my name and pronouns and started binding my chest. For a while, it felt like a solution. It felt like I was finally fitting into a box. But it was also a form of escapism from the difficulties of being a gender non-conforming woman. I started testosterone when I was 19. I was on it for a little over a year.
During that time, I passed as male, but it created a new kind of anxiety. I was always hyper-aware of how people were perceiving me, worried they would find out I was trans. I felt alienated from everyone. I wasn't male, so I couldn't truly connect with men, and I had built a wall between myself and other women to justify my transition. It was a very lonely experience.
I started to realize that my idea of gender was based entirely on stereotypes. I thought that to be a woman, you had to enjoy certain things or act a certain way. I had intense internalized misogyny. I also struggled with body dysmorphia, and I see now that it was deeply intertwined with what I called gender dysphoria. I hated my breasts and felt disconnected from my body, but medical transition felt like trying to fix a mental problem with a physical solution.
I decided to stop testosterone. I was about 20 years old. I was worried about the permanent changes, like hair loss, and I realized I wasn't okay with all the effects. My main fear was losing strength, but I've actually gotten stronger since stopping T by focusing on weightlifting and proper nutrition.
Detransitioning was about self-acceptance. I had to learn that being female is enough. You don't need to "feel like a woman" or have a "gender identity" to be one. You can just be yourself. I'm a masculine, bisexual woman. That is a valid way to exist. Letting go of all the labels and just focusing on what makes me happy was incredibly freeing. I do have some regrets about taking testosterone, but I try to focus on what I've learned.
I now believe that a lot of the distress I felt was not because I was born in the wrong body, but because I had a deep discomfort with puberty and the societal expectations placed on me as a female. Learning about body neutrality and spending time with other gender non-conforming women has been the most helpful thing for my mental health. My advice to anyone questioning is to wait, to explore these feelings in therapy, and to know that it's okay to just be you, without changing a thing.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15-17 | Began feeling alienated as a masculine, bisexual female. Started exploring gender identity online. |
| 18 | Socially transitioned, began using a new name and male pronouns. |
| 19 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| 20 | Stopped testosterone therapy. Began the process of detransitioning and self-acceptance. |
| 21-Present | Living as a gender non-conforming woman, focusing on body neutrality and strength training. |
Top Comments by /u/swan9898:
It sounds like you have really intense internalized misogyny if you associate womanhood with being humiliated. Please look into this further and possibly get some therapy. As Banaaside commented, yes it’s a kink, but that does not make it healthy. If anything it’s a maladaptive coping mechanism.
Pain, complications during surgery or recovery, nerve damage, loss of sensation in your chest and mobility (either temporarily or permanently), loss of money and potential financial instability due to the cost of surgery, needing to take time off from work & life to recover, a feeling of disconnect with your body, regretting an irreversible voluntary surgical procedure, being read as a trans man when you identify as a woman
If you are female and feminine, even if you take T, most of the time you will just look like a trans man. Men will not see you as male and there will always be that difference between you & other men. Realistically, T does not make you taller or change your bone structure. If you’re short or have a feminine face it’s not guaranteed you will pass. Think about this realistically - are you okay with ALL of the effects of testosterone? Acne, back hair, hair loss? I know many FTMS who experienced hair loss as of 1 year on testosterone.
Your lack of connection to other women may also just be internalized misogyny. Think about this more. If you have doubts, WAIT. There is literally no reason to rush into this.
Hi OP, your story sounds quite similar to mine when I was younger. It was incredibly difficult to accept being a masculine, bisexual woman. Could you share more about your concerns with your friends not accepting you as a woman? In my opinion, I would say that if your friends cannot accept you for your true self, they are not the people that you need to surround yourself with. You have to live for yourself and you shouldn’t erase a part of your personality or interest just to fit into the mould of a ‘trans man’ when it is possible to be happy and thrive as a gender non-conforming woman. My piece of advice here is to try to think less about gender identity and focus more on what makes you feel happy. I don’t mean this in a patronizing way but you’re so young, you do not need to have a ‘gender identity’ when you can just be yourself. Wear whatever you want and be interested in whatever you want and you will start to accept yourself as a masculine female. If you are interested in dating women, they will also be attracted to someone who is happy with themselves and fulfilled.
I think it’s really intense internalized misogyny and also exposure to pornography. Porn pushes the narrative that women secretly enjoy rape. FTMs know that they are female (even if they claim to be male) and those who partake in this kink probably believe that because they are female, that rape is something enjoyable.
I think it might also be a way to try to reclaim a fear of being raped (which most females have due to extreme male violence in society) - for example having the mentality of ‘rape is not scary if it’s something that is actually enjoyable'. It’s all very disturbing to me and it seems like weird mental gymnastics to deal with whatever internalized and externalized misogyny they face.
You have to be realistic if you’re going to medically transition. Most transwomen do not ‘pass’ fully unless they have started hormones very early in life or have had extensive surgeries due to the strong secondary sex characteristics that are present in male bone structures. I’m not sure what you would plan to do other than taking hrt, but HRT alone will likely not be enough for you to fulfill your goal of being read as a woman.
Are you male or female? If you're female, you don't need to do anything to 'identify' as a woman. You can just be yourself. You literally do not need to change a single thing about your physical presentation to be a woman, being female is enough. Can you pinpoint why you feel sick from 'identifying' as a woman? To me, it sounds like you are making yourself anxious over something needlessly. I don't mean that to be dismissive of your struggles, but it will get easier with time to accept yourself.
I think a lot of the 'strength loss' is mental. Take a look at this article: https://foreverfitscience.com/strength-training/muscular-potential-men-vs-women/ it basically explains how women are generally weaker than men because they don't train the same way. If they did they could make similar gains. I've gained strength and muscle mass since stopping testosterone 1 year ago. Just eat clean and lots of protein and don't hesitate to lift heavy. Don't freak out and work out constantly, that will stunt your gains and you could injure yourself. Try to run the NSUNS 531 program if you're looking to build up your strength and improve your lifts. Your bench will probably improve quite quickly with that too. PM me if you ever want to talk about gym routines or female bodybuilding.
Kind of an asshole comment to make about your girlfriend. I would be mortified if my partner was talking about me like that online. Also - telling a woman how she can further change herself isn't great if someone is striving for self acceptance as they are.
I also passed as male and felt alienated from both men and women at that point. It felt like there was always a wall up between me and other people because I was so preoccupied with whether or not they would find out I was trans, or how they would treat me if they knew. It creates a hyperawareness of your appearance and self. The feeling of not fitting in with men was obviously because I was not male and didn't experience male socialization. The feeling of not fitting in with women was self-imposed, I wanted to create a barrier between myself and other women to justify my trans identity.