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Reddit user /u/sydney-speaks's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 17 -> Detransitioned: 23
male
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
autogynephilia (agp)
influenced online
got top surgery
now infertile
body dysmorphia
retransition
homosexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the account "sydney-speaks" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.

The user demonstrates:

  • Personal, consistent experience: They share specific, detailed, and medically plausible details about a 4.5-year MtF transition, detransition, FFS, and the physical/emotional effects of HRT, which remain consistent across many months of comments.
  • Complex, nuanced thought: Their views on detransition, the trans community, and gender ideology are complex, self-critical, and evolve slightly over time, showing genuine reflection rather than programmed talking points.
  • Emotional depth: The comments express a range of authentic human emotions—shame, regret, sadness, empathy, and conflict—that align with the stated experiences of harm and stigma.

This account exhibits the passion and conflicted perspective typical of many genuine detransitioners.

About me

I got into far-left politics at 17 and was convinced by online communities that I was trans. I medically transitioned for over four years, but I eventually realized I could never actually be female and that life was incredibly isolating. After a psychotic break shattered my delusions, I saw my transition was an impossible fantasy and decided to stop. I've been detransitioning for six months now, and while I have some permanent changes, my body is recovering its natural functions. I've found peace in just accepting I am male and am now working on building a positive life as a man.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started when I was 17. I got really into far-left politics and communism, and in those online spaces, I was constantly exposed to trans ideology and pro-trans content. It seemed cool and subversive. I found places like the "egg_irl" subreddit and read things like the "Gender Dysphoria Bible." The way they described dysphoria was so vague that I started to convince myself I had always felt it without realizing it. The big question they always asked was, "If you could press a button and become a girl, would you?" And of course, I thought yes. That idea hit me like a spiritual revelation; it felt like the sky had opened up. I became convinced I was trans.

I started medically transitioning the day after I turned 18. I was on injectable estrogen for four and a half years. For a while, having this new identity felt good. It gave me a sense of purpose. But over time, the fantasy started to wear off. I realized I was naturally a pretty masculine person, and I started putting less effort into looking feminine. I began to understand that I could never actually become a woman in the way a female is a woman. The best I could ever be was a trans woman, which is a completely different experience. I had Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), but even that didn't make me feel like I truly passed or belonged.

The reality of life as a trans woman was really hard. Dating was nearly impossible. I'm primarily attracted to women, and my dating pool became incredibly small. Most trans lesbians I knew ended up with other trans women. I also started to realize how much I wanted to have biological children one day, which transitioning had made impossible. I was tired of dealing with transphobia and feeling like a freak. I felt socially isolated.

The big turning point came last fall when I had a severe psychotic break or manic episode. I was wrapped up in all sorts of delusions, including a religious one where I became convinced I would magically be transformed into a cisgender woman. When those delusions finally fell apart, my trans identity fell apart with them. It was like waking up from a dream. I saw that my desire to transition was rooted in a fantasy—a fantasy of being female that was completely impossible to achieve. I realized that what I truly wanted was to be a cis woman, and since I couldn't have that, I needed to learn to live with being male.

I decided to detransition about six months ago. Socially, it was embarrassing and humiliating to tell everyone, but most people, including my family, were actually relieved. Medically, I stopped estrogen cold turkey. I saw a urologist who prescribed me Clomid to help stimulate my body's testosterone production. Within about two months, my T levels were back to a normal male range. My sex drive has returned to about 50-60% of what it was pre-transition, and I'm producing seminal fluid again. Some physical changes are permanent, though. I have significant breast tissue (gynecomastia) that won't go away without surgery, and my face looks more androgynous because of the FFS. I look younger than I am, I'm scrawny, and I sometimes feel like less of a man because of these changes. I plan to get surgery to remove the breast tissue eventually because it causes me a lot of dysmorphia.

Since detransitioning, I've found a lot of peace. I don't really "identify" as a man in a deep, internal way; I just am male, and I let that define my social role. The constant obsession with my appearance and passing has vanished. It's freeing to just live without worrying about being an imposter. I'm in therapy now, trying to understand what I disliked about masculinity in the first place and building a positive male identity. I think some of my initial feelings were related to not having great relationships in high school and a general desire to escape from myself.

Looking back, I see my trans identity as a delusion I fell into. I don't believe there's a such thing as a "gender identity" separate from your sex. I think a lot of people transition for complicated reasons like internalized homophobia, autogynephilia (AGP), or a desire to escape, and I definitely see elements of escapism and AGP in my own story. I don't feel much anger towards the trans community; I just feel sadness for them and for myself. I think the ideology is misguided, not malicious. But I do regret transitioning. It made my life harder and left me with permanent changes I have to live with. I wish I had tried to work through my issues and learned to live as a man first. If I could go back, I would never have googled "how do I know if I'm trans."

Age Event
17 Exposed to trans ideology online, began to believe I was trans.
18 Started injectable estrogen (HRT) the day after my birthday.
18-22 Lived as a trans woman for 4.5 years.
~22 Underwent Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS).
23 Had a psychotic break; delusions collapsed, leading to the end of my trans identity.
23 Stopped estrogen and began medical detransition. Started Clomid to restore testosterone.
23 (Present) Six months into social and medical detransition, living as a male.

Top Comments by /u/sydney-speaks:

53 comments • Posting since February 26, 2025
Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains how logistical delays saved him from bottom surgery, which he now views as potential mutilation, citing high complication rates, unnatural results, and the difficulty in defining surgical success.
52 pointsJun 8, 2025
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I admit some of the results over there are horrifying. I had a deposit down on bottom surgery with Bowers in 2023. I kept pushing it back due to logistical issues / poor planning / nervousness. I now recognize this as my subconscious saving me from mutilating myself and I'm grateful for it.

I've occasionally seen a neovagina that looks okay, but 90% of them do not look natural and there's a decent shot you'll be horrifically botched. It disturbs me how close I was to rolling those dice. I know I would have deeply regretted surgery had I gone through with it. I saw someone posting recently about how it's difficult to sue for malpractice on gender affirmation surgery because the line between "success" and mutilation isn't clear.

I honestly think the phalloplasties are worse though. The complication rate is insanely high from what I've seen, and even the best results look a little wonky and don't function at all like natal male genitals. Not to mention the gnarly scars on the wrist, abdomen, or thigh.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains how a psychotic break led him to view his trans identity as a delusion, questioning if a "trutrans" person can be distinguished from someone experiencing a similar delusion.
48 pointsJun 24, 2025
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I feel very similarly about my trans identity.

For me, I had a specific week-long period where I "realized" I was trans. I just got hit with this huge wave of emotions at the idea. It was so intense it felt like the sky had opened up. It felt almost spiritual. That's when the initial belief formed.

Last Fall, I had a psychotic break / manic episode and fell into religious psychosis. For two months I was mired in a wild array of delusions. When those delusions broke apart, my trans identity followed. In retrospect, this psychotic break was the closest feeling I've had to that initial pseudo-spiritual experience that led me to identify as trans. I can only conclude that my trans identity was a delusion, and when I took on a larger array of delusions and eventually overcame them, I fell out of that initial delusion too.

I don't think I can say that every trans identity is a delusion. I don't have access to the interior experiences of trans-identified people. But here's the issue: in practice, what's the difference between someone who has deluded themselves into thinking they're trans, and someone who is "actually" trans? Is there a way to distinguish the two? Or is "trutrans" just when the delusion is rooted so deeply that it won't ever go away?

At the very least, I believe a significant proportion of trans-identified people are living in a delusion like I was. This is speculation, but I can't believe I'm the only person to have this experience.

Ultimately, I don't think we can know whether "trutrans" exists and I don't think it matters. The real question is whether transition is beneficial to some people and how far society is willing to change to accommodate those who do transition.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains why detransitioners intimidate Trans Rights Activists by challenging self-ID, creating doubt, and exposing flaws in gender ideology from an insider's perspective.
42 pointsMay 29, 2025
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TRAs feel intimidated by detrans experiences because they poke obvious holes in gender identity ideology. Our existence also causes doubt in the minds of trans-identifying people, which is something they're terrified of. Being wrong about being trans is not an easy thing to confront.

Our existence demonstrates that self-ID is not sufficient to determine someone's gender. I identified as a trans woman for five years, but in my eyes I was never *actually* a trans woman. This means there's a subset of trans-identified people who aren't "actually" trans, which cuts against the narrative that all trans people are the gender they say they are.

Also, detransitioners tend to have a much better understanding of the arguments TRAs make than your average "anti-trans" person because we were involved in the community. So we can air out the dirty laundry the trans community doesn't like to talk about.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains his past belief that medical transition made a person intersex, and why he now believes HRT and surgery do not change biological sex.
28 pointsMay 13, 2025
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I began medically transitioning the day after I turned 18, and connected with the trans community in college. I'm 23 now and detransitioned about six months ago. In my time I knew some people who thought that transitioning (especially vaginoplasty or phalloplasty) did change your sex.

But what I believed when I was trans-identifying (and what a lot of my friends did) was that medically transitioning made you intersex. Not as in a difference in sexual development, but in that you had a mix of male and female secondary sexual characteristics. But I thought of myself as closer to female, so like "basically female". So certainly on some level I thought of myself as a member of the opposite sex.

In reality, HRT or surgery makes you ... a person of your biological sex having undergone HRT or surgery. It doesn't fundamentally change your sex. But this is a hard pill that a lot of trans people can't swallow. I couldn't, and I remember resenting trans women I saw online who would admit they were biologically male.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains the harsh realities of transitioning, advising that one can never be a cis woman and will become obsessed with passing to avoid poor treatment. They discuss the extreme difficulties of dating as a trans woman and, based on their own 4.5-year experience with HRT and subsequent detransition, strongly recommend trying to work through dysphoria without medical intervention first.
27 pointsMar 2, 2025
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Your parents make some good points. You can't ever become a cis woman or share fully in that experience. You can only ever (at best) closely approximate cis womanhood, if you're lucky.

If you transition you will definitely become obsessed with passing. The reason? You will get treated terribly if you don't pass. This is a fact every trans woman runs into.

With that said, transitioning does not mean you'll never be happy. You can never be a cis woman. But you can find a partner / social group / workplace that affirms your gender and makes you feel like a woman, and live a happy life. I don't honestly think this happens for most trans women though. It didn't for me.

In my opinion dating is the worst part of being trans. If you're into guys most of the men will be chasers only interested in hookups. If you're into women your dating pool will be really small (lesbians are already a minority, and lesbians willing to date trans women are a minority of that minority). Most trans lesbians end up dating other trans women.

Having transitioned, been on HRT for 4.5 years, and now detransitioning I would strongly encourage you to see if you can work through your dysphoria without transitioning. Only if you absolutely can't work through it would I recommend transitioning, and even then I would try really hard to keep your expectations realistic about how much your body will change / how good the results of surgeries are.

Good luck friend.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains why transitioning is based on an impossible fantasy, arguing you cannot change your biological sex and will become a lifelong medical patient with significant social and personal costs.
27 pointsJun 12, 2025
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I would bet anything you have a fantasy in your head — that you can actually change your sex and become a woman. I assure you, it is just a fantasy. You definitely can’t change your sex, even if you have your penis inverted to form a hole. You might be able to occupy the social role of a woman, if you are sufficiently naturally feminine, have good genetics, live in a liberal place, have the resources to access surgeries, hormones, etc. But you can never become a woman in the way that females are women. I deluded myself into thinking I would be satisfied as being “transfeminine”, but I discovered that the core of my dysphoria was an impossible fantasy.

Even the most well-integrated, stealth trans women are only simulacrums of actual women. And given how long you’ve lived as a male, you probably aren’t terribly naturally feminine so becoming one of those well-integrated trans women is likely impossible.

Not to mention: you become a lifelong medical patient, you can’t have children, dating is much harder, employment is much harder, you’re locked out of all social circles that aren’t liberal, it destroyed relationships with family, etc. I think it’s insane to do it unless you truly feel you have persistent dysphoria that can’t be cured any other way (I deluded myself into thinking this was the case for me, though it was not).

Look: if you want to transition because you think that will make you a woman, you have been fed a lie. Taking estrogen and getting surgeries will never make you female and by extension will never make you a woman. The best way to insulate yourself from the desire to transition is to acknowledge this reality.

I hope this is helpful. I usually try and offer more even-keeled and neutral advice, but you did ask to be convinced out of transitioning.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains his personal reasons for detransitioning, including a psychotic episode, the impossibility of becoming a cis woman, dating difficulties, a desire for biological children, transphobia, and social isolation.
27 pointsMay 13, 2025
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Everybody detransitions for different reasons and in different circumstances. Personally, my detransition was spurred on by a manic/psychotic episode, where my trans identity got wrapped up in a bunch of delusions I was having (I was convinced I would magically be transformed into a cis woman).

When those delusions finally fell apart, my trans identity and my faith in my transition also fell apart. I realized that what I truly wanted was to be a cis woman, and that this was impossible. I realized I would never be satisfied as a trans woman, and so decided to re-take my lot as a cis man.

Besides the shift in my internal identity and self-conception, there were a bunch of external reasons I decided to detransition. I'll list them below.

  1. Dating as a trans woman was nigh-impossible

  2. I realized I strongly wanted biological kids

  3. I was tired of transphobia and everyone seeing me as a freak

  4. I was becoming more androgynous with time, not putting as much effort into looking feminine. Basically, I was backsliding and looking more masculine. This felt like an indication that I wasn't actually trans, or at least that my trans identity was a delusion that was falling apart.

  5. I stopped caring as much about how people perceived my gender. And at that point, wouldn't it just be easier to live as a cis man? And certainly, it is.

  6. I found myself profoundly socially isolated except for family, and so it was very easily socially to detransition. My family was relieved.

I could probably list more reasons, but this covers much of it. I hope this is helpful. Good luck.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains why they don't recommend transitioning unless it's a last resort, sharing that their own dysphoria evaporated after they detransitioned.
24 pointsMay 10, 2025
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Being trans doesn't ruin your life, but it does make it a lot harder. I really wouldn't recommend doing it unless you absolutely cannot deal with dysphoria in any other way.

Just because you want to be a girl doesn't mean you should transition. You have to want to be a *trans* woman, which is an entirely different experience from cis women.

And even then, what if you stop wanting to be a girl so bad? This is basically what happened to me. I realized I didn't want to be a trans woman anymore, and once I started detransitioning my "dysphoria" evaporated.

Transitioning will not cure your underlying mental health issues. The only thing it might do is alleviate dysphoria.

I'd recommend giving it some time and not jumping into things. I wish I'd given myself a chance to live as an adult man before I transitioned. Good luck.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains why they believe trans people should not be considered intersex, arguing that medical transition creates a unique state but is more accurately described as an altered biological sex rather than a true intersex condition.
22 pointsMay 13, 2025
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The standard definition of an intersex person is someone born with a mix of male and female biological traits. This definition excludes trans people.

If you redefine "intersex" to include those who develop a mix of male and female biological traits after birth, then yes trans people would be included in this category. But I think there are problems with this definition.

By this definition myself a year ago would be intersex. So I should still be intersex now, since the only difference is that my endocrine system is testosterone dominant. But now I'm basically a guy with gynecomastia -- so does this mean that all men with gynecomastia are intersex?

Certainly, hormones and surgery make you different from other people of your biological sex. But imo it's more accurate to describe trans people as their biological sex with the addition of hormones and surgery than it is to describe them as intersex.

Reddit user sydney-speaks (detrans male) explains that penis length should return within 6-12 months after stopping HRT, based on anecdotes from other MtFtM detransitioners.
22 pointsMar 7, 2025
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There is no research on detrans stuff like this, but based on anecdotes on reddit (I've read through most MtFtM stuff) you should get length back within 6 - 12 months of stopping HRT. Your not being on E long improves your chances a lot. I hope this helps.