This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user presents a consistent, multi-decade personal history with gender dysphoria and autism, offering detailed, nuanced advice and book recommendations that align with their stated experiences. The tone is passionate and opinionated, which is expected given the sensitive nature of the topic. The narrative is coherent and does not exhibit the repetitive, scripted patterns of a bot.
About me
I'm a 60-year-old man, and my gender confusion started as a private, intense phase in my late teens. I now see it was linked to my autism and a sexual fascination with being a woman, not a true female identity. Getting into a relationship in my early twenties grounded me, and the confusion faded as I built a life and understood myself better. I never pursued any medical transition, and I'm deeply relieved I didn't make permanent changes I would have regretted. Now, I'm comfortable as a bi-curious man, seeing that phase as something I simply outgrew.
My detransition story
Looking back on my life, especially the confusion I felt about gender when I was younger, I feel a real sense of relief. I’m a 60-year-old man, and I have autism and OCPD, which I think played a big part in my experiences. About forty years ago, when I was in my late teens and early twenties, I went through an intense phase that I now understand was related to autogynephilia (AGP). I was fascinated by the idea of being a woman, sexually. I spent a lot of time in my own head, imagining what it would be like.
I never told anyone about these feelings. There was no internet back then, and the whole idea of being transgender wasn't really talked about. I'm so thankful for that now. I'm convinced that if I had had access to the online communities and information available today, I probably would have made some permanent decisions that I would deeply regret. I made plenty of mistakes in my youth, but thankfully, none of them altered my body in a way I couldn't come back from.
What really helped me get through that confusing time was getting into a long-term relationship with a woman in my early twenties. That connection grounded me. My feelings of being different, which I now know were largely due to being autistic, started to make more sense. It wasn't that I was meant to be a woman; it was that my brain just worked differently from other people's. I’ve always been bi-curious, and now I’m comfortable just seeing myself that way. The gender confusion faded away on its own as I built a life.
I never pursued any medical transition. No hormones, no surgeries. My journey was entirely in my mind. I never had to detransition because I never medically transitioned in the first place. The phase passed, and I’m glad it did. If I had to give advice to my younger self, or to anyone feeling unsure now, it would be to stop being so hard on yourself. Focus on building a life—develop your hobbies, work on your relationships, and learn how to talk to people. Reading Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was a huge help to me later in life for building confidence.
I don't regret the phase itself; it was just a part of my life. But I do regret that young people today are in an environment that might push them to make irreversible changes before they've had a chance to figure things out. I saw a video about a man who took puberty blockers for a long time and now, as an adult, has to live with being sterile and never being able to experience an orgasm. That’s a huge consequence for something you’re not sure about. My own experience makes me feel like I dodged a bullet.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my memories:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Late teens to early 20s (around 18-22) | Experienced a private, intense phase of gender confusion and autogynephilia (AGP). Never socially or medically transitioned. |
| Early 20s (around 22) | Entered a long-term relationship with a woman. My gender confusion began to fade as I felt more connected and understood my autism better. |
| 40s (around 40) | Was diagnosed with OCPD after seeking help for a crisis of confidence. |
| Late 50s (around 58) | Learned I am also on the autism spectrum. |
| Now (60) | Identify as a bi-curious male. I see my past gender confusion as a phase I passed through without medical intervention. I have no regrets about not transitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/taiwanjohn:
This comment is full of great advice. I came here to the comments to say something similar, but *xnyvbb* has already said it better. So I'll just add that this particular line from the OP is what caught my eye: _"My 'single' dad is arguably misogynistic and I do not have a mother anymore."_
My first thought was: _"And you *wonder* why you don't want to be a woman?!"_
I couldn't agree more with *xnyvbb,* just do whatever makes you feel comfortable for now in terms of gender expression, and focus more on building up your "exteded" self... which includes your relationships and your hobbies and interests. The gender aspect will either resurface or fade away eventually.
"Reversible" doesn't last forever.
I saw a video about a year ago of a man named Seth (desisted MTF) in his late 20s who looked and sounded just like a woman of the same age. He had taken the blockers for so long that he missed the "developmental window" where those changes could occur. So, even though he had desisted several years before making the video, he had never developed those male characteristics.
He is nearly 30 years old now, but his "junk" is prepubescent boy-sized. He is sterile for life. And he will never experience an orgasm.
That's a helluva lot to risk on something you're "not 100% sure" about. Just sayin'...
My understanding from the description is that the "deceiver" is a trans woman (ie: biological male presenting as female). Apparently she does a pretty good job 'passing' as female, given the number of guys she induced to make out with her.
Personally, I don't have a problem with this, as far as it goes in public, but talk about risky behaviors... DAMN, that's a doozie!! A lot of people are not always playing with a full deck, especially when they're out drinking. On top of that, there's a LOT of dudes out there who are wound-up pretty tightly when it comes to any hint of homo-eroticism; so tightly that if anything triggers a release of that tension it's going to cause a ruckus, and shit could get ugly with alarming speed.
Anti-trans violence is abhorrent, but it should be taken seriously as a hazard. And deceiving people into any form of physical, intimate contact is highly dubious and morally questionable.
Many years ago, I watched a Google talk about women's attraction to vampires and men's attraction to ladyboys. I wasn't able to find it when I searched, but I did come up with this TED-like talk which covers the same topic. (17min)
"Neuroscientists explain why straight men like shemales and why women like Edward Cullen"
I'm a (somewhat/occasionally) dysphoric 60 year old male with autism and OCPD, and I am SO VERY thankful that I went through my intense, multi-year phase of AGP about forty years ago, long before this current "trans fad" became a thing. I'm convinced that, if the Internet had existed in its current form back then, I would almost certainly have made some decisions that I would regret today.
To be fair, I made a LOT of decisions back then that I regret today, though hardly any of them were permanent in the way that so-called "gender-affirming" care might be now.
To be honest, I think the thing that finally resolved my gender confusion was getting into a long-term relationship with a girl in my early 20s. (Btw, I've always been somewhat bi-curious, so it's possible I might have swung the other way, at least temporarily.)
If you want the "advice" of an older dude, here's few words...
First, and most importantly, stop being so hard on yourself. (I got this advice myself about 20 years ago, and it made a difference for me. I hope it can help you too.)
Second, and I know this is going to sound cheesy AF, but hear me out... go to a library or bookstore and get a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
Reading this book will show you a path toward learning how to make "small talk" with total strangers. This is a *life skill* that will help you build confidence as you move through the world and continue to discover yourself. I wish I had read it at your age, instead of two decades later, but even so, it has made a big difference in my life.
Finally, it's okay to not be sure about everything. You're eighteen. You've got plenty of time to figure stuff out. Relax and enjoy your life... ;-)
> autism that causes this longing to be different from everyone else
As someone on "the spectrum" myself, I would describe it differently. It's not a 'longing' to be different, quite the contrary. It's an inescapable feeling that you're somehow "different" from everybody else, that you don't "fit in" with the way society works. While on the one hand this can be a good feeling -- I'm special, talented, etc.. -- it can also be a curse -- what's wrong with me? why don't I fit in like other people? -- and it's that feeling that can make you wonder if you might be trans.
Especially if you also experience associated thoughts/feelings such as AGP... that can lead to the conclusion that, "I must be trans... that's why I feel so different, like I don't fit in."
Luckily for me, I went through all this about 40 years ago, long before the current "trans trend" was even imaginable. Looking back, I shudder to think what sort of damage I might have done to myself.
Am I happy in my daily life? Yeah, pretty much. Do I regret some of my decisions? Absolutely. I regret a lot of things over the years, but not a single one of them has anything to do with the "gender uncertainty" I experienced back then. It's just a "phase" I went through, privately, having never mentioned it to another person.
There was no internet back then, and the whole concept of "transexual" was still pretty new. I was just infatuated with the idea of imagining what sex would be like from the woman's point of view, and "explored" that idea a bit (or maybe a lot) in my private time. But when I look at the "narrative" around these issues in recent years, I'm convinced that I might very well have made some decisions that I would later regret, if I had been going through that phase in the current environment.
Nowadays I just think of myself as bi-curious.
I reckon you know the old saying, "Hurt people hurt people," and you're very concerned about NOT continuing that cycle. Although my "issues" are different from yours (ie: I was un-diagnosed autistic), I also had a crisis of confidence that played out over several years. This was about 20 years ago, btw.
I wrote an email to the father of a high-school pal, who happened to be the director of the County Mental Hospital, and asked him for some guidance. He connected me with a colleague, who he described as being a good diagnostician, and I sent that guy a long essay about my issues. The first line of his initial reply to me was, "Stop being so hard on yourself."
I think that would be good advice for most of us.
By the time I got to this point, I had already spent a couple of years reading books about psychology, brain physiology, gender characteristics, ADD/HD, etc., and I discussed my thoughts on all these things in that essay. But Dr. H pointed me toward OCPD, which turned out to be an accurate diagnosis. However it wasn't the whole story; I didn't find out until just a couple of years ago that I was also on the ASD spectrum.
Anyway, long story short, he suggested some ideas for reading/listening that were helpful to me, so I'm going to pass along some of them to you.
On spirituality: (I'm an atheist-leaning agnostic, but these "spoke" to me)
"The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle -- I listened to a multi-CD audio version that was a live recording of a weekend seminar, but there's also a book version.
"Kosmic Consciousness" by Ken Wilber -- Again, I listened to a multi-CD audio version, but there's also a book version.
On gender:
"The Essential Difference" by Simon Baron-Cohen -- I'm one of the few who were already a fan of Simon before I ever heard about his more-famous brother Sasha. ;-)
"Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" by John Gray.
"The Mating Mind" by Geoffrey Miller.
"The Evolution of Desire" by David Buss.
On interpersonal communication:
- "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
Seriously, if you have any hesitation or uncertainty about engaging in "small talk" with strangers, then you really ought to check out this classic book which has helped millions of people to come out of their shell, including me. Trust me, there is no better boost to your confidence than being able to "make conversation" with anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Finally, on Dating:
"How to Succeed With Women" by Louis and Copeland.
"The Game" by Neil Strauss.
"The Truth" by Neil Strauss.
From your description, I guess it's fair to say that your dad was not the greatest "role model" for how to interact with the world, especially women. So perhaps some of the titles listed above will help you to feel more confident in that area. And, if nothing else, it might do you some good to spend a few months or years reading more books and spending less time online. ;-)
Anyway, best wishes to you on your journey.