This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user's story is highly detailed, deeply personal, and remains consistent over a four-year period. The narrative of detransitioning due to trauma, internalized misogyny, and a desire to escape the male gaze is coherent and aligns with known desister experiences. The user also demonstrates nuanced understanding and empathy, offering support to others, which is common within the community. The account shows normal human variation in interests, including discussing psychology studies and personal hobbies like wigs, further supporting its authenticity.
About me
I was a deeply traumatized girl who started presenting as male online and in person at 13 to escape my pain. I thought my discomfort with being female was gender dysphoria, but it was really a reaction to my assault and a way to seek male privilege and safety. A moment in school, when I was mistakenly given a testicular exam sheet, made me realize I didn't truly see myself as male. Through therapy, I understood I was trying to escape the scared girl I was, and that I didn't need to change my body to heal. Now I'm comfortable as Lauren, a masculine woman, and I see my journey as a necessary, though difficult, lesson in self-acceptance.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was complicated and rooted in a lot of pain. I was born female, and my feelings of being male weren't true gender dysphoria; they were a reaction to severe trauma.
It started when I was around 13, in 2013 or 2014. My life was really hard back then. My father was arrested for horrible things, and I was forced to come out as bisexual in middle school, which led to a lot of bullying. I was also sexually assaulted. My mom was a drug addict and wouldn't get me therapy, and my stepdad was abusive. The internet became my only support system.
I’ve always felt weird about my body and was uncomfortable with puberty. I was a tomboy, hung out with guys, and was attracted to both girls and guys, which made me feel insecure and like I didn't fit in. Because I liked girls and masculine things, and I wanted to escape the male gaze and the fear that came with being seen as a woman after my assault, I figured I must be supposed to be a guy. I didn't know that a woman could just enjoy topping in bed with a strap-on; I thought my feelings meant I was a man.
I had a naturally androgynous face and a deep voice for a girl, so it was easy for me to pass as male. I cut my hair short, wore baggy clothes, and started binding my chest. I never officially "came out"; I just started letting people assume I was a guy and didn't correct them. Online, I was always mistaken for a guy anyway.
A major turning point was in 8th-grade sex ed. They handed me a testicular exam paper instead of a breast exam sheet. Instead of feeling validated that I passed as male, I was just upset they gave me the wrong paper. I had to argue with them about it. That was a big clue that something wasn't right.
With pressure from my grandmother and after years of therapy, I slowly started to embrace feminine things again. There was no single moment of change. I just gradually realized that my problems came from trauma and a desperate need to disassociate from the person I was—a scared, hurt girl named Lauren who had been through too much. I had created a new identity, "Ren" (a shortened version of my name), to hide my shame and anger. I realized I wouldn't get better by mutilating my body with surgeries; I needed to nurture that inner girl I had tried to forget.
I now understand that my desire to transition was a form of escapism. I was deeply depressed, had low self-esteem, and suffered from anxiety. I also developed an eating disorder, and I think a lot of my body hatred was misdiagnosed in my own mind as gender dysphoria when it was really linked to the trauma and my eating disorder. I wanted male privilege—the ability to just be one of the guys, to have friendships without the expectation of sex, and to be heard and respected without being seen as a sexual object.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I only transitioned socially, so I consider myself a desister. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy, specifically CBT, which helped me deal with my trauma, eating disorder, and the remaining feelings of dysphoria. Getting away from online trans communities was also crucial for me. They felt like hugboxes that censored any doubt, and I couldn't make a truly informed decision while inside that bubble.
I don't regret exploring my identity. I think it's something best done when you're young, like in high school, where there are fewer permanent consequences. It was a hard but important lesson that taught me a lot about myself. I still go by "Ren" with friends because it's a part of my history, but professionally I'm Lauren. I still look like a masculine woman, and that's okay. I know now that I'm just a gender-nonconforming woman, and that's perfectly fine.
I sometimes still feel male, but I've learned that's apparently common for cis people. My issues were never about gender; they were about trauma, internalized homophobia, and a desperate need to survive a horrible situation.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 13 | 2013/2014 | Social transition began. Started binding, wearing masculine clothing, and passing as male. |
| 14 | 2014/2015 | Incident with testicular exam paper in sex ed class. |
| 14-16 | 2014-2016 | Underwent therapy and began the process of detransition. Slowly stopped correcting people who used male pronouns. |
| 16 | 2016 | Considered my detransition complete. Started growing hair out and experimenting with feminine fashion again. |
| 19 | 2018 | Felt fully comfortable identifying as a woman again, while acknowledging my masculine traits. |
Top Comments by /u/tanoren:
I socially transitioned for similar reasons plus not wanting men to look at me sexually.
I think quite a bit of now-detrans people transition for similar reasons honestly. Womanhood really sucks at times. It's not that I'm not a woman, although I used to have gender dysphoria stemming from this, it's that women's experiences in society as a whole are often just shitty and I saw men as having an easier time of it.
I'm so, so sorry to hear about what you're going through. But please hang in there and know that this isn't "the end" for you. I know you may be wondering what the hell you're going to do after this, like a door is closing on you. I know it's not the same but many people are losing their jobs right now. Maybe, just maybe this is a door opening to something that you might be happier or more fulfilled with. You never know the opportunities you will come across.. Please focus on you getting better and start dealing with the stuff that led to the addiction in the first place. You'll get to a better place, just keep at it. All the best.
Part of why I decided to detransition was the trans community as a whole. I didn't like where it was going and between the hugboxes and safe spaces justifying censorship of any differing opinions, I couldnt believe I was making a truly informed decision and trust that the people who were spewing the same phrases had my best interest in mind.
If it helps, I've gotten CBT and other therapies. It's hard to believe but my sex dysphoria is mostly gone. I still get bottom dysphoria but I'm more comfortable for the most part.
The best thing I did for myself in this area was dropping labels for awhile and getting the hell away from the community. They can be self-limiting. Eventually I figured, well, I'll never be a man. Not truly. Surgery is just that, it doesn't make me a dude. Might as well start trying to love the person I am. I realized I could be just me, I don't need to conform to gender stereotypes or anything to be who I am. But in order to do this I had to stop listening to the ever-repeated propaganda-like chants by getting away from it.
I still look like a rather masculine woman, but I'm ok with being a woman. Maybe you'll never be ok with your bio sex. But I really hope you can find some sort of solution. Dysphoria sucks and I'm so sorry. CBT isn't even a guarantee but it does help. I'm not talking conversion therapy, I'm talking the type that's similar (not the same as) to body dismorphia patients (but I also have an eating disorder so it helped with that too)
Most cis women don't "feel like a girl" so to speak though. They don't think about it mostly really. And really it sucks to be a woman in most societies. It sucks to be a man too. Neither gender is ever really happy with themselves, nobody feels like they truly fully live up to the expectations of their gender roles. Everyone varies on their adherence to their gender role expectation to some degree, that is totally natural because gender roles are socially imposed and actual people are messy. They used to call these people tomboys and the f slur though. So we try to fit ourselves into neat boxes to adhere as best we can to some category but the grass isn't greener and people don't fit into neat little boxes.
My point is that you seem to be unable to define what "girl" is past "someone who feels comfortable with that label" but the problem is that most women, cis and trans don't feel comfortable living day to day as women in a society that objectifies us and abuses us in many ways. Especially when you're still young and growing and changes are happening and might be getting more attention from that. So you can kind of see how this definition might pose as a problem.
Personally most of the afab people I have met feel like they're not like the other girls in some way. Like they don't get along with other women or like they don't feel like they fulfill femininity. This is normal. I have found many women who feel like they never fit in as a woman or even person in society are on the autism spectrum; it's a pretty common correllation by now.
You said in another comment that you're too young for hormones. That means you are probably too young to know yourself fully yet because you're still developing as a person. It's okay to not know exactly who you are at this point. You don't have enough consistent data yet. That's okay. It's okay to let time pass and with that learn over time and develop yourself through the decisions you make and actions you take to different situations that arise.
When agp was being discussed in honesttransgender (also fuck that sub) I mentioned this disparity in talking about it.
Some self proclaimed AGP person was saying how AAP simply just can't exist since the original dude who proposed AGP said it doesn't exist. Except for the fact that human sexuality studies and just general science (esp medical and psychological) has the tendency to leave out women. Especially in the time period AGP was proposed.
Just because something has not been sufficiently studied does not mean it does not exist. Gay and trans people existed way before they were acknowledged in medical science and psychology. Being homosexual used to be considered a disorder and paraphilia, so... tl;dr humanity determines our range of experiences; what is currently known to us shouldn't limit further development on our knowledge of the range of the human condition.
Rant end sorry lol I don't have anything to back it up atm since I lost all of my research database access since graduating uni (google scholar is still an option I know) but I just don't think there is some huge inherent difference in men and women that makes it possible for men to have AGP, but impossible for women to have AAP. This person also claimed women couldn't have porn addiction like men so just gotta take it with a grain of salt. That person's attitude just stuck with me. Then there's the asshats who disregard it altogether thinking it's harmful for trans folk so it just doesn't exist (similar to how many trans people disregard us).
Who is her? Op I’m sorry but you aren’t being clear, you should proofread what you write to make sure all of your thoughts are translated to what you say. Only you have the mental context. Are you detrans or? And why would they call you transphobic if you are or were trans? I’m a little lost
Even when identifying, I couldn't get behind it. Assigned gender, sure, I guess? But I don't even subscribe to gender theory anymore and doctors don't give a shit what "gender" that kid might one day identify as, especially considering 99.9% are normal and don't have gender disorders.
Assigned sex only applies to intersex people and it needs to stay that way. We were "assigned" our sex by our chromosomes when we were developing in the womb, the doctors only observed this. I always thought it silly people say "assigned". Like, who do you think doctors are? They aren't gender theorists, that's for damn sure. I find it silly people get all up in arms about assigned sex. I think they themselves confuse their own concepts of sex vs gender.
Thankfully, most people don't buy into the "AssIgNeD ___ aT bIrtH" bullshit, because it's a biological fact, not an opinion. It's comforting to know that 99% don't know about or even give a shit about the terminology the trans movement created.
Our stories are very similar, though I'm 19 now and transitioned from 12-14. Peaked when they wouldn't give me a breast exam paper in sex Ed thinking I was just a silly teenage boy fucking around.
It started when I had been sexually abused and wanted to stay out of the eyes of my parent's friends that would comment on how they wanted to do things to me as a kid. I met a friend who would, very much later, turn out to be my boyfriend (we are separated now). It looked like the perfect way to not feel the male gaze.
As far as your comments on nonbinary people- I think nonbinary people take gender and equate it to how masculine or feminine they present/what their interests are. So if they're a bio woman who is more masculine, they think they can't be a woman- they must be nonbinary, since they don't do the things "normal" women do. It's the same for feminine men. It's honestly really sad and reeks of internalized sexism. Men don't have to be masculine and women don't have to be feminine.
As far as "gendered brain"-- it would be a sexed brain, since gender is apparently social, and if you're right about the sex or the brain being determined in the womb, it couldn't be gender. But I'm pretty sure the sexed brain thing has been disproven though I could be wrong.
Hey, fellow butch WLW mistaken for trans! I was in your boat, just without the doctors and as a teenager. Turns out I'm just a bit of a masculine woman. I slowly and quietly just changed things although I still go by my neutral name (half if my real name so it's easy enough).
I have a friend who thought she was trans for awhile too. She came out on FB and changed her name and everything. Then she, quietly, changed everything back to how she identified before coming out.
Im sure there's stuff I'm not seeing but everyone seemed to be supportive of her before and after. Sometimes people try out identities, or think one fits only to find it doesn't. Sometimes you really do feel some way but that changes too. And that's all okay. It's your life. The only one you'd be hurting is yourself by doing something you're not comfortable with. Sometimes people put a label on you that they have no right or education to and you feel pressured by it. That isn't ok, though I'm sure they meant well. But you don't fit the mold and that's fine.
All anyone that loves you really wants is for you to be ok and to be happy and healthy. That's why your friends and doctors are being supportive, in part for it being their job but also because they want to see you thrive. A bit disappointing your doctor couldn't see the differences, however, we are luckily the ultimate deciders of our bodies and what we do with them.
Just be honest and explain how you feel from above. But you honestly don't even need to JADE (in this case only justify, defend and explain). It helps them understand how you feel but you ultimately dont have to. You can just state how you feel and leave it at that too.
As for your doctors, they should be understanding. I know it feels bad. I know they took the time to write the note. But that's ok. You're not obligated to be a man because of support.
You don't have to put a neat little label on yourself while you aren't sure where you fit yet was my point.
You could use gender nonconforming. Or nonbinary. Or just questioning. Or just nothing at all and see how that makes you feel over time. Also did an edit right after you responded just fyi