This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The user's posts display a highly detailed, nuanced, and internally consistent personal history spanning decades. The narrative includes complex, contradictory emotions (e.g., ambivalence, regret, loneliness), specific medical and psychological details (AGP, BPD, hormone levels), and a clear evolution of their perspective over time. The language is personal, reflective, and lacks the repetitive, agenda-driven phrasing typical of inauthentic accounts. The user's passion and occasional anger are consistent with the genuine experiences of detransitioners.
About me
I was born male and my desire to be a girl started when I was very young, which led me to transition and live as a woman for 18 years. Learning that my feelings were tied to autogynephilia was the turning point that made me realize I needed to detransition. My biggest regret is the permanent loss of my fertility, which haunts me now as a lonely, middle-aged man. I see now that my transition was a form of escapism from deep-seated mental health issues like depression and borderline personality disorder. I'm now trying to forgive myself and grieve the life I lost, understanding that I was running from who I really am.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition has been long and complicated. I was born male and I first started cross-dressing when I was about six years old. By the time I was ten or eleven, I had developed a deep longing to be a girl. This feeling would come and go over the years, but it was always there in the background.
I started to seriously consider transitioning in my early twenties. I met someone who was also transitioning and we became close friends very quickly. That friendship pushed me over the edge, and less than a month later, at age 24, I began living full-time as a woman. I was 110% sure it was the right thing for me. I didn't think about the future or having a family; I was completely focused on becoming a woman.
I started hormones and had SRS (vaginoplasty) by the time I was 26. I lived as a woman for 18 years. For at least the first ten of those years, I was completely convinced I was a woman. It was a deep-down feeling that I can't really explain, even now. But over time, it started to feel less like me and more like a prison. I was acting out what I thought an average woman should be, but it wasn't authentic.
What ultimately led me to detransition was learning about autogynephilia (AGP). Understanding that my desire to be a woman was tied to a sexual orientation was a huge turning point. It helped me realise why transition was probably not a good idea for me. The very next day after I realised I was too tired to keep up the social pretense of being a woman, I decided to stop. I was 43 years old.
My family and friends were almost universally supportive of both my transition and my detransition. My eldest sister even said she could see the detransition coming. I lost one friend initially, but we reconnected later and are close now.
I have a lot of regrets, but my biggest one is losing my fertility. I never wanted kids when I was young, but now, as a lonely middle-aged man, it’s my greatest regret and something I fear will haunt me for the rest of my life. The permanent changes from my transition are a constant reminder. I had SRS, so I can't reverse that. The hormones gave me breast tissue and changed my fat distribution. I didn't complete electrolysis, so I can grow a bit of a beard now, which helps. I use a packer and a compression vest to feel more confident in my appearance as a man.
I’ve struggled with mental health issues my whole life. I’ve had anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. A psychiatrist once mentioned I had some OCD traits, like counting in my head or making clicks in my throat a specific number of times, but I was never formally diagnosed. Recently, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and I suspect there's a big overlap between personality disorders and people who transition. I ended up in a psych ward earlier this year because I was so depressed and suicidal.
I now see that a lot of my desire to transition came from a place of self-hate and escapism, mixed with AGP. The desire to be a woman still comes back, but I notice it mostly happens during times of intense loneliness. It feels like a way to cope. The internet played a big role in my journey, both in finding information to transition and later in understanding AGP.
I don't really feel like I belong in the LGBT community anymore; it feels too political now. I relate more to cis people. I think the current medical system is broken because it’s based on affirmation instead of thorough psychological evaluation. The old "Real Life Test" – where you had to live as your desired gender for two years before getting medical treatment – was a better way to weed out people who weren't sure.
My thoughts on gender are that men and women are defined by their biological sex characteristics. I don't think there's an easy answer for why some people regret transitioning and others don't. Regret comes from a change in your understanding of yourself, when you realise your life is incongruent with who you really are.
If I could go back, I would tell my 24-year-old self about AGP and teach him how to sit with his feelings instead of acting on them. But I know my younger self would have ignored me. I am trying to practice mindfulness and self-forgiveness now. It’s a long grieving process for the life I lost.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 6 | Started cross-dressing. |
| 10-11 | Developed a deep longing to be a girl. |
| 24 | Met a friend who was transitioning and began living full-time as a woman less than a month later. Started hormones. |
| 26 | Had SRS (vaginoplasty). |
| 43 | Learned about autogynephilia (AGP). Detransitioned and began living as a man again the next day. |
| 46 | (Present) Living as a detransitioned male. |
Top Comments by /u/tascatorials:
The presence of autogynephilia is a reason for pause. From personal experience and that which I've observed in others I strongly suspect are autogynephilic I would suggest that if you were to transition, although you may enjoy the feminisation process, you would likely find it an increasing mental strain over time to keep up the pretense of being a woman socially 24/7. You would probably miss your masculinity and find ways of bringing that out in your persona. The end result could be that you become a masculine woman which may bring about feelings of not fitting in, or you could end up being a trans-warrior pushing for your rights, the likes of which we see all too much of these days. And then of course chemical (hormones) and physical (SRS) castration means you can't have a family with kids of your own genes, which as you will likely find in later life will have a big impact on your mental health and wellbeing.
That said I have friends who I suspect are autogynephilic who transitioned many years ago and are (or at least seem to be) quite happy with their decision.
My suggestion would be to come to terms with your autogynephilia and find ways to enjoy it without transitioning. Neither transitioning or not transitioning seem to be acceptable options given the nature of the condition. However, as Anne Lawrence suggested in her book "Men Trapped In Men's Bodies" (correct me if I'm wrong), if you can find happiness without transitioning I would suggest to do so.
There are 37 sources in the document, so it's more than mere parroting.
As for the study it looks like some kind of meta-study conducted by The Heritage Foundation. I would imagine there's bias inherent in it seeing as they're a right-wing conservative think tank, but that's not reason to dismiss it entirely.
I'll have a closer read later.
I agree with OP. I think the problem lies with trans-activists who are pushing an ideology onto other people. I also have trans-friends that I support and would never push them to make the decision to detransition just because I did. I just want them to happy and fulfilled in their lives by being decent people.
Seems to me that this exposes an underlying problem with the whole system, that there is not enough proper and thorough psychological evaluation done on anyone who wants to go on HRT and/or have irreversible surgeries. If I understand correctly the current system is based on an affirmative model, meaning that medical professionals just go along with whatever the patient wants. This is dangerous because many patients don't know what they want, and will unlikely be until they live in their chosen gender role for some time. Back in the day it was based on the Real Life Test: a two year test to see if you can live happily and successfully in the gender opposite to that you were born as. This helped weed out the ones who had doubts and the ones who were absolutely sure about transition. It didn't weed everyone out but it was better than what we have now. If we returned to that model we would have far less cases like this, and that would be a good thing.
This young man is clearly angry and taking it out on his therapist. I understand his anger, and it's being directed at a person he sees as part of a broken system. That he is taking it out on his therapist is unfair on her, and I would like to think that with time and reflection he would be more understanding that she's not solely to blame. Maybe he would even apologise. He also needs to accept his role in the decision-making process. Blaming it purely on mental illness is also not good enough, but that said if it was mental illness then the system should have been set up in such a way that his mental illness would have been picked up well before being administered HRT. As for the therapist she would be better off doing much more research to truly understand the issues before even attempting to work in this field, but with a system that pushes affirmation she may have been somewhat blind to the existence of much medical evidence anyway.
This post deserves a much longer answer than this, but here goes.
In a nutshell you really have to find acceptance. Your sexuality is something you can't change. It is what it is. Acceptance is the final process in the grief process, the other stages being denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Now it's possible you might never get through these - AGP is pretty difficult thing to come to terms with - but you need to try.
An example of how it could end up looking goes something like this: denial over being AGP, anger that you have this thing and didn't deserve it, bargaining in that maybe you can try and change your sexuality, depression that no matter what you do it will never change and you're stuck with AGP, and then acceptance that you are AGP, that it's ok, and you can live with it and even enjoy it. This is how it went for me over the course of at least 6 years and maybe 10+ ongoing as I still feel like I go through parts of the grief process at times. It may be different for you.
Hope this helps.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds like you might need to give yourself time to go through the grieving process and think about how you want to move on in life. Time is the big thing here. There's no set time on how long grieving for what you've lost will take. You may just need to try and be easy on yourself and have some patience. A good therapist (if you can find one) would help too.
Interesting thought, though I'd be sad if that were the case. Neither men or women are more important than each other. There seems to be evidence that the reasons that either transition in the first place tend to differ. Maybe a reason is due to the higher-profile cases of MtF dominating women's sports and the rare but significant cases of the predatory MtF types. They may be seen as more of a threat to women than, say, pregnant FtM are to men? Dunno, just putting it out there, and btw no offence meant to anyone.
Might be worth having a chat with an endocrinologist to firstly get your levels checked, and then if they're out of range to have an appropriate treatment prescribed to get them into range. Then give it some time. I can't guarantee this will work, but you will have a better chance of demasculinising/feminising if your levels are within range.
I think the right hate trans-activists but the impression I've gotten from reading and watching a lot of conservative commentators is that many (not all - looking at you Ben Shapiro) will accept someone who socially and surgically transitions MtF or FtM. Anything else is frowned upon.
I've struggled with this issue for the last few years, so I think I at least somewhat understand what you're going through. You may need to go through the grief process, which can involve the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I would also add that taking responsibility for your actions, at least in as much as that you made what you thought were the best actions to undertake having the knowledge that you did at the time, would help. This process could potentially take many years. You may never get over the fact that you did this, but over time you should be able to come to terms with it all and find ways to move on. You're likely going to need a lot of patience and self-forgiveness.
I can't underestimate the value of finding a good and understanding psychotherapist to help with this, though how easy it is to find one in the current political climate I don't know. Depends where you're located and what's available.