Jesus Christ. I'm probably going to transition despite all of the horror stories because I still think it's right for me. l'll start with the lowest strength possible because I think I'd be fine taking a low dose of hormones for my entire life, but I can't keep living like this.

I've gotten off all of my antidepressants, had consistent therapy, and (probably most importantly) have started exercising regularly. But my dysphoria is still there. I've waited years but I'm tired of waiting. If I wait too long, certain aspects of my body will truly be irreversible.

But I don't plan to be a part of the transgender community. It makes me sad because there are so many good transgender people out there. But spending time with the transgender community (just online so far) just isn't good for my mental health. They will do anything to convince you that you are transgender.

I used to go on transgender discord servers when I was a kid looking for support and sound advice but all I got was forced validation and weirdness. I left most of them after month because of how obviously biased and unstable the people were. And I hate to promote negative stereotypes, but every goddamn member had an anime girl profile picture. I fucking love anime and it hurts to say it, but having an anime profile picture is usually a sign that a transgender person is living in fantasy land.

There is only one or two trans discord servers I stayed on and it's the only one I've found where the members are normal people who weight all of the pros and cons. They don't bully me into feeling a certain way, we come as we are.

The transgender community can be beautiful. But it can also be toxic, predatory, and disgusting. I am so scared for our future. We have to uphold transgender people to the same standards we hold everyone else to, or else evil people will take advantage. Canada is already in a horrible state regarding the transgender community.

It's just a constant fear that I try not to think about. If I do end up transitioning, I plan to remain stealth forever. Being transgender isn't something people should be ashamed of, but crazy fuckers are running rampant and soon our community will be looked down upon by everyone.

Even LGB(T) hate us now. Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals aren't getting the support they need, because transgender people are so mentally ill and need constant support and attention. r/LGBdroptheT is a clear example of this awful phenomenon.

Tensions are rising, more and more people hate us. Everyone is too scared to make change, including me. One of my biggest fear of medically transitioning isn't just that I'll regret it, but that a civil war or some crazy shit will happen and I will be forcibly outed and stripped from hormones.

I'll probably regret saying this but, I hate so many aspects of the transgender community. I wish being transgender wasn't considered an "identity" or "orientation", but rather like a mental disorder/medical condition. I wish it wasn't so easy for the medical industry to take advantage of transgender people. I wish everyone was more informed. I wish crazy people would stop latching onto being transgender as an identity, and just make up their own. I wish doctors could speak the truth without being fired or ostracized. I wish there weren't so many extremists (on both sides). I wish I wouldn't get "the look" every time I tell a doctor how I'm feeling, or confide in someone.

I'm not ashamed of being transgender, but I'm not proud either. It's just a small part of who I am.

Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated?

*Edit: decided to change "hate" to "hate so many aspects of"

I wish we could destroy oppressive gender roles. People should be allowed do what makes them comfortable, regardless of gender.

I'm not saying I want to destroy gender, that would be an equally harmful overcorrection. I just want to destroy the rules, stereotypes, and judgment.

Life would be so much easier if people weren't forced to choose a box and fit into it. Instead, everyone would have a blank slate that's naturally filled over time.

I really do think that in a few hundred years society will gradually release itself from oppressive gender roles and stereotypes.

Why did you detransition after 6 years?

Did you always have doubts about being transgender?

When did you start thinking about detransitioning?

Sorry for all the questions btw, I'm probably going to transition in a few years and want to make sure I know everything. I want all the perspective and knowledge I can get before making such a permanent decision.

I agree that the soul has no gender or sex.

However, I don't think all people who medically transition live a "lifetime of misery". Gender dysphoria isn't an On/Off switch that deactivates when you detransition, at least not for the majority of people.

Gender dysphoria has different severities and while there are some people who can't function because of it, most people have good days and bad just like anything else.

There are plenty of people with gender dysphoria that don't transition and are still miserable. And I'm sure there are a few miserable detransitioners as well. But my point is that they are the the outliers. Many people have depression, but only some of those people can't function and are in constant agony everyday.

For some people, their gender dysphoria goes away or is lessened when they medically transition, and for some people it gets worse. For some people, their gender dysphoria goes away or is lessened when they detransition, and for some people it does nothing or gets worse.

See, the problem is that we can't measure gender dysphoria all that well. We need a "base dysphoria level" for the individual to tell if transitioning has helped or hurt them, or if it gave them a temporary high and then they went back to their base level.

I guess I feel like we shouldn't denounce medically transitioning as "evil" because it does work for some people. I think the true evil is not medically transitioning itself, but the extremists and the medical industry pushing people with mental illness to make rash, uninformed, and sometimes permanent decisions.

But I do think that medically transitioning should always be the last resort. I think a year or more of good therapy (not affirmation but not cynical either) is necessary to root out other underlying mental illness. I think doctors should be much more truthful and upfront about what they do and do not know. I think the medical industry should stop firing honest doctors and taking advantage of people with gender dysphoria. I think transgender extremists should stop manipulating very young children into believing they are transgender. And I think extremists on both sides should stop pushing and pressuring people with gender dysphoria and just let them breathe.

The world needs a healthy, neutral ground to talk about gender dysphoria as a mental disorder/medical condition instead of a political affiliation.

Are you me?

I can't help you but I feel the exact same way as you. I'm 17, autistic, and have depression. I'm going to start seeing a therapist (when the virus dies down) that specializes in gender dysphoria but that is not gender affirming or gender critical. If you decide on trying therapy, make sure it's a completely neutral therapist who knows what the hell they're talking about.

I've already decided not to medically transition until after I start therapy and weight all the pros and cons. Some people start transitioning, or fully transition, but have to stop because of health problems, which is terrifying. Depression can be caused by dysphoria, but dysphoria can be caused by depression, which isn't helpful.

I think I'm just gonna wait and chill for a year or two. Unfortunately I can't wait forever. I wish I could just get top surgery, take hormone blockers, and be in a state of neutrality forever, but I can't. Taking hormone blockers long term fucks up your bones and causes osteoporosis and chronic pain. If I wait my hips will keep growing and it will be more difficult to transition down the line. But if I decide to transition too early, I might make the wrong decision and regret it.

The best advice anyone has ever given me, is not to label myself. I don't have to fit any stereotypes. I don't have to medically transition to have gender dysphoria. I don't have to identify as anything. Not everyone has or be a man or a woman, and I wish gender didn't even exist to be honest. I'm not saying that I wish the world was non-binary, but I wish the titles "man" and "woman" didn't both have a bunch of bullshit baggage attached to them. I can just be.

There really is no easy way out. But I hope you figure stuff out.

Geez that sounds shitty. I actually didn't know testosterone could cause high blood pressure, I mean I haven't actually looked it up yet but still.

One thing I know for sure if that if I ever were to start T I'd have to have my uterus removed too because after five years that shit starts turning into mush and causing problems.

I don't ever plan on having children because of multiple genetic problems that run on both sides of the family. I might adopt or foster one day though.

Honestly the sooner I get my uterus removed the better, I really really really don't want to have biological kids. I'm worried that one day I'll change my mind about having biological kids and it scares me, not the prospect of not being able to have kids, but deciding to create a biological child and fucking ruining the kid's future before they can even walk.

In fact I think my two biggest fears are having a biological child, and death.

Anyway thanks for telling me about your experience, I appreciate it.

I don't have any advice but I feel very similar. If I could press a button to become male, I would. I plan to get a mastectomy regardless of whether or not I transition.

But everything else is a big question mark. I feel like I would transition if I was taller. I am well below the average height for men and women at 5ft. It really irks me how if I had been born a male I would be around 5 inches taller. I'm too scared to even consider an expensive leg lengthening surgery because they basically break your legs and hope it heals right. Besides the basic risks (death, infection, etc.) some people's bones just don't heal, at all. If that happened I would never walk again. If everything did go right, I still might never run or jump again, and my body would be slightly disproportionate.

The thing about medically transitioning is that it has to be all or nothing for me. I can't start testosterone and not eventually get a hysterectomy, because my organs might prolapse and my pelvic floor will weaken. All surgeries come with risk.

So that goes back to it being all or nothing for me. If I get a hysterectomy, I want to get a phalloplasty too.

Unfortunately I'll probably stop at a hysterectomy. I can't go through all of that money and stress only to not pass, and still have a ton of health problems afterwards. There are multiple risks that come with phalloplasty.

But there are also risks of not transitioning. Cisgender women can have bladder issues and incontinence issues when they get older, even without having kids. Cisgender women can get uterine cancer. Cisgender women can get breast cancer. I've ultimately decided that simply existing with a body has risks. There will always be risks. I've also read that the hips keep widening until women hit 30, and then they start getting longer like a man's. I have hip dysphoria and might start taking a low dose of testosterone just to avoid any hip widening.

I wish I was born as a male and if I could press a button to become male, I would. If leg lengthening surgery was much more advanced (and I was rich), I'd get it. If transgender health and medicine were much more advanced, I would transition. But as it is, I'm stuck like this. I'll probably stop at a mastectomy and hysterectomy.

I really hope that transgender medicine makes a giant advance soon. Before I'm over the age of 40. I don't necessarily identify as a man though. I don't really identify as anything. I am a mix a feminine and masculine qualities. I don't believe in the concept of "womanhood" or "manhood" anymore.

I wish I could be perceived the way I perceive myself. I wish people would respect me as much as they would respect a 6ft man with a deep voice. But I'm starting to think society may have the problem, not me.