This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user, "tea-n-bickies," shares a highly detailed, emotionally charged, and internally consistent personal narrative about detransitioning. The story includes specific, vulnerable details about trauma, a difficult relationship with her mother, and her motivations for transitioning and then detransitioning. The writing style is conversational, includes self-reflection, and shows a range of human emotions (anger, defensiveness, sadness, self-blame). There are no red flags suggesting this is a bot or an inauthentic account; it reads like a genuine person processing a complex and painful experience.
About me
I started pretending to be a boy online when I was 11 to feel safe and in control after a traumatic childhood. I believed becoming a man would protect me from the sexual violence I experienced and the disrespect I faced as a disabled girl. I transitioned as a teenager, but it never made me happy and I felt trapped by the decision. Becoming a mother and finally living on my own gave me the safety to realize my transition was a trauma response, not my true self. Now, I've detransitioned and am healing, learning to embrace being a woman while raising my daughter free from those same harmful stereotypes.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition started when I was really young, around 11 years old. I was a vulnerable kid, disabled and naive, and I was groomed online by older men when I was just 12 or 13. When my mum found out, she got angry and blamed me for it, grounding me for a whole year. That set the tone for our relationship; I was always frightened of her anger and felt like I had to hide my mistakes. I think that need to hide and feel in control was a big part of what came next.
I created an online persona where I pretended to be a boy. It wasn't exactly catfishing because I was still me in every other way—my age, my interests, everything was true—but I presented as male. I think I started doing this because I felt so powerless and small at home with my mum. Pretending to be a man gave me a sense of power and control that I desperately needed.
This feeling got a lot stronger after I was sexually assaulted for the first time at a party when I was 14 by a grown man. I had another frightening experience after that, and I developed PTSD from it all, though it went undiagnosed for a long time. I noticed that men didn't seem to get targeted by predators the way women and girls did. In my mind, transitioning to male became a way to keep myself safe. I thought if I was a man, I wouldn't be sexualised, and I'd finally be respected.
I also saw how unfair the world was. As a disabled woman, I felt like I had to work three times as hard to get the same respect and opportunities as my male peers. I hated that. I saw that men were often the perpetrators and women the victims, and I wanted to change that statistic for myself. My thought process was, if I could just be a man, I'd be safer, my body would be my own, and people would listen to me. It was a survival strategy born from trauma and a warped, kid-level understanding of the world.
I officially came out and began my social transition in my teens. I was part of a friend group of outcasts, and many of them were transitioning too. I think we influenced each other, and we were all trying to escape something. I even stopped taking my birth control because I hated the idea of extra estrogen, which was a really dumb decision that could have had serious consequences.
But transitioning didn't make me happy. I thought it would, but it didn't. I felt like I couldn't tell anyone I was unhappy because I was scared of being called transphobic. I was stuck pretending, trying to "fake it till I made it," but it never worked.
The big turning point for me was becoming a mum. My daughter changed everything. I wanted to live my life honestly for her. I also finally moved into my own place and felt safe enough to really reflect on my life. I realised that my desire to be a man wasn't really about gender; it was about trauma, a desperate need for safety, and internalised misogyny. I hated the way women were treated and I wanted to escape that. But I love being a woman. I just had to learn to love it on my own terms, without the fear.
I've done a lot of therapy to process my PTSD and to stop blaming myself for the bad things that happened to me. For a long time, I blamed myself for my own assault because I was "stupid and naive." Society and even the justice system blamed me too because I didn't scream. It's been a hard journey to realise that I was just a girl who made some uninformed choices, and that what happened was not my fault.
I don't regret my transition because it was a part of my journey and it led me to where I am now, but I do see it as a response to trauma rather than something born from a true sense of self. My thoughts on gender now are that the norms are ridiculous, and we should all be free to be who we are without pressure. For me, that meant detransitioning and embracing being a woman. I'm trying to raise my daughter without those constraints, to let her love bugs and climbing and whatever else she wants, without telling her what girls should or shouldn't do.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11 | Began presenting as male online. |
| 12-13 | Groomed online; blamed and punished by mother. |
| 14 | Sexually assaulted at a party; trauma solidified desire to transition for safety. |
| Teens | Officially came out and began social transition; influenced by friend group. |
| 20 | Came out to an online friend about my real gender; he was accepting. |
| 21 | Had moved into my own place, began to reflect and started detransitioning. Became a mother, which was a major factor in my decision to live as a woman. |
Top Comments by /u/tea-n-bickies:
Thank you so much, I give myself hell over my poor choices in the past to be honest. I'm probably way too hard on myself because I was a teenaged girl who was abused and confused, but yeah, I blame myself a lot. My thought process was literally fake it till you make it, and it didn't work at all. I guess I just realised I'd be respected more as a disabled white man than a disabled white woman. I've always hated how unfair it is that I've got to work 3x as hard to get to the same place as my male peers. I've got to work twice as hard because I'm a woman, and even harder than that because I'm a disabled woman.
I guess I wanted to be a respected member of society. I wanted people to treat me properly, and the only demographic I knew who got that is white men, so in my warped, kiddie brain I thought if I was a man, I'd be respected. My body would be respected and my opinions. I saw men get treated better on the whole, and I wanted those same opportunities. I saw men were often perpetrators and women often victims (though not all the time!). I wanted to change that statistic for myself and avoid further harm to myself.
Okay I'm seeing a pattern where I blame myself for everything occurring here. I've spoken to my partner, he agrees, I blame myself for everything.
Thanks for raising this to me guys, I'm gonna try and think on this and see what exactly was and wasn't my fault and whether there's blame on me at all.
I think it's frighteningly common to be honest. I look back on my old friend group and many have detransitioned also. My group was/is known city wide as the outcasts. Its an ongoing joke lasting decades to laugh at the goths who hang around town except I was one lol. Because of being known as outcasts, we attracted the wrong sort of attention.
So I really did get myself into this mess. I knew those kids were no good, I knew I was probably gonna regret being friends with them. I did it in the first place for the same reason I began smoking. To piss my mum off. She's aggressive and scary, I actively feared her until I was about 19, and the only way I could actually feel in control was doing shit I shouldn't have been doing.
But yeah a girl I know detransitioned for the same reason as me. She wasn't on birth control due to believing she was a man and got pregnant.
It's really dumb when you think of it. Idk why I stopped birth control whilst still having sex just because I hated the thought of extra estrogen.
Yeah, I know that. He was a lot older than me too, I was 14 he was 19 so there was definitely a pedophilic element. It just saddens me now. I've done therapy to process it correctly because I've got ptsd as a result. It hurts my heart that little mistakes have such dire consequences sometimes.
I see it as this: millions of girls go out every day, meet boys and make it home safe at the end of the night. I just didn't make it home safely.
Honestly thank you for your kind words. My therapists helped me a lot but some of the things he says do make me double take. I was really naive and I wanted to be a grown up and that's literally why I ended up at that party. I never used to see that as my fault until I started therapy to be honest I thought it was normal and it was the adults responsibility to keep me, the child, safe. I'm genuinely reconsidering what I've been told by people now, I could be right and blame shouldn't be placed on a child. I wouldn't blame my little girl the way my mother blamed me.
No? It's not? It's very specific to my situation. All I'm saying is the event itself I had zero control of, but because the lead up was due to my own mistakes, I give myself a hard time, and I and others blame me for how things unfolded. I don't want to victimise myself and I admit when I'm at fault. It wasnt worded very well though, because I was looking after my 4 year old when writing all this, and it's hard to share my attention and not make mistakes.
Please don't say anything regarding my child. Don't suggest any nasty events. I have trauma, and traumatised brains work differently. In future, please choose your words more carefully also, as you don't know who you're speaking to or what they've dealt with. You could seriously trigger somebody.
Honestly, I think I'm scared of men because they lie so much and hide their intentions. When I was younger I was very pretty, but also naive. I'm disabled and it made me vulnerable, so as soon as I was a teen and more independent predators were never far. My first time was an assault at a party by a grown man. I think this is why I transitioned. I noticed men didn't do this predator shit to other men as often. By the time I transitioned I'd had 2 frightening experiences and definitely had ptsd undiagnosed (as I am now diagnosed due to these traumas).
I'm now 21 and I think I'm a lot less susceptible to that kinda shit, but honestly I think it was that, I just wanted to be safe🤷♀️
That sounds like me tbh! Until recently I've thought I was in control, and I was unwell because I wanted to be? It wasn't until I got my own place and I felt safe enough to reflect that I realised I'm honestly not in control at all, nor do I have control over my emotions and it really is an illness and not me being selfish.
I thought when I transitioned I'd be safer. I thought people wouldn't sexualise me, I also thought that because I had masculine traits I could be a man, and I was just completely mistaken. Tbh, I thought I'd be happier but I wasn't, and I couldn't tell anyone I wasn't happy because I was scared of being called transphobic.
I have issues with my mum as well. My mum always got angry at me when I was younger. Anger was usually her first reaction unless she was happy about something. When I was groomed online as a young teen (12-13) when she found out she blamed me and grounded me for a year. That's why I didn't go to her when I was actually attacked, and instead created very unhealthy coping strategies such as pretending I was a man. The trans stuff started when I was young, like 11. I had an online persona, I guess you could call it catfishing, but I didn't, because I was still me. I was still 11, British, and everything i told my friends down to my favourite colour was true. I came out about it to one when I was 20, and he was very accepting and just said he was glad I now feel comfortable as a woman.
I still get feelings like that, like I'd prefer to be a man, but ultimately I love being a woman. I'm a mum now, and my daughter played a big part in my decision to live my life as a woman.
I think that my relationship with my mother contributed massively to my desires to be a man. She made me feel powerless and out of control, and me pretending I was a man gave me a sense of power? Idk, she just used to make me feel really small, and frightened. I went to extreme lengths to hide my mistakes from her, often getting into trouble with external agencies because I'd lie to get out of trouble. She used to frighten the hell out of me.
It's okay to be honest, I understand. The entire reason I transitioned was misogyny. I hated that I was demonised as a victim of abuse, I hated that I would be described negatively for the same traits that are seen as positive in men, I just hated that men have more opportunities and are safer than women.
I understand I may have subconscious bias from my upbringing. I'm actually trying to work on this right now by allowing my daughter to pursue any interest she shows a liking to. Right now we have pet garden snails, she loves bugs.
As a teen I wanted to do climbing. My parents were adamant it was a no, even though my little brother did it. I pestered for over a year until they finally let me. I blossomed and excelled. I've won titles (champion of Britain, champion of Scotland) and trained with the GB team. My parents said it was because of my disability they wouldn't let me, but my brother has learning difficulties and sight problems, so I knew full well it was an excuse and they just didn't want their little girl doing a masculine sport.
So I totally get all of this, I worked so hard at climbing because I wanted to prove my mother wrong. I wanted to show her girls are capable of being just as good as boys. I didn't expect to be as good as I was though, I just wanted to show my mother up again lmao