This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user's narrative is highly specific, deeply personal, and internally consistent over time. The comments reflect the complex, nuanced, and often painful reasoning of a desister, including the key realization that medical transition could not provide a truly male body. The language is natural, and the emotional tone of frustration and eventual peace aligns with the experiences of genuine detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I started feeling uncomfortable with my female body as a teenager and found the term "transgender" online, which seemed to explain everything. I identified as a man for a few years, but I realized I didn't want to be a trans man; I wanted an impossible, fully male body that surgery and hormones couldn't give me. I stopped transitioning when I understood that medical intervention wouldn't bring me the perfection I was seeking. Now, I'm at peace with being a masculine female and have even discovered I'm bisexual after letting go of strict gender roles. I don't regret exploring my identity, but I'm relieved I didn't pursue medical changes that wouldn't have made me happy.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I felt a deep discomfort with my body when I hit puberty, but I didn't have a word for it back then. It was just a feeling of things being wrong. Around 2015, when I was about 15 or 16, I found online communities, especially on Tumblr. That's when I learned what "transgender" meant. I saw a lot of my online friends coming out as trans, and they talked about feeling the same discomfort with their bodies and gender roles that I did. My logic became, "if they're trans because of these feelings, then I must be trans too." It felt like a social contagion in a way, because it gave a name and a path for feelings I'd had for a while.
For a few years, I identified as a trans guy. I thought transitioning was the answer. But I started to have a really important realisation. I didn't want to be a "trans man." I wanted to be a man. I wanted a fully male body. And I slowly understood that medical transition couldn't give me that. There is no magic button. I realised that even if I took testosterone, I'd still have a female skeleton with wide hips. Even if I got top surgery or a phalloplasty, the results would never be the same as a male body. They would just be a modified female body. Asking myself "Would I be happy if I were a boy?" was a pointless question because it wasn't possible. The real question was, "Would I be happy as a trans man, with all the limitations and imperfect results of surgery and hormones?" And for me, the answer was a clear no. That was the main reason I decided to stop transitioning, or "desist," in 2018.
It took time to feel better. Right after I stopped, I felt a lot of relief. Now, years later, I rarely feel that old dysphoria. I feel more at peace with myself than I have since puberty began. I don't feel like my "old self"—I feel better.
Looking back, I do have some regrets about putting parts of my life on hold, like not wanting to date until I was "fully transitioned." I try to tell myself that those years weren't totally wasted. I still did some positive things, like travelling, and even though I'm embarrassed by photos of myself from that time, I still have the good memories.
Another big thing that changed after I detransitioned was my understanding of my sexuality. When I identified as a trans man, I think I had a subconscious idea that being masculine meant I could only be attracted to women. It wasn't until after I detransitioned and let go of those strict gender roles that I allowed myself to explore my attraction to men. I now identify as bisexual.
My thoughts on gender now are that for me, it was a trap of perfectionism. I wanted an impossible ideal. Accepting that my body is female, and that I can be a masculine person with a female body, has been the real path to peace. I don't regret exploring my identity, but I am very glad I didn't go through with medical transition because I know it would not have made me happy.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| ~12-13 | ~2010-2011 | Started puberty; began feeling a deep, unlabeled discomfort with my body and gender roles. |
| 15-16 | 2015 | Discovered the concept of being transgender through online communities like Tumblr; identified as a trans man. |
| ~18-19 | 2018 | Decided to desist/stop transitioning after realising medical intervention could not provide a truly male body. |
| 22-23 | 2022-2023 | Reflected on my journey, feeling at peace with my female body and understanding my bisexuality. |
Top Comments by /u/tenth_avenue:
It was absolutely a combination of factors, but the tipping point was definitely Tumblr- I guess you could label it social contagion, although I had experienced dysphoria throughout puberty but without having a label for it before then (I don't think I even really knew what the word transgender really meant until around 2015- transition just wasn't in the public awareness at all before then). I saw a large proportion of my online friends transitioning and my logic was basically "if they're all trans because they experience discomfort with their bodies and gender stereotypes... and I also deal with those same things... I must be trans too".
Please remember that transitioning won't give you a male body. You will still have a female one, just with some changes to it. If being referred to as a guy and looking more masculine didn't help your dysphoria, taking testosterone probably won't help either. Personally when I recognised that I could never truly achieve a male body, I realised that I would never be happy with my transition. Even if I took T, I'd still have a small waist and wide hips. Even if I had a phalloplasty, the results would not have been close to actual male anatomy.
I had very similar experiences to you growing up and now that I've accepted that my body is female, I'm very glad I didn't go through with transitioning because I know I wouldn't have been happy with the results.
I don’t want to be a “trans boy” or a “trans man.” I want to be a boy.
This is key. Asking “If I think of myself as a boy, do I feel happy?” is a pointless question, because it's not possible to flip a switch and magically become male. A better question is, "would I be happy as a trans man? Would I be happy with the results of surgeries that will never perfectly replicate male anatomy?" And if the answer to those questions is no, then that's a very valid reason not to transition.
Also there’s the fact that there is no magic button in real life. If I could press that button and instantly become a man, hell yeah I would. But the reality is that the closest I can actually get is undergoing surgeries with imperfect results and risks of complications. I’m a desister partly because I know phalloplasty/mastectomies would never give me a male body, just a masculinised female one.
I actually don't feel like my old self- I feel better than I ever did before.
I now rarely feel dysphoria and I feel the most at peace with myself since I hit puberty. I desisted in 2018 so it has taken a while to get to this point, but I did feel a lot of relief immediately on desisting.
Tbh I'm the opposite, I didn't really let myself explore my attraction to men (I now identify as bi) until after I detransitioned and stopped caring about gender stereotypes. I think I had a subconscious idea in my head that butch/masculine = must only be attracted to women.
I feel exactly the same. I just try and tell myself that those years of my life weren't totally thrown away. Whilst I did put a lot of my life on hold (e.g. not wanting to date until I was fully transitioned) I still did do some positive things, so that time of my life wasn't totally wasted. For example, I travelled to a cool country, and even though I'm embarrassed to look at photos of myself from that time, I still have some good memories of that trip.