This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's narrative is highly consistent, emotionally nuanced, and shows a personal, evolving internal struggle with gender identity, social expectations, and the decision to transition. The language is natural, with varied sentence structure and personal reflection that is difficult to fake. The user identifies as a desister (someone who considered but did not pursue medical transition), which aligns perfectly with their described experiences.
About me
I considered transitioning because I felt trapped by the expectations placed on men and believed becoming a woman would cure my loneliness and social anxiety. My desire was strongest when I was isolated, and it felt like a fantasy escape from my problems. I never pursued medical procedures, as I grew worried I wouldn't pass and realized my fantasy didn't match reality. I now understand my struggle was really about low self-esteem and anxiety, not my gender. Exploring these feelings led me to a much better understanding of myself, and I'm grateful I didn't rush into a permanent solution.
My detransition story
My whole journey with thinking about transition was a long and confusing one, but I never actually went through with any medical procedures. For a long time, I seriously considered transitioning. I saw it as a fantasy, a way to deal with my deep loneliness and frustration with the expectations placed on men, especially around dating and courtship. I hated how men are often just assumed to be creeps, and I felt really uncomfortable with the aggressive expectations of male sexuality.
I think for me, transition seemed like a do-over button or a cure-all for my problems. I believed that if I were a woman, all my social anxieties and feelings of not fitting in would just disappear. My feelings about it would get stronger during the summer when I was isolated and not at school; the loneliness really got to me. I had a plan to start after I finished undergrad, but I eventually started to worry that I looked too masculine to ever pass and I didn't want to be a target for the rest of my life.
A lot of my struggle was about trying to find a simple cause for all my problems. During late adolescence, it was very desirable to believe that there was one clear reason for my unhappiness, like "I'm actually a woman." I thought that by transitioning, I would change my entire relationship with society and all those feelings of friction would go away. I've come to realize that working through that social friction and anxiety is a hard problem for everyone, whether you're male, female, cis, or trans. It might have had nothing to do with my gender at all, but gender became an easy target to blame.
I explored these feelings online and even tried using apps like Grindr. The idea of being desired as a woman by a macho guy was appealing in theory, but in practice, I found that kind of aggression really off-putting. It made me realize that my fantasy didn't match the reality.
I never took hormones or had any surgery. I was always very cautious about that. I read about people getting risky operations, especially bottom surgery, just to "be complete," and it worried me. Unless someone has very strong genital dysphoria, I don't think people should rush into these major procedures, particularly from places with less oversight.
Looking back, I think my desire to transition was a form of escapism. It was a way to cope with low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. I benefited greatly from just talking about these feelings, both in online communities like this one and with trusted people in my real life, even if they were clueless about trans stuff. Getting an outside perspective was really helpful.
I don't regret exploring these feelings because it led me to a better understanding of myself. But I do regret that I ever saw it as a simple solution. I now believe that for some people, transition improves their quality of life, but for others, like me, it wouldn't have solved the underlying issues. When the one thing you thought would make everything make sense doesn't work, you can feel truly helpless.
My thoughts on gender are that it's a concept that has evolved with modern society. In the past, rigid divisions of labor between the sexes led to a rigid understanding of gender. Now that those divisions are shifting, we can see gender roles as something more distinct from biological sex. I think the term 'cis' is just a descriptive term, not meant to set up an oppressor/oppressed dynamic, but to help normalize being trans.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my thoughts and comments:
| Age | Date | Event |
|---|---|---|
| (Various ages in early 20s) | 2019 - 2020 | Seriously considered transition as a way to cope with loneliness and social expectations of males. |
| (Early 20s) | Summer 2020 | Feelings of wanting to transition intensified during periods of isolation. |
| (Early 20s) | By mid-2020 | Became ambivalent about transitioning, concerned about ability to "pass" and face potential ridicule. |
| (Early 20s) | By late 2020 | Concluded that my desire to transition was likely escapism and not a solution to my underlying anxieties. |
Top Comments by /u/that_boy_zesty:
That's so good to hear. I think far too many people see transition as a means to self actualization (i know i did). It really sucks that identity formation happens right around when puberty is at it's strongest, forcing people into feeling like they have to act now when they are most vulnerable.
I probably won't go through with transition but for a long time i seriously considered it. I think that for me transition was a fantasy for me to deal with my lonliness and frustration with the expectations towards males regarding courtship. I didn't like how men are just assumed to be creeps etc.
What i am getting at is that i think that there are many people like me who saw transition as a do-over or a panacea when the actual process can be much more traumatic and less fulfilling than expected.
I think that I had a bunch of friction and anxieties related to who i am, gender roles, and how I am supposed to relate to people on an interpersonal level. i think during late adolescence it is very desirable to believe there is a simple cause for all our problems (i.e. I'm actually a woman). There was this Idea that by simply transitioning i would be able to change my relationship to society and all of those frictions would go away. I think now that whether you are male or female, cis or trans, resolving this friction is still a hard problem and it could be that your anxiety had nothing to do with gender and it's just an easy target to pile blame on. I think some people do have an improved quality of life after transition but i also think there are others who don't feel better at all and when the one thing that you thought was going to make everything make sense doesn't pan out that is when you end up feeling truely helpless. I don't really have any answers but in matters so personal it never hurts to deal with it with honesty and introspection.
How terrible, i know that some people have strong genital dysphoria but unless that's the case i really don't think people should be getting these risky operations just to "be complete" especially from some place in Thailand which is where I heard where she got hers done.
I truly am sorry that you have to go through this but going through your profile I don't think your body is disgusting, i think there are many people who are more concerned with someones face and overall body shape than they are with genitalia. I hope that whatever happens you are able to find a lasting sense of happiness.
If i were you i would try to find a way to put this stuff on the back burner until after you get out of college, life in school is so different from life out of school and i think college does a good job at making us doubt ourselves. So i would definitely not want to go through with the surgery. It's good that your talking about it here but i think it would help to also talk about it with people you trust IRL even if they are clueless about trans stuff, it may help to get an outside perspective.
You realize we are talking about America here right? The handful of secular organizations we do have like planned parenthood are already under constant attack by the religious right. getting something like not just one but many publicly funded secular hospitals across America and especially in the bible belt where they are most needed is not something that's in the cards for us for at least another 15 years. so that leaves what other wealthy secular institutions in America?
it's use with relation to gender may be made up but it's only as made up as almost every other word. the term is already used in chemistry as the opposite of trans, they just borrowed it. imo gender theorists us cis not to set up an oppressor/oppressed dynamic but to normalize trans people. trans people don't want the split to be normal/trans in the same way gay people don't want the split to be normal/gay. ideally terms like cis and straight are just descriptive terms that don't cast judgement on people one way or the other
I'm not an anthropologist but this is my pet theory. I think gender as it is understood today is something has been enabled by modern technology and society in general. I think in early agricultural societies the division of labor between sexes was pretty rigid and lead to a rigid understanding of sex and gender but as the division of labor shifts those sexual differences matter less and allows for an understanding of gender and gender roles as something distinct from sex.
I can sympathize. I used to feel very strongly about wanting to transition but now i feel much more ambivalent. My feelings get stronger during the summer when i'm not at school. I think the isolation gets to me. my plan was to start after i finished undergrad but now i think I look too masculine to pass I don't really feel like being a target of derision for the rest of my life. This sub has helped me feel more comfortable with myself but i might still try to pursue in the future, who knows.