This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user expresses complex, nuanced, and emotionally charged views that are consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister experience, including personal struggles with dysphoria, therapy, relationships, and societal rejection. The language is natural, varied, and shows development of a personal philosophical stance over time.
About me
I started questioning my gender at 18, influenced by friends who made me feel my discomfort as a female meant I was trans. I took testosterone and struggled with severe dysphoria, believing medical transition was my only solution. I began to heal after leaving that friend group and starting therapy, which helped me build my self-confidence. I realized my dysphoria wasn't going away and I adopted a philosophy that rejects gender categories altogether. I've detransitioned and am now learning to accept my body for what it is, free from any labels.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was around 18. I was a girl who never really fit in and I had a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem. I found a group of friends in college who made me feel seen for the first time, but they were all very into the trans community. They made me feel like the discomfort I felt with my body and with puberty—I really hated my breasts—meant I must be trans. It felt like an answer to all my problems, a way to escape from how I felt.
I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. I was influenced a lot by what I saw online and by these friends. Looking back, I think a big part of it was internalized homophobia; I'm bisexual but I preferred more role-reversal type relationships and I think I had a hard time seeing myself as a woman who was into that. I thought transitioning would solve my deep depression and the body dysmorphia I felt.
I took testosterone for a while. I never got top surgery or bottom surgery, but I thought about it constantly. My dysphoria was really bad and I even contemplated suicide. I thought medically transitioning was the only way to make it stop.
What changed for me was that friend group. They weren't really there for me when things got rough in my life, and I started to see how they would invalidate anyone who had a different experience. I cut ties with them and started therapy. My therapist was neutral and just wanted to help me figure out what was best for me, and that was huge. She helped me work on my self-confidence.
I started to realize that my dysphoria wasn't going away with transition; it was just changing. I began to question the whole idea that changing your body is the only solution. I adopted a new philosophy that rejects gender as a whole. I think gender is a useless social institution. Why should we categorize people by their genitals or what they wish their genitals were? There's so much more to a person than that. This thinking helped me a lot. It’s a lot more difficult to care about your gender identity when you believe the experience of gender is made up.
Letting go of those categories was freeing. I don't have to embrace womanhood; I can just be me. If I want to dress masculine, I can. If I want to dress feminine, I can. Placing rules on myself to fit into a social category is ultimately useless. Society constantly tries to tell you what you can and can't be based on your body, and the trans community can sometimes do the same thing, just with different categories. I got so sick of people telling me I was "never trans" or that my dysphoria wasn't real just because I found a different way to deal with it. My pain was real.
I’ve detransitioned now. I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, but I do regret how quickly I jumped into medicalizing my body discomfort without looking deeper into the reasons behind it. I regret the influence I let other people have on me. I'm now engaged to another detrans person who understands me completely, which is something I never thought I'd find.
My thoughts on gender now are that it doesn't matter. I am who I am, and it doesn't matter what arbitrary social category I fit into. I'm trying to learn to accept my body for what it is and stop caring what society thinks. It's not easy, but it feels more honest.
Age | Event |
---|---|
18 | Started questioning my gender, influenced by new friends and online communities. Began identifying as non-binary. |
19 | Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. |
20 | Contemplated top surgery, struggled with severe dysphoria and depression. |
21 | Ended friendships that were invalidating, started neutral therapy. Began to seriously question transition. |
22 | Stopped testosterone. Adopted a gender-abolitionist philosophy and began the process of detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/thatonenerd828:
You don’t necessarily have to embrace womanhood... I find it easier to cope with dysphoria when I think about how meaningless gender roles/the concept of gender in general is. Why the hell are we categorizing people by their genitals/what they wish their genital were? There’s so much more to humanity than that.
Also, allowing yourself to live however you want helps... If you wanna dress more masculine, go ahead. If you wanna dress more feminine, go ahead. Placing rules on yourself so you can fit into a social category is ultimately useless (though I understand how hard it can be to break free from that as a person with gender dysphoria myself).
Thank you... I agree that some dysphoria is treatment resistant, but the idea perpetuated in the trans community that making massive changes to your body is the only way to get rid of dysphoria needs to be questioned more... I will send you the articles I mentioned.
Exactly. Suddenly, my experience with gender dysphoria is less valid than everyone else’s and I was just making up all of my issues in the first place, just because I found a different way of dealing with it. I’m so sick of people telling me I was “never trans” or that my dysphoria isn’t as real as theirs, when I’m a lot of cases, it was actually worse (contemplated suicide before). I’m so sick of it.
Hey, I love r/scrambled_eggs_irl! I’ve seen you around posting there. Your (and others’) memes have actually helped me a lot by allowing me find humor in what I’ve been through and know that I’m not completely alone in how I think and feel... Thanks :)
My fiancée and I call this “cultural gaslighting”... When society tells you that your experience is impossible for a woman or man, that you MUST act a certain way/like certain things, and if you aren’t, you just must be the other gender, then. It’s so stupid... Why can’t we just be who we are and like what we like without people bringing our genitals into everything?
I went through a similar experience... Thought I had found my friend group at college and it ended up being a whole bunch of people who consistently invalidated me and weren’t there for me when things got rough in my life. I’ve since cut ties with those people and am trying to make new friends who care about me more. I’m also going to therapy to try to work on my self-confidence a bit. Thank you for the advice... I’m planning on joining some clubs this semester and hopefully that will help as well. It’s good to hear I’m on the right track, even if it doesn’t feel like it some of the time.
I’ve been through similar experiences before. I usually recommend that they visit a therapist and really talk about the root of their gender dysphoria before they transition. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they don’t, but I feel like it’s the best I can do without pushing them further away from me.
I am in the same boat. I wish I had advice for you. The only thing I think we can really do is learn how to accept ourselves the way we are and stop caring what society thinks, whether that looks like transitioning and not worrying about “passing,” or living as a cis person and trying to accept that society will never see us the way we want to be seen and our body will never be exactly what we want it to be. I’m sorry. I know it’s easier said than done. I’m also contemplating suicide. But please don’t take your life. My hope for the both of us is that we will be able to find some level of peace. I know it’s not impossible, because I was much happier before I started questioning my gender... I’m here if you need to talk.
Thank you for the kind words. Luckily, I am seeing a therapist who has a more neutral stance on the issue and just wants to help me make the choice that is best for me, whatever it may be.
The only thing I've found to help with my dysphoria is adopting a philosophy on gender that rejects it as a whole... It's a lot more difficult to care about your gender identity when you believe the experience of gender is a generally useless social institution. However, it can still be difficult being seen as something in society that you are not.
I wish you luck with your own personal journey... I will send you the articles I mentioned.
It’s definitely possible. You just have to find someone who loves you for who you are. Since you don’t like traditional gender roles, you’re more likely to find a woman who’s accepting of your SRS as well. Don’t cut yourself short. Just because you didn’t have a common experience doesn’t mean there’s no one out there who would love you the way you are... I never thought I’d find a partner who understands me, but I did.