This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user shares a consistent, detailed, and emotionally complex personal history of being on testosterone, detransitioning, and navigating body image and mental health. The language is personal, nuanced, and reflects the passionate and often difficult lived experience described by many genuine detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I started transitioning to male because I hated my body and thought it would fix my depression and PTSD. I was heavily influenced by online communities and liked the validation I got from identifying as trans. After over three years on testosterone, I realized I was trying to escape my underlying trauma, not my true self. I stopped hormones to focus on my mental health in therapy, which has been the real help I needed. Now, I’m learning to accept myself as the masculine woman I was before all this, even though I’m still mostly seen as male.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started because I never felt comfortable in my own body. I can't remember a time I ever liked it; I always hated it. I now know that a lot of this was tied up with severe mental health issues. I've had depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, and I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 15. The feelings about my gender always felt separate from that, but going through transition made me realise they were completely connected.
My thoughts about my body became an obsession. I'd say I was fixated on them, and looking back, it felt like a form of OCD, even though I was never officially diagnosed. I was a tomboy who liked alternative styles, and I think my discomfort really intensified during puberty. I hated the changes, especially developing breasts. I think I also struggled with internalised homophobia, being attracted to the same sex. It felt easier to try and become a guy than to be a masculine woman.
I was heavily influenced by what I saw online and by friends in the community. I liked the attention and admiration I got when I came out as trans. It felt like I was finally being seen and wanted. I started identifying as non-binary first, but that quickly shifted to wanting to fully transition to male. I was so sure it was the answer to all my problems. I was suicidally desperate to start testosterone.
I was on testosterone for 3 years and 7 months. At first, it felt like it was fixing me. I became a "buff guy," which I liked. But over time, the doubts started creeping in. I realised I had started transitioning for the wrong reasons. It was a way to escape from my underlying trauma and low self-esteem. I decided to stop T to work through my real issues with a therapist. That non-affirming therapy, which focused on my mental health rather than just affirming my gender, was what really helped me.
Stopping testosterone was a big decision. I've been off it for over a year now. My body has changed back a bit. I lost about 14 pounds of muscle, which made my arms and shoulders look much smaller, and that was hard to see. My facial and body hair thinned slightly but are still within a typical male range. My periods took about 9 or 10 months to come back. I'm thankful I didn't experience significant hair loss from T.
Now, I just live my life silently. I don't correct people if they see me as male or female. Most of the time, I'm still seen as male. Stopping hormones hasn't really changed my daily life, except that I'm no longer worried about the long-term health effects or having to schedule injections. I'm trying to get back to the person I was before all this, which was a tomboy with funky dyed hair who was comfortable in her own skin. I have an eating disorder history, and I have to be careful not to let those thoughts trick me into thinking losing more weight will make me feel more like my "unaltered" self.
Do I have regrets? Yes, I do. I regret not having the confidence and knowledge I have now back when I started. I wish I had addressed my trauma and mental health first. I don't regret the journey entirely because it led me to understand myself better, but I regret the permanent changes. My advice to anyone questioning is to stop any medical steps if you have doubts and find a good therapist. You can always restart later if it's truly right for you, but undoing changes is much harder.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Started treatment for severe depression and anxiety. |
| 15 | Diagnosed with PTSD. |
| Around 22 | Came out as trans and started identifying as male. |
| 22 | Started testosterone (T). |
| 25 years, 7 months | Stopped testosterone after 3 years and 7 months of use. |
| 26 years, 5 months | Period returned after 9/10 months off T. |
| Almost 29 (Now) | Living silently, mostly seen as male, working on mental health and fitness. |
Top Comments by /u/thbo192:
I was on T for 3 years 7 months. Been off now just over a year. My muscle mass/weight really didn’t change at all (to my disappointment and surprise). Very slight thinning in facial hair and body hair (but still well within the ‘male’ range).
My periods took a long time to return, but they eventually did after about 9/10 months. I didn’t experience significant hair loss on T, so can’t comment on that one sorry.
I still live as silently male, use male pronouns etc. I just go with the flow, sometimes seen as female, mostly not. Don’t challenge it either way. Stopping really has had no discernible impact on my daily life, with the exception that I’m no longer worried about my long term health, hair loss, or scheduling my injections.
Can message me if you’d like to chat. :-)
My bare bones advice is stop T until you’ve found a good therapist to work things through with. No one can predict how being on T will make them feel for the long term. If someone told me I’d stop T after being so suicidally desperate to be on it, I’d of never believed it. But here I am stopping after 3 years and 7 months.
But anyway, back to you. Be kind to yourself, life is difficult to navigate as someone who is dysphoric and same sex attracted. But what I will say is that T ‘adds’, in the sense that once changes occur it is much harder to return to your ‘natural’ state. If you have any doubts stop. You can always restart if you feel like it is what you truly want. But the pain and discomfort of having a lot of changes and wishing for things to be the way they were makes things very complicated.
I can relate to what you write very much. All I can say for myself is that I wished I had the confidence and the knowledge I have now. I don’t want to make this post about me at all, but I can relate to the ideas of going through phases and liking the admiration/attention from others, but really it sounds like a desire to be wanted and loved. You don’t have to change yourself to find someone to love you for who you truly are. Things will be okay, there are people who understand and love us how we are. Always a message away if you want a more personal chat.
Thank you!
I don’t appear to have any PCOS symptoms, periods are regular and no other issues, hair growth is likely just the aftermath of T.
That is super true! Went through a phase in high school where I did the whole hyper feminine thing. But actually settled into my own happy little style of tomboy clothes and alternative makeup (think Gerard Way Helena 😂) and funky dyed hair. During that phase I wasn’t trying to do the “pretty girl feminine thing”. When I reflect that was my happy “most self” place. I hope to get there again. 😔
Thank you so much it does help to know I’m not alone. My general ‘plan’ sounds similar, thinking laser for facial hair and electrolysis for the stubborn left overs. May move to changing name and documents when I feel a bit more secure presenting as more feminine again.
I was thankful that I was a buff guy on T 😂 and 14lbs of that buff has come off, my arms seem tiny it’s almost funny to look at the difference again. Same for my back and shoulders in comparison really.
I do wonder if this is probably my healthy “woman” weight (BMI 21.4), I’m almost 29. Maybe the extra 10lbs that hasn’t come off is just my body changing as I’m older (was ~22ish when I came out) and the craving for the extra to come off is the ED brain talking again.
Sounds silly but the reason I feel somewhat comfortable about my chest is that no one expects a little boyish/childish woman to have a large chest, so losing more weight would make my body feel more comfortable/unaltered. I don’t know. On a weird spiral lol.
Thank you again for sharing. It’s comforting (although difficult for us) to know that others haven’t “bounced back”. I feel like a lot of detrans stories that are more known appear almost a seamless ‘reversal’.
Thank you for your answer. I (now) know my issue definitely lies in the mental health realm. I've been accessing NHS treatment for severe depression and anxiety since my early teens, and PTSD added into the mix from 15 onwards. The 'gender' stuff always felt separate but as I explained transition really made me realise it wasn't.
Saying obsessed and fixated is probably the only way I can describe these thoughts, but I've never been diagnosed with OCD.
I can't remember a time I ever felt comfortable in my body which is why I've always felt it was wrong. I've always hated it and I've done damage in many ways. But thank you for your constructive reply.
Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you feel sad about your muscle mass. Do you think the muscle loss came from eating lower protein than a traditional diet? Or did you change your exercise etc?
I’m running about 30 miles a week, doing yoga 6x a week, I have a job in healthcare so I’m on my feet a lot too, and I walk my dogs daily. Spin a few nights a week too. So I’m not doing intense exercise (in terms of muscle building). I wonder if reducing the protein I eat would help, I’m pescatarian and I do intermittent fasting. I eat around 100g protein a day. Maybe I should calculate lowest healthy amount for my weight. I don’t want to cut anymore calories right now as I think I would start suffering lol.
Also have you seen momomuscle (cis lesbian) and NRGfitness (non binary trans masc not on T currently)? Both are hella buff and gorgeous and offer training plans. That is if you’re interested in getting training to get more muscular not on T!
Thank you again for your comment. 😊
Bless you! Thank you for sharing. I think as other comments have suggested I may need to get my hormone levels checked lol. Seems my experience isn’t the norm. I hope you can find comfort and (bloody fucking) finances to get what makes you most comfortable. Wishing you the best and thank you for sharing with me.