This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments are highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent. They describe a specific, complex experience (autogynephilia, being on the spectrum, a history of depression) that aligns with known detransitioner narratives. The language is natural, with varied sentence structure and emotional shifts (passion, frustration, gratitude, insight). The account shows a clear, developed perspective on gender theory and personal identity that is typical of a genuine, passionate desister.
About me
I'm a man who started transitioning because I never felt I fit in as a male and thought I had to be a woman. My autism, depression, and health issues made me hate my body, and I believed becoming someone else was the answer. I realized I was just trying to fit into another stereotype and that being a man can mean many different things. I deeply regret taking hormones, which caused health problems and made me infertile. I'm now learning that true freedom is rejecting gender stereotypes altogether and just being myself.
My detransition story
My name isn't important, but my story is. I’m a man, and for a while, I thought I wasn’t. My whole journey started from a place of just never feeling like I fit in anywhere. I’ve always been autistic, and that made social stuff incredibly hard. I could never resolve what people expected from me versus who I actually was. It felt like "man" and "woman" were two strict boxes, and since I didn't feel 100% like the stereotype of a man, I thought that must mean I was a woman. It was like my brain got stuck on that idea.
A lot of things fed into this. I had a years-long health crisis that made me feel completely disconnected from my body, to the point I started to hate it. I also had a lifelong problem with depression and low self-esteem; I just never felt comfortable in my own skin. I hated myself and wanted to become someone else, and transitioning felt like the biggest, most dramatic change I could possibly make.
Another big part for me was what’s called autogynephilia (AGP). I was attracted to the idea of myself as a woman. I’ve always loved femininity as an aesthetic, and that got tangled up in my sexuality. I also spent a lot of time online and saw other people who felt like they didn’t fit in find community by transitioning. I thought that if I did it, I’d finally fit in too and all my problems would be solved.
My therapist at the time was very affirming and pushed me toward transition. So, I decided to try it. I socially transitioned for about a year. But the whole time, it felt awkward and lame. It didn’t feel freeing at all. Instead of escaping the pressures of gender, I felt like I had jumped into an even smaller, more confusing box. I didn’t want my gender to be the center of my life; I wanted to get away from the whole idea of gender boxes. Being trans just made it the main thing everyone focused on.
I eventually realized that my idea of being a woman was actually a man’s idea of what being a woman is like. It wasn’t real. I was trying to fit into another stereotype. The real solution for me was to finally understand that "man" is a very expansive term. I learned to completely ignore what I thought society's expectations of me were. I can be a man who is sensitive, who hates conflict, who loves feminine aesthetics, and that’s okay. I don’t need to change my body to do that.
I don’t regret exploring my identity because it led me to this understanding, but I absolutely regret medically transitioning. I took hormones for a short time and it caused some health issues that I’m still dealing with. I’m now infertile, which is a profound loss.
My thoughts on gender now are that sex is biological and fine, but gender—all the social rules and stereotypes—is the real prison. Transitioning, in a way, just reinforces those strict boxes. True freedom is realizing you can be whatever you want to be without any surgery or hormones.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 24 | Began socially identifying as a woman and started seeing an affirming therapist. |
| 24 | Started taking estrogen hormones. |
| 25 | Stopped hormones due to feeling it was wrong and experiencing health complications. |
| 25 | Stopped social transition and began identifying as a man again. |
Top Comments by /u/theactualluoji:
(1) I felt like "society's" expectations of me did not line up at *all* with my personality or how I behaved. Standing up for myself I used to find incredibly difficult, conflict of any type used to be absolute hell to deal with, leaving me in a racing-thoughts depressive state for sometimes days.
(2) Years long health crisis that made me feel extremely disconnected from and (eventually) actually hostile towards my body.
(3) I like feminity as an aesthetic I always have. AGP was a factor.
(4) Never feeling right, never feeling like I "fit in", feeling that "oh these other people didn't fit in and then they transitioned therefor after I transition I'll fit in."
(5) General self loathing - lifelong depression and never felt comfortable in my own skin until recently. Hate myself, want to change myself, what bigger more dramatic change could make.
None of these things were true or a reason to go through transition. But my therapist pushed it so I tried it for like a year and it felt awkward and lame and extremely not worth it. Turns out it made the most sense to completely ignore anyone's *supposed* expectations of me. Hope that makes sense.
(1) Hey people are down-voting your respectful and thoughtful comment and that's lame.
(2) There does need to be room for the people who felt "pushed" by their doctors into a choice they came to realize was not right for them to ask *why* their doctor screwed up so badly. That should not in and of itself make you uncomfortable.
(3) I appreciate that you took the time to post here in a respectful way even though you feel uncomfortable. That takes guts and I hope nobody abuses you for it.
(4) The mods here do a generally good job of keeping the tone civil, I see stuff that I disagree with, but never anything hateful.
(5) There is, frankly, a lot of detransphobia in the mainstream trans subs as well. That doesn't mean I think they should be banned.
Yes, I absolutely do.
Iran is an excellent example of how transition actually reifies the idea that there is a single "correct" way to be a man or a woman.
I didn't want my gender identity to be the center of my life, I wanted to get *away* from the box of gender but being trans honestly just puts you even deeper inside it. It turns out the best way to deal with the pressure to conform is to just ignore it (IMHO).
Lately, I realized what I had in my head was a female’s idea of being a man; not a man’s idea of being one.
Holy fuck you really hit on something there. I'm a Male former AGP, and if you flip the sexes this was exactly me. Really really insightful comment.
Thank you for posting this, I'm a fellow former autogyn, it *feels* insanely embarrassing (even though it isn't!) so posting this was hella brave and made me feel less lonely and weird about my experience.
It doesn't matter how close or far our behaviors and tastes are from the averages of our sex. Honestly, sex is fine, *gender* is the prison.
I'm on the spectrum and it absolutely contributed to my dysphoria. It has something to do with not being able to resolve social expectations. Man and woman are binary categories and for a spectrum-y person its easy to get wound around the idea that "i'm 51% or more stereo-typically woman so i should just be a woman because that's what society wants". Also being on the spectrum means you just feel misaligned with your surroundings a lot of the time and the idea of going through a long process where your more aligned at the end of it seems appealing.
"I think the main cause of this is that he seems to have become convinced that adult men are all controlling, cruel, and macho; and he quite understandably does not want to grow up into such a person." Ding ding ding, he feels he doesn't fit in the category.
Make sure that he understands that "man" is a *very* expansive term and that gender really isn't *all that* binary. One of the nice things about modern culture is you really can be *whatever* the fuck you want to be *and you don't need surgery*.