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Reddit user /u/thebutchfeminist's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 25 -> Detransitioned: 27
female
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
trauma
got top surgery
serious health complications
homosexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's perspective is highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over a two-year period. They share detailed personal experiences (e.g., being a teacher, a butch lesbian, and a desister with a wife) and a complex, regretful account of their own top surgery. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine trauma and strong opinions found in the detrans community. The language is natural, complex, and lacks the repetition or simplicity of a bot.

About me

I was a masculine lesbian who felt pressured to believe my discomfort with my breasts meant I was a man. I eventually had top surgery, which was a painful experience with a difficult recovery. I now have permanent numbness and pain that is worse than my original discomfort. I deeply regret altering my body and see now that I was always a woman. I'm learning to embrace my female masculinity, and I'm happily married to a woman who loves me as I am.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was a very masculine girl and I always felt more comfortable presenting that way. I was also a lesbian, and from a young age, I felt a lot of pressure and confusion about what that meant. I saw how butch lesbians were treated and it seemed like the world couldn't understand a woman who wasn't feminine. People would tell me that the way I wanted to have sex—as the penetrator with a strap-on—meant I must really be a man inside. That idea started to get to me.

For a long time, I was part of a gender-critical community that was very against transitioning. I was proud to be a female and a lesbian, and I tried to deny the deep discomfort I felt with my own body, especially my breasts. I had a lot of sensory issues with them; I hated the feeling of skin touching skin and the way they could get in the way. I felt like they made me look feminine in a way that didn't feel right for me.

After a bad breakup, I left that community and my environment completely changed. The new people in my life, including therapists and doctors, all encouraged me to see my body discomfort as a sign I was transgender. During the COVID lockdowns, I became convinced that my feelings were my own and not influenced by anyone else, so I decided to get top surgery. I had a periareolar mastectomy, which is a type of surgery to remove breast tissue.

I went to a very highly recommended surgeon in the US, but the experience was horrible. The recovery was grueling and incredibly painful. I had to wear a binder 24/7 for months and couldn't raise my arms properly for over half a year. Right after I woke up from surgery, my surgeon told me he wanted to do a revision, which would have meant going through the whole binding process again. I said no.

Now, five years later, I completely regret the surgery. Physically, I still have a lot of problems. I have areas of numbness and other areas that are hypersensitive. It can feel itchy or painful, and sometimes even a light touch with something small, like a pen, makes me feel sick. I have to be careful how my wife lies on my chest because it’s still tender. Working out can trigger pain. These sensory issues are worse than what I dealt with before.

Socially, it’s also harder. I’ve always been masculine and often mistaken for a man, but now my flat chest is a permanent signal that I'm trans, which I'm not. I'm a butch lesbian woman. I feel ashamed that I permanently altered my body out of a shame that I’ve now moved past. I wish I had just tried to find a better sports bra or something to help with the sensory problems instead of surgery.

My thoughts on gender are that being female is my physical reality. It’s not an identity or a feeling; it’s just a fact. I can be any kind of woman I want to be—super masculine, wear men's clothes, have the sex life I want—and still be a woman. I don't believe in male brains or female brains. I think a lot of young same-sex attracted girls are being pushed into thinking they're trans because of internalized homophobia and sexism. People can't seem to accept that a woman can be masculine and still be a woman.

I don't regret the time I spent identifying as trans because it was a part of my journey to understanding myself, but I deeply regret the surgery. It caused me permanent physical complications and didn't solve the underlying discomfort I felt. I'm now happily married to a feminine lesbian who loves me for my female masculinity, exactly as I am. My biggest hope is that we can create a world where female masculinity is celebrated on its own terms, not seen as something to be fixed or compared to being a man.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
14 Began to feel strong discomfort with my breasts and started presenting masculinely.
16 Came out as a lesbian and started facing pressure to explain my masculinity.
18-24 Identified as a gender-critical butch lesbian, denying my body dysphoria.
25 Left the gender-critical community after a breakup; new peers encouraged a trans identity.
26 Underwent periareolar top surgery during the COVID-19 lockdowns.
27 Began the long, painful recovery process from surgery.
31 (Now) Live fully as a detransitioned butch lesbian woman; managing permanent physical complications from surgery.

Top Comments by /u/thebutchfeminist:

14 comments • Posting since May 20, 2023
Reddit user thebutchfeminist (desisted female) explains that being mistaken for male is due to social conditioning, not appearance, and that challenging these norms makes it easier for other women to be themselves.
73 pointsNov 15, 2023
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I get this all the time. I think it’s hair cut, clothing choice, etc. I love it because every time you blow somebody’s mind by being female, you made it 1% easier for some other female to be herself. But the truth is no, you totally look female, people are just super super socially conditioned that anyone not doing the most feminine thing ever must be the male default human

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (detrans female) explains that detransitioning doesn't require changing your personality or hobbies, and that being female is a physical reality that transcends identity or interests.
14 pointsJul 14, 2025
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Everything that you described is not the exclusive domain of men. Deransitioning doesn't mean that you have to change yourself again, or change any of your hobbies and interests. And you don't have to feel like you need to throw away everything from those years, you were still yourself and it wouldn't make sense if every part of that time was completely inauthentic and unproductive.

I also came out very young and didn't get to have most of the teenage girl life experiences, and it's not easy sometimes because I do feel really profoundly different from other women. But it doesn't mean that I'm not a woman because being a woman isn't made up of those things, it's just my physical reality.

Unlike "being male" which is an identity, being female is your (our) reality. You can associate "being male" with different things, only because it is a choice, and dependent on what you think about yourself and socially constructed reality. Being female is simply physical reality, and transcends whatever you think about yourself in a given moment. You can reclaim that no matter how you look, what your name is, what your hobbies are or what your haircut are. And there's nothing more powerful than being proud of all parts of yourself.

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (desisted female) explains how homophobia pushes butch lesbians to transition, arguing that society wrongly equates a woman's desire to be a sexual "penetrator" with being male.
13 pointsJun 1, 2023
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As a butch lesbian desister who knows quite a few butch lesbian detransitioners, there’s a homophobic strain that’s pushing girls to think there’s something off with their “gender” instead of that they’re gay. Butch lesbians and butch-femme culture are both absent in culture (how very unpalatable), to where straight and even queer people/therapists/surgeons/friends don’t grant that our sexuality is possible without being a “male pattern” sexuality. NSFW, but here’s how it affects masculine lesbians: the whole world, straight and “queer” now too, thinks a woman can’t desire to be the “penetrator” in sex (especially, god forbid, have orgasms with a strap) without a bunch of “well-meaning” — that term perpetually in question — therapists telling them they must be male on the inside. It’s unbelievable. People literally look me dead in my eyes and say if I can come and enjoy coming using a strap, I must be a dude. Wut. Say you know nothing about female sexuality without saying it, yk?

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (desisted female) explains that many women are romantically attracted to masculine females but are bullied into silence online and in real life.
12 pointsMay 20, 2023
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There are so many girls in the world who will see you in a romantic way. They’re being bullied online and IRL into not stating their orientation toward woman-identified masculine females out loud (called terfs, etc.) but I promise you they exist. Here’s a letter from one of them: https://instagram.com/p/Cr4GTKXSjGW/

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (detrans female) explains how some parents push their children toward transgenderism out of homophobia, preferring a "failed" trans son over a masculine lesbian daughter to avoid judgment and blame for their own parenting.
12 pointsJul 30, 2025
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Absolutely. Parents of kids I teach who are the most uncomfortable with gayness push their kids toward this, either implicitly or explicitly, because heterosexuality is the only way they can make sense of their kid. Especially with the girls. They would rather have a female kid who will forever “fail” at being a man - and in the trying, help prop up the idea that men are better than women - than a masculine lesbian daughter who attracts judgment from other normies. Also: if they force their kid into a losing relationship with the medical system, then their kid’s the messed up one and not them. Sorry that’s harsh but I’m 100% sure that’s how they think. The most codependent, paranoid, and defensive people push their kids toward trans to protect their own aura - and it may not even be that they want cool points for the trans factor, it might just be that they want their kid to be messed up because of “gender trouble” instead of because of their confused-ass parenting.

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (desisted female) explains how the r/butchlesbians subreddit censors discussions of female biology and attraction, contrasting it with her real-life experience and her femme wife's supportive views.
10 pointsJul 7, 2025
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That’s the vibe. It’s just wild that butchlesbians now represents the opposite experience of most actual butch lesbians out here living our lives. That reddit is enforcing not talking about being female or being attracted to female bodies, when the natural variance in women’s sexuality is like the defining element of our real lives and the reason partnering with feminine lesbians is sooooo common globally. My wife is a femme lesbian who wants masculine women to know they’re perfect as they are, and not on a spectrum with men… and she can’t say that on the butchlesbians subreddit? That’s nuts. She’d be able to say that in any non-Anglophone cultural context basically without this level of censorship and reproach. The whole machine is sold to consumer-mindset self-making and the self-hatred and anxiety it requires

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (detrans female) explains her regret after a periareolar mastectomy, detailing the social difficulties of being a flat-chested butch lesbian and the lasting physical complications like numbness, hypersensitivity, and a painful recovery.
10 pointsJul 14, 2025
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Hi, I had a periareolar mastectomy, and I was in a similar situation to you back then. I had sex dysphoria related to my breasts since I learned about top surgery as a young teenager. I felt really self conscious about my chest for years upon years, even as I actually identified as a butch lesbian and was gender-critical. My dysphoria about my chest was something I did not engage with for many years, and I denied it because I felt great shame admitting it when I was publicly so proud of being female.

Ultimately I felt restricted by the small gender-critical lesbian community that existed at the time and left after a bad breakup. I stopped self-policing my thoughts about dysphoria, and my environment pushed trans ideology so when I spoke openly about my discomfort, I was encouraged by my peers, doctors, therapists, religious leaders, basically every authority figure in my life to pursue top surgery. The COVID lockdowns convinced me that my discomfort with my body wasn’t socially influenced, and from there I decided to get surgery.

5 years later, I completely regret it. First of all, I’m still ashamed of my chest in the way you describe (struggling not to hunch, being uncomfortable in clothes, etc.) but now it’s due to choices I made, rather than the body I was born with. I am a butch lesbian and have been frequently mistaken for being a man since a teenager, and now having an almost completely flat chest makes it that much harder for me to have socially legible womanhood. I’m wearing a social marker that signals me as trans that I can’t take off. None of this is insurmountable, I’m fully detransitioned now and live openly as a woman and lesbian, but it’s an obstacle that wasn’t necessary.

But all of that is trivial compared to the physical effects - I have sensory issues related to the mastectomy that are worse than what I was dealing with before I surgically altered my chest - I deal with numbness and hypersensitivity often, and while it doesn’t bother me constantly, it bothers me often. This is leaving out the experience of healing from the actual surgery itself, which was grueling. The pain was horrible, having to wear a binder 24/7 for months and then not being able to raise my arms for 6 months (which I avoided for over a year out of an abundance of caution) weakened me considerably, and I worry about the long-term effects of the permanent stitches I have under my nipples. Will they last my entire lifetime, or will I have to have another surgery someday? I genuinely do not know. And my surgeon’s office was unkind to me starting the moment after surgery, when just after waking up my surgeon told me he wanted to do a liposuction revision, which would have required a repeat of the months in a binder that I had previously. I am grateful that I did not pursue a second surgery.

This is my experience, and I went to one of the best, most high-end and widely recommended surgeons in the USA for my periareolar mastectomy. Top surgery did not ruin me, but I wish that I had found a way to make peace with my body before I had to go through this ordeal.

If you have further questions about my experience, I’m happy to answer them. 

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (desisted female) explains why the pressure on young lesbians to transition is rooted in sexism, describing the "mortal fear" her same-sex-attracted students have of being associated with womanhood.
8 pointsJun 1, 2023
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Correction: it’s a sexist strain more than a homophobic strain. How dare women believe they don’t lack anything to have the sex that they want? And lest this sound like just one tiny island of the issue… I’m an ex-high school teacher, so I put this comment here because I see the absolute mortal fear in my same-sex-attracted students that any of them associate with womanhood or lesbianism. It’s happening to the same-sex-attracted girls, bad. You haven’t felt your own latent feminism kick you in the jaw like when you have two 14yo, same-sex-dating, trans-identified female students looking at you saying “ew, I hate the word female” in choral fashion in front of a GT class that skews female.

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (desisted female) explains to a butch lesbian that there are femmes who specifically desire female masculinity and find the female body "hot as hell," advising not to be swayed by regressive queer voices.
7 pointsJul 30, 2023
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Hey friend. My wife is a femme for butch lesbian. Before her, I exclusively dated femme for butch lesbians. If somebody wasn’t into me specifically for my female masculinity, that was a no-go. There are femme lesbians out there who will think EXACTLY the way you do having a female body is hot as hell. Including the strap (espECially the strap). As the other poster said, don’t let the patriarchy lie to you. Femmes are out there looking for you but being cowed into silence by regressive “”””queer”””” people who won’t let them say out loud that they want female masculine women.

Reddit user thebutchfeminist (desisted female) discusses the need to value female masculinity on its own terms, not as a comparison to maleness.
6 pointsJul 27, 2023
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Help me and other people who love women create a world where female masculinity is valued for exactly what it is. On its own terms. In its own space. Not in some deformed comparison to maleness. Where female masculinity is unique and perfect and enough. You’re gonna be fine, kid. Help other women be fine too.