This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake account.
The comments show:
- Personal, emotionally detailed narratives about surgical regret, vocal changes, and the psychological process of detransition.
- Consistent personal timeline (started T at 20, detransitioned around 24/25).
- Varied and nuanced emotional responses, including grief, anger, hope, and support for others.
- Natural language with personal reflections that lack the repetitive, formulaic patterns of a bot.
The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine trauma and harm experienced by many detransitioners.
About me
I started identifying as trans at 18, convinced it was the answer to my severe body hatred and low self-esteem. I had top surgery and took testosterone for over five years, but no one ever explored the real reasons behind my pain. I've been off hormones for ten months now and am slowly seeing my female body return, which feels like a relief. I grieve my surgery every single day and deeply regret the woman I could have been. While this has been the hardest journey, I'm finally healing and reclaiming my true self.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is something I’m still trying to make sense of. I started identifying as trans when I was 18. Looking back, I was just a kid, even though I thought I was so grown up. I had a lot of deep-seated issues that I now realize were the real drivers behind my decision to transition. I suffered from severe body dysmorphia and hated my breasts. I also had very low self-esteem and felt like I was never good enough as a girl.
I was in an intensive mental health program and saw a gender therapist for six months before starting hormones, but no one ever really dug into my feelings of body hatred or explored where it was coming from. They just affirmed that I was trans. So, at 20 years old, I made the huge decision to get top surgery. I was completely sure it was what I wanted at the time. Now, I grieve that loss every single day. Sometimes I just clutch my chest and cry, my hands searching for a feeling that isn't there anymore. It’s a deep, unique kind of pain.
I was on testosterone for five and a half years. It made me really hairy, beefed up my muscles, and dropped my voice very deep. I’ve been off it for about ten months now, and I’m starting to see my body change back. My hair is lessening, my voice is lightening a little, and my fat is redistributing. I get called ‘ma’am’ almost all the time now, which is a strange relief.
Quitting testosterone was the best decision I’ve made. I didn’t realize how much I was living in a dissociative fog until I stopped. I feel like I can finally breathe again and I’m so much more in touch with who I really am. My confidence has grown a lot.
A big part of my regret is about my sexuality. I’m a bisexual woman who heavily prefers women, and I feel like I damaged my sexual identity. I used to be fairly confident with intimacy, and now I worry I’ll never feel truly sexually empowered again. When I look at female characters in art or photography, I feel both adoration and a deep sense of envy and loss for the woman I could have been.
I’ve also reclaimed my birth name. I thought about picking a new female name, but I realized that was just another way to try and reinvent myself and run from my past, just like my transition was. So I’m using my original name again, and even though it’s taking some getting used to, it feels the most like me.
This detransition journey has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s taken me to some dark places, but I’m slowly healing. Looking at old pictures of myself from before I transitioned, from high school, has been really painful but also healing. I was so pretty and at a healthy weight, but my body dysmorphia was so bad I thought I was hideous and fat.
I don’t really know what I think about gender anymore. For me, transitioning was a way to escape myself and my problems. I regret my transition, especially the surgery, deeply. I mourn the loss of my breasts and the years I lost. But I’m trying to move forward, to allow myself to grieve when I need to, and to hold onto hope that I will continue to heal.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 18 | Started identifying as trans. |
| 20 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 20 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 25 | Stopped testosterone after 5.5 years. |
| 25 | Began socially detransitioning and reclaimed my birth name. |
Top Comments by /u/thefuryofsilence:
Please do not do it if you are feeling any uncertainty at all. I was completely sure it was what I wanted when I got the surgery four years ago at age 20, and now every day I grieve the loss of my breasts. Nobody ever wants to hear this when they’re your age, but it’s true—you are so young. Your brain hasn’t finished developing. You cannot be sure that you will not change your mind about the things you want and the way you feel about your body as you mature and actually get out into the world living life as an adult. Sometimes I just clutch my chest and cry, my hands fumbling desperately across my skin to feel even some phantom sensation of what I’ve lost. I don’t wish this feeling on anyone. Best of luck to you, sending love and light your way. With time, your heart will fall into the right place.
So much this for me as well. I’ve been detransitioning since December, and it’s been a lot of ups and downs for me personally. This journey has taken me to deeper, darker depths of my soul than I have ever been to before, and I honestly could have written this exact post myself last week when I too finally got the courage to look at high school pictures of me. I was so pretty, and at such a healthy weight, yet my body dysmorphia was so severe that I thought not only was I hideous, but fat as well.
No one ever thought that my body dysmorphia could have played into my trans identity—I see now how much it did. I was in an intensive outpatient mental health program followed by sessions with a “gender therapist” during the first six months of trans identification that preceded starting cross-sex hormones, and no one ever thought to explore my feelings of hatred and confusion surrounding my body before allowing me to transition. I hold a lot of resentment for those “professionals” now.
Know that there is hope though. I’m not sure how deep into your detransition you are at this time, but little by little you will see improvement. After 5 and a half years of testosterone, I thought my body was ruined forever, but slowly I’m starting to catch glimpses of who I was in the mirror.
I try to remind myself that I am still beautiful, even without breasts, and the folks who are meant to be in my life will see that. This works sometimes. Other times I just have to grieve with tears and rage. I allow myself this mourning whenever I need it, as I feel I am owed the grace after what happened to me. I highly recommend it.
Sending love and light your way. If you ever need a listening ear or additional insight, feel free to send me a message.
I originally toyed with the idea of picking a new female name that I liked better, but then I realized that doing so was just another attempt to reinvent myself and run from my past, just as my transition was. So I’ve reclaimed my birth name, and while I’m still getting used to the sound of it again, it ultimately does feel the most like mine.
Someone else joining in the struggle definitely helps to be honest, though I sincerely wish you were not wading in these waters of pain as well.
I thank you for sharing these thoughts, especially as I was also only 20 when I made this life changing decision. I look back at 20 year old me and while I understand that in the eyes of the law I wasn’t a child, I feel now as if I still was in the ethical sense. Sometimes I feel like I still am, as I’m still doing the work to heal that little girl who suffered so much.
I relate completely to this feeling that I damaged my sexual identity, and it hurts so bad, as physical intimacy is definitely something that is important to me. It sucks to feel like I’ll never feel truly sexually empowered again. I used to be fairly confident in those kinds of situations, and I feel like those days are over.
And as an artistic bisexual woman who heavily prefers other women, I also find myself often gazing at female fictional characters and art/photography featuring women, and my eye is one of adoration but admittedly so also envy and deep, deep loss at the sense of who I could have been. Some of the reasons I transitioned was because I never felt good enough as a girl—now, I feel like I’ll never get a chance to see the kind of woman I could have been.
Probably not gonna say anything new here, I just wanted to let you know that I also relate to your feelings completely, and given the harshness of the language you use to describe your voice, I agree with everyone else that you definitely have something akin to vocal dysmorphia. If it’s worth any extra points, I’m saying this as a trained singer with a vocal disorder as well—you definitely sound like a woman. Yes, I can hear the qualities that bother you so much, but as others have also said, it does just sound like vocal injury. Sending all the love in the world to you. I am intimately familiar with your pain, as it is the same pain that plagues me these days, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. If you ever need someone to talk to, PM me.
Wow, that is so terrible…I couldn’t imagine being that young, I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my breasts at age 20 to double incision and felt like I was just a baby still. I’m 25 now, been detransitioned for 10 months now, and still I miss my breasts every day. Tried padding with a bra, now I just go flat-chested because I was starting to feel even worse about my body when I’d take off the bra, similar to how I felt when I didn’t want to ever take my binder off at age 18.
If you ever need someone to chat with, feel free to DM me ❤️
I’m sorry all this happened to you. I practically could have written your post myself. Nothing I say can take away the pain you must feel, but nevertheless I wish you to find freedom from this unique form of grief. Me? I’m just holding out faith that people like us will heal with time.
Hello, I’m sorry to hear you’re in this place at this time. I took testosterone for 5 and a half years, and in that time I got super hairy, decently beefy, and my voice got deep as hell. I’ve now been off for only about 6 months, but I feel as if I can already see positive changes. My hair is lessening and my voice lightening, and my fat is starting to redistribute back to a female pattern. I am gendered female 95% of the time, I’d say (and I work retail, so I have plenty of data to draw this conclusion from).
More importantly though, I just feel so much more like myself. While I still struggle with depression at times, overall I feel much more in touch with who I am. I didn’t realize how much I was being smothered by a dissociative fog, but now that I have quit I feel like I can breathe again. My confidence has increased tenfold. My (unsolicited) advice? Focus on you. Make self-care routines your priority. If finances allow and you feel so inclined, invest in things such as clothes and beauty products. And most importantly? Try your best to do the inner work required to raise your self esteem.
You are about to embark on a difficult journey. Your body may experience some shock while withdrawing from cross-sex hormones, and the social aspect of detransition can be challenging to navigate at times. I recommend you keep your chin up, and if you feel safe to do so, share your story with others. You may find support in some surprising places (I know I have).
Sending love and light your way. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
Yeah the thought of implants is what keeps me going, but I worry that my scars are so bad that it’s going to be difficult to have a satisfactory surgical outcome. Hopefully I’m wrong, I’m not very educated on the possibilities of breast reconstruction. I hope things get better for you as well, and I too would be happy to talk if you ever need. Sending light your way.
I don’t have much meaningful to add, but I just wanted to say that this was so insightful, especially the final paragraph. I’ve been taking great joy in strolling down memory lane; I’ve taken the time to look at pictures of the first 18 years of my life prior to my transition, and it has healed me in unexpected ways.