This story is from the comments by /u/thelikeaherbert that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts display a consistent, deeply personal, and emotionally complex narrative of medical transition and detransition. The writing shows natural human variance in mood, self-reflection, and the processing of trauma over time. The account expresses anger and critiques gender ideology, which is consistent with the passionate and sometimes distressed perspectives found in the detrans community. The linguistic patterns, including minor grammatical errors and self-corrections, are consistent with a non-native English speaker and do not indicate automated generation.
About me
I started identifying as transgender at 13, desperate to escape my body and the woman I was becoming. I was on testosterone for nearly seven years, believing it was the answer to my deep self-hatred. I finally realized my transition was a symptom of my deeper problems, not a solution, and I stopped at 23. Now, I'm stuck in between, with a changed body that causes me a lot of grief and regret. I'm trying to learn how to love myself as the woman I am, even though it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My detransition story
My journey with this whole transgender thing started when I was just a kid. I always felt different and confused, and I had a lot of insecurity and feelings of worthlessness. I developed intense body dysphoria in my early childhood. I couldn't stand myself and I was desperately looking for an escape from who I was. Puberty was something I was really scared of; I hated the idea of developing as a woman and living socially as a woman. I just couldn't become a woman in the future.
When I was 13, I found that escape. I started identifying as transgender. It felt like an answer to all my confusion and self-hatred. At 14, I was put on puberty blockers. That’s when the first real doubts crept in, but I ignored them. The blockers changed my appearance and made me feel depressed and more desperate, which just made me push forward. I thought there was no going back. At 15, I started testosterone. For a long time, it seemed to work. Testosterone helped with my body and gender dysphoria for a while. I had faith in the future, believing I was becoming someone else and could forget the person I was before.
But it was a lie. Deep down, I never really wanted to be a boy. This was just a way of dealing with my underlying issues. During the lockdown, I was isolated and a lot of buried emotions came up. I was really depressed and started asking myself big questions like, "what do I really want in life?" I started meditating, changed my diet because of a chronic illness, and began to honestly look at myself. I realized that my transition was never about being my true self; it was a symptom of my deeper problems.
When I was 23, after nearly 7 years on testosterone, I stopped. The last months have been so tough, realizing I lived a lie for ten years and altered my body forever. The regret is unbearable some days, and I’ve had thoughts of ending everything. I feel a lot of grief and confusion. I’m off testosterone for about 9 months now, and there are some changes. My skin is softer, and I’ve gained back a bit of femininity, but I still look like a young boy rather than a 23-year-old woman. My voice is still deep, my Adam's apple is prominent, and I have facial hair. I’m doing electrolysis for the hair and I voice train, but it’s a slow process.
People are constantly confused by me. At my job in a restaurant, some people call me a young woman, others a young man. It’s exhausting. I only go outside with a mask on because I hate the looks. I know people are just curious and they’ll forget about me, but I care. It hurts to be called a boy because I know I’m a girl, but I’m not ready to use a female name again. I feel stuck in between.
I’m angry and sad about the transgender ideology. I don’t believe it’s something you’re born with. I think it’s a way of dealing with psychological problems, and for me, it wasn’t a permanent solution. I see young girls binding their chests and it hurts because I know that hate they feel for themselves. I wish I could tell them they are perfect as they are. Transitioning felt like self-loathing, not self-love. I think you have to be honest with yourself and work through the underlying issues.
I don’t blame anyone, not even myself. I was trying to find peace. But I have serious regrets. I mourn the person I could have been. I had top surgery and I hate my flat chest now. I feel like I fucked up my natural puberty and that time is over for me. I’m considering surgeries to reduce my Adam's apple and fix my nose, but I’m unsure if that’s the right path. I’m trying to accept that things take time and that maybe, eventually, everything will make sense. Some days I can even laugh at the absurdity of it all. I’m just trying to learn to love myself as I am now.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started identifying as transgender. |
| 14 | Started puberty blockers. First doubts appeared but were ignored. |
| 15 | Started testosterone (T). |
| 23 | Stopped testosterone after nearly 7 years. |
| 23 (9 months off T) | Writing about detransition, experiencing physical and emotional changes. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/thelikeaherbert:
I feel similar sometimes. Because of my experience I am angry and sad about this transgenderIdeology. To be honest, I don't believe it exists in the way people and the media and so called professionals sell it to you. I am upset and sad when I see depressed young girls that obviously bind their chest. It fucking hurts because I know how they feel. I know how much hate exists in them and I wish I could go to them and tell them that they are alright, that they are perfect the way they are and that they do not have to change themselfs completely to be able to love themselves. I know that everyone is different and has a different background. But I do believe that everyone has a reason why they fall for that gendershit in whatever kind of way.. And that you should start to look at those reasons and that you can work through them and accept yourself. It is important to have compassion for others and to accept their decisions. But there is so much hate in me, so much anger, because I know how damaging this world can be in reference to gender, sexuality, appearance, etc. all those fucked up roles and standards you have to fulfill
I feel like many people think transgenderism is something that truly exists. That it is something you are born with, something that is inherent. That there are those and those symptoms through which you can be diagnosed with it. I do believe that there are psychological problems that develop that lead to those symptoms. I do not believe that you are born with genderdysphoria and all those thoughts about having to change your birth sex. I do think transition can be a solution but it is better to work through those underlying issues. And in the end those problems, this hate, that led to you transitioning will catch up And of course being trans* today is a ever growing term. It gets broughter and more and more people fall into this category. I see that critical
I identified as trans from 13-23. Started with hormoneblockers when I was 14. That was when first doubts came up, but I would not listen to them, especially because blockers did change my appearance already to a degree where I felt really uncomfortable and thought there was no 'going back', that I had to move on. Then there was this dream that appeared all ~6 months in which I sat in front of the mirror, looking at myself with long hair, as a girl again, being happy. It took me 10 years to start listening to myself and escaping from that unhealthy mindset
Right now I wear gender neutral clothing and people are often confused about my gender. But they call me a boy most of the time. The thing is, I do not want to have to convince people that I am a girl. It sucks to be called a boy and to look and sound like one. I know that I told everyone I am, but it was a lie and now everyone believes it. I am sorry, I know I should be more optimistic, it just hurts right now. Thank you
I am sorry, that this is my opinion. It does not mean that I do not accept transidentifying people anymore. I do accept them for all they are. But I think you have to be honest with yourself. That it does not work lying to yourself about with what genitals you should have born with. There are people that will probably be happy with their decisions till death. But some things feel so much like delusions to me. And children fall for that easily. That is where I see the problem especially.. But in the end I do not know anything really, and I am still really confused about what is right and what is wrong, or if there even exists something that is correct.
Oh, thank you so much! :) my voice was really deep and if I look at old videos of myself, my gestures were not as feminine as they are today. I voice train when I am alone and am constantly aware of how my voice sounds when I have to speak. Somehow I can sound more feminine when I am alone or just talking to a camera and when I am in a good mood. But trust me, my voice was deeper than most biological males my age! And it still is not where I want it to be. But people are not able to gender me, it seems like they are really confused about my appearance. Thanks so much :)
I saw that post, and I commented it also. I can relate to that person a lot. But I do think that it is not transphobia actually. That it might be more of a dislike against this whole 'transitionthing'. I think that this person does not have something against the transidentifying individuals, but is triggered by them and feels some negative feelings because of their own experiences.
Oh, this brought me tears. I am so happy that it helps! Thank you so much. It is a bumpy road still, but I think I manage to accept everything better from day to day. The thing with my voice is weird :D I still am not where I want to be with it. But it has improved soo much.. Sometimes it sounds rather male, sometimes rather female. It is a process.. But like I said before in another comment, I am constantly aware and focus on how it sounds when I have to speak, I think that is important. Somehow overall I feel like I am just somewhere in the middle right now with everything.
Well, everyone sees it differently, I guess. But I think many people think, for people that identify as transgender, transitioning is a way to express authenticity, to become more themselfs, that it is a way of self-fulfillment. Rather than a behavior that is self-loathing, a process that has little to do with self-love and self-acceptance. A real definition does not exist I think. But people buy that it is something good, that peoples problems are being solved by transitioning. In my opinion it is nothing like that. I guess, this is not the answer to your question again? :D
I think transgenderism itself is an ideology. I don't know how to describe it better. And in the end ideology can lead to damage, but whether damage is good or bad, I do not have a clue, maybe it just is. I am sorry. Probably I am just to dumb. Or I just think indifferent patterns than you do or understand the word ideology completely wrong. That is what this whole conversation is about maybe. I do not think that I will come to a conclusion on any topic ever. Sorry for not being able to answer your question :D Maybe I should just shut up and say nothing anymore because I do not understand anything really ahhh