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Reddit user /u/thereareroses's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 30
female
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
puberty discomfort
anxiety
autistic
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's posts display a consistent, nuanced, and personal narrative of detransition, including specific details like canceling top surgery, quitting testosterone, and the emotional fallout. The writing style is complex and introspective, with personal reflections that evolve over time, which is difficult to fake convincingly. The user also expresses criticism of both the trans community and TERF groups, demonstrating a perspective that aligns with a genuine, disillusioned individual rather than a caricature.

About me

I started identifying as a trans man in my early twenties because I was lonely and wanted to belong to the online community I admired. I began taking testosterone, but it made me feel angry and disconnected from my own energy. I cancelled my top surgery after a powerful gut feeling told me it was wrong to remove my healthy breasts. I stopped hormones because I realized I was fighting against my natural female body and the idea of being a lifelong patient was exhausting. Now, at 30, I accept being a woman and am focused on building a stable future, grateful I trusted my instinct before making permanent changes.

My detransition story

My whole journey with transition started from a place of deep loneliness and a need to belong. I was in my early twenties, and I felt like I had nothing that was truly mine. I saw the trans community online, with popular creators like ContraPoints and Jammidodger, and it seemed like a welcoming table for people who were interesting and special. I wanted a seat at that table. I thought if I became one of them, I could finally fit in and make things right for myself.

Looking back, I can see I was heavily influenced by what I saw online. It felt like a trend, and I was eager to join. I was also dealing with a lot of underlying issues: anxiety, depression, and being autistic. I think these made it harder for me to figure out who I really was separate from all the noise. I didn't start as non-binary, I went straight into identifying as a trans man.

I started taking testosterone. It was a big decision, but I was convinced it was the right path. Being on T was a strange experience. It felt like it shut off my ovaries and any natural drive I had. My energy felt like it came from nowhere and went nowhere, which just made me angry and frustrated. I was scheduled for top surgery because I hated my breasts and thought removing them would solve my problems. But shortly before the surgery, I got this gut feeling that something was terribly wrong. I was freaked out by the idea of surgically removing healthy body parts. I listened to that feeling and cancelled it.

That was the beginning of the end for my transition. I mulled it over for a few months and then I quit testosterone. I was just burned out on being involved in the medical system. The idea of being a patient for life, forever dependent on hormones, felt exhausting. I started asking myself why I was trying to keep estrogen, which was natural for my body, out. And why did I care so much about being gendered correctly as a man? Nature, or God, had already decided I was female.

I see now that a lot of my discomfort was just general puberty discomfort and body issues that got misdirected. I also struggled with internalized ideas about what it meant to be a woman. I saw a lot of trans women online basing their entire idea of womanhood on female anime characters, which are just fantasies created by men. That’s not real. Real womanhood is my mother, my sister, my friends—imperfect and human.

I definitely regret transitioning. For me, it was a product of my wild twenties, a risky thing I did to claim an identity that wasn't my mother's. Now that I'm 30, I want stability. I accept that I am a woman. I’d like to have a job, a husband, and maybe kids someday. I'm grateful I listened to my gut and stopped before I did something I couldn't undo, like surgery that would have made me infertile.

My thoughts on gender are pretty simple now. We exist as male or female for a reason. We each have unique biological skillsets that have been developed over millennia. Our natural hormones are part of that. Trying to override that didn't work for me. I believe gender dysphoria is a mental illness, and unlike other mental illnesses, its harmful urges are indulged instead of treated. We don't tell people with other conditions to act on their harmful impulses, so why is this different?

I tried to find a new community after detransitioning and briefly mingled with people who seemed to agree with me, but I found they also demanded conformity. I just couldn't do that again. In the end, the only person you can really trust is yourself. You have to listen to that gut feeling, even when it's scary.

Age Event
Early 20s Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone.
29 Scheduled top surgery but cancelled it due to a gut feeling it was wrong.
30 Stopped testosterone and began living as a woman again.

Top Comments by /u/thereareroses:

9 comments • Posting since December 28, 2021
Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) explains why the trans community promotes r/actual_detrans as a way to keep detransitioners within the ideology and prevent independent self-reflection.
48 pointsJun 27, 2022
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i know i sound very superstitious (maybe i am, after transition i hardly trust anyone), but it's in the trans community's best interest to keep people in and spread the good gospel. so, if they're pointing to r/actual_detrans as the legitimate detrans sub and this one as a honeypot for terfs and transphobes, they keep any detransitioned person on the treadmill of trans ideology rather than getting a good hard look at themselves and making independent choices based on what they've seen. you can't choose much when everything's all the same.

Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) explains how some trans women adopt an unrealistic, misogynistic model of femininity based on anime girls created for male fantasy.
36 pointsJun 30, 2022
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i've noticed a lot of trans women taking female conventions from anime as their influence of how to be. and anime girls are basically ideal girls conjured up by men to indulge a fantasy of the perfect gf. she's cute, sweet, pure, never judges you or scorns you, supports your every endeavor no matter how hopeless, she's basically a cheerleader you can kiss (and missing the pompoms), and she must always be submissive. to paraphrase yamazaki from welcome to the nhk, "real women are shit, they're dirty whores! purinpurin-chan would never go behind my back!"

i think that's misogynist and unfair -- i will never be the perfect girl every guy dreams of, so why should these people? if your model of femininity is something that never existed in the real world, find another model. your mother, your sister, your best friend. enough of this catgirl uwu onii-chan wa ecchiiiii x3 crap, that's not womanhood, it's fantasy.

Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) discusses how a podcast interview revealed that left-leaning gays in the 1980s opposed same-sex marriage as "heterosexist," questioning if the left truly cared about gay rights or used them for social standing.
14 pointsJun 28, 2022
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i was listening to bari weiss's podcast and in one episode she interviewed andrew sullivan, a conservative gay man from the uk who campaigned for same-sex marriage back in the 80s (at the height of the aids epidemic). i learned something very interesting: at that time, lefty gays weren't at all interested in marriage. they viewed it as breeder shit, or in their terms, "heterosexist patriarchal" something. they weren't interested in blending or normalcy, it was conservatives in their community who were pushing the idea of "same love." i used to be very left and debated ppl about same-sex marriage and social acceptance of gay ppl back in the 00s. now i wonder if the left ever truly cared about gay ppl or if we used them to elevate social standing.

Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) explains that social media influencers deny responsibility and create smokescreens to avoid liability, and clarifies that not all trans people are cultists but those who approach their identity with honesty are worth hearing.
10 pointsJun 27, 2022
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i think they're def afraid of liability, or facing some personal responsibility (realistically no one on social media can be sued for what they're doing). they know they screwed up, they're just trying to throw smokescreens like "these people are divorced from reality." they're making excuses.

and because i made the trans cult post that probably inspired op's, i will say this: i don't believe every trans person is a cultist. i believe trans people who approach their identity and the community at large with honesty is worth hearing out. rather than parrot the same talking points and shutting out dissent, they listen to a variety of voices and come to their own conclusions. they're not afraid to acknowledge the downsides of their experiences and the community rather than paint everything as wholesome marshmallow fluff.

Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) discusses the dangers of the "trans trend," comparing it to a high school clique, and urges teens to find identity in hobbies and biological reality instead.
8 pointsDec 28, 2021
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i saw a video a while back from victoria garrick, a volleyball player and mental health advocate, on managing anxiety. something she said struck me: "i am not anxiety. i am a person experiencing an emotion felt by millions of people around the globe." reddit for some reason won't let me link it in a word, so here's the link in its raw glorious letters and numbers form: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa0e-u0HHd0

the teen years are when people are most determined to find something unique about themselves to define them. as we mentally move further away from our parents we try to find ways that aren't theirs to guide us. my parents are right about some things, and i'm hardly an original. the worst unoriginality for me is stuff like anxiety, addiction, and letting people dictate my capabilities based on those, plus my gender, sexuality, and autism. that stuff is none of their business. my opinion is that trans people are definitely not originals but mimics of each other: contrapoints and philosophytube, jammidodger and noahfinnce both with their huggy-the-bear straight-people-bad-everything-else-marshmallow-goodness shtick. and these people are not teenagers but full-grown adults around my age! high school never ends for some people, and at this rate it no longer stresses me (okay, maybe a little bit, they have audiences that listen to them) so much as bores and tires me: "really? you're like 30 and you still get off on this?" the trans community for me was like the popular kid table which i was eager to join, because i was lonely and because i thought if i was one of them i could make things right.

it's great that you're thinking about this instead of jumping right in on this horrific trans trend. i'm tired of seeing kids getting pulled in on this insanity. it's nothing the kids did wrong. they're kids, they love trends, that's how they've always been. it's my responsibility as an adult to steer kids away from harmful trends and toward more productive ones. whatever you're good at, whatever makes you you, don't give that up just because some adults on youtube have nothing of substance to define themselves with. i define myself with reading and writing, and personally i think america's missing one of those old medieval tales where goodness, courage, and truth always win over evil and deception. king arthur, lord of the rings, redwall. for athletes like victoria garrick sports can be an arena to test which side's training and mettle is more true. what hobby do you do that makes you feel more true, more real? what inspires hope for the future for you? go back and find that, and polish it until it shines.

and sex: we all exist as male or female for a reason. we each have our own unique biological skillsets, passed down and developed over eons, for a reason. our respective natural hormones from our respective gonads seem to grant that reason. testosterone shut off my ovaries and seemed to make any drive i had come from nowhere and go nowhere, and that made me angry. idk if the same goes with testicles and estrogen, or even other detrans women, but it's what went for me. i was talking to my sister recently about the book valley of the dolls (still reading so if you know how it ends don't spoil it), set in post-ww2 nyc, and i said, "i'm surprised, this whole workaholic girlboss kick america's on isn't new." and she said, "well, during war women had to take up male tasks to make up for the men who were gone overseas. after they came back america saw the rise of the traditional housewife. i think the roles cycle out of necessity." and we're not currently at war, plus you're a kid, so enjoy being yourself. we need all men, all women, and all children. we all have some importance here. no one deserves to have their reproductive autonomy robbed from them.

Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) explains what they would tell their 13-year-old self: to trust their gut, ignore peer pressure about sexuality, and understand they don't need to change themselves to help others.
6 pointsJun 25, 2022
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listen to yourself, trust yourself. the other kids don't know you as well as you know you. if you're getting that gut feeling that something is wrong, that something is too good to be true, heed that warning. the gut feeling is scary, it tends to kick up when we are scared, and the temptation to silence it and press on is real. but you can either get away from what caused it or engage it while standing your ground, fight or flight. you're not a lesbian, kids are only saying that because you're not spinning a revolving door of boyfriends every week, but you know very well that that boy in gym class gets you fired up like nobody's business (which it is). you don't need to change yourself just because someone else is suffering, you can support them and help them while still being yourself. listen to some "the middle" by jimmy eat world. it just takes some time, but you'll figure out the merry-go-round's map after being on it long enough and seeing the same places it circles around, and then figure out a good place to jump off and take off where you wanna go.

Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) explains why she left TERF communities, citing demands for conformity, online harassment for dissenting opinions, and a lack of empathy despite shared beliefs.
5 pointsJun 24, 2022
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yep. shortly after detransitioning i tried to mingle with terfs because it looked like they had my best interests close to heart. what i found was more demands for conformity and i was like, "christ, i am not doing this again." it's sad bc i do agree with them on some things, but as soon as i disagree they send their follower attack dogs. and as much as they preach safe spaces for women, as soon as i open my mouth about something that's hurting me, they tell me to shove it and laugh. "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" is not a good slogan to live by, turns out.

Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) explains her detransition mindset, questioning surgery and hormones, and how seeking stability led her to embrace being a woman.
4 pointsJun 27, 2022
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this is kind of what my mindset was like when i detransitioned. i was freaked out over top surgery and cancelled it. i mulled over the implications of surgically removing healthy body parts for a few months, and then quit T (it was also a case of being burned out with my involvement in the medical system and knowing i'd be in it for life if i wanted to keep this up). it's not like estrogen was bad for my body, so why was i trying to keep it out? and like you said, why would i care about being gendered female? sure, i might not do the best job at being a woman, but nature and god already decided i do by giving me femaleness.

while i do regret transition, i relate to being at a different point and needing something else. i think transition was a product of my wild 20s, looking for something risky to do that was mine and not my mother's. now i'm 30 and want some stability, some transparency. i'm a woman, i'd like a job, a husband, maybe some kids.

i think you're doing well to have a therapist. if you choose detransitioning, it's better to have someone holding you steady. either way, they're good at digging to the root cause of your feelings and behaviors and helping you figure out which choice is best. i tried to maverick my way through it and did things i regret. whatever you choose, i hope you find peace.

Reddit user thereareroses (detrans female) explains why she views gender dysphoria as a mental illness that is uniquely indulged, comparing it to how doctors would never encourage a schizophrenic to act on harmful delusions or euthanize a depressed person.
3 pointsJun 26, 2022
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mental illness in general doesn't go away, it needs to be coped through. i will always be depressed, and sometimes it feels like the only way out is through suicide, but suicide takes a lot of good stuff i didn't know i had along with it. it pulls loved ones down into a hole they shouldn't be in. gender dysphoria is a mental illness, but unlike other maladies of the mind it gets its urge toward harm indulged. docs don't tell schizophrenics to kill their neighbors because they're right, that neighbor is part of the conspiracy to hurt you. they don't euthanize depressed people because death is really the only way out.