This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user identifies as a desister, provides a consistent and nuanced personal narrative across multiple comments, and offers empathetic, detailed advice that aligns with the complex experiences discussed in the detrans community. The language is natural, varied, and shows genuine emotional investment in the topics.
About me
I started socially transitioning as a teenager because I was deeply unhappy and thought being a trans man would explain my discomfort. For six years, I lived as male while also discovering my mental health struggles made me feel disconnected from my body. My journey really changed when my self-esteem improved and a natural hormone surge made me happy about developing a more feminine figure. I realized my problem wasn't with being a woman, but with being me, and I'm now completely comfortable and happy as female. I don't regret my social transition, but I strongly believe medical steps should not be taken without resolving underlying self-hatred first.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really unhappy with myself. I had extremely low self-esteem and I think I was just generally uncomfortable with my whole life. Looking back, I see that my gender dysphoria was a symptom of that bigger unhappiness. I guess I subconsciously thought that if I was a trans guy, then my discomfort with myself would finally make sense. It gave me a reason for feeling so bad.
I only ever transitioned socially, so I didn't take hormones or have any surgeries. I just started asking people to use a different name and pronouns for me. This went on for about six years. During that time, I also realised I have a schizotypal personality, which I think 100% contributed to me identifying as trans. I felt really disconnected from my body and my life, and being trans felt like an explanation for that disconnect.
A big turning point for me was when my mental health started to improve. I worked on my depression and my general self-esteem got better. It's a chicken and egg situation—I don't know which improved first, but they helped each other. I started setting goals for myself, like career and fitness goals. Even though I'm disabled, I found ways to get fitter and it made a huge difference to my mood. As I started to feel better about myself in general, my feelings about my gender began to change.
A very specific moment was when I was around 21. I had a hormone surge and my body changed; my breasts developed a lot more. Instead of feeling dysphoric or hating them, I actually felt really happy about it. I saw other pretty women and thought, "I want to be like that... oh wait, I can be!" That was a huge moment of clarity for me. I realised I wasn't trans after all.
Now, I'm comfortable being a woman. I like a lot of things about it. I enjoy dressing femininely and wearing makeup. I like my boobs. I appreciate that I can express my emotions more freely than men often can. I even like the idea that I could grow a human inside me one day. I feel like my feminine energy balances out masculine energy and creates a whole picture. It feels right to be confident in the body I was born with.
I don't regret my social transition because it was a part of my process of figuring myself out, and I didn't do anything permanent. But I do have strong feelings about the whole topic now. I believe that for a lot of people, transgender urges come after self-hatred. Transitioning might be a good idea for a tiny number of people, but right now, it feels like it's encouraged way too easily. If anyone has any doubts at all, no matter how small, they should not do anything medical. It's insanely hard to reverse.
My thoughts on gender are that it's incredibly complex, and it's hard to get good advice because both trans people and detransitioned people often have massively strong opinions and aren't willing to listen to the other side. I also noticed some weird attitudes in online LGBT spaces; some people seem to have a real dislike for men and straight people, which I found off-putting. As a bisexual woman dating a man, I've even been called "straight-lite," which is just as judgmental as the bigotry they claim to fight.
In the end, my journey was about untangling my gender feelings from my general mental health. I benefited from improving my self-esteem and working on my depression. What I thought was a problem with being a woman was actually a problem with being me. I'm in a much better place now.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
My Age | Event |
---|---|
Around 15 | I started to socially transition, using a different name and pronouns. This was because of my low self-esteem and general unhappiness. |
For about 6 years | I lived socially as a trans guy. |
Around 21 | I had a hormone surge, my body changed, and I realised I was happy being female. This was the point I stopped identifying as trans. |
After 21 | I worked on my depression and self-esteem through therapy, fitness, and goal-setting. I became comfortable and happy as a woman. |
Top Comments by /u/thewatchbreaker:
I agree with valencianvolf when she says you should push for a legal case. 14 is so outrageously young, the adults around you should not have been okay with this.
That being said, it's not your fault. You were a kid. And don't worry about your boyfriend - I'm sure he doesn't care you have a flat chest. I understand the grieving process, and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. But please try not to linger on it too much - your boyfriend loves you no matter what.
Have you considered therapy? I feel like that will make you feel a lot better about your situation. What's done is done, and we can only go onward and upward. I really hope you can find your self-confidence, you deserve to feel happy with yourself - but yes, it is difficult, I know.
Basically tl;dr I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm rooting for you, girl. <3
not to be devil’s advocate but thinking about sex when you’re 13 isn’t abnormal, it’s about when puberty starts and hormones start going wild. obviously kids shouldn’t be having sex or acting on those impulses or anything but it’s very normal to start to think about sex at that age. i was an early bloomer and started thinking about it when i was even younger and i didn’t even watch porn until i was like 17 so it wasn’t anything to do with that.
I only socially transitioned so I’m desisted rather that detransitioned, but I realised my gender dysphoria was a result of general unhappiness at my entire self/extremely low self esteem, and I guess I subconsciously thought that if I was a trans guy then my discomfort at my whole self made sense.
About 6 years after socially transitioning I felt a lot better with myself generally, and I saw pretty girls and thought “I want to be like that…. Oh wait, I can be!”
Idk, gender dysphoria and transitioning is such a complex subject and it’s difficult to get any advice when both trans people and detransitioned/cis people in general have MASSIVELY strong opinions and aren’t usually willing to entertain the other side.
Hope you find what’s best for you. If you have ANY doubts at all, no matter how small, do NOT do anything medical. It’s insanely hard to reverse.
Do you have depression or a similar mental illness? I used to think a lot like you, but when my depression got better, my self-esteem in general improved (or maybe other way around, real chicken and egg situation) and I started to find the joy in femininity and being a woman.
A lot of what you say seems to stem a lot from self-hatred which you are spiralling in, and leads to a dislike of females/femininity. I would recommend therapy if you are financially able.
Things that may help (they helped me): having goals for yourself that you want to achieve and are working towards. Career goals, fitness goals, relationship goals (last one is hard because it’s dependant on another person and not just you. I would focus on first two). Fitness has really improved my mood and sense of self. I am disabled so I thought I couldn’t do any of that for a while and didn’t even try, but there are always things you can do.
What do I like about being a woman specifically? I like being able to dress femininely and wear makeup. I like my boobs. I like that I can express my emotions more freely than if I was a man (obviously women are criticised if they are too over emotional but we have a lot more scope to be emotional than men). I like the idea I can grow another human inside me (I know a lot of women don’t though. That’s just me). I like that I have less health risks and a higher life expectancy. I like feeling confident in how I was born and feeling like my feminine energy matches masculine energy and creates a perfect whole.
Obviously women face lots of problems and I think we should try and tackle sexism in society. But it’s not all bad all the time, or even most of the time.
Sorry this was so long, rambly and probably had lots of tangents. But I’ve been exactly where you are so I have a lot to say about it I suppose. XD
It’s not easy to get out of your way of thinking, but it’s not impossible. Wishing you good luck in your journey through life, I hope you can find contentment 🫶
“the transgender urges only came after the self hate” YES this is so true for me too. This is probably the same for most trans people.
I do think transitioning Could be a good idea for some, but in the current climate it’s just encouraged at the drop of a hat and 99% of us shouldn’t transition at all.
This was a large part of it for me I think, although I didn’t realise it at the time. I used to be flat chested and I had a kind of masculine face & acne when I started identifying as trans. When I had a hormone surge when I was around 21 and my boobs suddenly went nuts, instead of feeling dysphoric about it I actually felt very happy and that’s when I realised I’m not trans after all
I’m schizotypal too and I think that 100% contributed to identifying as trans, I was just trying to find a reason why I felt so disconnected from my body. Maybe you could ask your partner to start referring to you as she/her and see how you feel about it?
They don’t like men, they don’t like straight people, and they especially don’t like straight men. If you say this though then they accuse you of being a right-wing loon and that you think straight people/men are systematically oppressed. Like no, that’s not what I said, I said YOU personally don’t like straight people/men.
Obviously not all LGBT people are like this but a lot of them are. That’s why some queer people don’t like that I’m a bisexual woman dating a man - someone called me “straight-lite” once and I’m like girl can’t you see you sound exactly like the conservative homophobes you hate so much?