It's never an easy situation, and I can completely empathize with the feeling like you're essentially "transitioning" again since I started the hormonal process and underwent SRS in my teens, and was pretty deep into my transition when I came to the realizations that I did.

I know on the surface it's tempting to become complacent, and to continue transitioning out of convenience because your body may be a certain way now and you may feel trapped - however, if it's costing you your ultimate happiness and affecting your life intensely you owe it to yourself to do what would make you happiest in the end, and if detransitioning is the answer to achieving that happiest take those steps in exploring what that means. Yes, your disposition like mine is a bit more complex then a lot of stories out there - however, detransitioning isn't impossible either, and I promise you can find yourself and confidently live in your skin again. If you do detransition, you don't owe it anyone to fit their definition of what a male should and be like because you don't need to prove that. You are who you are, and you define that, and no one can tell you otherwise.

As for your public profile I don't have much advice since I largely don't use social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, etc. However, just know if you do switch your profile to a male profile - you don't owe it anyone to share your story. That's for you to become comfortable with primarily, and up to you when and if you choose to share it. Though, I honestly do recommend at least being in a place where you're mostly comfortable with yourself and your story before going public because those questions may inevitably come up, and you owe it to yourself to live in your truth.

I lastly want to say, it is possible to find a man who will love you and your body. I know it seems daunting, and it may take the right person and dating as a post-op man definitely comes with it's challenges, but I absolutely assure you you're worthy of love and that there's a lot more open minded people out there beyond the mainstream. I have a very loving partner who's supported me through the regret of my SRS and now my detransition. Yes I have a more feminine body, and my anatomy has been surgically altered, but he embraces my flaws as just another part of my story and loves me because my personhood extends beyond my body. I promise you dating in your body now, and detransitioning is entirely possible and you can definitely live a romantically fulfilling life - even if it takes some time and the right people to experience that with.

Anyways, sorry for the wordwalls! I wish you the absolute best of luck, and just know in time things will become clearer and less insurmountable, and you'll know what to do. (: you got this!

I understand your sentiment, but I respectfully disagree. There definitely is an over-preoccupation with people's bodies, that's unfortunately the kind of culture we're exposed to - social media, basing people's personhood on their bodies, and the emphasis on competition between one and another perpetuates these societal issues. However, for those who contend with dysphoria/bodily discomfort, often times transition is not the solution to ultimately combat the mental distresses that occur - and ultimately being comfortable in their skin, which is the point of transition related treatment in the first place. This may seem overrated and trivial to you, but no one truly deserves to feel discomfort in their skin - especially when there could be other approaches to solving these distresses, and in cases where transition only possibly made those issues worse.

what's the point of transitioning back to being a man once you no longer have identifiable male characteristics? you know how much time and money and emotional effort it'd cost to "go back"? just cut your losses and move on, jesus christ.

This something that as a detrans man, is frustrating and saddening to read. This exact sentiment is the reason why many people avoid detransitioning or exploring re-associating with their birth sex in the first place, and feel like it's worthless and impossible and just become complacent to their realities that they're unhappy with. If one is truly satisfied with their transition, and the characteristics that they gained from it then by all means live your life happily. However, to questioning individuals hearing things like "just cut your losses and move on" is very unhelpful. It's alienating to hear as a biological male, that I can essentially never be a man again because not all of my characteristics are masculine now, or because I've transitioned so far that my body is physically different than other males so therefore it's pointless, because that is objectively untrue - and a mindset that's harmed myself, other detrans men, and questioning individuals. No matter how much my body has changed, I am and always will be 100% biologically male, I can't ever erase my experiences growing up as a little boy, experiencing things only males experience, discovering I was gay, etc. - aspects of my sex that can never be erased. If embracing one's natal sex is what makes them happiest and brings them the most peace in the end, then they deserve that experience (or to at least explore that option) and it doesn't have to 'look' any particular way, because you just are what you are - so please, don't tell people not to detransition based on what they solely look like because detransition and sex in general is so much more intricate then what's on the surface and how you appear.

It just takes a conversation, a difficult one, but one that expresses everything you've been through and how you feel.

I lived in stealth, and avoided sharing the truth of who I was to a very good friend for nearly two years. I broke one day, and sent a long text message to them explaining everything and they understood immensely, and it had no impact on our friendship going forward. In fact, we're growing closer because they now know the truth about myself. It's important to really explain everything you're feeling, why you did what you did and what lead to it, and how you feel now and why you want to be honest with them.

Have I done this with everyone in my life? No, not yet. It's incredibly scary, and your feelings and hangups around it are very normal and understandable. In a sense it's kind of like coming out again. It takes time to navigate these scenarios, and you'll know when you're ready. However give people a chance, yes it isn't great we lied about our dispositions and it's reasonable to feel guilty, but many people are also open minded enough to understand the difficult situations we've been put in and why we do the things we do - and you shouldn't blame yourself for doing what you needed to do to protect yourself during that time either. And even if they don't and feel hurt, you at least have some relief in knowing you're living your truth and giving them the courtesy of honesty in the end.

You got this. In time things will be clearer, and you'll know what to do and have the tools and confidence to be able to express everything you're feeling. It's undoubtedly difficult to navigate, but nothing that's truly worth it is ever easy. I'm wishing you the absolute best of luck with everything.

My response wasn't directly relaying to OP's experience though, I was honestly speaking more generally. I understand my experience isn't everyone's experience at all, and I never said my experience was universal. You are after all in a detransitioner space on a post where someone is questioning their transition, of course you're going to encounter the perspectives of people who can personally relate to the questioning individual is going through and provide their personal prespective. Never did I say OP needs to transition or detransition, however I was saying that it isn't impossible either - especially if that's what would make them happiest. It takes a lot of self exploration to determine what the right decision is.

I'm also not offended either, just frustrated by your original statement because it isn't as insurmountable as you paint it to be, and after all you edited your original comment because you were upset by the downvotes - and I was trying to explain that your sentiment is unhelpful to someone who is questioning their transition and perpetuates a mindset that many questioning, and detrans people succumb to where they outright think it's impossible - when in reality, it's not at all, it's undoubtedly difficult but it's something one has to navigate in depth, and if that makes them happiest then they deserve that. Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems you think that by transitioning hormonally/surgically that makes someone unfit to be re-associated with their birth sex, but that's quite literally scientifically inaccurate and false. Male and female doesn't look like anything other then what you make it. It seems like you base your perception of how males and females need to be and appear based off of intangible, stereotypical aspects of gender.

there likely are people out there who would accept you for who you are regardless of what you've done to yourself, and gay/bi men might be more accepting (just a guess given that sexual minorities seem more liberally minded in general), but it's going to be harder to find a partner for sure. this is no small matter.

You'd be surprised. I have a partner, and a fulfilling love life as a post-op, post-HRT detrans man. Again, this is another sentiment that is untrue and perpetuates a toxic mindset that detrans people are unable to find relationships, of course being detrans and dating presents it's many challenges and of course it may take the right person but there's literally billions of us on this planet with varying experiences. It's not impossible to find someone to accept you and your past either. Besides, many trans people also struggle with dating - in some capacity we all have unique challenges to overcome.

didn't say OP needed to do anything either. they were asking for perspectives and i gave them one. you disagreed, which is fine, but then started complaining that i'm being "unhelpful". no, pretty sure i answered what was asked

I'm confused what prespective you gave beyond telling them to give up, cut their losses, and didn't even attempt to logically address some of the concerns/questions presented in their post. You in fact, did tell them proceed forward a certain way. I'm sorry, but what you originally said was unhelpful. Plain and simple.

that's not what i think. do you think this is an ideological thing for me? i'm just saying that realistically/pragmatically, OP will have better chances just living out their chosen gender, after all they've done in order to pass as such & they will most likely have problems passing as a man again.

Yes I do, because while yes hormones and surgery do physically change someone's appearance and passing as your observed gender at birth can be difficult, in the end they don't change someone's biological sex, so if one longs/would be happiest re-assocating with their sex especially if transition is causing them distress, then all they have to do is simply exist and explore what that personally means to them. Of course not every aspect of medical transition is reversible at all but there's also options to help people pass better, especially with detrans men, if it's causing them distress and that's what they desire. Your responses just lack a lot of nuance.

in your last paragraph you're just straw manning me, because i never said that finding a partner would be impossible. again, i'm so damn glad you've got a fulfilling love life. not everyone is so lucky.

Not saying you ever said it was directly impossible, however the way you worded that part of your response did make it seem unreasonable and near-impossible. I also understand and acknowledged the difficulty around dating many times and recognize the privilege I have to have a partner, however I know from firsthand experience dating as a detrans person is something entirely navigatable too. I know of many detrans/desisted individuals who are able to sustain happy, fulfilling relationships as well.

consider this my final reply.

Anyways, I have nothing left to say so thank you for taking the time to read my responses. Best of luck with everything.

Hey, I just wanted to say that I really relate to this. For the past 6 years I was transitioning to trans female, and it was the past year I discovered what detransitioning truly meant and started re-associating with my birth sex and embracing my gay identity, due to lots of regret around the medical/surgical aspects of my transition and feeling like I was erasing a part of myself that I fought so hard for.

I just want to say, please don't hate yourself. I totally get how daunting it feels, and honestly I still haven't overcome that feeling fully. It does feel really confusing when we've been living a certain for so long, and maybe were confident in that decision and then come to introspect and learn differently about ourselves. It's okay to feel out those feelings, and explore what they mean. However, please don't be hard on yourself... questioning this journey is already tough enough and you're commendably brave for taking the steps to do that. I know that's easier said than done, but you should feel somewhat proud that you even care enough in the first place to explore sides of yourself you may not have been previously comfortable with. (:

When it comes to family, at the end of the day if they supported you through transition they will with this too. Even if they didn't, I would say to give them time to adjust to the changes. I completely understand the guilt of feeling like you put your family through extraordinary circumstances, but know they are your family and they likely love you either way... and will in fact probably be really proud of you for discovering what makes you happy in the end. It's admirable that you care about them, but also don't forget to care for yourself in the meantime too. I wish you the absolute best of luck with everything!

Honestly, I was just up one late night - in the depths of feeling a lot of regret towards decisions I made during my transition and I basically just said, f*ck it. I knew this friend would most likely understand where I'm coming from of all people in my life currently, and even if they didn't I would've at least known what to somewhat expect when I tell the truth to people. When it's come to me coming out in the past though, I rarely plan these events out and kind of undergo them sporadically - I know not everyone is as comfortable with such an abrupt approach.

The most important advice I can give, is to be in a place where you're comfortable enough to accept yourself and your story to be able to openly talk about it with those you care about. Also, just know you don't have to come out all at once - it can be a process you navigate. People may have questions, and as difficult as it is to respond to them, it's sometimes necessary to answer those we're expressing this side of ourselves to to give them a clearer picture. However, you don't also owe them aspects you aren't comfortable sharing either and that's important to remember - it is your story to share after all. That is up to your discretion completely. It'll become less daunting in time, I promise, even if it's uncomfortable. You got this!