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Reddit user /u/throwaway-0838487jdm's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 24
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
body dysmorphia
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
ocd
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's writing is highly personal, nuanced, and emotionally consistent with the experiences of a desister (someone who considered but did not medically transition). They demonstrate deep self-reflection, describe a specific history with OCD and dysphoria, and express complex, sometimes contradictory, feelings that are human and not scripted. The passion and criticism are in line with the expected perspective of someone who feels harmed by their experience with trans ideology.

About me

I always felt like I didn't fit in with other girls and wanted to be a boy, a feeling that grew into intense discomfort with my female body during puberty. I found online communities that convinced me transitioning was the answer, but I now see that my dysphoria was rooted in sexism and my OCD, not a true male identity. I realized I had a choice and decided to return to living as a woman, which is what I literally am. Stepping away from the idea of being born in the wrong body helped me more than transitioning ever could. While I still struggle with my body image, I finally feel like a whole person, sure of myself as a woman.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was very young. I’ve had OCD my entire life, I can remember performing rituals and having intrusive thoughts since I was four years old. Like a lot of girls, I always had a strong sense of not “fitting in” with other girls and I wanted to be a boy, socially. But that feeling didn't become full-blown dysphoria until I was older and learned what the word meant.

When I hit puberty, I started to really hate my body. I began avoiding mirrors and developed a deep discomfort with my developing breasts and other female characteristics. I now see that my dysphoria is rooted in sexism; it didn't spring from nowhere. I only started hating my body when I realized what it was destined for in the eyes of society: elaborate cosmetic rituals, male attention, and the potential for abuse. I felt a deep sense of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

I got very involved online, pouring hundreds of hours into FTM forums and transition timelines. The image they painted of achieving manhood resonated with me so deeply. I thought transitioning was the answer. I now realize what I had in my head was a female’s idea of being a man, not a man’s idea of being one. It was born of my trauma and a sense of inadequacy, not a spiritual alignment with the opposite sex. I was also influenced by online communities and the broader culture at the time, which presented transition as the only valid solution for anyone with dysphoria. I was very mentally ill when I was trans-identified, and most of the articles, forums, and medical opinions I found legitimized my feelings without question.

I spent some time identifying as a non-binary person after having a crisis about being a trans man. But I ultimately realized I had a choice: I could either continue believing in all these new gender categories and philosophies, or I could begin my journey back to being a woman. I chose the latter. The more I thought about who I truly was, the more alienated I became from my own body. I decided that female is what I literally am, and no amount of identifying could change that.

I see gender now as a sort of religion. I’ll respect others’ self-concept, but I don't personally believe you can be born in the wrong body. For me, trying to live that way was driving me nuts. I benefited immensely from stepping away from that narrative. Understanding that my dysphoria was rooted in sexism and my own OCD helped me cope far more than transitioning ever could have. I never medically transitioned—no hormones or surgeries—so I am still fertile and did not experience any health complications from that. My journey was entirely social.

I do have regrets about that period of my life. I regret how deeply I fell into it and how it took me down a bad rabbit hole that included a suicide attempt. I don't blame any individuals, but I think the one-size-fits-all narrative is manipulative and unhealthy. I don't regret transitioning socially in the sense that it was a path I needed to walk to get to where I am now, but I am relieved I didn't make any permanent changes to my body.

Now, I am just a woman. Even though I still can’t always stand my body, I feel so much closer to being a whole person now that I’m sure of what I am: an adult human female.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
4 First memories of experiencing OCD rituals and intrusive thoughts.
Puberty Developed a strong discomfort with my female body and began avoiding mirrors. Started to hate my breasts and feel a deep sense of not fitting in.
Early 20s Discovered the concept of gender dysphoria online. Began identifying as a trans man after extensive research on FTM forums and transition timelines.
23 Had a crisis about my trans male identity and began identifying as non-binary instead.
24 Realized my dysphoria was rooted in sexism and trauma. Stopped identifying as trans or non-binary and began my journey back to accepting myself as a woman.
Present (25) Living as a woman. I still struggle with body dysmorphia, but I am learning to cope without transitioning.

Top Comments by /u/throwaway-0838487jdm:

21 comments • Posting since July 9, 2020
Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) explains how a young family member is falling for the toxic YouTube influencer culture, wanting to fit in without understanding the consequences, and laments the inability to break through the strong trans activist hivemind.
55 pointsJul 23, 2020
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Your rage is valid.

The YouTube influencer culture is so toxic. I have a young family member who is falling into this and it makes me WANT TO SCREAM because I see that she’s exactly like me but worse because this fad hit her brain cells when she was far younger.

She thinks she’s involved in a righteous LGBT cause (while never having even experienced the crippling homophobic attitudes I was exposed to).

She just wants to fit in so badly but she has no idea what she’s doing to herself. And I’m the only one who knows, but I can’t even break through to her because the hivemind is SO STRONG. ):

Ugh. It’s so stupid!

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) comments on the societal pressure that leads some heterosexual men to transition, arguing for the end of gender roles so men can be soft and feminine without it being associated with sexuality.
32 pointsJul 9, 2020
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Not here to answer but to echo that I’m incredibly curious, too.

One thing I’ve seen repeated by detrans men, specifically heterosexuals, is that they felt lonely and left behind by society, due to being more submissive or feminine without belonging to gay culture.

I wish society would just get rid of gender roles and let men be soft, feminine, and passive without falsely associating those things with sexuality.

But I also share your feelings exactly, OP. I deeply hate being female. I can’t imagine wanting this.

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) explains how gender critical philosophy helped her cope with dysphoria rooted in sexism and a fear of the violence and hatred directed at the female class.
22 pointsJul 9, 2020
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It really is a shame about gender critical. Sometimes there were hateful posts, but the philosophy, as in the scholarship “breaking gender” is based on, helped me cope with my dysphoria more than transitioning ever could have, because my dysphoria is rooted in sexism. It didn’t spring from nowhere.

I only started hating my body when I realized what it was destined for: elaborate cosmetic rituals, male attention, abuse. Females are hate reciprocals—barely responsible for any violence, owners of very little economic and political capital as a class, and yet also the targets of most unprovoked violence and rancid hate. Whether it’s incels today or serial killers in the 70s, it’s obvious there will always be a cultural desire to punish and annihilate us.

I will never understand wanting to become part of the most hated class in all societies. But I do try to sympathize and show love and respect. I just selfishly wish I wasn’t stuck this way lol.

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) explains her detransition from a trans man to a woman, arguing that misogyny shapes the experience and criticizing online trans activists who dismiss female-specific issues like FGM.
16 pointsJul 24, 2020
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It’s frankly just sexism with a few extra steps lol.

If they can’t see that they sound exactly like men when they want to diss females for talking about OUR experiences, that’s on them. Not on us.

I went from identifying as a trans man to exactly the kind of person described above (nb and evolving an acute sense of how misogyny shaped me) and then finally just plain old woman.

Normal trans women that aren’t super political tend to very respectful of our differences and need for exclusive spaces. A lot of the political people online who identify as trans women sound too much like men’s rights activists and will even say practices like FGM have nothing to do with being female... like, get therapy jackass. That’s a ridiculously narcissistic thing to say.

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) explains her past mental illness and suicide attempt, arguing for support of detransitioners through open debate and critical medical research.
14 pointsJul 11, 2020
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Thank you.

Please also support detrans people in your own communities.

Support means accepting medical research, dissenting thought, and a liberal debate. If there isn’t pushback now, what will the general public think later on? We who are in touch with this topic are a minority.

I was very mentally ill when I was trans-identified and most of the articles, forum communities, and medical opinions readily available to me legitimized, without question, that my feelings definitely meant I was better off transitioning. This took me down a bad rabbit hole which included a suicide attempt (not whining or blaming anyone, just explaining where I’m coming from).

Most detrans and desisters—myself included—respect trans rights, full stop. But too many people treat “trans” like an ideological community that should share the same opinions. That’s not fair to trans people given the stakes.

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) encourages a user to share their detransition story on YouTube, arguing it's a platform for everyone and that they personally watch many such channels.
14 pointsJul 12, 2020
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Absolutely do it!

There’s no such thing as “taking up space” on YouTube. It’s the people’s platform—a place where anyone with a camera and internet access has a right to voice their experiences.

I actively watch around 10 detrans channels from males and females, and I’m always on the lookout for more.

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) comments on a detransition story, highlighting the value of sharing such experiences for others and questioning the medical establishment's narrative that HRT is the only solution for dysphoria, especially for younger generations influenced by unique cultural factors.
13 pointsJul 12, 2020
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Thank you for sharing your story. It may feel like venting now, but know there are thousands of visitors here, many of whom may be in your shoes, who will benefit from reading this.

The narrative backed by the media and medical establishment—e.g. that all who demonstrate signs of dysphoria must go on HRT to live happily—is well-meaning, I think. But it just hasn’t had time to reflect on the teenagers and young adults of today, who have been exposed to cultural factors not relevant to previous generations.

Stay strong in who you are, however you choose to identify moving forward. “Gender expression” is just one piece of a person. There’s so much more to life! :)

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) explains why r/detrans is the only logical and humane space for discussing gender dysphoria without being labeled an "egg" or "delusional."
13 pointsJul 9, 2020
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This sub has been really helpful to me (in my various throwaway accounts lol).

If I’m around trans people and discuss my dysphoria, I’m either an egg or a liar. In the GC crowd, I have to subject myself to a lot of touchy content about being delusional and mentally ill. It’s all way too noisy.

Here is the only place where people seem remotely logical or even humane in this debate. :\

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) explains her choice to desist, describing gender identity as a "sort of religion" that was driving her "nuts" and alienating her from her body.
11 pointsJul 25, 2020
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This is so well-written. Thank you for sharing!

I spent some time as a non-binary AFAB following an identity crisis with my “trans man” sense of self. I ultimately realized I had a choice—continue believing in “neo gender” categories and all the surround philosophies OR begin my journey back to being a woman.

I chose the latter, because the more I thought about who I truly was, the more alienated I was becoming from my body. I was like, okay, no. We are the sex we’re born; we can choose how we like to be called, what we want to wear, how we identify, but female is what I literally am.

Even though I still can’t stand my body, I feel so much closer to being a whole person now that I’m sure woman = adult human female.

I really see gender as a sort of religion. I’ll respect others’ self-concept in the same way I respect Christians who say God speaks to them. Does that I mean I literally think you can be born in the wrong body? No. But I want everyone to live happily and feel like a whole person. I just couldn’t find myself on that path. It was driving me NUTS.

Reddit user throwaway-0838487jdm (desisted female) explains why the detrans subreddit is not transphobic, arguing that flawed statistics and a culture of silencing criticism have allowed homophobia and misogyny to go unaddressed.
11 pointsJul 11, 2020
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No, this sub is not transphobic. Nearly all participants here identified as trans at some point and many are medically detransitioning.

Individual trans people aren’t deserving of blame for a damn thing; they’re just people, some amazing and gentle, some awful and narcissistic.

However, the current attitude online treats any whiff of criticism like total heresy. I’m sorry, but most statistics on trans topics are pretty flawed.

Sometimes people here are a bit hypercritical and bitter. I certainly feel that way sometimes. But honestly, this whole thing has been taken too far at the cultural level. I will always support the rights of trans individuals; but there’s a lot of homophobia and misogyny going on, and the people best suited to address some of it are detrans people.