genderaffirming.ai 

Reddit user /u/throwaway10327591's Detransition Story

female
hated breasts
took hormones
trauma
got bottom surgery
now infertile
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's comments are highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and offer consistent, personalized advice drawn from detailed personal experiences (e.g., trauma-linked name change, hysterectomy for period control/sterilization, sensory issues). The language is natural, varied, and engages empathetically with different users' unique situations, which is not typical of bot behavior. The passion and perspective align with a genuine desister/detransitioner.

About me

I started by thinking I was nonbinary because I felt such intense distress and disconnection from being a woman, primarily due to my hatred of having a uterus and getting my period. After birth control made me suicidal, I chose to get a hysterectomy to solve that medical problem, not as a gender transition. A huge part of my journey was realizing my distress was linked to a deep fear of motherhood and a feeling of being an incubator. Now, after the surgery, I feel more feminine and free to explore womanhood on my own terms without that pressure. I’m a woman with a male-sounding name I chose for myself, and I believe you should do whatever makes you feel best in your own skin.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started because I really hated having a uterus and getting my period. It caused me so much distress that I thought I must be nonbinary. I didn't understand why I felt such intense loathing for that part of my body, and it made me feel completely disconnected from being a woman. I knew I didn't want to be a man or take testosterone, but I desperately wanted my body to feel neutral.

I tried different birth controls to stop my periods, but every single one made me feel so deeply suicidal that I was genuinely afraid for my life. I couldn't continue with them. So, I made the decision to get a hysterectomy. Because of the way the medical system works, it was filed under "gender-affirming care." For me, it wasn't about gender; it was about getting rid of the source of my pain and trauma.

A big part of my distress was linked to a deep, child-repulsed feeling. I have sensory issues with loud noises and unexpected movements, which trigger really violent and unpleasant intrusive thoughts. I had come to equate womanhood entirely with motherhood, and the idea of being an "incubator" was horrifying to me. Having the surgery was a way to remove that association. Interestingly, after the hysterectomy, I actually felt more feminine, not less. I was free to explore what being a woman meant to me, without that overwhelming pressure and fear.

I also changed my name, but that wasn't about gender either. My birth name was tied to a lot of childhood trauma. Changing it was about creating a fresh start for myself when I went to college—a metamorphosis from a broken, depressed person into someone new, happier, and independent. The name I chose is traditionally male, but it was actually my last name, so it still felt like home to me. I am a woman, and this is my name.

I don't really have regrets about my medical transition because the hysterectomy solved a serious medical and mental health problem for me that other treatments failed to fix. It improved my life. My thoughts on gender now are that you should do what makes you happy and improves your life, not what society or anyone else expects of you. Surgeries and changes don't have to be tied to gender if you don't want them to be. A breast reduction or mastectomy can just be for you.

I benefited from really thinking through the "why" behind my actions. I didn't do anything rash; I weighed the pros and cons heavily. I think that's crucial for anyone considering any permanent change. My advice to others is always to focus on what makes you feel best in your own skin, whether that means transitioning, detransitioning, or anything in between. It’s your body and your life.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
18 Started college and changed my name to dissociate from childhood trauma.
23 After years of distress from periods and failed birth control, I received a hysterectomy.
24 Realized the surgery allowed me to feel more comfortable and feminine in my body.

Top Comments by /u/throwaway10327591:

19 comments • Posting since April 5, 2024
Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) comments on a detransition post, reassuring OP that family who accepted their transition will likely still accept them now, and applauds their self-discovery.
9 pointsApr 24, 2024
View on Reddit

Did they accept you in transition? Chances are they will still accept you after transition too! I'm happy you were able to explore and figure out it's not right for you. That's a good step and I applaud you for being able to come to that conclusion ♥️

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) explains why they chose a traditionally male name as a fresh start unrelated to gender, advising OP to prioritize their own happiness.
7 pointsApr 9, 2024
View on Reddit

Do what you want, regardless of what he thinks. Do what's going to make you happiest in this moment. For me, I changed my birth name because it was linked to a bunch of childhood trauma, and I wanted a new name to represent a new beginning when I went to college. It was a fresh start and not linked to my gender at all. It was about a metamorphosis from a broken, depressed person into a new, happier and independent me that I could be without being bogged down by all the associations I had with my past name. My name might be traditionally male, but it was actually my last name so it still felt like home, even if I am a woman. Maybe explain it like that? That you want an entirely new association and it's about becoming the person/woman you want to be, and not being about gender at all.

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) explains that surgeries like mastectomies or hysterectomies are acceptable for non-gender-related reasons, such as sterilization or pain control, as long as the patient is fully informed.
5 pointsApr 16, 2024
View on Reddit

A breast reduction or mastectomy on a woman is perfectly fine, as long as you've been properly informed of all the risks and decide to proceed. I got a hysterectomy, and even though it was filed under "gender reasons" I realize I actually did it for sterilization/period control reasons and because I couldn't do birth control. Surgeries, while they can be gender affirming, do not have to be tied to gender if you don't want them to be.

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) encourages a user struggling with dating post-detransition, advising them that many child-free people exist and that a partner who can't respect their past isn't worth having.
4 pointsMay 14, 2024
View on Reddit

Re:being infertile, there are actually a lot of child free people who are looking to date as well! So there are options for that. It might sound cliche, but if someone can't respect what you did in the past and can't see how you've grown since then, do you really want that person in your life? I get it, it's a hard pill to swallow. But there are people out there. It might take some looking (and I know the process of looking SUCKS. Don't want to cherry coat it) but you will find it someday. I wish we didn't have to suffer before finding it, but I think that's just how life is set up and it's a hard truth I had to come to. Good luck in your journey! ♥️

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) explains why asking open-ended questions is more effective than contradicting someone questioning their gender identity.
4 pointsApr 9, 2024
View on Reddit

Agree with someone else. Trying to contradict her and dictate what she feels is going to push her away. Instead, ask questions that makes her think. Why does she feel this way? Are there things she dislikes about herself? Ask her open ended questions designed to get her thinking critically about herself. It's much better to come at this topic with the intention of understanding her rather than the intention of telling her she's wrong.

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) explains that the core issue with misgendering is not about the word itself, but about a person willfully disregarding another's stated wishes and boundaries.
4 pointsJul 19, 2024
View on Reddit

So I get your view, but I think what they are trying to say is that it is a disrespect when you ask someone to do something and they willfully ignore it. So it's less about actually being seen as a woman or even the word woman, but more about a disregard of wishes. Like if you said your name was Micheal but you didn't want to be called Mike, and then someone started calling you Mike, I wouldn't want to be friends with a person who put their own opinions over my boundaries. They have a right to their own opinions, but I don't want to hang with them if they don't show me that they respect my wants.

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) advises a questioning person to explore their feelings and gender presentation without pressure, suggesting trying feminine clothes, pronouns, and taking time to find what brings happiness.
4 pointsMay 22, 2024
View on Reddit

It's okay to have those feelings! I think it's important to sit with them for a longer period of time and see if they go away or they persist. You're still young and things change. I would also recommend exploring how you want to present yourself more. Try on some feminine clothes and jewelry, maybe ask a close friend to use she/her pronouns. Feel free to experiment and figure out what feels good to you. You don't have to conform to one standard. Do whatever brings you the most happiness. So I guess my advice is to explore those feelings more and know you have a lot of time to figure it out! There's nothing that says there's a deadline to these kind of things.

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) advises a detransitioning person on how to tell close friends, suggesting a low-key, one-on-one approach.
4 pointsApr 9, 2024
View on Reddit

I think that's perfectly fine to tell some close friends. I would hope they would be as open minded with you for coming out as trans as when you come out as detrans. It doesn't have to be a huge thing, and that you'll graduate soon and move on with your life. You could also say something on a 1-on-1 basis if that makes you feel safer

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) explains that being asked for pronouns is often a gesture of politeness, not a comment on one's appearance, and is now common even among cisgender friends.
4 pointsApr 9, 2024
View on Reddit

In my experiences, I have had a lot of people ask other people about their pronouns even if they looked 100% woman or 100% man. Some people have it in their heads that it's just a polite thing to do for everyone. So keep that in mind; even my cisgender friends get asked their pronouns nowadays. Maybe it would help to remind yourself that it's not a malicious action. She's asking because she thinks it's polite, not because she wants to stress you out or make you feel bad.

Reddit user throwaway10327591 (desisted female) explains how to support a partner considering transition by guiding them with open-ended questions to objectively weigh the pros and cons, rather than dictating their decision.
4 pointsSep 13, 2024
View on Reddit

You have to remember that you don't get to dictate what happens to another persons body. That's for them to decide. The only thing you can do is help them objectively weigh the positives and negatives. Help them be realistic. "Yes, it might help with this, but it might also cause this. Is that a risk you're willing to take?" And then don't try to invalidate their feelings whatever they say. The more you try to push them toward one particular answer, the higher the likelihood that they'll resist and stop looking at things objectively. For some people, transition is the right choice and they have learned to live with their decision. For some people, transition is not the right decision and they have learned that and decided to change. Try helping them understand why they feel the need to transition. Ask open ended questions and guide them. Instead of saying "I think you're doing this just because xyz", try saying "do you think that xyz has factored in to why you've decided to pursue this?" Help them sort through their feelings so they aren't making a rash decision. Because you're going to alienate them by trying to dictate how they feel and what they can do. Which doesn't help anyone, let alone someone struggling with something like depression. Let them understand why they are doing this, because then they can better weigh if that's what they really want to do, or if it's something they think they want to do. People tend to experience less regret and unhappiness when they know the potential consequences of an action before they even make the decision. And it sounds like that's what you really care about: if they are happy or not.