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Reddit user /u/throwaway298235690's Detransition Story

male
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
autogynephilia (agp)
depression
influenced online
puberty discomfort
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's writing is highly personal, emotionally raw, and internally consistent over time. It details a complex, painful, and nuanced lived experience with transition, detransition, and deep personal struggle. The user offers specific, practical medical advice that aligns with known detransition experiences, and their perspective on trans communities and ideology reflects a common, disillusioned viewpoint found among genuine detransitioners and desisters. The passion and anger present are consistent with someone who feels harmed by their experience.

About me

I started my transition young because puberty made me panic when my body began changing in ways that felt wrong. I took hormones myself, and now I feel broken, stuck between not being a real woman and no longer being a normal man. I’ve lost everything and feel like I’m seen as a freak, with no place where I belong. I realize now I was just trying to escape my deep unhappiness, and transition only created more problems. I’m trying to accept my body as it is now and find a way to live without any labels.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started when I was really young. I hit puberty early, around ten years old, and my body started developing in a way that really scared me. I began growing breasts, but then I also started to masculinize a bit later, and I panicked. I felt like my body was betraying me and I didn't know what to do. That discomfort with puberty set me on a path where I thought changing my body was the only answer.

I ended up doing DIY HRT. I don't know if I truly regret that specific action, but I think it ruined any chance I had of ever being a normal man. My body changed in ways that can't be reversed; my face, my ribs, my shoulders all developed under the influence of hormones. I’ve gone on and off estrogen a few times, but I feel like I’m stuck now. I’m broken as a man, and I know a man can never really be a woman. I struggle to see the point in life a lot of the time.

A big part of why I feel so awful about my transition is because I’ve experienced firsthand how horrible life can be when you’re perceived as a woman. I’ve been catcalled and sexualized, and it’s a scary way to live. Now, living as a man who looks feminine is its own kind of hazard. Using men's facilities is terrifying when you don't look like a typical man. I agree that men shouldn't put women in danger, but it leaves people like me in a really difficult spot.

I secluded myself a lot as a child and ended up crossdressing and being seen as the opposite sex for most of my life. I think for me, a lot of this was about escapism. I was trying to run from myself and from a life that felt unbearable. I thought transition would fix my deep depression and low self-esteem, but it didn’t. It just created a new set of problems. I built a persona that was closer to who I thought I should be, but it wasn't really me. At the end of the road, I was left with a body that feels like it's falling apart and a deep sense of disillusionment.

I’ve lost everything because of this—my family, my friends, my jobs. I’m seen as a disgusting pervert and a religious traitor, even though I’ve committed no perversions; I’m still a virgin by choice. I’ve become good at lying to fit in, to be stealth, but living like that frightens me. I know what women really think about male trans people because I’ve fitted in with them, and I know how I’ll be treated. There’s no place for me. A woman who detransitions might be seen as a victim, but a man? He’s seen as a pervert or a freak.

I don’t think happiness is a goal you can chase. It’s just a byproduct of a satisfying life that fulfills your needs, like family, job satisfaction, and hobbies. Chasing it just leads to an empty, vapid feeling. My identity, whether trans or detrans, means nothing to me anymore. I just want to be normal, but more than that, I think whatever I am can never be normal.

I have a lot of regrets about transitioning. I think it was a mistake for me. It was a coping mechanism for other problems, maybe even repressed homosexuality or something else that wasn't considered fundamentally wrong. I think a lot of people transition for the wrong reasons, influenced by online communities and pornography. Most male trans people never see what it's like to be a woman in any meaningful sense; they just put on an act. I think AGP is real and it’s a coping mechanism that people pretend isn’t real. In the past, those people would have been gatekept from transitioning, but now they are the community.

To deal with dysphoria, you have to live authentically, and for me, that means accepting that my sex never changed. I did live as a man, just not a typical one, and I probably wouldn't have been typical regardless. I’m trying to move towards just existing, towards nothingness. I’m not relying on online communities anymore; this is my last stretch of reaching out before I try to get a real therapist. I know I need to figure this out bit by bit, to slowly pick apart the pieces of my life and save myself.

Age Event
10 Started puberty early; began growing breasts and later started to masculinize, which caused panic and discomfort.
Early Teens Did DIY HRT in a panicked response to bodily changes.
Various Ages Went on and off estrogen (E) multiple times throughout my journey.

Top Comments by /u/throwaway298235690:

31 comments • Posting since April 3, 2024
Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Socially Trans - Regrets entire Transition) explains that Autogynephilia (AGP) is often a coping mechanism for underlying issues like repressed homosexuality, and cautions that medical transition may not lead to happiness.
27 pointsAug 12, 2024
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In my opinion, I don't have it but agp is a coping mechanism for other problems, even repressed homosexuality, or similar that isn't considered fundamentally wrong. Like it could just be the fetish but consider where this comes from, and if it is, it'd fine to have one, just keep in mind medical transition might not make you happy.

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) discusses the societal rejection of feminine straight men, citing the problematic youth-worship in femboy culture and the common sentiment that feminine men are "mentally ill."
22 pointsJul 6, 2024
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The closest thing out there to feminine straight men is femboy culture which worships youth to the point it feels like borderline pedophilia. No hard evidence but there's something seriously wrong in those communities

Typically feminity in men is looked down on. Gay men kind of get a pass, but straight men are seen to need to fulfil that role.

Even places like this you see people saying "oh I think feminine gay men are mentally ill" they might not get up voted tons, they don't get down voted either. It's simply just a very common sentiment. If your feminine and straight there's something wrong with you, actually feminine, not just slightly girlish or nail polish wearing men.

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) explains why an MTF friend's attempt to bond feels inauthentic, attributing it to a social media-influenced, performative idea of womanhood and a lack of genuine self.
20 pointsJun 17, 2024
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Most mtfs never see what it's like to be a women in any meaningful sense. She might not understand this, because she'd have to raise herself through social media instead of a community. She probably sees women post this content and goes "so this is how normal people think" because she puts on an act because of her own issues.

I've known a lot of mtfs and fee few and just be open and themselves. Most put on an act, even just an unconscious one, and it feels fake when someone fakes how they are and when you personally are doing the exact opposite of what she is (moving towards "nothingness" just existing) and she's moving towards this idea of being a women from the perspective of a guy gone girl it'll rub you the wrong way.

She's just immature. Maybe she'll get it- probably she won't. Social media infantises people. It's alright you can grow up and move past people.

One thing- you notice because she's trans and your detransitioning. But plenty of cisgender people act like this. Recognise them, and avoid them too, or at least don't resonate with them. To deal with dysphoria you must live authentically

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how an acid trip may have caused a mental breakdown that resolved gender dysphoria, advising that non-binary identities are difficult to maintain and that one should simply act how they want without forcing a gender identity.
15 pointsJul 5, 2024
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The acid trip might have sent you into a mental breakdown and identity crisis. It can break down your sense of self which is a vessel we need to survive in the world, if it hit the part of you that wanted to transition and you don't. It's better your not trans now then come to that conclusion years later.

If they love you, they love you, not who you say you are. That person never changed and is nothing to do with your gender

. I don’t even know if I want to, it feels like so much work and I don’t even know what I would get out of it. Mostly just my old name and pronouns back and I don’t even know if I want that.

You don't have to do much. Honestly in my opinion, non binary identities aren't realistic over a lifetime. It sucks to conform to society but realistically we need to, especially men. There is zero real societal acceptance of feminity in men. If your seen as that, it's tougher.

. It just feels like so much effort, and all to be still not female in the end.

The things you want to do, you should just do. Being a man or a women isn't intrinsic to any actions or behaviours. We fit a mold because it serves us with more connection in our lives. That's just an act and isn't us. If you don't want to be feminine, don't force it

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how forehead and orbital bone structure is affected by testosterone levels during puberty.
15 pointsJul 5, 2024
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If you look at the dymoprhism it's how the orbitals are formed. Struture of the foreheadand orbital rim is thicker and more deep set. This won't happen if a ftm somehow has grown exactly like a man I.e hormones extremely young

Also if your male and have conditions with low testosterone during puberty this doesn't happen either

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how AGP individuals, enabled by the internet and pornography, became the dominant force in the trans community, leading to social ostracization, the erosion of support, and forcing many into sex work.
13 pointsJul 5, 2024
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Most agps pretend agp isn't real. There's a reason no one associates with the trans community and its because these sorts of people only live within it. They're incapable of branching out because they're weird.

In the past they'd be gatekept from transition. Now that's unthinkable but the reason that happened is because otherwise they'd be a public nuisance, the trans community let this happen because otherwise they'd ruin the fledging support that was building up. Then with the turn of the Internet their populations skyrocketed due to online pornography. So now in essence they are the new community and if your early in transition you must put up with them or somehow navigate the early transition period of social ostracisation by yourself.

Most people I knew ended up turning to sex work because the community had completely eroded, aids had decimated the population and normal jobs, if you don't look cisgender are impossible. Now the ability to live silently with luck, illegal hormones at a younger age, or plastic surgery is in jeopardy. Even that was pretty terrible. Because the public sees these people as all a trans person is.

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) explains the difference between traditional and modern transgender ideology, arguing that modern activism is often contradictory and based on sexist stereotypes.
13 pointsJul 10, 2024
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The activists are just random people. They use trans things as a springboard for social clout and they tend to be annoying people who contradict themselves often.

"Gender is different from sex " is implied if you imagine someone looking like and assimilating as the opposite sex, because even though for all intents and purposes they seem like x they are y. Out of basic respect we go along with x. That was how it used to be. The current things I don't really understand. If you base it on anything other then your sex characteristics its 3 steps away from unmasked sexism (I'm a girl because I like makeup and fashion!)

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) explains their view that transgender identification is a defensive mechanism to avoid guilt and maintain a fragile sense of self.
13 pointsApr 3, 2024
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Honestly I think it's just how humans think. When we believe something deeply we become irrational about it. The way most trans people think is, in my opinion, a defensive mechanism to avoid guilt and hold onto legitimacy. It's a cruel thing to exist without anything pinning up your sense of self

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) comments that medical institutions fail to properly explain that HRT only feminizes/masculinizes the body and doesn't change one's biological sex.
12 pointsMay 27, 2024
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They did they said no- they ought to have given op a proper understanding of what exactly this entails though. I feel like they beat around the bush to avoid saying "this doesn't work it just feminises/masculinises your body and nothing else" and the medical institutions don't know how to emphasise biological sex without causing issues for dysphoric children

Reddit user throwaway298235690 (Questioning own transgender status) explains that while discussing sexual topics at age 13 is a normal part of development, it's crucial to do so with a doctor in a safe, medical context.
12 pointsMay 27, 2024
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I don't think anyone wants to think about this, because frankly I just don't want to think about kids and this topic but your hormones are going at this age, it's not uncommon for people to be aware about sex and, you should be able to talk to your doctor about sexual topics in a purely medical sense (w/ all safeguards in place).

If you go back a few years absolutely it's a sign of really horrible things no child should experience. 13 is about two years into middle school, I could've butched this because I'm not an American though