genderaffirming.ai 

Reddit user /u/throwaway34834839202's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 17
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's perspective is consistent with a desister's experience: they describe a personal detransition narrative, express anger at online trans communities, and critique transition as a solution for common mental health issues. The arguments are nuanced, internally consistent, and reflect the passionate, critical viewpoint common in the subreddit. The writing style is human, with personal anecdotes and complex, multi-faceted opinions.

About me

I was a depressed teenage girl who felt out of place after my family moved, and I found communities online that told me my discomfort was a sign I was transgender. I started identifying as non-binary, believing it was the answer to all my problems. I realized my feelings were actually normal puberty struggles and that transitioning is a complicated social process that wouldn't fix my underlying anxiety. I'm relieved I never medically transitioned, as it wouldn't have solved my real issues with self-esteem. Now I believe we need to stop overcomplicating gender and just focus on being ourselves.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager, right after my family moved across the country. I was the new kid, I felt completely out of place, and I was deeply uncomfortable with my body. I was a girl who hated developing breasts and just felt generally anxious and depressed. I didn't fit in anywhere.

I found my way into online communities that presented a very specific idea: that what I was feeling wasn't just normal teenage angst or discomfort with puberty, but a sign that I was transgender. They called it gender dysphoria. It seemed like the perfect, simple explanation for all my problems. I started to think that maybe I wasn't "really" a girl. The promise was that if I "just" transitioned, all this discomfort and sadness would go away. For a while, I really believed that. I started identifying as non-binary as a first step.

But I began to pull back when I realized a few things. First, the idea of transitioning was sold as something simple, but it's not. It's incredibly complicated and stressful, even just the social part. I saw that it would be exhausting for my family and friends to adjust, no matter how much they wanted to support me. I think that's why a lot of trans communities are so quick to tell you to cut off your family and find a new "queer" friend group—it hides how hard it really is to change your entire social identity.

More importantly, I realized that my feelings had more mundane explanations. I was a depressed and anxious teenager going through a tough time. My discomfort with my body was, I believe now, a pretty common experience for a lot of girls going through puberty. It wasn't a sign that I was born in the wrong body. I fell into a trap of latching onto an easy answer that was being heavily promoted online.

Looking back, I don't think being transgender is an internal thing the way being gay is. Being gay is just who you're attracted to; it doesn't require anyone else to change how they act around you. But being trans seems to rely completely on other people's validation. It requires everyone to treat you differently. I've never seen a trans person who was okay with being treated the same way they were before they transitioned, even in situations where gender wasn't relevant. That constant need for external validation made me question the whole concept.

I was lucky. I figured this out before I took any hormones or had any surgeries. I never made any permanent changes to my body. I don't regret exploring my feelings, but I am deeply relieved that I didn't go through with a medical transition. I think I would have regretted that immensely, because it wouldn't have solved the underlying issues I was actually dealing with: depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

My thoughts on gender now are that we've made it way too complicated. For me, it was an escape from dealing with my real problems. I think people, especially young people, need to get off the internet, stop asking strangers for life advice, and focus on building a life in the real world. Stop worrying about whether you act "like a boy" or "like a girl." Just be yourself.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:

Age Event
13-14 Family moved cross-country; began feeling intense anxiety, depression, and discomfort with my body during puberty.
15 Started spending a lot of time online in communities that suggested my feelings were gender dysphoria. Began to question if I was really a girl.
16 Started identifying as non-binary, believing transition was the solution to my problems.
17 Realized my issues were more related to mental health and puberty discomfort. Understood the social complexity of transition and stepped back from identifying as trans.
20 (Present) Fully detransitioned socially. Gained the perspective that my initial feelings were misinterpreted and that I do not have gender dysphoria.

Top Comments by /u/throwaway34834839202:

5 comments • Posting since January 20, 2023
Reddit user throwaway34834839202 (desisted female) explains why conversion therapy for being gay is different, arguing that being gay is an internal reality that doesn't require external validation, while being transgender relies on external perception.
45 pointsApr 25, 2023
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The way I always see it is that being gay is completely self-enforcing and internal; even if everyone around you believes or assumes you're straight, you don't stop being gay. You need zero external validation or acknowledgement to be attracted to the same sex. Being transgender, on the other hand, relies almost entirely on external perception - not your own perception. Conversion therapy is an attempt to change something internal and self-enforcing.

Reddit user throwaway34834839202 (desisted female) advises a 20-year-old to get offline, get a job, and stop seeking validation from others about their gender identity.
42 pointsJan 23, 2023
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Get off the internet, get a job, and stop asking other people what you should do with your life. Don't concern yourself with whether you look/act "like a boy" or "like a girl". This may seem harsh, but spending all your time online and relying on others to do your thinking for you is exactly why you're so immature, and that's not a good thing. At 20 years old, this is all on you now.

Reddit user throwaway34834839202 (desisted female) questions the claim that "transphobic rhetoric" causes deaths, arguing suicide rates are high regardless of social acceptance and that hate crime statistics are often misrepresented.
42 pointsJan 20, 2023
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I always question the "people die because of transphobic* rhetoric" thing. The rate of transphobic hate crimes is very low and it's unclear how many of them are actually motivated by hatred (since most of them involve other factors such as drugs, prostitution, gangs, etc. that have a high association with violent crime regardless of demographic). So obviously the deaths in question are referring to suicides. However, the rate at which trans people attempt or commit suicide, as cited by TRAs, is much higher than the rate at which people actively being genocided attempt or commit suicide. When your group is committing or attempting suicide at higher rates than victims of the Holocaust, then there must be something other than social pressure going on. Especially since the level of acceptance and support from your family/friends/peers doesn't seem to affect the likelihood of a suicide attempt. (Nor, for that matter, does transitioning in a truly unfortunately high amount of cases.)

*rhetoric may or may not actually include genuine hatred or ill will towards people who identify as transgender

ETA: When I say transphobic hate crimes, I mean in the US, but a lot of the people like in the OP are either American or way too plugged into American social issues via social media that they ignore/forget the issues in their own countries.

Reddit user throwaway34834839202 (desisted female) explains how common issues like depression, anxiety, and body discomfort were misrepresented as signs of gender dysphoria, and critiques the oversimplification of social transition and the push towards "queer" friend groups.
31 pointsJun 3, 2023
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I think that the assertion that extremely common experiences like being depressed, being anxious, feeling you don't fit in, being uncomfortable with your body (this is especially true for women and girls who are still in or just completed puberty) are signs of gender dysphoria. I was never "questioning my gender" - I just fell into the trap of thinking that because I was experiencing these things, particularly the last two points as a teenager who had just moved cross-country, then maybe I wasn't "really" a girl. It wasn't that I actually minded being a girl, gender dysphoria just seemed like the easiest, most convenient explanation for all my problems, because entire online communities were presenting it as such - and promising that it would all go away if I "just" transitioned. Fortuantely I realized there were more mundane, if not as "simple" to address, explanations for my issues before I made any permanent changes.

And related to that: The myth that transition is itself simple in any way. "Egg-crackers" seriously undersell how complicated, stressful, and exhausting it is, even before you get into the parts that you'd need a doctor's help for. A lot of the complications come from your family and friends struggling to adjust and keep up, no matter how supportive they are. A part of me seriously wonders if the reason why the trans community is so quick to encourage cutting off family and moving to an all-trans/"queer"* friend group because it disguises how socially difficult it is to completely change yourself like that.

*I put "queer" in quotes because the vague nature of the term means that you don't really know what you're getting with someone who identifies as "queer" without qualifications or explanations, and the fact that self-identified "queer" friend groups typically exclude gays and lesbians who are trans-critical.

Reddit user throwaway34834839202 (desisted female) explains why they believe transgender identity is externally focused, contrasting the social requirement for validation with the simpler acknowledgment needed when coming out as gay.
16 pointsApr 26, 2023
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Let me put it this way: When someone comes out as gay, there is no requirement that the people they come out to treat them in any different manner, with the sole exception of acknowleding that they're not attracted to the opposite sex, which is only relevent in a narrow set of circumstances (e.g. they wanted to date you/find you a date). When someone comes out as trans, there is a requirement that whoever they come out to treat them different in nearly every interaction. If this validation is not provided, then the trans person feels slighted and lashing out inevitably follows. I have quite literally never seen a trans person who accepts being treated in the same manner as they were before they began identifying as trans, even when the manner they were being treated in wasn't gendered to begin with. This constant demand for validation even in contexts where it isn't directly revelant is precisely why I say being trans isn't internal. It's all about how other people treat and perceive you. If it wasn't, then they would be able to accept having their gender identiy being ignored and treated as self-evident the same way everybody else does.