This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake persona. The comments express nuanced, personal, and emotionally complex thoughts about identity, community, and detransition that are consistent with a genuine individual's experience. The user's introspection, self-doubt, and specific references to their social bubble and internal conflicts are not typical of inauthentic accounts.
About me
I started as a teenage girl who felt intense discomfort with my body and a deep need to fit in with my queer community. I transitioned to male and had surgery, believing it was the only solution to my distress. Through therapy, I realized my drive to transition was more about depression and a need to belong than a true male identity. I now accept that I am a female, and while I have permanent regrets like infertility, I am learning to just be myself. I'm building a new life beyond the labels that once defined me.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was born female, and I never felt like I fit in with the idea of being a "woman." I was really uncomfortable with my body during puberty, especially with developing breasts; I just hated them. I felt a lot of pressure to fit in and a deep need to belong somewhere. A lot of my friends and everyone on my social media were part of the queer community, and it felt like that was the only world I knew. I think my low self-esteem and anxiety made me really susceptible to outside influence. I wanted so badly to be what others thought I was or wanted me to be.
I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. I think a lot of it was about escapism—trying to run away from the discomfort of being a female who didn't conform. I took testosterone for a while and I got top surgery to remove my breasts. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do, like it was the only way to fix the body dysmorphia I was feeling.
But after a while, I started to realize that my feelings were more complicated. I benefited from therapy that wasn't just about affirming my transition. It helped me see that a lot of my drive to transition was tied to other issues, like my depression and a need to belong, rather than a true, internal sense of being male. I also realized that my attraction is almost exclusively to men, and I think there was some internalized homophobia there—a difficulty in accepting myself as a masculine female who is attracted to men.
I don't see myself as male. I'm biologically female, and that's a fact I'm now comfortable with. I don't really love the label "woman," but if I have to check a box, I check "female." I feel a strong connection to butch lesbians because we share that experience of being female but masculine, even though our attractions are different.
I do have some regrets about my transition, especially the permanent changes. The top surgery can't be undone, and the hormones have had lasting effects. I'm now infertile, which is a serious and permanent complication that I have to live with. Leaving the queer community has been hard because it was my entire social world, but I'm trying to find new communities where queerness isn't the main focus of everyone's identity. I'm learning to be okay with using no label at all and just being myself.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and my developing female body. |
| 15 | Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends. |
| 17 | Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. |
| 19 | Underwent top surgery to remove my breasts. |
| 21 | Stopped taking testosterone and began the process of detransitioning. |
| 22 | Came to accept myself as a biological female, comfortable with the term "female" but not "woman." |
Top Comments by /u/throwaway943295832:
Oh yeah I get that about not being accepted based on opinions. It was so weird one time, I heard someone say that gender-conforming gay men are less queer than non-conformist cishet people. Kinda floored me. As if queerness is a matter of politics and presentation rather than sexual orientation and gender.
I have a lot of trouble being myself because I want to be what others think I am, but I hope I'm brave enough to be more myself in the future 😔
Thanks for your response <3
It seems so weird to think it's possible to disassociate myself from the Queer Community because sometimes it seems like that's all there is, ykwim? Especially since I'm young it feels like everyone around me is at least a little queer, and almost everyone on all my social media platforms are queer, and in most of these places it's actually really weird and uncommon not to be queer. On the one hand, I know I kind of live in a bubble and the majority of people in the U.S. aren't completely immersed in queerness, I just don't understand how to leave that bubble because it's all I know :(
When you left the queer community were you able to find places where queerness wasn't really a big part of the group's identity (for lack of a better word)? How did you find stuff like that given your previous ties with the more political/social queer scene?
It's kind of funny, I relate a lot to (mainly butch) lesbians too even though I'm almost exclusively attracted to men :) We both got that female-but-masc thing going on so I feel like they're like me.
Also yeah, I get what you're saying. It seems like in a lot of the queer community, people say stuff like "Listen to trans people!" but what they really mean is "Listen specifically to these trans people with opinions we agree with!"
Do you think it's really possible to use no label? Right now that's what feels comfortable socially because I don't really see myself as male, but that's what people see me as, so I just stick with no label so that it's valid for people to see me as a man (or any other gender, I guess). You're right that I make decisions predicated on other people, even in terms of self-labeling ;^^. I'm just afraid that no-label would mean I won't have a place to belong, like fitting into a female-centered community is impossible if I don't label myself that way.
Also what you said about still being able to contribute as an ally really helps! And as a gender non-conforming person who's gone through the transition process, I guess my POV isn't as totally dismissible as I thought it would be.
Cool yeah that's a good idea, to work on finding friends more proactively sooner rather than later. My old therapist recommended I try finding friends at LGBT groups but I think finding friends at work like you mentioned or in other non-queer places would be good :)
Oh yeah I've definitely internalized harmful ideas about cis people. Probably because of the online communities I'm part of or adjacent to - being cis/straight/not queer is seen as boring, and cis people are painted as oppressors who are inherently problematic/transphobic and incapable of really understanding trans people. I guess I just feel uncomfortable being seen like that, even if it's an uncommon (but loud) opinion that's found in mostly very specific corners of the internet.
I'm biologically female, and that's good enough for me. I don't love calling myself a woman, but if I need to check a box indicating my gender, I check "female," if that makes sense.
Oh wow yeah! I totally understand and I really like that. I was skimming through my post again and I noticed that the labels for myself I was considering were female (instead of woman) and not-trans (instead of cis). It's like, they're labels but also not, ykwim?
Also yeah - it would probably be uncomfortable to explain my gender stuff to an all female group but maybe I could work up to it, and in the meantime I would really like to be part of a community with a lot of women in it, even if it's not exclusively women :)