This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this user account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments display a consistent, deeply personal, and evolving narrative over ten months. The user shares specific, complex emotional and medical details about their transition and detransition, including doubts, conversations with doctors, physical changes, and psychological insights. The writing is nuanced, self-reflective, and shows a clear internal logic and emotional progression that is difficult to fabricate consistently. The account's behavior—using a throwaway for privacy and engaging supportively with others in the community—is also typical for this sensitive topic.
About me
I was an uncomfortable teenage girl who thought becoming a man was the answer to my problems. I was quickly prescribed testosterone, and while I loved the initial confidence, I was ignoring my health complications and the fact that I was using masculinity as a security blanket. I stopped at age 20, and I now regret the permanent changes to my body and feel my doubts were never properly explored. I realize a lot of my motivation came from internalized homophobia, wishing I had seen that I could be a happy, masculine woman. I am now detransitioning and learning to accept that I am, and always was, female.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was a very uncomfortable girl who felt like an outcast. I had my first girlfriend and never told my family because it felt like something to hide. I started to believe I was actually a man when I was 17. I thought it was the answer to my problems. I went to a pediatric gender clinic with social workers and voice coaches, and after just a few therapy sessions, I was given a prescription for testosterone.
I was on testosterone for a few years. At first, I loved the changes. My voice got deeper, I grew facial and body hair, and I built muscle more easily. I went from being a girl who got strange looks to an average-looking guy who could blend in. It gave me a huge confidence boost. I felt powerful, safe, and independent for the first time. I started doing things I never would have attempted before, like operating heavy machinery, because I thought, if I messed up, it was just because I was a beginner—not because I was an incapable woman. I equated masculinity with being attractive and capable.
But a tiny voice of doubt was always there. I found excuses to put off my hormone shots. I was scared, but I ignored it because everyone around me was so supportive of me being a man. My family, my friends, my therapist—no one questioned me because they were afraid of seeming unsupportive. My doctors downplayed the risks of testosterone, making it seem like I was just switching to the normal health risks of a man. A gynecologist even praised testosterone for lowering my risk of certain cancers.
The turning point came when I realized I was using masculinity as a security blanket. I wasn't a man; I was a woman who was hiding. I wanted to feel safe and confident, and I thought being a man was the only way to get that. I also started to experience serious health complications from the testosterone. I had unbearable uterine cramps, elevated liver enzymes, and constant hot flashes. I realized I was putting my body through an artificial menopause decades too early.
I decided to stop testosterone when I was 20. I was terrified to tell my doctor, but she was surprisingly supportive, though she had a specific protocol of questions ready, like if I was considering self-harm. I quit cold turkey. The first month was okay, but months two through four were really rocky with mood swings and low energy. My sex drive disappeared for a while. Getting my period back came with a intense bout of depression right before it started.
I regret transitioning. I made a terrible mistake when I was too young to understand the lifelong consequences. I’m now a 20-year-old woman with a permanently deepened voice, a beard that requires constant shaving, and a forest of body hair. I worry I’ll never be able to pass as a woman again. I feel like a victim of medical malpractice; my doubts were never explored, and the serious health risks were never properly explained to me.
A big reason I transitioned was internalized homophobia. I’m attracted to women, and I thought living as a straight man would be easier and more accepted by my family and society. I wish I had seen more positive examples of masculine lesbian women when I was growing up; it might have shown me I could be happy as I am.
I am autistic, and I have a strong sensitivity to uncomfortable clothing. I'm grateful I never bound my breasts regularly because they already atrophied from testosterone, and binding would have made it worse. Now, I’m trying to see my body in a more utilitarian way. My body parts all have a function, and my sex is female—that’s just a fact I have to accept. My body has changed before and it will change again.
Detransitioning has been a gradual process. I slowly grew my hair out and stopped presenting as male before I told everyone. Telling my family was one of the hardest parts because I felt so guilty for having them change my name and pronouns for years only to tell them it was a mistake. But I’m finally being brave by being my true self.
I don’t believe you can change your sex. I lived fully as a man and was accepted as one, and I’ve lived as a woman. Both experiences are a part of me, but I know now that I am, and always was, a woman.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
17 | Started identifying as a transgender man and began testosterone therapy. |
17-20 | Lived socially and medically as a man. |
20 | Stopped testosterone and began the process of detransition. |
20 | First period returned approximately 2.5 months after stopping testosterone. |
Top Comments by /u/throwaway99550092:
Enjoying wearing male clothes does not indicate in any way that you would benefit from cross sex hormones long term. A female can wear exclusively male clothes and have a male hairstyle. It is a red flag that you used clothing as an example. Further, a female can actively enjoy being referred to or seen as a male for a variety of different reasons, while still being female. Altering your body drastically and irreversibly for these reasons could be considered very unwise.
Bear in mind, most detransitioned women derived immense pleasure and satisfaction from being seen and seeing themselves as male. Even these things do not mean you won’t regret transition eventually. Myself included. I was absolutely giddy when I got my first haircut. I received a rush of joy when I looked in the mirror and saw a male or was referred to as “he”. For years. For years I was contented with all of these things and all of my physical changes from T.
Yet I still regret transition. Only now, years later, do I realize how big of a mistake I made. Only now I realize how much damage I’ve done to my body. Estrogen deficiency in a female causes so many more issues than what was laid out on that informed consent paperwork. Launching the female body into an artificial menopause decades and decades early does more damage than any of my doctors ever told me. Urinary tract issues that I shouldn’t have had to worry about until age 50. Reproductive atrophy that could be life threatening. Elevated liver enzymes to the point of danger at age 18, in an otherwise perfectly healthy young body. And so much more than we even know.
I’m not just trying to scare you here for no reason. It’s because this shit is serious and it IS scary. It’s scary knowing that I was allowed to harm and disfigure myself at such a young age. (I don’t mean to use the word disfigure towards any other detrans people, but this is how I view my situation). It’s scary that I could have really hurt myself or sterilized myself for no good reason other than that I really enjoyed when people saw me as male. That goal could have been achieved with less invasive methods, and eventually would have resolved itself.
I wish you luck in this difficult decision. And it is a decision. You can decide not to put yourself through all of this. You can decide not to run the risk of transition regret. In fact, you can even live socially as male for as long as you see fit, even indefinitely. And avoid all of this. Take care of yourself and please take your time in this decision.
Love this kind of masculine positivity. You look amazing! Many of the “on T, off T” comparison posts here are caked with makeup or wigs or other performative feminine stuff. Nothing wrong with that, of course, on an individual level. I just think it can send the wrong message to questioning or newly detrans folks that detransition has to be an uncomfortable reversion to preforming their birth sex.
Thanks for sharing. You have a similar story to mine. I started my detransition about 4 months ago. Sometimes I feel completely stupid as well. But I get that feeling less and less these days. I had so much anger and resentment for my doctors and therapists in the beginning, especially because I couldnt even contact the woman who administered my T to give her a piece of my mind. This anger has also lessened slightly. I still feel these feelings, but with less frequency and intensity. I realized that in order to heal, I needed to stop playing the blame game on both myself and others. That said, making our stories known is important, because what’s going on around transition in the medical field is negligent at best.
Whatever you decide to do (detrans or not) just know that the realizations you are having are important, and it may come with pain and guilt. With time it will get easier and things will become clearer to you about who you are. Take care and be easy on yourself, it’s not healthy to beat yourself up over the unchangeable (I’m totally guilty of that one!)
I don’t have any advice on finding someone, as I was with my partner before, during, and after transition. All I can tell you is that things are better than ever after being able to be fully myself in a relationship. You’re moving in the right direction. If your body is a dealbreaker for someone, then that makes it all the easier to narrow down someone that’s right for you and weed the others out.
Try to remember that pitch isn’t everything. Your pitch will likely increase slightly with time, but there are also other important factors. I’m far from a voice coach, but increasing the inflection, softness, and emphasizing certain consonants such as “sss” sound can allow your voice to be recognized as female even if your pitch remains low. You got this
I definitely feel the same way. I’ve toyed around with this explanation before: When I’m around a woman, the vast majority of the time I feel like the masculine one, and that just is what it is, end of. When I’m around men, I tend to feel inferior. Smaller, weaker, naturally more meek and feminine. So I subconsciously choose to play that up to put myself in a whole different league. That way I don’t need to compare myself to these men and feel inferior. Plus, some men just have a strong and domineering vibe that makes even cis men subconsciously submit.
Now that I realized I am a woman and am detransitioning, I’m starting to free myself of all of this nonsense. I’m becoming a more cohesive person, more like myself no matter who I’m around.
I’m in the same boat. If you check out my last post, I also stopped testosterone last week after a couple years on. I also just attempted to shear my jungle of body hair yesterday. Feel free to dm me if you wanna chat with someone in a similar position; I could use the comradarie
Hi! I am a 20 year old detransitioning woman (former ftm), and I started hormones at age 17. Quite honestly, your post looks exactly like something my 17 year old self could have written. I was a lot like you in that I browsed detrans forums, watched detrans videos, and I truly believed I was looking at all sides and making an informed decision. I also considered myself a “transmed” and did not buy into a lot of the hundred gender trans ideology. I had dysphoria, and I considered myself one of the “real” trans guys, not one of those fake transtrenders. I was not trans for attention; I truly believed I was male and that my life would be more fulfilling as male. I questioned my gender for a few years, and then believed myself to be a man for about 6 months before I got on hormones at 17. I had a lot of doubts and fears, but I went ahead and did it anyway. Again, like you, I did not think I could be a mistaken butch lesbian because I considered myself bisexual at the time. (Turns out, that justification meant absolutely nothing in the long run. It was just that, another justification I used to assure myself I truly was a man and settle my fears.)
Now, here I am at 20. I have lived as a male for 3 years. I passed flawlessly. I am considered an attractive male. I generally enjoyed the changes from testosterone. But I regret it. I have realized now that I am a woman, and that I cannot live the rest of my life as a man. I cannot come to terms with the long term health consequences of testosterone. Even though I have never felt like I relate to women, I feel like an imposter among men. I am learning to come to terms with the fact that I can be whoever I want to be in this female body, and that being female is just a fact of my biology. Nothing more, nothing less. I do not want to punish my body physically anymore for its natural sex. I have already experienced health complications from testosterone. Uterine cramps with seemingly no cause, elevated liver enzymes, constant and unbearable hot flashes. But beyond that, I have just realized that testosterone and changing my sex was a completely misguided coping mechanism for other underlying issues. And the doctors, therapists, and myself did not catch it. Now here I am, a 20 year old woman. With a beard that can never be completely shaven without stubble, a ridiculously deep voice that I can never resolve, a forest of body hair that grows in thick and dark. I wanted all of these changes at the time. I welcomed them with joy. But I have now grown up, realized my truth, and feel plagued by decisions I should not have been allowed to make at 17.
I’m not trying to scare you or tell you with certainty that you shouldn’t transition. I’m simply sharing my story with you. My two pieces of advice to you:
Please listen to those doubts and fears. They are there for a reason. There was always a teeeny tiny voice inside my head telling me not to to this. To stop with the injections. But I was stubborn, and I was so accepted as a male. I thought I should just man up and do what I needed to do. So I continued. I should have listened to these doubts. They could have saved me from a huge mistake.
Wait. Just wait. You are far too young to make such drastic and life altering decisions. You may feel like an adult now, but NOBODY is an adult at 17. I was always told I was mature for a teenager, and I believed it. But only 3 years later, SO much has changed mentally for me, and I am still nowhere near done growing up. The brain is not done developing until around 25. For my entire life, I rejected the idea of having children. But now that I realize I could have easily sterilized myself with a decision I made when I was a child, I can’t fathom how I was allowed to make that decision. If I had waited until I was 20, I don’t think I would have transitioned. Testosterone and transition will always be an option later. But there is no undo button.
Best of luck to you in your journey. You have so much potential to live a happy and fulfilling life. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions or want someone to vent to.
Yeah, I don’t know why I did the same to myself. Try to remember that womanhood isn’t about beauty. It’s not about big tits, beautiful long hair, and sex appeal. It’s about being yourself and living your truth as a person who happens to be a woman. It’s difficult not to mourn over these things, but women are so much more than their bodies and you are as well.
You will get through this and you are not alone. I’m completely baffled as to why you were given top surgery at 13, when the breasts have only just started to develop? We have to continue to make our stories heard so things like this never happen again. Thank you for sharing