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Reddit user /u/throwaway_sealth's Detransition Story

male
low self-esteem
trauma
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user expresses a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal viewpoint (a transmedicalist perspective) over a long period. Their arguments are complex, they engage with counterpoints, and they share personal details (e.g., mild dysphoria, history of bullying and abuse). This is not the behavior of a simple bot. The passion and criticism align with genuine, strong beliefs held by some detransitioners/desisters.

About me

I was born male and felt a deep discomfort with my body from a young age, which I mixed up with the low self-esteem from being bullied. I got very involved in online communities and believed for a long time that medical transition was my only answer. Through a lot of self-reflection, I realized my issues were more about social anxiety and self-worth than a true physical dysphoria. I decided against hormones and surgery, and instead worked on feeling comfortable through diet and exercise. Now, I am at peace knowing I didn't medically transition and have moved on from those stressful online spaces.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started with a deep discomfort that I believed was physical dysphoria. I was born male and from a young age, I felt a persistent unease with my body, though I now recognize it was mild. This feeling was mixed up with a lot of other issues, primarily very low self-esteem from being heavily bullied throughout primary school and trauma from being molested by a family member.

For a long time, I thought transitioning was the answer. I held a very specific belief that being trans was a medical condition, something that should be strictly about physical body dysphoria and not about social issues or identity. I was critical of what I saw in online spaces, where people seemed to be conflating social anxieties, body dysmorphia, internalized issues, and even porn addiction with genuine gender dysphoria. I always advised people to isolate social factors from physical ones and to see a proper gender therapist—one who would actually challenge them and not just blindly affirm them to get them on hormones. I saw the ease of access to HRT as a business profit incentive rather than a genuine effort to help people.

I never ended up taking hormones or having any surgeries. Through a lot of self-reflection, I realized that a significant part of what I was feeling wasn't purely physical dysphoria. A lot of it was tied up in my low self-esteem and social insecurities. I hated being called "handsome" or "bro," but I came to understand that was a social issue, not a medical one. I started working on myself through non-medical means, like changing my diet and exercise routine to feel more comfortable in my body, and it helped.

My thoughts on gender are that it's become far too broad. I believe "gender dysphoria" has become a catch-all buzzword for any kind of discomfort, and that the original meaning—a distress with one's anatomical sex—has been lost. This watering down hurts people who genuinely have that medical condition. I don't regret not transitioning medically. I think I would have traded a mild discomfort for a lifetime of different social and physical challenges. I do, however, have regrets about getting so deeply involved in online communities. The constant arguments and the hypocrisy I saw, where people demand medical treatment but reject medical diagnosis, took a real toll on my mental health.

Looking back, I benefited from a form of non-affirming therapy—the kind where I was encouraged to question myself thoroughly. It helped me separate my actual physical feelings from my social anxieties and low self-worth. My journey wasn't about transitioning or detransitioning in a medical sense, but about realizing I didn't need to medically transition at all.

Age Event
Throughout childhood Experienced persistent low self-esteem and bullying. Felt a mild, persistent physical discomfort with my body.
Early 20s Engaged deeply in online trans communities, forming a transmed viewpoint. Advocated for strict medical definitions of dysphoria.
Early 20s Began intense self-reflection and non-medical methods (diet, exercise) to manage physical discomfort.
Early 20s Realized social factors and low self-esteem were major contributors to my distress. Decided against medical transition.

Top Comments by /u/throwaway_sealth:

49 comments • Posting since April 5, 2022
Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) comments on the importance of self-reflection and pushback in the trans community, criticizing the mainstream view that labels all non-affirmation as transphobic.
66 pointsOct 25, 2023
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There's a lot of people here who disagree with transitioning and surgeries whatsoever, but there's also a lot of use who simply want people to do serious unbiased self-reflection before making a drastic decision such as this and not just listening to whatever rhetoric affirms one's own feelings. Accepting pushback and uncomfortable questions shows sincerity and integrity; too often the mainstream trans community carries this hubris of accusing anything that isn't blind affirmation "transphobic", which is super toxic and cultish. You seem to be a very level-headed person and hope you do well.

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) advises caution, suggesting HRT is only for body-related dysphoria and recommends therapy for social and insecurity-based gender issues.
41 pointsJun 17, 2022
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From your description, it's sounds like the source of your dysphoria is rooted in social insecurities and gender non-conforming interests rather than directly body related. Have you spoken to a proper gender therapist to work out these issues before starting HRT? Some might disagree with me but HRT should only be done if someone's source of dysphoria is directly concerning the physical body and is significant while social dysphoria and social issues should be worked out with social therapy. Ultimately, it's your life and you should do what makes you happy with the assumption that you've taken the time and effort to think it through before making your decision.

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) explains how the definition of "Gender Dysphoria" was broadened from its original meaning of anatomical distress to become a catch-all for social discomfort, leading to the coining of the term "sex dysphoria."
33 pointsSep 28, 2023
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The simple answer is that many don't actually have genuine dysphoria at all. "Gender Dysphoria" has become a catch-all buzzword for whenever someone feels uncomfortable with anything regarding their assigned gender. The original definition of "Gender Dysphoria" was limited to anatomical sex, but the definition was stretched by the mainstream trans community to frame social and identity issues as medical issues. An alternative term "sex dysphoria" had to be coined to carry the former definition of "gender dysphoria", which is the term you see most often in transmedical spaces.

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) explains how communities become warped by self-righteous narcissists who conflate the group with a demographic to deflect criticism as bigotry.
29 pointsAug 21, 2023
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The problem with any "community" is that it eventually gets overrun with self-righteous narcissists that warp the "community" around their own ideals. Then they will proceed to conflate the "community" with the demographic of the people so they can deflect any criticism or disagreement as "bigotry" or "oppression".

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) comments on the hypocrisy of the mainstream trans community's selective use of medical science to validate identity while opposing mandatory pre-transition therapy.
26 pointsMar 3, 2023
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It's not mandatory because the mindset and attitude of the mainstream trans community is that identity supercedes medical objectivity and society has adopted this same mindset. The hypocrisy is that some of these same individuals will use medical science to validate their transness from a biological standpoint, but will pick and choose what subject is medically relevant based off what affirms their own feelings. It's this sort of opportunistic flip-floping narrative that really urks me about the mainstream trans community. I associate myself with Transmed values because they tend to be grounded in consistent principles.

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) comments on the lack of gatekeeping in trans healthcare, explaining that mainstream ideology now prioritizes identity validation over medical criteria.
26 pointsMar 11, 2023
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You hit the nail on the head with lack of gatekeeping. Mainstream trans ideology as become more about validating "identity" rather than adhering to objective medical criteria. It's gotten to the point where people are accusing other trans people of being "transphobic" for call out this trend.

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) advises questioning individuals to first define their dysphoria and distinguish between social pressures and body-related distress.
25 pointsAug 19, 2022
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First, I would ask you to describe your "gender dysphoria" because the term is so broad and many people confuse gender dysphoria for other things. Second, how much of your "dysphoria" is regarding social perception, self-esteem, and gender stereotypes vs. directly regarding the sex characteristics of your body? A good starting point is to get a professional gender therapist that doesn't have an agenda bias and push you towards either which way.

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) explains the nuanced backlash against trans people, attributing hostility to egregious actions by some Trans Rights Activists (TRAs).
25 pointsJul 1, 2023
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This is a complicated subject that requires much more nuance. Is there blantant discrimination against trans people by some in society? Yes, definitely. But a large portion of that hostility is the result of direct backlash against some of the most egregious cultish members of the trans community e.g TRAs.

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) explains how Utah's new law banning youth transition care is political virtue signaling that fails to address mental health and empowers extreme transgender activists.
23 pointsJan 31, 2023
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If Republicans really were concerned about the increase trend of misguided minors identifying as trans, they would push for bills to fund mental health resources but of course they really only care about virtue signaling by banning near non-existent issues. This in turn just gives the mainstream cultish TRAs more talking points to push their own agenda and everyone in between just gets screwed.

Reddit user throwaway_sealth (desisted male) explains the hypocrisy of wanting gender dysphoria recognized as a medical condition while rejecting the medical criteria and gatekeeping that would logically follow.
23 pointsJan 15, 2024
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The mainstream trans community is full of hypocrites and grifters. They want to be able to claim a medical condition and its treatment as necessities but simultaneously don't want any actual enforcement of medical criteria, like any other medical condition, because it's "gatekeeping" and "invalidating". They simply want to be able to self-diagnose themselves with rubber stamp from a blind affirmation therapist while appropriating medical talking points. Honest trans people who are principled and truly believe that dysphoria is a medical condition would also stand by medical guardrails, because a medical condition and its treatment are not supposed to be a max-inclusivity club.