This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's perspective is complex, internally consistent, and reflects the nuanced, often painful, lived experiences described by many detransitioners. The language is personal, emotionally varied, and shows a development of thought over time, which is difficult to fake convincingly. The user's specific grievance about the gender dynamics within the detrans community is a highly specific and credible detail that aligns with known community discussions.
About me
I was born male and medically transitioned because I believed it was my only option for a peaceful life. Through a painful journey, I realized my struggle was rooted in self-hatred and the impossibility of living as a gender non-conforming man in a judgmental world. I now fully accept that I am male, but I continue to live as a woman because it is safer and people treat me with more kindness. I feel I had to walk this difficult path to finally find self-acceptance and peace. My experience has made me deeply cautious, as I've seen the devastating consequences this choice can have for other men.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated. I was born male, and for a long time, I believed transitioning was my only path to a livable life. I medically transitioned and now pass as a woman. I don't wear makeup and usually just wear jeans, though I sometimes wear a skirt or shorts if I feel like it.
After a lot of self-reflection, I've come to a place where I recognize and accept that I am male. However, I've concluded that I simply cannot live a life that is gender-conforming as a man. For me personally, trying to be a man who doesn't fit the mold was unlivable. Living as a gender non-conforming man felt dangerous and incredibly stressful. Presenting as a woman is, for now, the safer and more peaceful option for me. I don't feel like I've lost any part of myself in this process. From the very beginning, I was always just myself, so I never related to the idea of "leaving a male self behind," and the physical changes never felt like too much.
A huge part of my decision was seeing how differently people treat you based on your perceived gender. I found that if you pass as a female, everyone treats you nicely and shows you kindness. As a man, especially if you don't fit the conventional standard of attractiveness, that kindness evaporates. If you're a man who is fat, ugly, or bald and you're suffering, people are more likely to be disgusted than compassionate. As a woman, you can still receive pity and compassion. This difference in treatment is a stark reality that heavily influenced my choices.
I feel a deep sense of caution for other males considering this path. I believe you should only even think about transitioning if it is absolutely clear in your head that you simply cannot keep on living otherwise. For males, transitioning can often ruin your life in catastrophic and sometimes violent ways that can be impossible to fix. I've had friends commit suicide after the harsh consequences of attempting to transition really hit them. It's a devastating reality, but I feel I have to be honest about it to prevent others from suffering.
A lot of my own struggles came from a place of self-hatred and despair about being male. I went through a period of feeling tremendous hatred for myself and my gender. My journey through transition and to this point of self-acceptance was painful, but in a way, I feel like it was only by going through all of that I was finally able to accept myself fully as a male. It’s like I am finally free.
I don't have any regrets about my transition because it led me to this understanding of myself. It was the path I needed to take to get to a point where I could honestly look at myself and say, "This is who I am, and that's okay." My advice to anyone questioning is to really self-reflect. Try to go back to the core of your feelings and focus on what YOU want. What kind of future would make YOU happy and feel satisfied? If your ideal doesn't seem achievable, you need to shave off layers until you find a realistic future you can stomach. Happiness is for everyone, and you deserve to find your own path to it.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ? | Realized I could not live a gender-conforming life as a man. |
| ? | Began medical transition (hormones). |
| ? | Began living full-time as a woman and reached a point of "passing." |
| ? | Came to the conclusion that I recognize and accept myself as male, but continue to present as a woman for safety and peace. |
Top Comments by /u/throwawaybigbear23:
I wouldn't post if it was otherwise, but this resonates so much with my own experiences as a male and with the journey I've been through, where at points reading this it almost feels like you're writing about my own experiences. It's almost disturbing in a good sort of way.
I feel as though I can finally accept myself as a male, after feeling so much hatred and despair about myself and my gender and going through so much. In a way it almost feels like it was thanks to all that I've been through that I'm finally able to to just accept myself fully in every way. Like I am finally free. I don't think I will feel otherwise but I hope it stays that way.
Thanks for posting this.
Honestly I don't want to make people angry or sad by saying this, but for us AMAB I think you should only even think about transitioning if it is clear in your head that you simply can't keep on living otherwise.
As AMAB transitioning will often ruin your life in catastrophic(and often violent) ways that many times you'll be unable to fix back. I've literally had friends commit suicide after the consequences of attempting to transition really hit. It's really fucked up, but I'd rather say it than allow people to suffer tremendously because it's not a nice thing to say.
AMAB here.
I transitioned and pass as a woman. Never wear make up. Most of the time I wear jeans but sometimes when I feel like it I'll wear a skirt or shorts. For a while now I've come to the conclusion that I recognize myself as male, but I simply cannot live a life gender conforming as one, for me personally it is just unlivable, and living as a gender non-conforming man is dangerous and stressful as hell so I live and present myself as a woman instead. I don't think I've lost anything. From the very beginning I was always myself so I don't relate to the leaving the male self behind thing and I also don't relate to the changes feeling like they're too much.
Honestly you need to take care of yourself and try and self-reflect. Try going back to the core of your feelings and focus on what YOU want and especially what kind of future for yourself would make YOU happy? What would make you happy/feel satisfied? If your ideal is not achievable at all you need to shave off layers until you find a realistic future you can stomach.
Good luck, happiness is for everyone, you included.
Ok, I hate to be the one to point this out, but you're typing " I was generally hated by my close friends".
Like, how could they possibly be your close friends if they hated you?
It seems to me from the whole text you wrote that there are some deeper problems stemming from how you understand relationships, but I'm no psychologist so you should probably get it all checked out, especially if you've also self-harmed before, it's dangerous.
This was absolutely my experience as MTFTM.
My experience was : If you pass as a female everyone treats you nicely and shows kindness toward you. As a man, especially if you're fat, ugly or bald or something like that, that is pretty much unthinkable, but as a woman you can still get kindness and pity from other people even then. As a man if you're fat ugly and bald(for example) and are suffering you won't get people pity you and show compassion to you, you'll just have people be disgusted at you.
If I'm being honest, I often give up on posting in here because after observing this subreddit for a while, it is pretty intimidating to post from the perspective of a detrans male when the subreddit is vast majority female and minority male while also having a lot of the women subscribe to the whole "women are oppresed and men are oppresors" "life is so much harder as a woman so if you're a man you shouldn't complain or feel bad and if you do you suck" like males deserve no simpathy or compassion whatsoever.
I kinda wish there was a place where detrans males could talk between ourselves about our own experiences openly without having to explain ourselves or feel judged by others, but I know even if I make a subreddit there aren't enough of us to keep it going, so the whole thing is very depressing for me.