This makes a lot of sense and is well explained.

Something that is quite overlooked is autoandrophilia in transmen. I was planning on making a post for this, but I’d be interested in hearing OP’s or others’ takes on this.

I believe autogynephilia is more common because men generally have stronger constant sexual urges, due to biological differences and also due to women experiencing fluctuations in their hormonal cycle, hence their libido can range from nil to high.

When I believed I was FtM trans, I experienced autoandrophilia, and I’m not a highly sexual person, so I think it’s more common than we currently know. I dreamed of having male genitalia and experiencing ejaculation. Imagining myself having sex as a man was the only way I could enjoy any type of sexual contact. Interestingly, I would always imagine myself as the dominant one. It was never a fantasy of being a submissive male. I think this stemmed from me desiring to regain power and control, since I had lost control in a lot of aspects of my life. It was also partly internalized misogyny, since I saw men as more powerful.

I see this a lot in autogynephiles and “traps”. A majority of them gains sexual satisfaction from being viewed as a dainty, submissive woman that gets humiliated and dominated. The difference is that “traps” also gain pleasure from “catfishing” or “trapping” their partners, so at least they exert some control that way. In autogynephiles, pleasure derives entirely from loss of control, as often they are men that experience a lot of pressure in every other part of life. Also, doing something “taboo” is in itself a common kink.

I have heard a lot of trans people say they are asexual. Usually, FtM transsexuals make that claim, and I think it’s because there is deep trauma during sexual development (often abuse) or perhaps other mental problems that act as inhibitors to feeling sexual arousal and pleasure. True asexuality that isn’t a product of trauma or social influences must be one of the rarest human experiences, considering how the human body functions. I think a lot of people confuse it with intentional abstinence, aromanticism, hermetic lifestyles and aphantasia.

I think one of the reasons they can’t exist alongside each other is because autogynephiles are scared of the stigma and shunning associated with openly expressing kinks. Most people are private about their sex lives and don’t like to advertise what they do in the bedroom.

For example, a lot of ordinary people indulge in (light) BDSM, but it’s not a part of their everyday persona (while for others it is, especially in leather and mistress communities). If someone were to openly crossdress in public and insist they do it because they are auto and not trans, everyone would know it’s a turn-on for them. Maybe others around them would feel uncomfortable, because they’d feel like they’re a part of that autogynephilic fantasy against their consent, as “props” or “onlookers” just like in voyeuristic fantasies.

When we hear “paraphilia”, our mind often jumps to p3d0ph1l1a, so it makes sense that it is a misunderstood and stigmatized term that autogynephiles would like to distance themselves from. Another thing not many people realize is that even sadomasochism, which is quite common, is a form of paraphilia. Maybe when the desire to transition appears, that’s when the harmless autogynephilia paraphilia becomes clinically disordered, just like when in some circles masochists start extreme body modifications to enhance their pain.

I am a desisted female. I also have a flair, idk why it wasn’t visible. I made a throwaway for this sub because my main account has a lot of identifying information and I just wanted to stay anonymous.

Like I mentioned in my post, I used to identify as FTM trans in my late teens and if I had the means back then, I would have 100% gone all the way through with it. I had planned everything, the only thing stopping me was lack of funds and support. And honestly, I think I would have also been diagnosed as trans because I check all the criteria boxes. This is one of the points of my post: the process of diagnosis is flawed and sexist.

I do not support any agenda nor do I want to invalidate anyone. I simply needed to get my story out because before, whenever I even hinted at this opinion, most people thought I’m bigoted. In reality, I know how much harm transitioning would have caused me, and I am hoping things will slowly change to prevent that from happening to others.

Thank you for reading my post.

I believe PCOS played the biggest role in my dysphoria. I got my period very early and I HATED it, I was prescribed various birth control pills in an attempt to regulate my menstrual cycle and I had thick body hair everywhere. My mom was busy working, trying to keep us afloat, so she never got around to teaching me how to wax or shave.

I was also very tall for my age with a broad build, so even though I was chubby, I would get into fights, power through opponents in football etc. I looked like a freak in comparison to others my age. I think a lot of those kids bullied me because they felt threatened.

My voice is also naturally very deep, and I knew that I can’t really change that. My hormones were raging and that also made me kind of aggressive and impulsive. So, in my mind, it was just easier to become a guy and accept my “masculine” traits, instead of figuring all that “girly” stuff out on my own.

Now, I am undergoing laser treatment for hair removal and I have learned how to do my hair and make-up through youtube tutorials. It definitely wasn’t easy or quick, but it was doable.

It’d be great to hear your progress in a few months! It’s so encouraging that even though you’ve taken T, your voice has bounced back to normal so well. I’ve never been on T, but my voice is naturally super deep - much deeper than yours! So don’t worry about it. I doubt anyone IRL would confuse it. ❤️

Agreed 100%. You will never be happy unless you accept yourself the way you are. Gender dysphoria reminds me a lot of body dysmorphia. You see yourself and you don’t like your image, so you nitpick everything that COULD be. It’s not okay to feed into someones dysmorphia, so why is it fine to feed into their dysphoria and go along with it?

Everyone has things we dislike about ourselves. Of course, some of them are relatively easy and harmless to change. Changing your haircut or clothes is fine. But if you want to change your eyecolor, it isn’t feasible in a healthy way. You just need to accept what you already have, eventually.

You see this a lot in those plastic surgery obsessed people, like those “human dolls”. They never stop because perfection is impossible.

Therapists and doctors are scared of the backlash, so they just go along with everything, no matter how destructive or rushed it is.

Exactly. The problem is that a lot of people don’t understand how medicine works. Yes, some aspects of it are outdated and even problematic, but it’s a science that has been developed over thousands of years.

There ARE biological differences between the two sexes (eg size of bones and organs, hormones). Biological sex DOES matter when you are being screened or treated for a lot of ailments (eg differential diagnoses, statistical differences). Ignoring them doesn’t make us politically correct and pious, instead it is harmful for everyone involved.

I do think there are people who are genuinely trans, and I think they deserve every treatment they can get to feel comfortable in their own skin. But they’re probably just a tiny fraction of all the people who nowadays identify as trans or are diagnosed so. The process of diagnosis and prescription needs to be lengthy and strict, and we need to stop allowing vulnerable, often troubled and unstable children and teens to make permanent decisions. We need to remove the stigma around the mental aspect of dysphoria. I suspect a lot of people identify as trans and experience dysphoria due to trauma or mental distress. Why is it seen as bigoted to address it that way?

I vividly remember the days after my father left. My mom was a mess. She spent most of her time crying on the couch. She was mostly worried about how we’ll survive financially and how she’d raise me alone. I was barely 6, so I didn’t exactly understand what’s happening. I did my best to console her, but it was definitely traumatizing.

In the following years, I subconsciously tried to replace my father, for my mom’s sake. I learned to fix our car when it broke down, did the plumbing in the house and other “dad chores”. My mom was clueless because she was raised to be a housewife, just cooking and cleaning. Growing up, I thought that since I do “manly” stuff, I can’t be a woman, I MUST be trans.

Things like fixing a toilet or changing a tire shouldn’t be gendered. They’re basic survival skills, just like cooking and doing laundry. They shouldn’t be divided. If my mom had been raised differently, maybe she would know how to do them herself, and I wouldn’t have felt the need to step up. Maybe if those stereotypes didn’t exist, I wouldn’t associate doing them with being less of a woman.

I hope you’re in a good place now. I like the way you worded that last part. We need to challenge some current views instead of blindly accepting them in fear of being labeled transphobic, because that is how we’ll improve.

I have been struggling to express my thoughts, but you just worded them perfectly. I completely agree. Watch and wait would solve a LOT of dysphoria if paired with therapy of underlying issues.

Those hormone blockers are so harmful. I think a lot of parents and therapists jump to a trans diagnosis because they’re scared of backlash/being labeled a bigot. If a little boy wants to play with dolls and wear pink, just let him. Maybe he’ll grow out of it in a few years. If his parents bombard him with questions about his gender, of course he might even say he wants to be a girl. Kids are so impressionable and easily coerced because they don’t understand consequences that well. When I was little, I used to say I want to be like Tarzan and even acted like him. Does that mean my mom should have obliged and sent me off into the jungle? No. When I was a teenager, I used to try to smoke as many cigarettes as possible every day to make my voice raspy because I thought it’d be cool. Does that seem like someone who has the maturity to make life altering decisions?

Transitioning should be a last ditch effort when every other attempt at resolving dysphoria fails. It should be a decision made by a sound of mind, mature adult. Not by a teen or kid.