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Reddit user /u/throwawayforthebestk's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 22
female
took hormones
regrets transitioning
influenced online
influenced by friends
homosexual
doesn't regret transitioning
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and spans personal medical history, psychological reasoning, and a coherent ideological critique of gender ideology. The account of being a medical student/doctor adds a layer of verifiable expertise to their medical critiques. The tone is passionate and angry, which aligns with the expected sentiment of someone who feels harmed by their experience. The perspective is consistent with a desister (stopped testosterone after a short period) who is a detransitioned lesbian.

About me

I started because I never fit in with other girls, and my friends' comments made me think I should be a man. I was on testosterone for a very short time but stopped because I was terrified it would hurt my fertility. Moving away gave me the space to realize I was never a man, just a masculine woman. I'm now a happy, confident lesbian who is grateful I trusted my gut and stopped. My only regret is ever seeking validation from others instead of just being myself.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started because I never felt like I fit in with other girls. I'm a lesbian and I've always been a tomboy. My female friends would always tell me things like, "Hanging with you feels like I’m hanging with a guy," or "I wish you were a guy because you would make the perfect boyfriend." Even the girls I dated would say I was the only girl they'd ever been with because it felt like dating a guy. That kind of talk really got stuck in my head.

In my late teens, I started watching a lot of FTM transition videos online, and their stories seemed to match mine perfectly—not clicking with other girls, dressing like a tomboy, all of it. I became totally convinced that I must be a man. I came out to people and my friends were all like, "I knew it!" which just made me feel more sure. I was so influenced by what everyone else thought of me.

Thankfully, after college, I moved to a new city and ended up distancing myself from those friends and relationships. Having that space and time to myself was what finally made me realize the truth: I'm not a man. I don't feel like a man, and I never was trans. I am 100% a woman and I'm proud of it. I'm glad I have periods, I'm glad I can carry a baby, and I'm glad I have my natural femininity. Having a "masculine energy" doesn't change any of that.

I did start taking testosterone when I was 22. I was only on it for about a month and a half. I was really worried about my fertility from the very beginning, but people around me, and even some in the community, downplayed my concerns. They'd say things like, "It's worth it if it helps your dysphoria," or "You're going to date women anyway, so she can be the bio parent." But my gut told me it was a bad idea, so I stopped. Thankfully, my period came back and is regular, and ultrasounds show everything is normal. But I'm still angry about how little people seemed to care about my fertility concerns. It's a serious thing.

I also learned a lot about the medical side of things, especially since I'm now a doctor myself. When I was starting T, my doctors were honest but there were so many "we don't know" answers. Does it affect fertility long-term? We don't know. What are the other long-term consequences? We don't know. The research is seriously lacking, and we're not taught much about this in medical school. I think no minor should ever be allowed to medically transition because of all these unknowns—it's like treating a child like a guinea pig. For adults, it's their choice, but it has to be a fully informed one.

I've seen and heard a lot about the surgeries, and it's horrifying. People are led to believe that FTM bottom surgery will give them a vagina that even gynecologists can't tell apart from a biological woman's. But the reality is that it often results in a wound that can get infected easily because you have to use dilators to keep it open. Many people lose sensation, have chronic pain, or have other serious complications. It's not a magical cure; it's a very serious, disfiguring surgery with permanent issues.

My thoughts on gender have completely changed. I don't believe anyone "feels" like a man or a woman. You just are your sex. I have pale skin, but I don't "feel" like a pale person; I just am one. It's the same with being female. You don't need to feel like you have two X chromosomes—you just have them. Clothes, hobbies, and personality traits have nothing to do with your sex. You can be a woman who hates dresses and loves sports, and that's perfectly okay. The trans movement, in a way, promotes gender stereotypes just as much as conservatives do, just in reverse.

I don't have any connection to the broader "queer community" anymore. As a lesbian, I find community with other homosexual people, but I want nothing to do with the TQ+ part of it. I've seen how manipulative it can be. I'm happier now than I've ever been because I've stopped caring what random people think and I just live for myself.

I don't regret exploring my identity because it led me to where I am now, but I am grateful I stopped medical intervention when I did. My main regret is getting so caught up in seeking validation from others instead of just being myself.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
Late Teens Felt I didn't fit in with other girls; influenced by friends' comments and online FTM stories.
22 Started taking testosterone.
22 Stopped testosterone after 1.5 months due to fertility concerns.
Shortly after 22 Moved to a new city, distanced from old friends, and began to realize I was not trans.
Now (almost 30) Fully detransitioned; happy and secure as a lesbian woman.

Top Comments by /u/throwawayforthebestk:

18 comments • Posting since October 2, 2023
Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) explains her aversion to the "queer community" after detransitioning, describing it as manipulative and narcissistic, and now seeks community only with other homosexual people, not the TQ+ part of the acronym.
69 pointsApr 12, 2024
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I have no connection to the “queer community”, even though I’m a lesbian. After detransing I feel like I’ve opened my eyes to just how manipulative and narcissistic they can be, and I want nothing to do with it. I find community with other homosexual people, but not the TQ+.

Based on the provided comment, here's a concise and detailed title:**Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) explains that OP's makeup ironically accentuates masculinity, comparing it to MTF beginners' color choices, and suggests professional lessons**### Key details included:- **User identity**: Username and flair ("detrans female") establish perspective - **Core observation**: Makeup makes OP look "more masculine, ironically" - **Specific comparison**: Likens style to MTF individuals learning makeup with "colors that don’t work" - **Actionable advice**: Recommends "makeup lessons that teach what matches you" - **Context**: Retains the comment's critical yet supportive tone toward OP's appearance concerns *(Length: 147 characters)*
60 pointsJul 4, 2024
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I’m going to agree with the other commenter that the makeup makes you look more masculine, ironically. Your makeup style is similar to that of an MTF because they’re also just learning makeup and wind up putting colors that don’t work. I think maybe getting some makeup lessons that teach you what matches you would definitely help :)

Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) explains her lesbian identity is based on biological sex, not gender identity.
55 pointsMar 9, 2024
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I always say… it’s called “heterosexuality” and “homosexuality”, not “heterogenderuality” and “homogenderuality”. Being a homosexual means you’re attracted to the same sex. I don’t give a shit how much a male does to change himself physically to look like a woman- as a lesbian I’m not attracted to them.

And some people try to “gotcha” me by saying “okay, well would you be attracted to a trans man then?”… like if I had to choose a trans man over a trans woman? I would. Because I’m not attracted to the gender women, I’m attracted to the sex.

Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) explains that sex is not a feeling, critiques the trans movement for reinforcing gender stereotypes, and advocates for the freedom to express oneself regardless of sex.
52 pointsJan 29, 2024
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Nobody “feels” like a man or a woman because sex is not a feeling. I have pale skin, but I don’t “feel” like a pale person I just am. I have brown eyes but I don’t “feel” like I have brown eyes, I just have them. It’s the same with sex. You don’t need to feel like you have two X chromosomes- you just have them.

You do you. Having two X chromosomes doesn’t mean you have to dress or act a certain way. Clothing, job, personality traits, hobbies, and interests are independent of sex. You can be a woman who hates dresses and makeup and wants to be a professional football player- and that’s perfectly OK! Or you can be a woman who likes pink and wants to be a balley dancer, and that’s perfectly fine too!

That’s my issue with the trans movement. They make it so that gender is superficial- they’re promoting gender norms just in a different way than conservatives do. Conservatives say “boys can’t like dolls so they need to stop playing with them!” And the trans community says “boys can’t like dolls, so if he plays with a doll he must be a girl!”. When what we should be saying is “a boy can play with a doll and it doesn’t make him any less of a boy!”

Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) explains her support for trans rights but not for minors receiving medical interventions, which she describes as disfiguring and leading to chronic health issues.
50 pointsDec 6, 2023
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Yes, but I don’t agree with minors getting involved. If a kid feels trans it’s okay to respect their pronouns and let them dress how they want, but no one should be letting minors get hormones or surgeries that can permanently disfigure them. And I use the word disfigure very intentionally because many of these surgeries lead to horrible, permanent issues like chronic urinary infections, skin necrosis, keloids, etc.

Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) advises against seeking validation from others, sharing how focusing on herself instead of others' opinions led to her happiness in her late 20s.
49 pointsDec 21, 2023
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Bro- people’s opinions don’t matter. Don’t seek validation through others. Live for yourself. Idk how old you are but in my late teens and early 20s I spent so much time worrying about how others perceive me and you know where that took me? Nowhere. I was just depressed and miserable because I wasn’t getting the attention I wanted. Now I’m almost 30 and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because I’ve stopped giving a shit about what random people who mean nothing to me think.

Focus on yourself. Focus on your hobbies and interests and have fun! You only have one life, and it’s not worth wasting on insecurity.

Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) explains the serious and often disfiguring side effects of FTM bottom surgery, including loss of sensation, chronic pain, and the reality that the result is a high-maintenance "gaping wound" rather than an indistinguishable vagina.
48 pointsOct 2, 2023
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I keep seeing and strongly disagree with is that FTM bottom surgery will give you a vagina that even gynos can't tell apart from bio women.

This, and also I wish people talked about how many horrible, disfiguring side effects these bottom-surgeries have. Trans women are led to believe they'll get the surgery and have a normal vagina, when in reality they have a gaping wound hole (sorry to sound graphic -_-) that frequently gets infected because you're not allowing it to heal properly since you're using dilators to keep it open. Many times they lose sensation and sexual function on top of that, or can have chronic pain down there. It's truly a very serious surgery and not just a magical cure to gender dysphoria.

Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) questions the reliance on stereotypes like clothing and hobbies to define gender identity.
48 pointsJan 18, 2024
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What I want is for these people to describe being a "man" or a "woman' without using clothes or stereotypical activities. I always here them say "I know I'm a woman because growing up I liked dresses and makeup!" or "I know I'm a man because I like sports and never liked dresses growing up!".

Just once, I'd like to hear them define a man or woman without those dumb stereotypes...

Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) explains why she stopped testosterone after her concerns about infertility were downplayed with phrases like "it's worth it for dysphoria" and "your future female partner can be the bio parent."
35 pointsMar 9, 2024
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I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through :( This is exactly why I stopped T. Everyone around me downplayed my concerns over fertility. They’d say “It’s worth it if it helps your dysphoria feel better!” or “well you’re going to date women anyways so she can always be the bio parent!”. But my gut kept telling me it’s not a good idea. So finally I stopped it. Thankfully my period is regular and ultrasounds have shown everything is normal, but I’m still angry and sickened by how little the people around me cared about my fertility concerns…

Reddit user throwawayforthebestk (detrans female) explains the serious health risks of taking estrogen as a man, including liver damage, blood clots, stroke, and cancer, advising against it unless medically necessary.
27 pointsSep 12, 2024
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Remember, you are taking a hormone that is not naturally at a high level in your body. In doing so there are risks, including:

  1. liver damage
  2. thyroid problems
  3. increased risk of blood clot
  4. related to 3, increased risk of stroke
  5. high blood pressure
  6. high cholesterol
  7. risk of bleeding issues
  8. risk of diabetes
  9. increased risk of certain cancers

Estrogen is not just some fun aesthetic medication to take for funsies. And it’s sad that the trans community keeps pushing it without acknowledging the adverse effects. Unless you absolutely need to take it, I wouldn’t advise doing so.