This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed experience with starting and stopping testosterone, including specific physical and emotional effects.
- Internal consistency in their story across multiple posts over several months.
- Nuanced and empathetic advice that reflects the complex, often non-linear reality of gender exploration, detransition, and desisting. Their tone is passionate and supportive, which aligns with the stated context of the community.
- No evidence of a scripted agenda; their comments are responsive to other users' specific situations.
About me
I started identifying as nonbinary when I was 22, feeling a need to prove my identity was real by starting a low dose of testosterone. When I increased the dose, the changes, especially my voice cracking, scared me because I realized I liked my female body and didn't want permanent alterations. Stopping testosterone was really hard and left me depressed for months while my body recovered. I don't regret exploring my identity, but I deeply regret taking testosterone and learning that I didn't need to change my body to be valid. Now, I'm comfortable as a gender-nonconforming woman, living with a few permanent changes but happy again in my own skin.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was 22. I was a woman who felt a bit different and started identifying as nonbinary. I liked my body and how I looked, and I didn't have any social dysphoria about being seen as a woman. But in my head, I felt this pressure to prove that my identity was serious, like I had to do something medical to make it real. I never held other trans people to that standard, but for some reason, I held myself to it.
I decided to try testosterone. I started on a microdose. At first, it was okay; I just noticed my smell change and I had a lot of energy. I thought I was on the right track. But when I switched to a standard dose, things started to change more. My voice began to crack, and that really freaked me out. I realized I didn't want a masculine or even an androgynous voice. I also knew I didn't want the other permanent effects that were coming. I liked my body the way it was. I stopped taking T after a short time, in May of 2020, when I was 23.
Stopping was rough. My hormones dropped really low and I felt awful, both physically and mentally. I was deeply depressed and it was hard to get out of bed. I was so miserable that I even broke up with my partner because I was terrible to be around. My vagina got very dry, which was uncomfortable, but my clinic gave me a vitamin E treatment that helped. It took a few months for my body to start producing its own hormones again and for me to start feeling normal.
Even though I stopped identifying as trans, I still see myself as nonbinary-adjacent. I have one foot in womanhood and one foot in being an androgyne. I don't regret exploring my identity, but I do regret taking testosterone. I wish I had realized that I didn't need to medically transition to be valid. I learned that it's okay to have phases and that you don't have to force yourself to do anything permanent if you're not sure.
Some effects from T are permanent for me. I have a few thick hairs on my face that I pluck, and my voice is a bit different—it sounds androgynous now, not fully feminine. The bottom growth I experienced is also permanent; it didn't go down and it lost sensitivity, which is unfortunate. But overall, I'm happy with my body again and I'm comfortable living as a gender-nonconforming woman.
My thoughts on gender are that it's very personal and subjective. It's a self-determined identity, not something that can be measured. You don't have to medically transition to be valid in your identity, and it's always okay to change your mind.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
22 | Started identifying as nonbinary. |
23 | Started testosterone (T). |
23 | Stopped T after a short time (May 2020). |
23 | Experienced the difficult hormonal crash after stopping. |
24 | Felt my body and hormones return to a stable, normal state. |
Top Comments by /u/throwawayvoicecracks:
Nobody wants you to be a dead woman. Are you detransitioning because you think you you can’t compete with cis men, or because you actually want to be a woman? If you think being a woman will kill you then... don’t do it. Or don’t do it right now. A trans man is not a bad thing to be. Nor, for that matter, is a detrans woman with a flat chest. But a dead person of any gender is a terrible thing to be, and suicide is irreversible.
Your body is resilient and vaginal atrophy can improve after T. It looks like you’re considering two big things at the same time- stopping T and identifying in a different way. You can still be trans and stop transitioning, though it is also okay to realize you don’t want to ID as trans. You don’t need to resolve the identity stuff urgently, what matters is taking care of your body.
Being a woman is hard but being a gender nonconforming woman is especially hard. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth being. The way you talk about identifying as nonbinary makes it sound like it’s not very true to the way you see yourself. Whatever decision you come to, you don’t have to take on a mantle that’s not yours. You need to be you. You don’t owe anyone a particular identity. You owe yourself love and truth.
Your mother is abusing you. Tell your father you are a boy, and let him help you get out of living with her. Talk to your doctor without your mother in the room. Call child protection services, even.
You are not damaged, but you have been hurt. Your body can masculinize when you go off HRT. It will take a long time because you are essentially starting puberty at 17 instead of at 11, but it will happen.
I am worried about the mental harm your mother is doing to you. Please, please do everything in your power to get away from her.
You don’t have to go back to your birth name. Plenty of people change their names to names they like better. As to pronouns, I feel like they’re part of presentation and don’t have to line up with your sex. You don’t have to wear makeup and skirts to be a woman, so why would you have to use she/her? If you do want to go back to she/her but can’t yet, try thinking about it in a neutral way, like she as in ship. Boats are she/her but they’re not feminine, they’re boats.
I think your transmasc friend may be insecure. A lot of people don’t like to think about detransition. But detransition is a fact and it doesn’t undermine transness.
If it’s possible for people to spend a long time thinking they were their birth gender, and then realize they’re not, it’s possible for people to spend a long time thinking they were trans, and then realize they’re their birth gender. It goes both ways, but it’s a scary thing for a lot of people. It shouldn’t be.
If you want to go off HRT, you can do it. There will be changes. If being a trans guy is not who you are, you don’t have to be a trans guy. You are free to be who you really are.
I didn’t like the effects of T and stopped as they became more noticeable (when I switched from a microdose to a standard dose). The effects upset me so much I stopped identifying as trans. Ironically, I think I would have still identified as trans if I had not gone on T. I went on T in the first place because I thought the effects were something I wanted and would like.
Your fertility is probably fine! If anything, maybe even better than that of a woman your own age who was never on T, since you’ve paused ovulatory cycles, but haven’t been on T long enough to cause atrophy. Some trans men who do long term T (like 6+ years) go off T for a couple years to become parents and it works out.
Anyway, if you want to detransition or pause transition, it’s never too late. You don’t have to do a surgery you don’t feel 100% comfortable about. Even if it’s already scheduled. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do or be anyone you don’t want to be.
You ESPECIALLY don’t have to be dead. You don’t need to end your life. Please take care.
You are asking in a detrans subreddit, so it’s likely that people are going to tell you no.
Ultimately, it is your call. Are you deeply dysphoric about your genitals to the degree that this would be lifesaving healthcare, or do you feel like you “should” get a phalloplasty because it’s the trans thing to do? If it’s the latter, I would hold off on it.
Yes, it’s normal. Your hormones will be super low for a while as your body catches on that it’s supposed to be making it’s own again. I felt like crap when I went off T. It is a really shitty time. You’ll feel better when your body catches up to normal hormone production. I am so sorry you’re going through this. It sucks ass, but it’s temporary.
Edit: if you are suicidal, try to get a therapist. Non suicidal depression is already bad enough.