This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The user demonstrates:
- A nuanced, personal, and evolving perspective on their own gender and transition.
- Specific knowledge about HRT, fertility, and detransition timelines.
- A consistent, reflective, and advice-oriented tone that is common in the community.
- No contradictions or scripted/repetitive language that would indicate a bot.
About me
I was born male and my desire to be a woman started as a form of escapism in my early twenties. I lived as a woman for seven years and took hormones, but my height made it impossible to pass and the medication made me feel disconnected from myself. I realized I needed to accept being male while still embracing my femininity, rather than trying to change my body. My journey taught me to separate my discomfort with social roles from my feelings about my physical self. Now, I'm learning to live as a feminine man and see my transition as a difficult but valuable experience that led me to this self-acceptance.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started a long time ago, but I only began to really understand it and then later, question it, in the last several years. I was born male, and for a long time, I had a deep desire to be a woman. A lot of those thoughts felt like a form of escapism for me, a way to get away from my life. It didn't completely take over my life, but it was strong enough that it kept me indoors sometimes when I didn't feel "woman enough," which I guess was a kind of dysphoria.
I lived as a transgender woman for about seven years. I took hormones, and I've heard that HRT can cause fatigue, depression, and a feeling of being disconnected from yourself, which is scary to think about. I was always aware that the medicine making my skin softer could also make my mind feel sad. I'm very tall, 6'3", and I didn't pass as female, which made things very rough and is a big part of why I'm here now, rethinking everything.
My thinking began to change. I started to accept that I am male, but that doesn't mean I have to be a "man" in the way society expects. I can be male and be extremely feminine. I reject the label of "man," but I can't deny the reality of my body. For me, the idea that I was a male who modified my body to become as female as possible felt more honest than saying I had become female. I became a woman in a social sense, but not a female in a biological sense.
I don't think the question is whether someone should transition. I've seen people with what seemed like good reasons for transitioning end up with regrets, and people with what seemed like bad reasons have no regrets at all. It seems to come down to how comfortable you end up in your changed body and how well you fit into your new social role, and you can't really know that until you try.
To avoid the worst kind of regret, I think it's important to make a clear distinction between your feelings about gender—like how you want to express yourself or the social roles you dislike—and your feelings about your actual sex, your body and its characteristics. If you're okay with your body but not okay with society's rules for your gender, medical transition might be wrong for you. It's also crucial to get help for other mental health issues, especially if you have a history of trauma, autism, or OCD, because those can really confuse or even create feelings of gender dysphoria.
I’ve thought a lot about fertility. I know that going off hormones to try and store sperm is an option some people, like GiGi Gorgeous, have tried. It’s something I had to consider for myself.
Now, I'm figuring out how to live as a very feminine male. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I'm starting. I don't know if I have full regrets. In a way, my transition was a valuable life experience that led me to where I am now. I aim to be someone who can see it that way, rather than someone who feels they permanently damaged their body. My purpose is to live my best life with the feelings I have.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 20 | First started having persistent thoughts about wanting to be a woman. Many of these feelings were tied to escapism. |
| 21 | Began identifying as a transgender woman and started socially transitioning. |
| 21 | Started hormone replacement therapy (HRT). |
| 28 | Began to seriously question my transition after ~7 years of living as a woman. Struggled with being a non-passing, 6'3" trans woman. |
| 28 | Stopped identifying as a woman. Accepted that I am male but can express myself in a hyper-feminine way. Began the process of detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/throwingaway2939:
I think whether or not someone should transition isn’t the question. The more people I’ve heard from the more I’ve found people with good reasons for transition have regrets AND people with bad reasons for transition have no regrets. In the end it seems to be how comfortable you are in your body in the end and how well you integrate into your new social role. Neither of which you can really know how it’ll work out unless you try.
Instead, I’d focus on reducing the chance that you’ll regret your transition. There are plenty of detrans people who see their transition as a valuable life experience. You want to aim to be one of those people in the worst case instead of someone who thinks they’ve irreparably damaged their body.
Here are some exercises that might help:
Exercise gratitude about your natal gender, even if it’s hard. What do you like about it, what are the benefits? Talk to other people of your gender, what do they like about it? Acknowledge you may be giving up some of that.
Make a distinction between your feelings about your gender (expression, social role, your expectations) and your sex (your body, your secondary and primary sex characteristics). Medical transition is often going to be wrong for you if you are comfortable with your sex but uncomfortable with society’s gendered impositions on you.
Acknowledge that transition will not change your sex, not completely. Transition will only make you a maximally feminized male or a maximally masculinized female. Essentially, you’ll be synthetically intersex. Does that fact dissuade you from transition?
Seek help for your mental health issues if any, especially if you have a history of sexual abuse or have autism, BPD, or OCD. These conditions can convolute or even create gender dysphoria to some extent and should be addressed before and during transition.
Hope this helps, may you find the best way to live your life.
I’ve seen a pretty dangerous hyperfixation on pronouns from the trans community. I wouldn’t trust any feelings regarding pronouns mostly because of xenos. If xenos are getting “euphoria” from getting called ze/zir, neopronouns that literally don’t exist, maybe pronouns aren’t a reliable tool after all.
Correct, but honestly this is something I chalk up to the transphobic reality of being trans. Speaking as a trans woman, the idea that I am a male who modifies her body to become as female as possible is more consistent with reality as I experience it than claiming that at some point I became female. I certainly became a woman, but not female. It’s also, frankly, consistent with how trans people talk about themselves only I don’t candy coat it as ‘afab’ or ‘amab’.
It’s rough yes. I’m a 6’3” non-passing mtf and I can tell you from the other side it’s rough. There’s a reason why I’m on this subreddit after all!
You have dysphoria and you always will. Your purpose is to live your best life with it. Today transition is how many people live with these feelings but history and this sub show there are lots of paths you can take.
If you hate how hairy you are, shave. Get laser. If you fear masculinization take AAs to get lower T. Grow your hair out if you want. Take up skin care. Being male doesn’t mean you have to be like other men. You can be as feminine as you like. And obviously, seek therapy.
Me personally, I’ve accepted that I’m male but that doesn’t mean I can’t be hyper feminine. I reject the idea that I’m a man, but it’s undeniable that I’m male. And that’s okay. I have a lot of work ahead of me too, but I’m starting.
I hope you can find a way to thrive too <3
It depends on your dose and whether or not your testicles shut down. Hormonally you’re likely already normal. Worst case scenario it’ll take about 2 weeks. It takes a long time on estrogen for changes to start being semi-permanent (~6 months).
Psychologically that’s a different story. You sound distressed and that may not be resolved without professional help.
You have a few options and the best thing to do would be to visit a fertility clinic and ask about your options. GiGi Gorgeous I know famously went off of hormones and on testosterone supplements for 6 months in an attempt to store viable sperm. There’s also a youtube detransitioner who is now trying to conceive with some mixed success.
Thanks for your response! I appreciate that you’ve been through it. I’ve heard a lot that HRT can cause fatigue, depression, and depersonalization so it’s obviously a little scary that the drug that makes my skin happy may make my brain sad.
I’ve seen one of those studies and I did find it a little funny that my time (7 years) was just a little past the average for detransition among detrans males.
Obsessive thoughts about what? Wanting to be a woman or to detransition? I would describe a lot of my wanting to be a woman thoughts over the years as escapist but I had my moments of real womanhood and it didn’t totally dominate my life. It did keep me indoors when I didn’t feel woman enough (dysphoria?). I haven’t thought about detransition before this year.