genderaffirming.ai 

Reddit user /u/tomboyeurope's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 17 -> Detransitioned: 20
female
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
trauma
influenced online
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user's perspective is consistent, emotionally resonant, and reflects a personal, deeply-held belief system common among some detransitioners and radical feminists. The multi-year timeline and the evolution of their language from personal struggle to political critique further support its authenticity. The passion and anger present are not red flags, but are consistent with the stated experiences of harm and stigma.

About me

I started as a teenager who hated the changes of puberty and felt I wasn't good enough as a girl. I found communities online that told me this meant I wasn't a woman, so I identified as non-binary, but it only made me feel more lost. I eventually realized my problem wasn't my female body, but the misogynistic expectations placed on it. I detransitioned and found clarity, understanding my dysphoria was rooted in internalized hatred, not my true self. Now I accept myself as a masculine woman and am relieved I never made any permanent changes.

My detransition story

My journey with gender was a long and difficult one, and it took me years to untangle what was really going on. It all started for me when I was a teenager. I felt a deep discomfort with puberty and the changes happening to my body. I hated my breasts developing; they felt like a betrayal and a symbol of everything I was supposed to be but wasn't. I felt like I was never good enough as a girl. I was constantly told that my only worth was in being attractive to men or in becoming a mother and a housewife. It felt like I wasn't allowed to be a full human being with my own personality and opinions. That female socialization was genuinely traumatic.

I found a lot of these feelings online. I was influenced by communities that told me this discomfort meant I wasn't really a woman. I started identifying as non-binary for a while, thinking that was the answer. But it just made me feel worse. It felt like I was lying to myself, and I became hyper-aware that a lot of this gender stuff just reinforces the same old stereotypes I hated. Calling myself non-binary made me feel even more alienated and disconnected from who I really was. I didn't like that feeling at all.

I eventually realized I wasn't struggling with a "gender identity." I was struggling with how women are seen and treated in our misogynistic society. My female body wasn't the enemy; it didn't deserve the hatred and punishment I was giving it. The problem was the world, not me. I came to see that my dysphoria was rooted in internalized misogyny and the trauma of growing up female. I started to question why we don't look more at the root causes of these feelings, like trauma or internalized homophobia, or the shame of not fitting into gender stereotypes.

I detransitioned and found a lot of clarity through radical feminism. It helped me understand the pressures I was under and that I wasn't alone in feeling this way. I'm glad I never medically transitioned. I only ever transitioned socially by changing my name and pronouns, and I am so relieved that I didn't make any permanent changes to my body that I would have regretted.

I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to a place of much stronger self-acceptance. But I do regret the years I spent obsessing over my "gender identity" instead of working on loving myself for who I am—a woman who doesn't conform to stereotypes. I am a masculine woman, and that's okay. I'm not non-binary, I'm not trans. I'm just me.

Age Year Event
13 ~2010 Started puberty, began hating breast development and feeling deep discomfort with female social expectations.
17 ~2014 Found online trans communities, felt influenced by them, began identifying as non-binary.
18 ~2015 Realized identifying as non-binary felt like lying and increased feelings of self-alienation.
20 ~2017 Understood my struggle was with misogyny, not my body. Detransitioned socially.
23 2020 Found radical feminism, which solidified my understanding of my experience and brought self-acceptance.

Top Comments by /u/tomboyeurope:

7 comments • Posting since February 5, 2020
Reddit user tomboyurope (desisted female) comments on the pressure for detransitioned women to use "performative femininity" like wigs and padded bras to pass, arguing it's about comfort and being true to oneself rather than an inability to understand.
47 pointsNov 19, 2023
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"I frankly am confused why so many of the women here seem so unable to understand that fairly simple changes like wearing a padded bra and wig and shaving will make most of them more or less pass."

I think it's not about being able to understand. If a woman is gnc then wearing a wig or lots of make-up feels unnatural. I think it's about being comfortable and being true to yourself. I agree that performative femininity might help with passing but what if the woman feels uncomfortable with performative femininity? In the end wigs and make-up doesn't make a woman.

Reddit user tomboyeurope (desisted female) questions the root causes of gender dysphoria, suggesting trauma, internalized misogyny, homophobia, and shame for not fitting gender stereotypes.
18 pointsDec 14, 2023
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But the question is what causes gender dysphoria? I think it's trauma, internalized misogyny or internalized homophobia. Maybe also feeling shame for being gnc and not fitting into gender stereotypes. I really wonder why nobody questions the root causes of gender dysphoria.

Reddit user tomboyurope (desister) comments on the trauma of female socialization, agreeing that women are taught their only worth is in being attractive to men and that radical feminism helped them stop seeing their female body as the enemy.
14 pointsMar 2, 2020
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"I detransitioned and got into radical feminism. I still hate existing as a woman in a misogynistic society but my female body is not the enemy and does not deserve the hatred and punishment I gave it."

I agree with everything you wrote.

Female socialization is traumatic. As a girl/woman you are never good enough. You constantly get told that boys/men are better. You get constantly told that your only worth is to be attractive for men, to be a mother/housewife. You are not allowed to be an actual human being with a personality and your own opinions.

I'm glad you got into radical feminism and I hope it will help you!♀️✊

Reddit user tomboyEurope (desister) explains why identifying as nonbinary felt like lying to herself, reinforcing stereotypes, and increasing her sense of alienation.
5 pointsFeb 5, 2020
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Thanks for your reply! The thing is that calling myself nonbinary or genderqueer didn't make me happy because I felt like lying to myself and I was constantly aware that all of this gender stuff reinforces gender stereotypes. Calling myself nonbinary also made me feel alienated / disconnected from myself even more. I didn't like this feeling at all!

Reddit user tomboyeurope (desister) explains that their struggle wasn't with gender identity, but with how society sees and treats women.
3 pointsMar 3, 2020
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Thanks for your reply! I struggled with gender identity too and it made me feel even worse. Once I realized why I struggled with gender identity I realized that "gender identity" is a useless concept. I realized that I didn't struggle with gender identity but with how women are seen and treated by society.

Reddit user tomboyurope (desister) explains that the OP's voice is already a nice, soothing, and perfectly androgynous-leaning female voice that requires no improvement.
3 pointsMar 3, 2020
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Honestly, I think there is nothing you should improve because your voice sounds very nice and soothing. In your voice sample you said that you don't want to have a high voice but a rather female but androgynous-leaning voice. Well, you have this female but androgynous voice now.

Reddit user tomboyeurope (desister) explains why they believe identifying as nonbinary is a harmful delusion that prevents self-acceptance and cannot change biological sex.
3 pointsMar 14, 2020
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lol, what is your problem? Why do "enbies" expect other people to indulge in their delusion? Why do they think they can escape being a woman? I'm sorry you hate yourself but nothing can change the fact that you are female. I'm also sorry to say that all this "identifying" as "nonbinary" bs will make you even more unhappy because you try to escape from what you are. It seems that you are very young and immature. Yes, I get that puberty and being young and and being a woman can be shitty because of misogyny and sexism. But unfortunately there is no way to escape it! I think years later a lot of those "enbys" will look back and wonder why they wasted their time and energy to obsess over their "gender identity" instead on working to accept themselves.