“One of the most exciting things about being a woman is feeling attractive and desirable”

Literally no woman I know equates womanhood with desirability and being attractive. Equating womanhood with femininity and becoming something that is desirable is literally just turning womanhood into something sexual. Shit like this pisses me off. Its one thing to want to be attractive and a woman, its another to want to be a woman JUST so you can be “attractive”. The female body isn’t an object or a sexual fetish and the social attitudes that created that for us is nothing but traumatizing. 😒

Oh, nb lesbians. I used to be one of those. I'm not detransitioned, but I've just decided to drop the non-binary label. When I ID'd as a nb lesbian I felt very disconnected from womanhood because of a mix of dysphoria, dissociation, and internalized misogyny, but still connected to it socially/politically as someone born and raised female, so "nb lesbian" was a way to signal that. From the other nb lesbians I've talked to in my teen years it seems like most of them had some level of dissociation problems, many where traumatized and wanted to escape being sexualized/recognized by men as women, as well. Personally though I don't necessarily mind them as long as they're aware politically about misogyny and their social position. I can't stop people from identifying how they wish to, so at this point I just make sure they actually make proper choices about life, mostly with transition because I've had a couple ask me about medical transition and I really don't want any of them making a mistake they may regret.

I don’t think so? I mean, the thai “ladyboys” are treated and seen very differently from trans women in the US, and the i think difference in culture makes those two groups transition for different reasons. AFAIK most detrans males are either gnc bi or gay men, men with trauma, or older fetishists (their words, not mine). Usually the trend is that they go the whole way to SRS and then almost immediately realize SRS was a huge mistake and detrans or desist. Though lately we’re seeing a variety of detrans men. I dont think the rate of regret among detrans men is because of a tolerance problem, I think its more of a wakeup call that comes when you transition, especially when you get something as permanent as SRS. A lot of people have unrealistic expectations about transition. Thats my understanding anyways.

For detrans women (especially detrans lesbians),

What made you realize transition wasn’t for you? Or why did you decide to detransition? I’m a dysphoric butch lesbian who has been on T for half a year now (long, complicated story) and while I love every physical T has given me, I’ve been asking myself questions about detransition and would love to hear from detrans lesbians about their experiences.

What I'm thinking of when I mean position is stuff like material realities. Specifically that most of these people will be seen as/live as (cis) women most of the time, if that makes sense. Like, whether or not they identify as non-binary, most of them will be read as women. I've seen some NB females who think that any misogyny they face isn't meant for them or is "misdirected", and that kind of language annoys me. I'm medically transitioned myself, but I am read as a masculine woman and I'm aware of this. It may be possible to live as NB to some extentas more people become aware of NB people (assuming that happens any time soon), but for the time being the vast majority of these people will be read and gendered as women. I think its important that people acknowledge how they're perceived, if that makes sense.

Also, I relate a lot about the minimizing thing. I still minimize my experience and trauma with misogyny a lot because I've been so mentally disconnected that I feel like its not even my place. I think there's a way to be aware of it, but its really hard and takes being critical constantly. Its hard to describe but I'm very much aware at the trauma I have been through due to misogyny, although a lot of it is in hindsight, such as realizing how I was treated as a young girl and how that barred me from specific medical diagnoses because of underlying misogyny, how it led men to sexualize my teenage body, how this culture and world policing every part of my body bc of my sex, etc. etc. However, this is because I've taken the time to really question myself and understand sex based oppression. Most nb females - really anyone in trans/nb communities - are pushed away from that kind of introspection for whatever reason.

It also really requires having a circle of people who are willing to keep you in check. Most nb lesbian types don't have that, sadly, or may be too afraid to try and find it. I think the best we can do in this climate is try to be there for other natal females and make sure that they're actually being aware of how the world sees and treats them. This goes back to having discussions about misogyny, explaining sex based oppression to them in ways that makes sense, etc. Additionally, offering them a secure space where we can talk about this gender thing without immediately jumping on them for being disconnected. The best thing we can do is talk it out and lead them on a better path, if that makes sense.

Damn i felt this :/ See, I grew up in a liberal area of a very very liberal state, but i didn’t another lesbian in real life until college and i didnt know any butches until my second year of college. I didn’t get immersed into butch culture until I turned 18, and that was only online bc i had no spaces irl. Its incredibly lonely being a lesbian, and feels extra lonely being a butch lesbian. The vast majority of women I know are feminine and haven’t seemed to have experienced the social exclusion I faced as someone who grew up a tomboy. Not that being a feminine woman is any easier, but there is something to be said about how butches uniquely get entrapped by this all. Specifically, I remember growing up on tumblr and seeing the birth of “NB lesbian” culture. Tons of people saying “read stone butch blues” and normalizing butches wanting to bind and go on T. I say this as someone on HRT, I’m glad transition works out for some people (Im one of those), but I think its harmful to make that the norm. I really think we need more stories of butches who reconcile, butches who are comfortable in their womanhood, butches learning the beauty of female masculinity, etc. Butches are uniquely at vulnerable and I think more discussions about that should be had.

I think the first question you need to ask yourself is if you are genuinely dysphoric or if you are misinterpreting jealousy as dysphoria/desire to transition. The idea of seeing as a certain body part, breasts in this case, as powerful/"fun to have" is relatable feeling for me, but also a red flag. I'm a natal female and my breasts are quite large, and I've not once felt that having them was some sort of power move. Fun, sure, sometimes, but they also cause excruciating amounts of back pain, make dressing how I want impossible without some form of surgery, get in the way, tire me out, draw unwanted sexual attention to me because people constantly sexualize them, etc. Consider what exactly you mean by "power over others"? What power? The only kind of "power" I can think of is the ability to sexually influence someone by using breasts, as they're a secondary sex characteristic. If your feelings are strictly in sexually-based or somewhat sexual things, you shouldn't transition. Of course, this is only based off of one post, so I recommend thinking about it more or looking into finer details before you make any conclusive statements.