I was just thinking about how I crave seeing more detrans related art/performance/creations. Glad you found a space to share! If you feel up to sharing…what was the writing process like? How did you feel during/afterward? I find it challenging to decide how to frame/talk about my own journey creatively so I’m eager to hear other perspectives.

The question I asked myself to start down the path of detransition was, “why does being a certain gender impact how I perceive myself, how I’m viewed or treated?”

I started this journey at 11 and for a decade I stood firm in the trans identity of self perception before my perspective shift. For me, back then, transition was a holy grail. It made sense. I hated myself, was uncomfortable, hated pubtery, had mixed interest and skewed tomboy, few friends. Anxious and depressed. I hated my breasts and felt I was a boy, should’ve been born a boy, and that when I transitioned I’d feel better. It felt like I could finally connect to others who shared this experience - I’d never had community before.

I thought transition would be the relief I was seeking. I felt like I’d finally be at home in my body and grow into authentic self. I went to a therapist at 13 and she suggested my parents let me try a binder and they stopped letting me see her. I snuck home a binder and changed my name with the school. I dressed how I wanted from then on.

In many ways, going through this as a teen gave me loads of confidence to assert myself. Repeatedly, over and over, and over. Because I HAD to be my own ally. I’m grateful for the confidence and bluntness the transition gave me, tbh. I think if I hadn’t gone through this, I might not be as outspoken or confident in many ways. I was forced to speak up for myself, and if I had gone through HS as a cis teen girl it would’ve been quite a different growing experience/angle.

Anyway, after 1.5 yrs on T I realized I was still just me, and that perspective shift and question asking started to happen.

I ended up divorcing from the idea of societal gender, gender identity, or “gender presentation” because it was still the same stifling idea of boxes, but repackaged to be more appealing, more “YOU!” Just self directed, but still just as boxed in.

Attempts to describe genders or identity outside of observable science felt like flat soda to me. I’m simply a person born into a female unit. That’s it. Changing sex, in my mind with my experiences and perspective shift, would be fixing something that was never an issue to begin with. Throwing money and time toward something that, ultimately, made me unhealthier physically and more obsessive/anxious mentally (obsessing over passing, appearance, being gendered in conversation) was not worth it. The reality of consistent bloodwork and medical appointments was tiresome.

How I exist as a woman/female on this planet is entirely self directed and attempting to change my sex was simply more hassle than it was worth. In every way (monetarily, mentally, long term health, etc).

I prefer the approach of radical self acceptance as it relates to the body I am/I inhabit, rather than molding my physical reality to fit how I feel.

Yesss omg “this aura of eggshell walking (…) and people don’t seem to realize they’re barefoot” Is such a good way to put it.

I have no obligation to validate others when discussing myself. The idea that I do is based on others’ insecurities and egos.

It gets especially sticky if you have overlap with say, therapy abuse. Which I feel like some people here might get. I am very very critical of therapy/psychiatry and its systemic power/abuses.

If I go outside specific niche reddits for therapy abuse, I get the same type of dog piling pro-whatever harassment.

So not only do I feel like my detransition related sentiments are quashed and talked over, co-opted, silenced, waved off, etc, but a lot of my core experiences are “dangerous” and controversial to discuss.

Obviously people are defensive when their viewpoints or safety nets are challenged, but it’s fucking tragic that people leave no room for understanding the lived experiences of others or understanding nuance.

First, congrats on the evolution! Glad you’re feeling great!

Now onto some…Thoughts. I do see a lot of varying opinions on this sub, and I don’t chip in all that often, but I don’t think it’s hateful to question an intangible identity that’s rooted in culture, gender stereotypes, pseudo science or a combination of all of the above.

I’m more in favor of radical self acceptance of the body and making peace with the physical. It’s like how I’d still love my friend if she wanted fillers or plastic surgery, but I’d urge her to consider otherwise. For a variety of reasons. I’m sure some people feel that way about my tattoos lol so like. I urge people toward balance. But at the end of the day people will make their own choices.

That said, I’ve never had anyone present my lack of tattoos as the reason for my depression or lack of enjoyment in life. I HAVE had that experience when it comes to gender affirming care. And I’ve heard people push the same idea about plastic surgery. A lot of it is marketed at making people feel “better” by “fixing” the surface. As if there’s something to fix.

Now I have seen plenty of people here still very much recovering, obsessed with trans ID, or the individuals who backflip back into trad ideas or gender roles. I don’t really align with those modes of being or thought, and I do see it as something I want to bring balance to however I can.

I also know I can only control myself, and lots of people are on their own wild journeys.

All in all though, not supporting medical intervention to affirm one’s internalized sense of self is not hate.

Being so blunt rn, but when I saw one of them had done a PAID ad for trump, among all the other shit you correctly cited, I rolled my eyes.

They seriously thought giving a woman-hating politician the presidency was The Right Move because they’re that scarred by transition? Please please pleaseeeee get over yourselves, you cannot be serious with that shit.

More women will inevitably be impacted by his policies than the overarching trans issue. We should still discuss it openly alongside our experiences, but paid conservative content is Not it. Not at all. In an unfathomable way for me.

I occasionally saw people here being like “trump? Who’s voting for trump? I haven’t seen any detrans voting trump” and I’m like…I getttt that it’s not broadcast in this subreddit but a lot of detrans people who get themselves featured in mainstream media are openly endorsing this guy.

I’m not even going to get into what my ideal policy is, because to ME, it’s SO FAR REMOVED from the importance of WOMEN’S REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH and that should have been prioritized.

I think being loud about detransition does enough to elevate our positions and bring awareness to that option. Fine tuning policy can be done, but to hobble us all by Misery style whacking us in the ankles with bad policy is Not The Way.

To me, the detrans folks who backflipped into trad Abrahamic faiths are quite depressing and deeply misled.

I try to remind myself we’re all on our own journeys and have vast experiences. But then I still go “okay but what the fuck” before reminding myself I cannot control how others view shit. Not my job.

People can have their own opinions, those folks certainly do, and this is my opinion.

What can we do as individuals to bring balance? Well…what would you like to do? Write a book? Make YouTube vids? Try and insert yourself in the mainstream media conversation? Once I tried to get in Anthony Padilla when I was still a younger detransitioner.

My problem is I’m fucking tired, and taking it day by day because that’s what my circumstances allow. Paycheck to paycheck. Some part of me knows if I went full MAGAT and conspired against my own values, I might make a LOT of money and be elevated out of this way of living. But I cannot be that kind of person.

My goal is to make Zines. Art. Books, maybe. About my experiences and detrans perspectives that’s how I see myself adding my voice to the mix. But I have to remind myself it takes time to present those in a thoughtful way. It’s not the same as getting pulled into public speaking or nominating yourself to endorse politicians…which I have zero interest in doing because it’s disgustingly divisive, and it’s that way on purpose.

Aside from those creative expressions, my goals is not to glom onto “detrans” as a mode of being or identifying. It’s an experience I was to shed light on…but I don’t want to push my way into political spaces using detrans as a heavy weight lever.

So I’d say continue brainstorming. Do what you can! Be as aloud as you feel comfortable with! Find what gels with you and add your experiences! I see you, keep going.

I detransitioned ~7 ish years ago at this point. I make some jokes about it, like my username, but it’s definitely not a focal point or identity for me after all this time. I feel content with Being. I’m happy with my body, I’m engaged, I’m much more stable than when I was a teen or young adult.

I am late diagnosed autistic and discovered more about myself. I entertain more hobbies now. I also have been mulling over how to share my experience without feeling “preachy” I guess. Probably will be a Zine I make one day. But other than that, sometimes I get a bit ruffled with public discourse over transition. Mostly because I feel like I have a very different perspective that often gets swept under the rug. I check here sometimes because of things like this, in case I can lend perspective. Now it’s every once in a while rather than an active obsession.

I don’t volunteer this info about myself unless it’s somehow relevant. Nobody cares about thisas much as you think they might. I had a lot of interesting experiences years 1 and 2 of my detransition journey where people would actively mistake me for a variety of things (like a young boy or a trans woman). I took it on the chin because, in my view, I removed the fuse. The gender assumptions really couldn’t hurt me because I’m just how I am. That’s what the process was for me. Now I just get a lot of people who compliment my voice and say I should sing jazz.

Detransition is a part of my story and journey as a human, but no longer a source of frustration or regret. No longer a wound, barely a faded scar. It’s something I went through and greatly shifted how I view the world, culture, philosophy, surgery, medical care, identity, physical self, self acceptance, philosophy, religion, psychiatry, therapy, etc. Truly I learned a lot.

Stepping back and leaving it behind for the most part was extremely helpful in gaining self confidence and absorbing the experience without self judgement. I feel like I’ll be happy to one day share my journeys once I figure out the best way.

I also have trans people I love. That’s a strange last sentence though. People who transitioned in childhood are FAR more likely to have not been capable of fully understanding the long term medical implications.

They’re also way more at the mercy and decision making of their doctors and parents. Those doctors and parents need to carefully analyze just how they’re framing transition and identity to the kid. Most do not have such careful consideration and they think they’re doing right by their kid because that’s how transition has been socialized. You’re either “supportive of transition” and “doing the right thing” or a horrible transphobic bigot for checks notes telling your child they can be happy and be themselves without drastic changes to their body or lifelong medical plan.

It’s incredibly short sighted to say that nobody “made them” when perhaps everybody was thought that’s what they Had to do for the child proclaiming they were a different sex.

((Obviously there’s a horrible third option where parents tell kids they aren’t XYZ but also that they can’t be themselves (ie. you will stop dressing/acting/talking like this! Boys/girls don’t XYZ and you’re a XYZ!!!) further reinforcing the damage of gender stereotypes.))

The worst part is I like tumblr as a general platform. I think it would be neat to have detrans mutuals and share stuff we like or make.

These fetishists make it impossible and almost embarrassing to find others.

I’d like to state that they label this as a detransition kink, but what they’re truly fetishizing and have a kink for is gender roles. They have extreme gender role fetishes.

I can only confirm 1 person noticed early in my detrans journey. I can only confirm this because in the almost decade since I stopped hormones, no stranger except this person has pointed it out. So take heart in that most people either won’t notice or don’t care.

This stranger mistook me for a trans woman and aggressively called me “sir” to which all my colleagues (privy to my detrans journey) were like “uh wtf”.

Like water off a duck. I’m used to being perceived through various assumed lenses.

It’s done me well to stop myself from trying to divine the perceptions or opinions of others.

Can’t speak for OP, but when I distanced myself from identifying AS a gender, I accepted my body and ditched any preconceived gender roles.

Because I don’t believe gender roles are helpful, mostly limiting and people mold themselves to fit at an early age, or beat themselves up for deviating, I wouldn’t say there are people who are “gold standard” for their sex. Maybe people who perceive them as that because of their culture and how well they embody gender roles.

I think some people are more inclined to fit these ideals we’ve created, but I don’t think they in any way define the words man or woman.

I believe we simply are man or woman and the ideals and gold standards that are enforced culturally create an artificial scale of what it is to be man or woman. I think it’s unhelpful to define a gold standard for men or women, in fact I think it’s how a lot of us ended up identifying outside of our sex. Not all, of course.

I also think OP is allowed to want to be treated a certain way in relationships, regardless of sex or gender or anything like that.