While some may appreciate this post for its positivity—What makes us women isn’t how we identify. We are women because we were born female. Legislation against our reproductive rights, being socialized as female- we have all been the subject of these things merely because of biology. To reduce womanhood to an identity that anyone can have delegitimizes the struggle, trauma, and overall pain we have been through because of our biology- which is what makes us women.

Hey- trans guy here. I have actively distanced myself from the community for this specific reason. I promise not all of us push this ideology. A lot of trans people hate detransitioners also, but I think this subreddit is really valuable. I don’t think we are any more victims than people with depression are victims. Dysphoria is a mental condition. Gender nonconforming people, regardless of if they are cis or trans equally face harassment in society. I have ONE trans friend. I used to have like 8. And even with this one, I feel like I am stepping on egg shells because they are pretty involved in activism. There’s a way to empower people without promoting victimization. They’ll have to learn that, sooner or later. It took me breaking away from that type of environment to realize how good I actually have it and how I don’t want to be helpless.

Hey so…it’s actually just okay to question where you are and be concerned about potential regret. These effects & medicine are permanent. You cannot take most of them away once you’ve been on for a certain amount of time. I’m very neutral in the whole trans vs. anti-trans debate.

I’m going to be honest and say you don’t sound ready to make any medically altering decisions yet. Start with therapy. You’ll want to stay away from any aggressively-affirming therapist (this will be hard, try your best & ask around) and gender clinics. You’ll want to be objective in medical data- and I mean, take into account detransitioners and their stories. Keep learning about them. Learn what you have in common.

Get down to the root of your dysphoria & why you want to transition. Is it really the only route? Is there anything else you haven’t tried (not conversion therapy or someone who tells you it’s absolutely impossible for you to be trans- just, someone who challenges you to get to the root of your dysphoria. What is it? Has sex-based oppression shaped your experiences in any way? If so, how? Are they related to your dysphoria? Reflect on your experiences with an unbiased psychologist. That is the best advice I can give you.

Be compassionate and patient with yourself. You will have love no matter what you come to find.

You’d be surprised how many women don’t mind feminine men. A man secure in his femininity and confident in his identity as a man is super appealing to some women. HRT is a super personal decision and if you’re not comfortable on the dose you’re on, you have every right to lower it. Nobody can make any decisions for you. I don’t think personal identity is something that can be negotiated with anyone, I mean people see what they see and make whatever assumptions they want, but only you know you. And only you are responsible for you. There’s nothing appropriative about a male person having a feminine appearance, just as there’s nothing appropriative about a female person donning masculine clothing. Styles, mannerisms, clothing- all of this is just how a person presents themself. They are not exclusive to any gender. You can absolutely be who you want and do what makes you happiest, as a man, trans woman, or in between. Nobody has any right to enforce limitations on you (unless it’s a sex segregated space, but those are special circumstances)

I’ve been struggling with the decision to detransition and the decision to proceed as I am socially without further medical transition atm (i pass maybe 50% of the time) and honestly, I understand how hard it is to worry about your identity evolving and losing people close to you. My girlfriend doesn’t really like men, but I feel most comfortable with male pronouns and she refers to me as her boyfriend because it helps my dysphoria. We both know I am not a natal male. Each relationship is different, but your partner ultimately should support you being happy and healthy. If they don’t do that, then they don’t have your best interest at heart and aren’t the right one for you.

If your goal is to detrans then no, I don’t think you made a mistake. I think you have an appearance that could go either way. You seem like the type of person that’s feminine but really handsome and charming, too. Also, consider your mental health and things like blood pressure- have those changed? Also, have you thought about long term testosterone use? You should contemplate these things before you make a decision. It’s not just about being attractive, though that’s nice to feel.

What kind of experience do you want for yourself? How do you want to walk through the world?

Have you not tried other methods of dealing with dysphoria and distress around menstruation? a hysto is a major surgery and should be done as a last resort. It definitely sounds like you should stop T based on the info you’ve provided, but perhaps talking to a therapist or counselor would help you process this more.

If you’re comfortable as a trans woman, then it is okay to continue living as one. If you want to detransition, it is also okay. It is entirely your call. Nobody here can really tell you what is or isn’t right for you. However, I think you need to acknowledge those feelings as well. If you are having dreams about having children, maybe your fertility matters to you. The longer a trans person is on HRT, typically it is harder to have children. You could detransition for a period of time until you decide if you want to continue or not. You could also see a therapist.

With respect to sex dysphoria as a real condition, being socialized as female and going through female puberty are very different than being an AMAB person with sex dysphoria. You won’t understand unless you have been through it. They give you a different perspective of what it is like to be a woman. I won’t ever understand as an AFAB person what it is like to have been born and raised male, though I long for the experience. Honestly, I feel that dysphoria blows things way out of proportion. We want what we can’t have. Being raised female and going through female puberty isn’t exceptional. There are a lot of things you have to unpack and reprogram your mind from. Cis women have to do it too. It’s undoing damage, essentially. I’m sure people raised male feel the same way later in life. It’s hard to see that it has cons, the grass is always greener on the other side.

Hey, sex is immutable. There are ways of coping with dysphoria without transitioning. There’s also no guarantee once you do transition that you will not end up regretting it...transition should be used as a last resort. You will still be dealing with having been brought up as female and the trauma even after you transition. You need to process everything with the help of an unbiased professional, not alter your body permanently and spend thousands. If you, after starting therapy and addressing these things, still feel that living as a man would be better — I think you will know. But before permanently altering your body you should assess and look at these things first. Some changes reverse but some don’t. You will want to be as stable as possible mentally before making any decision like that.

This probably isn’t the most helpful answer but I frequently use public transportation. I’ve had all sorts of sketchy folk confused by my gender-ambiguous appearance, some gawk at tattoos, some people are personally threatened but NOTHING has helped dissuade people from talking to me more than wearing earphones and being on my phone. It also probably helps that I have an insanely pro resting bitch face. If people do try to talk to me or catch my attention, I keep it short and to the point. Once I was tapped on the shoulder but it wasn’t over anything important, nor did I feel my safety was threatened.

I have been in situations where people felt threatened to the point I have been worried for my physical safety, but I try to keep every public interaction as short and to the objective as possible. I know it isn’t always ideal to wear them, especially if you’re traveling with company, but you can always text the person if you need to talk to them.