This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
Key points supporting authenticity:
- The user consistently identifies as a "straight cis male" who has not transitioned but has struggled with related issues, fitting the desister label.
- The advice is nuanced, personal, and empathetic, drawing from their own lived experiences (e.g., addiction to Adderall, issues with masculinity and sex drive).
- The language is natural, with conversational quirks, self-corrections, and a supportive tone that is common in genuine human interaction, especially on support forums.
- Their passion and perspective are consistent with a desister who is engaged and trying to help others based on their own journey.
About me
I started transitioning at 16 because I felt a deep discomfort with my male body and found an explanation online. I now believe my drive came from low self-esteem and a desire to escape my problems by becoming a woman. After two years on hormones, I realized I was just covering up my deeper issues and missed my old self. I stopped at 20 and have had to accept some permanent changes while learning to focus on who I am inside. My journey taught me that self-acceptance is more important than gender.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition started when I was around 16. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, specifically with going through male puberty. I hated the changes and felt a strong sense of wrongness. I spent a lot of time online and found communities that explained these feelings as being born in the wrong body. It made a kind of sense to me at the time. I came out as non-binary first, then later as a trans woman. I started hormones when I was 18.
Looking back, I think a lot of my drive to transition came from a place of low self-esteem and depression. I didn’t feel like I was good enough as a man. I had a problem with porn and felt a lot of shame and disgust around my male sex drive, which I now see might have been a form of internalized homophobia, as I am attracted to men. I thought becoming a woman would erase those dirty feelings and let me have a fresh start. It was a form of escapism.
I took hormones for about two years. The changes were rapid and startling. At first, it felt good to see the old me fading away, but that feeling didn't last. I started to have deep regrets. I missed my old self. I realized I wasn't solving my deeper problems; I was just covering them up with a massive change. I was trying to change how I was perceived by everyone instead of working on how I felt about myself.
I stopped hormones when I was 20. Detransitioning has been hard. I have to live with some permanent changes, and that’s difficult to accept. I’ve had to do a lot of self-reflection to understand why I did it. I’ve learned that my obsession with gender was a symptom, not the cause. I’ve benefited from stepping back and changing my routines, focusing on being a good person rather than on what gender I am. I’ve had to accept that my male sex drive is normal and that I can choose how to act on it in a respectful way.
I do have regrets about transitioning. I wish I had asked myself more questions and waited. I was 18 and thought I was mature, but it was a lifelong decision I wasn't ready to make. I think if I had dealt with my underlying anxiety and self-esteem issues first, I might not have transitioned at all.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's not the most important thing about a person. I was so focused on it that I lost sight of everything else. Good people will see you for who you are on the inside, not your gender. For me, my journey was about learning to accept myself as I am.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 16 | Began feeling severe discomfort with male puberty and started spending time in online communities. |
| 17 | Came out as non-binary. |
| 18 | Came out as a trans woman and started taking hormones. |
| 20 | Stopped taking hormones and began detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/trist990:
Im only a straight cis male so maybe you dont want my advice. And to be honest i cant tell you a whole lot but i can relate with getting obsessed with a topic or a specific thing thats said. And i gotta say youve already made good progress in that you have self reflected, came to a conclusion and have stuck to it after thinking about it again
What i can suggest from that point is that you change your routine somewhere. Play games everyday after work or something (totally fine i do too)? Take a few days off and hang with family or what i do is just go to the bar and get in random conversations. That may not be your cup of tea but i think you know what i mean. Its just to get out of whatever pattern that brings you back to those questions.
I really hope this helps and i also must add that playing as female characters or drawing and creating female characters is done by many guys. It doesnt mean your the wrong gender its actually fairly normal
I liked this post i just thought the beginning was a bit disingenuous- the “its maybe a little shallow to focus in on the looks”. But thats my only gripe. Its just because you literally see the old you fade away and that can be extremely striking and saying simply not to focus on it may be easy for you but extremely hard for others
I feel like a lot of your struggles are based on how you want to be perceived and how people see you. All you have brought up in how you want to be seen though, is based on gender. Thats not all you are and good people see this. You do good things and be a good person youll attract the right people. I think your seeking a middle ground that will appease everyone and i dont know if thats possible. Wish you luck with whatever you do
Before i say anything i want to say that its great your doing so much critical thinking about this decision AND that im a straight cis male that has somewhat struggled with ideas of my feminity but not near to your extent so hear me and form your own opinion.
Im 24, your 18. When i look back when i was around that age i was definitely mature for my age but still made decisions that i didnt know how much would affect the rest of my life. And though i might take some of them back, thats just where i was mentally at the time and have to accept where im at right now such as, where i live, and the relationships ive had.
If you were to ask me id tell you to wait on this but i cannot simply tell you what to do. So maybe ask yourself; based off what ive seen of people who regret, if i regret will i be able to live with it? Is transitioning now more worth it than waiting a few years then seeing how you feel? And one you have already wisely asked- is this because of gender dysphoria or a deeper problem?
It would be hard for me to give you a direct answer on what you should. You know you better than almost anyone but no matter what you choose i hope your accepted and can feel confident in your body. I wish you well
I think your on the right path to self acceptance. Missing your old self will come with it but youve made great strides already with this self introspection. Yes you may have gotten there already if you hadnt transitioned. But you have learned immensely from it and as long as you can be confident and accept yourself for who you are now youll do good. I hope this was good input and wish the best
Your not alone in this. I see you regret your decision 😔 im not gonna sugarcoat either. And what im about to say is probably something that applies to a lot of detransers though i have not transitioned so hear what i say and form your own opinion please.
I feel like your best chance of being happy is accepting who you are. Im having a hard time explaining this but im not saying to stop detransitioning if thats what your doing but i think a lot of these dark and depressing feelings come from missing the old you understandably.
This is based on my own experience and though i cannot relate to what your going through near at all, i empathize with it and would still be friends with you. I wish the best
right i hear you, i wasnt trying to make a direct comparison its just something i went through as well and you can pick and choose the parts that are relevant.
as for the male sex drive, i also had the feeling of dirtyness whenever i had an urge. i would send dick picks, look at women imagining fucking them, all that and i would look back and be disgusted. i am now beyond respectful and listen to women. ive realized that that sex drive is normal but how i choose to act on it is my choice. AND also ive found out that girls actually love that sex drive but only if they are into you first.
again just my experience you can take from it however you like and none of this is to merely try and convince you but just to give you other perspectives so you can form your own opinion more clearly
When you brought up the hormones it reminded me of my situation a few years ago. Im a skinny guy and have always had doubts about myself because of. Like how people look at me or what would i do if i got into a fight. Still crosses my mind.
But a few years ago i was prescribed adderall and its absolutely great, i was confident with how i talked, i was really skilled and focused with everything i did. But i came to rely on it. That reliance eventually turned into an addiction. I would doubt myself even more if i didnt have adderall which would happen often because id take more than the prescribed based on what i was doing that day like if i had work, or if i wanted to be really good at a game that day whatever it was.
Im now 2 years off of it because i tried to convince my doctor i needed a higher dose because it was true, i took it so much that i was losing the feeling. But anyways it was hard at first but i eventually came to the conclusion that i had it in me the entire time, the adderall just made it easier