This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's comments display:
- A consistent, deeply personal narrative of their transition and desistance.
- Complex emotional reflection (e.g., embarrassment, loneliness, regret).
- Nuanced opinions that acknowledge different detransition experiences.
- A conversational, sometimes frustrated tone that is human and context-aware.
- Specific, personal advice to others that draws from their own lived experience.
The passion and frustration expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner who feels isolated and harmed by their experience.
About me
I transitioned because I felt a deep loneliness, even though my family and friends were supportive. When I started having doubts and realized being a man was wrong for me, many of those same friends rejected my feelings, which was incredibly isolating. Through years of therapy, I discovered my real issues were low self-esteem and anxiety about being a woman, not a need to be male. I now see my discomfort came from hating female puberty and feeling inadequate, and I'm at peace living as a heterosexual woman. The hardest part is the social fallout and feeling like there's no community for people with my experience.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is tied up with a deep feeling of loneliness. It’s a loneliness that didn’t come from a lack of support, which is what a lot of people might expect. My family was actually pretty good about it. When I told them I was a trans man, they tried their best with my new name and pronouns. It was clearly a matter of old habits, not a lack of effort. Even my religious relatives kept their disapproval to themselves. My friends were all welcoming and supportive from the start.
The problem was always me. Being a man just wasn’t working for me, and that was the confusing part. When I started to question it out loud and talk about my doubts, that’s when things got ugly. It got ugly online, and sadly, with a lot of my friends, too. They had supported me through my transition, but they didn't want to hear my thoughts on why I felt it was wrong for me. They don't like what I believe now, even though they saw me go through the whole experience. That hurts more than anything I've ever come across online. It’s the most lonely feeling.
I know some people detransition because of social pressure or backlash, but that wasn't my story. For me, it was just the wrong path. And that feels like a taboo subject. It leaves you with nowhere to go. Who am I supposed to talk to? Am I supposed to run to conservatives or befriend people in Matt Walsh's comment sections? The idea of that feels like a real kick in the gut. It’s like there’s no community for people like me.
Looking back, it’s funny in a sad way. When I identified as a trans man, I had this secret fear that everyone was just humoring me. I was terrified that they were going along with it out of social pressure but didn't really see me as a man, that they were indulging me like a difficult child. That thought made me feel so patronised, even though they were doing exactly what I asked. So, when I had to come clean and tell everyone I was desisting, it was far more embarrassing. I felt like I had forced everyone to make this huge effort for me, to "educate themselves," and then I just turned around and said, "Never mind, I've been a girl all along, everybody can just drop it now." It’s been years, and that feeling still stings.
A lot of my issues were tied up with low self-esteem and anxiety. In my early twenties, I felt so completely inadequate and overwhelmed that I convinced myself I was an aromantic asexual man. The idea of being a woman who dated men felt impossible for me at the time. It took five years of therapy before I could even believe I wasn't doomed to be alone, and another two years after that before I trusted myself to start dating. I was almost 30 by the time I felt at peace with myself and could see myself as a heterosexual woman. That therapy was non-affirming in the sense that it didn't push me to transition; it helped me work through my underlying issues, and that was what I truly benefited from.
I also see now how much I was influenced online. The communities I was in provided validation, but it was a bubble. If I could give advice to my younger self or someone else questioning, it would be to take a long break from the internet. Just be offline for six months, no social media at all. See how you feel when there's no one to validate or question your identity. You need to clear your palate of everyone else's opinions to hear your own.
I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, but I do regret the social upheaval I caused and the strain it put on my relationships. I don't believe in gender the way I used to. I see it now as something much more fluid and less concrete, and for me, trying to change my body to match an internal identity was a mistake. My discomfort was more about hating the changes of female puberty and feeling inadequate as a woman, not about being a man. I never took hormones or had any surgeries, so I avoided those physical risks, but the social and emotional fallout was significant.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early 20s | Identified as a trans man (FTM). Came out to family and friends. |
| Mid-to-late 20s | Began to have serious doubts about my transition. Underwent five years of therapy to address underlying self-esteem and anxiety issues. |
| Almost 30 | Realised I was not trans and desisted. Came out to friends and family as detransitioning. Began to identify as a heterosexual woman and started dating for the first time. |
Top Comments by /u/troyanodelmar:
Funny is that when I was ftm I used to be terrified of this thought, that everyone just went along out of pressure but didn't really buy it, that they were indulging me like a difficult child, it made me feel so patronised even though they were doing exactly what I wanted. Coming clean about desisting was far more embarrassing exactly cause I felt I'd been goading everyone to make the effort for me and "educate themselves" and now I was like actually nvm I been a girl all along everybody can drop it. It's been years and it still stings to think about.
I don't know how old you are but you come across very young to me in your replies, and if I'm correct to presume you're under 25 I would suggest you at least wait that long. Then your brain will be fully developed and your body will settle. Up to 25 you're pretty much riding on the power of youth to regenerate your body faster than you can trash it, once you start nearing 30 whatever you've been doing's gonna hit you like a sledgehammer.
Also, you spoke of how you identify as mtx cause you're yet to experience the f. Well, that's just it, you never will. You'll have a crass, superficial imitation of a narrow few features that resemble a woman's. That's not experiencing life as a woman by a remote far. I understand that even that is sufficient to some people but is that you? Are so desperate with dysphoria to settle for that? Have you exhausted other options?
And also, you said you don't care to do extreme mod on your genitals given no one but yourself will see it, but 2 things; 1. What if you change your mind about that later? What if you want intimacy with other people? You have to be aware of the significant chunk of people you're cutting off your dating pool with this "mod". And 2. Are you well read on what your new genitals will offer you? Of the insane risks to both your health and your ability for pleasure? I'm so sorry to ask, I don't mean to presume you're not, but a lot of people who are enthusiastic about surgery tend to downplay or ignore risks completely. It's just such, such a huge gamble for an elective surgery.
I had the opposite experience as FTM. My family was mostly unbothered and corrected themselves when slipping up my pronouns/name, and it was obviously a matter of habit rather than lack of effort. Some religious relatives didn't approve but didn't voice it either. My friends were welcoming and supportive. The problem was mine all along, it wasn't working for me, and when I tried to discuss that it's when it got ugly for me online, and I'm sad to say, with a lot of my friends too. They don't like what I think about a lot of their beliefs now, even though they saw me experience first hand what caused me to think this way. And yes this hurts far more than anything I've come across online. It's the most lonely feeling.
I know that a lot of trans people detrans not cause they weren't happy with it but cause of social backlash, but this isn't a taboo subject like us who desisted or detransitioned cause it was just the wrong thing. Like who am I supposed to run to, republicans? Do I befriend people on Matt Walsh's replies? It's such a kick in the gut.
There's a lot to unpack there, as to why transwomen are prominent in discourse. I'll just say this about it though, transmen don't pose any threat to biological women, not in a physiological nor legal sense. Transmen aren't spearheading the changes women feel are encroaching on their rights.
I'm sorry to say that includes lesbian dating. Lesbians are very defensive (for good reason) of keeping to their ridiculously hard-carved out right to date exclusively the same sex unbothered. And a lot of transwomen are very vocally disrespectful of that.
I'm not saying this to imply you would be, I'm just saying there's a very real chance you'll have a hard time finding lesbian partners.
And I recognize the feeling. When I was in my early twenties I was so overwhelmed by how inadequate I felt I convinced myself I was an aroace man. I had 5 years of therapy before I could even believe I wasn't doomed to be alone, and 2 before I trusted myself to start dating. I was almost 30 then and it was the first time in my life I felt at peace with myself.
If you don't wanna wait to 25 you could at least postpone it and try being offline for 6 months. Just no social media period. See how you feel when there's no one to validate or question you. Clear your palate of everyone else.
It's pretentious to drag someone into a debate when you have little knowledge of the subject and expect them to fill you in AND provide their arguments. Also annoying. Just look it up, man. Then you'll understand his reply and whether or not you disagree.