This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic and not a bot. The user demonstrates a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative about their own brief experience with MTF HRT, their subsequent detransition, and their complex feelings about gender identity, trauma, and the transgender community.
There are no serious red flags suggesting this is a fake account or someone pretending to be a desister/detransitioner. Key indicators of authenticity include:
- Personal Narrative: The user shares specific, consistent, and emotionally resonant details about their own 3.5-month HRT experience, the physical and emotional effects, and their reasons for stopping.
- Complex & Evolving Views: Their perspective is not monolithic. They acknowledge that transition helps some people while harming others, criticize both trans activist communities and radical detrans spaces, and explore their own trauma (BPD, childhood abuse) as a potential root of their gender confusion.
- Internal Consistency: The story remains coherent over time, referencing the same key events (duration of HRT, reasons for stopping, personal trauma) across multiple comments made over a year.
- Engagement: The comments are reactive and engage directly with other users' posts, offering advice, empathy, and personal anecdotes tailored to the specific situation being discussed.
The account exhibits the passion and criticism mentioned in the prompt, which is consistent with a genuine individual processing a difficult and often stigmatized experience.
About me
I started transitioning at 33, hoping it would fix my deep unhappiness. At first, HRT made my depression vanish, but then watching my body change felt completely wrong and created a new kind of dysphoria. I realized I was trying to escape my problems, not become my true self, and that I could never actually be female. I stopped hormones and later discovered my issues stemmed from Borderline Personality Disorder and untreated childhood trauma. Now I'm in therapy, learning to accept myself as a person without needing to fit into a strict gender box.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started from a place of deep confusion and pain. I never felt like a typical man, but I also knew I wasn't a woman. Growing up, I was more sensitive than other boys and preferred playing with girls, which led to bullying. To survive, I forced myself to act more masculine around age 16, but it never felt right and made me deeply unhappy.
Puberty was a traumatic experience for me. While other boys seemed happy with their changes, I felt a deep sense of wrongness and shame about my body. I often wished I had been born female, thinking my life would have been easier and I'd fit into society better. I'm attracted to men, but I never felt like I fit in with gay men or understood their world.
At 33, I decided to try medical transition. I started MTF HRT, hoping it would fix my deep-seated unhappiness. For the first three and a half months, my depression and anxiety vanished. I felt mentally clearer. But then, other feelings started to surface. Watching my body change became deeply uncomfortable. I felt shame watching my muscles disappear and my strength fade. When my chest started to develop breasts, it created a new kind of dysphoria I hadn't expected—a feeling that this new body was also not me.
I couldn't bring myself to use female pronouns or even think of a female name for myself. The idea of living as a woman felt like a lie. I realized that while I might have a more female-aligned brain, I could never actually be a female. I was trying to become someone else to escape my problems, not to become my true self.
I stopped HRT after those few months. I later discovered I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which involves a very unstable sense of self and identity. I also have a lot of untreated childhood trauma from emotional abuse and a difficult family life. I believe these issues, not genuine gender dysphoria, were the root cause of my desire to transition. I was using transition as an escape from myself and my past.
I also struggled with internalized homophobia. Life as a good-looking gay man felt easier than life as a trans woman, and part of my desire to transition was an unhealthy way to avoid fully accepting myself as a gay man.
My short time in online trans communities was shocking. I found them to be intolerant, radical, and cult-like. They pushed hormones as a magic solution for everyone and silenced anyone who asked questions or mentioned detransitioning. They refused to acknowledge that many people who think they are trans are actually dealing with trauma, autogynephilia (AGP), internalized homophobia, or other mental health issues like autism or BPD.
I don't regret trying HRT because it taught me a lot about myself. But I'm glad I stopped when I did. My body mostly returned to how it was before, though I had a small surgery to reduce my nipples. I experienced a lot of hair loss from the hormonal changes, but it grew back.
I still have times where I think I would have been happier if I'd been born female, but I know that's not possible. Transitioning wouldn't have made me a woman; it would have made me a trans woman, which is a different experience altogether. My focus now is on therapy to deal with my BPD and childhood trauma. I'm learning to accept myself as a person without needing to fit into a strict "man" or "woman" box. The goal is to be me, whoever that is.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Very Young | Preferred playing with girls, felt different from other boys. |
| 16 | Forced myself to act masculine to stop bullying, became very unhappy. |
| Puberty | Found the physical changes traumatic and felt a deep sense of wrongness. |
| 33 | Started MTF HRT. Felt initial relief from depression and anxiety. |
| 33 | Stopped HRT after 3.5 months. Felt reverse dysphoria from breast development and muscle loss. Realized I was escaping my problems, not solving them. |
| 34 | Discovered I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and began to understand my childhood trauma was a major factor. |
| Present | In therapy, focusing on healing from trauma and BPD. Learning to live without a strict gender label. |
Top Comments by /u/tthingy:
The (very) good part is that you didn't get SRS or an orchy. So -with time- your body may go back to something similar state to where it was. Lifting could help. You will need surgery to reduce the breasts and the nipples but that's no big deal. And it's ok if you are or look like a feminine boy.
What made you think you are trans and what makes you think you're not now?
Don't ask those kind of things at the trans communities because IMO they're a brainwashing cult and they will tell you you're trans no matter what or how you say it.
On the other hand you're not playing real female characters but fantasy-like ones which include a very specific type of unrealistic female looks, outfits and even superpowers. And of course they are oversexualized.
Being a woman is not being a draenei, an elf or even a videogame human character. What I mean is that you're not attracted to the idea of being a woman by itself but to an unrealistic fantasy looks, which since it's videogames and females they're probably gonna be sexualized, aesthetically "perfect", and in short unreal and far from real life females.
I know the feeling of feeling "empowered" with your sexy yet powerful videogame female character that can kill an horde of enemies but that's just fantasy and not real.
I was there too. And I'm not blaming that persons but the toxic brainwashing community. BTW I was said some of those things like the "if you feel it then you are", or the "interiorized transphobia" thing all the time.
I wish someone told me "hey have you checked your mental health? maybe you have BPD". Or that experiencing gender dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean being trans. Instead I was encouraged by the community and offered HRT at the first meeting (which I voluntarely delayed a few months later after talking with a gender therapist of the place which BTW her only possible path was transitioning).
What if one of them saw this? What if you saw this back when you thought these things? How would you feel?
I wish I saw this sub and similar content before going through HRT. Luckily I was for a short ammount of time and didn't get any surgery but others were not that lucky.
Anyway I've edited the original post to make my perspective more clear.
That's not my experience, they do exactly what they complain people do with them but the other way around:
They tell everyone they're trans at the minimal sign of doubt/dysphoria and ignore/deny other possible causes of dysphoria (disorders that involve identity issues like autism or BPD, homophobia, misogyny, misandry, trauma/PTSD) or even being nonbinary. Not to mention the ammount of autogynephilic straight males hidden under the trans label.
They also lie each other about passing and similar stuff and ignore detrans people or people who just don't want to transition. And if you say someone something like "hey maybe check other causes of dysphoria before transitioning" they bully you and even ban you.
If that's not a cult then tell me what it is.
I'm sorry to read you're suffering. If I were you I would write like a list about your options:
Who I feel I am? Do I want to transition or not? Procs and cons of continuing into transition or detransitioning? Etc. Maybe reading it all in a paper will help you to find things out since when we're that stressed our mind cannot work properly.
Also consider thinking about your childhood, certain events during that period can twist our adult life forever or until we fix them. I hope things get better, take care.
Well just be aware that you won't transition to a woman but a transwoman, which is not the same at all no matter what the trans cult tries to deny/hide. And I am speaking both phisically/socially/existencial.
I tried HRT for a few months and stopped it. The reasons were some: felt weird, didn't felt comfortable with my body changing, couldn't talk about myself as a woman or even finding a name, my other life issues were still there, my dysphoria morfing/increasing instead of decreasing, lack of support... I have a lot of childhood traumas too which I think that have affected me on this as well. AND I also found out recently I have BPD which explains my lack of self identity and I think it could be related to the gender issues too. HOWEVER, does that mean I don't suffer some kind of dysphoria anymore? Definitely not, but less and different than before. I still think I would've been way happier if I was born female, but a trans life is not a woman life, actually it makes it harder in my opinion. Not to mention that it can't erase my past and having socialized as male, and that I will never be a female.
I don't think I'm trying transitioning again, but who knows. Nowadays I wouldn't do it at all. My advice is to fix your life in every single way before starting a transition, don't idealize it at all like "it's gonna be perfect" or a life fix, and try to think about your past, childhood traumas and possible triggers. If you still think you have to transition go ahead, but definitely don't see it as the "magic path to happiness/heaven".
Hi. I'm sorry for how you feel. There's a LOT of people with identity disorders within the trans community, and authism is one of them. Also others with BPD like myself who thought that was trans (I just realized I have no self identity tbh).
Maybe the key wouldn't be focusing on the gender thing yet but on the identity issue itself, which in your case may be affected by your authism. Since you're unsure about who you are and went that far (top & bottom surgery) my advice would be don't go into detrans surgeries by now and stay like this for a while because you don't know how you're gonna feel next month if that makes sense. And on the meanwhile try to figure out who you are and how authism affects on that.
I was in hormones for 3'5 months and felt the same, that's one of the reasons I decided to transition. However I still felt like a strange when I saw my body changing so I decided to stop. I'm still not ok, but I feel better than before and during hormones. My advice is to fix your other life issues and leave this as a final step if you still don't feel fine after fixing your life.
As you say you are obviously no trans but a truly and complete autogynephilic.
You shall do a cold turkey since this is not something you can control or even like it. TBH I envy you because your transition thoughts are just sex related and not identity related like mine (I won't try transition again though).
Just do a cold turkey and/or look for help if you feel that you can't control it by yourself; somehow you must rewire how and what your brain gets pleasure to since it got twisted in some moment of your life. I guess there must be a root or a trigger you must find out in order to fix this.
I'm sorry about that. My advice is that you've went way too far (SRS, FFS, BA, HRT) to go back now since things wouldn't be the same at all both physically and your life. Moving would be an option since according to what you say you have a successful career and pass well.
Could I ask you something? Do you think transitioning is worth it? Would you be able to live as a man now if you could go back time but keeping your current memories? In which ways did you feel dysphoria? I'm asking because I don't know if I will transition or not in a future.