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Reddit user /u/unbelievablepeople's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 22 -> Detransitioned: 24
female
low self-esteem
regrets transitioning
escapism
influenced online
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user expresses nuanced, consistent opinions on gender identity, transition, and detransition that reflect personal investment and the stated passion of the community. The advice given is specific and empathetic, which is not typical of bot behavior. The language is natural and varies in tone from supportive to analytical.

About me

I was born female and my discomfort began with the rigid stereotypes forced on me, not my body itself. I thought identifying as a man was the only escape from that pressure and almost pursued medical transition. Thankfully, therapy helped me realize my problem was with society's expectations, not with being female. I now see that a woman can be any kind of person she wants to be. I am finally at peace just being myself, a woman who doesn't fit the stereotype.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started from a place of deep discomfort, but not necessarily with my body itself. I was born female, and my main issue was with the expectations and stereotypes that were forced on me because of that. I never felt like I fit into the "girl box" that society had ready for me. I hated the pressure to be a certain way, to like certain things, and to act in a manner that felt completely unnatural to me. This feeling was strongest during puberty, when the changes in my body seemed to invite even more commentary and pressure from the outside world.

I started to explore my gender identity online and found communities that were very supportive of transition. At the time, it felt like an escape from all that pressure. I thought that if I wasn't a woman, then all those expectations would just vanish. I began to identify as non-binary, and then later, as a trans man. It felt like I had found the answer and the community was so encouraging. They made it seem like the only path to true happiness was through medical transition.

I was very lucky that I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I seriously considered it, but something always held me back. I'm so grateful for that hesitation now. I started to see a therapist who wasn't just affirming everything I said. She helped me work through my anxiety and low self-esteem. She made me realize that my discomfort wasn't necessarily with being female, but with what I thought being female meant. I had a lot of internalized issues to unpack, and she helped me see that changing my body wouldn't fix the problems in my mind.

I also saw how some people in the trans community reacted to those who changed their minds. I saw friends who detransitioned be called traitors or told they were never really trans. That scared me. It made me realize that the community I thought was so open-minded actually had a very rigid way of thinking. We had just swapped one box for another. It wasn't about freedom; it was about trading one set of rules for a different one.

My thoughts on gender now are much simpler. I think we should all just be allowed to be ourselves. A woman can be masculine, a man can be feminine, and neither of those things changes their sex. I believe in separating sex from personality and style. I want to live in a world where a girl can wear pants and have short hair and be a tomboy without anyone asking if she's really a boy. I think psychiatric help to work through underlying issues like anxiety, depression, and self-esteem should always be the first step before any medical interventions, especially for young people. Those medical changes are permanent and the side effects, like infertility, are serious.

Looking back, I don't regret questioning my gender. I think it was a necessary part of my journey to self-acceptance. But I do have regrets about how quickly I was ready to adopt a new identity and consider permanent changes based on that fleeting feeling. I regret the time I spent thinking I was broken and needed to be fixed. I'm just me. I'm a woman who doesn't fit the stereotype, and that's perfectly okay.

Age Year Event
13 2010 Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and female social expectations.
22 2019 Began identifying as non-binary, then as a trans man, influenced by online communities.
23 2020 Started non-affirming therapy to address underlying anxiety and self-esteem issues.
24 2021 Realized my discomfort was with stereotypes, not my sex, and stopped identifying as trans.
26 2023 Fully accepted myself as a gender-nonconforming female.

Top Comments by /u/unbelievablepeople:

9 comments • Posting since November 20, 2019
Reddit user unbelievablepeople (questioning own gender transition) explains the danger of pressuring children who are questioning their gender, arguing they should be free to change their minds without feeling they've let supportive parents down.
39 pointsJun 9, 2022
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I think this is a very dangerous one to tell children. Children are constantly questioning all kinds of things about themselves as they grow up and learn more about themselves and the world around them. Kids should be taught that it's fine to question their own gender identity and also change their minds about it. Some kids who initially say they're questioning their gender identity get so bombarded with pro-trans ideology by well-meaning parents that if they ultimately decide they're not trans they feel like they're letting their parents down.

Reddit user unbelievablepeople (questioning own gender transition) explains that a brief, low-dose testosterone regimen three years prior is highly unlikely to cause permanent damage to a biologically male body, and suggests the user may be experiencing anxiety.
31 pointsJun 6, 2022
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No, you're fine. One or two doses of low-dose gel isn't going to do anything. My bigger concern about you is I'm wondering if you have some issues with anxiety that you need to work on, worrying this much about a low dosage of a medication you briefly took three years ago. Have you ever talked to anyone about your anxiety?

Reddit user unbelievablepeople (questioning own gender transition) discusses separating clothing from gender identity, advocating for everyone to wear pants, skirts, pink, or blue however they want.
19 pointsJun 5, 2022
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I just want to emphasize "dress however I want" as a simple but important thing that all of us should do. If you want to wear pants, wear pants. If you want to wear skirts, wear skirts. If you want to wear pink, wear pink. If you want to wear blue, wear blue. I'd love to see society separate clothing from biological sex and gender identity entirely. Everyone should just wear what they want to wear.

Reddit user unbelievablepeople (questioning own gender transition) explains that transitioning should be fast for reversible social changes but slow for permanent medical interventions.
15 pointsMay 21, 2022
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I think transitioning should be fast for things that are easy to change, such as haircuts, wearing different clothes and going by a different name and different pronouns. It should be slow for things that are permanent, like taking hormones or getting surgery.

Reddit user unbelievablepeople (questioning own gender transition) explains how societal pressure has shifted from forcing gender conformity to pressuring gender-questioning people to identify as trans, arguing that both transitioning and not transitioning are valid personal choices.
10 pointsJun 26, 2022
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I thought they accepted me for not living in a box set for me by peer pressure which didn't suit me at all, but really they just wanted me to live in another box.

Precisely. We very quickly went from overwhelming societal pressure against anyone ever questioning whether their biological sex matched their gender identity, to overwhelming societal pressure to insist that anyone questioning whether their biological sex matched their gender identity must be trans. The reality is neither is true for everyone: Some people who begin questioning their gender identity really are trans and live happy and healthy lives after transitioning, but other people who begin questioning their gender identity find that they're actually happier keeping a gender identity that matches their biological sex. Both are perfectly fine, and no one should be pressured to identify any way they don't want to identify.

Reddit user unbelievablepeople explains why they believe the line for gender-affirming care for minors should be drawn at irreversible medical procedures.
9 pointsJul 10, 2020
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The problem is that a lot of this stuff is irreversible

This is where I think the line should be drawn for minors, reversible vs. irreversible.

If a child wants to start using the other restroom, the other pronouns, etc., I 100% support them. But if a child wants to begin medical procedures that will change them in ways that can't be changed back, I think that's unwise.

Reddit user unbelievablepeople explains that some of the most vocal supporters of transitioning can become the least supportive of detransitioning, highlighting a contradiction in conditional acceptance.
5 pointsDec 1, 2019
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From what I've been able to observe, some of the people who are most supportive of transitioning are least supportive of detransitioning. It shouldn't be that way; a person who cares about you should support you no matter what you're going through, but often people who say things like, "Just be who you are and I support you no matter what" while you're transitioning will turn around and tell you you're wrong to detransition.

Reddit user unbelievablepeople explains their view that psychiatric treatment should be the first approach for gender dysphoria, citing concerns over permanent side effects from hormones, and states they've been called a transphobic bigot for this opinion.
4 pointsNov 25, 2019
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I think psychiatric treatment and hormone treatment are both completely valid approaches for people with gender dysphoria. I think psychiatric treatment is better as the first approach because it doesn't have the potential for permanent unwanted side effects that hormone treatment has. For saying that, I've been told I'm a transphobic bigot.

Reddit user unbelievablepeople explains why some male hetero liberals give patronizing compliments about their attraction to trans people as a misguided way to be an ally.
3 pointsNov 20, 2019
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I'm sorry you went through that difficult time.

I definitely know some male hetero liberals who want to show they're allies and do it by saying things about their own sexual attraction to trans people. I just don't think that's the right way to be an ally. It's patronizing.